“I had a few things on my mind that I want to holla at you about. You got a minute?”
“For you, always, my brotha.” I walked back into my office. Mackenzie was still on the floor playing with her dolls. I sat in the chair behind my desk and Stephon sat on the sofa. Mackenzie looked at Stephon and climbed on my lap. She put her arm around my neck.
“Uncle Jaylin, who is that? Is that your brother?”
“Naw, sweetie. That’s my cousin. We like brothers, but he’s my favorite cousin.” She looked at Stephon and looked at me again.
“He looks like your brother. But you’re a lot cuter than he is.”
Stephon and I laughed.
“Fool, what you laughing at? The girl got good sense. She knows a fine brotha when she sees one,” I said.
Stephon chuckled. “Only in the eye of the beholder. You know damn well you ain’t got nothing on me.” I threw one of Mackenzie’s Barbie dolls at Stephon and he ducked. Mackenzie even tried to help, but she aimed at my expensive lamps and damn near broke one.
“Thanks, Mackenzie. Why don’t you go upstairs and try to wake up Mommy,” I said, taking her off my lap.
“Okay, but will you still play with my dolls when your cousin leaves?” I looked at Stephon and I could tell he was cracking up inside.
“Sure, Mackenzie. I’ll play with your dolls.” She ran out of the office, excited about my answer.
“Man, I thought I would never see the day when you played with dolls. I knew you had a thing for them when you were little, but ain’t you a tad too old for that shit?”
“Yeah, right. Don’t be over here talking that bullshit. You know damn well I don’t like playing with dolls. I’m just trying to make a little girl happy.”
“By the looks of things, you seem to be doing a pretty good job at that. She’s crazy about you already. But what’s up with the proper talking and Uncle Jaylin stuff?”
“For a five-year-old, she speaks very well. And the Uncle Jaylin thing, I asked her not to call me that. I told her to call me Jaylin. I don’t want her thinking we’re family. She’s the one who insists on adding the uncle. It bothers me a bit, but eventually she’ll learn to call me by my name only.”
“You know, you’ve really changed. I haven’t figured out if it’s good or bad. I dig what you’re doing for that little girl, but I think you’re rushing things a bit.”
“I know you do. And sometimes I think I am too, but so far, I have no regrets. My house ain’t been nothing but peaceful. The things Mackenzie says and does remind me of my little girl. Remind me how much I could kick Simone’s ass for taking her away from me. So, if she can fill that void for right now, I’m okay with it.”
“What if things don’t work out with you and Scorpio? She’s going to take Mackenzie and you’ll be right back where you started. Personally, I think it’s a bad idea that you’re getting so attached to her.”
“Who says Scorpio and I aren’t going to work out? Man, believe it or not, that’s a good woman up there. I mean, she might not have all the glamorous material shit like the other women I’ve messed with, but her personality counts for everything.”
“So, honestly—and I mean honestly, Jay—are you falling in love with this woman?”
I hesitated to respond and got up and shut the door. Then I sat on the edge of my desk and looked Stephon directly in his eyes.
“Honestly, my brotha, I can’t say that I am. I mean, I dig the shit out of her, but I...I don’t understand why I can’t love a woman like I should. You of all people know I had some type of love for Nokea, but lately, I’m not sure what it was.”
“So, what about Nokea? Are you ever going to try and work things out with her?”
“Nope, not right now. I’m going to play this out for a while and see where it leads me. If things don’t work out, I won’t sweat it. Maybe I’ll see if she’s available then. I think we needed a break anyway. I need this time away to figure out who or what I really need in my life. And in the meantime, I’m going wherever my heart and my dick lead me. Right now, that’s with Scorpio.”
“If you say so. I really wish you’d reconsider your position with Nokea, but whatever you decide to do, you know I support you all the way.”
“Thanks. You know I appreciate it. It’s good to know I at least got some kind of family who supports me in my decisions.”
Scorpio woke up and cooked Stephon and me some hamburgers and fries. She had my kitchen in a mess, but she was learning slowly but surely how to be a better housekeeper. She and Stephon got along well. She laughed when he told her about a few good times that we had growing up. Everything from the ass-whippings he gave me to the girls we tried to sneak in the basement. I was embarrassed. And since Stephon exaggerated some shit, he made the stories sound even more dramatic than what they really were.
When Stephon was ready to go, he pulled me aside in the bonus room where we had just finished up a game of pool. Scorpio was in the kitchen washing dishes, while Mackenzie helped her.
“Man, you know what I said to you earlier about how I didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad thing?” he said.
“Yeah, I remember. Why?”
“Let me just say that I like this change in you. Scorpio’s a lot better than I thought she was, and if that little girl can bring joy to you like she has, then it’s got to be all good. There is one thing I want you to do for me, though.”
“What’s that?”
Stephon had a serious look on his face. “Go see Nokea. Just tell her how happy you are and why. I think she deserves to know a little more than what you told her the other day—and let her know, just maybe, there’s still a chance for you and her.”
I wasn’t sure why he seemed so concerned about my relationship with Nokea, though I knew he always had both of our best interests at heart. This time, though, I couldn’t live up to his request.
“I’m sorry, my brotha, I can’t do that. I already told Nokea what was up, and I’m afraid if I go see her, I’m going to wind up sleeping with her like I did Felicia when I tried to end it. Right now, I’m leaving well enough alone.”
“Not even for me?”
“Not this time, not even for you. You know better than anybody when I stand my ground, it’s hard to make me change my mind.”
“All right,” he said, giving me a hard handshake. “I’m going to let you get back to your beautiful woman and her daughter. I’ve taken up enough of y’all time today already.”
I walked Stephon to the door, and then went into the kitchen to check on my sweet ladies. Mackenzie had water all over the floor and was trying to mop it up. Scorpio was wiping down the counter with a wet rag and didn’t hear me come into the kitchen. I picked up a jug of cold water that was on the table and whispered for Mackenzie to be quiet. She smiled because she knew I was getting ready to pour the water on Scorpio.
“Mommy!” she yelled. “Watch out!”
Scorpio turned around so fast that she knocked the jug out of my hand and the water splashed on me.
“See, that’s what you get for playing so much,” she said as she and Mackenzie laughed. “Now, go upstairs and take off those wet clothes.”
I held her waist and kissed her. “Only if you come and help me out of them. After all, you’re the one who wet me up.”
Scorpio looked down at Mackenzie still trying to mop up the water on the floor.
“Now, you know she’s not going to let us be alone,” she whispered. “Since I was so tired last night, I’ll make it up to you later.”
“You, tired? When did you start getting tired?”
“Ever since you’ve been making love to me two and three times a day. You know a sista gotta have some down time, Jaylin.”
“I guess I’ll let it slide this time, but only this time, beautiful. As a matter of fact, why don’t you slide some clean clothes on you and Mackenzie so we can go shopping? I saw this cute little pink toy car for her to drive. It was in the paper today and I want to go get it.
”
“Really? Her mother needs a cute little car too, you know,” she said, running her fingers through my hair.
“I know. So, like I said, why don’t you go change clothes and maybe I can help you out in that department too.” I hit Scorpio on the ass and then she and Mackenzie left the kitchen.
No woman of mine should be driving around in an old beat-up car, and I wanted my lady to have the best. Besides, her jacked-up car didn’t look good in my driveway, and the appearance was a no-no in my neighborhood.
I cleaned up the kitchen to my satisfaction and went upstairs to get out of my wet clothes.
By ten o’clock that night, Mackenzie had her pink 4×4 Jeep wagon and Scorpio’s old car was hauled away by J’s Towing Service to make room for her new convertible red Corvette. She was in tears most of the night. And Mackenzie was right in bed with us as we watched TV and talked.
“Jaylin, I don’t know what I would do without you. Why are you so good to me?”
“Scorpio, I ain’t no stingy brotha. I take care of those who take care of me. You and Mackenzie do a damn good job of that, so like I said, when you take care of Jaylin, Jaylin takes care of you. It’s as simple as that.”
“But this is too much. First the cruise, then the dresses, and then the watch. The watch must have cost you a fortune. Now, a car? And not just any old car—an expensive car. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to repay you.”
“Woman, please. You don’t have to repay me anything. All you have to do is keep making me happy, that’s all. Now, it doesn’t get any easier than that.”
“I’d like to buy you some nice things too, but how do I compete? The only time I make decent money is when I get a call from Jackson. He looks over my scripts, and if he likes them, he pays me. If he doesn’t, then I don’t get a dime. I love to write, but it’s not getting me the money I need to buy nice things for us. I don’t want this relationship to be all on you.
“Maybe I need to give up writing and go back to school to study business. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and since you’ve hired a nanny to take care of Mackenzie, this might be the perfect opportunity for me.”
“Sounds like a plan to me, Scorpio. An education never hurt anybody. If you’re sure that’s what you want to do, I’ll even front you the money.”
“I’m sure, but you don’t have to pay for it. I will. Not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but I want to do this on my own.”
I truly felt as if Scorpio was sincere. She wasn’t coming off as a gold digger. I did question how she intended to get the money, since she didn’t have a full-time job.
“Jackson pays me pretty good money for my scripts. I’ll use that money to pay for school.”
“All right, Miss Lady. I’m not going to force you to take me up on my offer, but if there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
Mackenzie had fallen asleep in my bed. I picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. Just when I got ready to close the door, she stopped me.
“Uncle Jaylin, are you and Mommy going to get married?” I smiled and walked back into the room.
“It’s Jaylin, Mackenzie, not Uncle Jaylin. And no, right now we’re not. If we do, you’ll be the first one to know. Okay?” I tucked her into bed.
“Would you read me a bedtime story?” Her eyes searched the room for a book.
I opened the closet and pulled out Cinderella. I sat on the bed next to her and started to read. I tried to hurry so I could go make love to Scorpio, but Mackenzie held me up, asking questions as I tried to finish the book. After I read it four times, she was finally sound asleep.
When I got back into the bedroom, Scorpio was already in the tub waiting patiently for me. I slid in behind her, but the water was slightly cold.
“I’ll warm you up, so don’t worry about how cold it is,” she said, pecking my lips.
“Then stop talking and start warming.”
“Jaylin, I...I love you,” she whispered in my ear as I rubbed her silky smooth body.
“And you know how I feel.”
22
FELICIA
I thought Paul was all I needed to get my mind off Jaylin, but when he tried to make love to me the other night, I didn’t feel a thing inside of me. I was so disappointed, but after how kind he’d been to me, I couldn’t find it in my heart to dismiss him.
He was constantly all over a sista at work and at home. Once I told him we had to cut the chatting at work, he backed off a little. I didn’t mind him coming over to my house to see me, but when he showed up without calling, I had to bring it to his attention.
Damion was still coming over from time to time and I didn’t want the two of them meeting up at once. It was okay for a brotha to get caught in his game, but a sista—we had to play it cool, pretend like we were only with one brotha at a time, knowing damn well some of us be knocking two or three behind closed doors.
I had learned a lot from Jaylin. Like him, I had specific days I asked Paul to come over and specific days I asked Damion to come over. Everything was right on schedule. I had Damion over when I needed some good loving, and Paul over when I needed a good friend to chill with.
The only problem was that Paul was falling in love with me. During dinner last night at the Macaroni Grill, it was his second time telling me since we’d met. I know I put it on him the other night, but this love shit was too soon for me.
Hell, I still hadn’t gotten over Jaylin. I knew it would be a matter of time before he came back to me, but the question was when? I called his house a few times, but when his bitch answered, I hung up on her. She had to be living with him, because every time I called, she answered.
When I called him at work, Angela made up excuses for him, Saying he had just gone to lunch or he was in a meeting. I wanted to pay him another visit on his job, but I decided to just sit back and let this mess play itself out. Anyway, it wasn’t like I didn’t have two other men occupying my time.
I even thought about Nokea. The other day, I saw her at the Quik Trip pumping gas on New Halls Ferry Road. She looked a mess. Looked like she had put on a few pounds and her clothes didn’t even match. I really felt bad for her. If she’d had another man on the side, she might not be in the situation she’s in now. I know she didn’t expect Jaylin to settle down and marry her. Then again, shit ...I thought some day he would marry me.
Either way, I wasn’t writing him off just yet. Whenever he was able to be alone with me and not make love to me, then I’d write him off completely. Until then, the door was always open.
Paul picked me up at 7:00 P.M. so we could go to the movies. His dark brown hair was slicked back and he had on some loose-fitting Levi’s with a black but-ton-down shirt. His dark tan almost had him looking like a brotha. His black shades covered his pretty green eyes.
He opened the door to his SLK 230 Mercedes Benz and I felt like royalty riding with him. At every stop, people checked us out. I didn’t know if they noticed us because we looked good together or because he was white and I was black. And when we got to the movie theater, the stares continued.
Paul always liked to hold hands and kiss in public, but I was uncomfortable with everybody checking us out. I loosened my fingers from his hand and pretended I had to sneeze. When nothing came out, I dropped my hand by my side.
As we stood in line waiting to get some popcorn, Paul looked at me.
“Felicia, why are you so uncomfortable with me?”
“I’m not uncomfortable with you; I’m just uncomfortable with all these people looking at us like they ain’t never seen a mixed couple before.”
“All you have to do is pretend they’re not there. Just focus on me. If you do, you won’t even know they exist.”
“So, really, why don’t all the stares bother you? One thing about black folks, we can’t stand to be stared down. It’s harder for me to ignore them than it is for you.”
“No, it’s not. I refuse to give them the attention they want. Besides, I’m
here with a beautiful woman, and if I’m happy, who cares what other people think?”
I smiled because I knew Paul was right. I even reached over and gave him a kiss. Some girls behind us in line looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Paul saw it, and then he embarrassed the hell out of me.
“Excuse me, everyone,” he said, with an English accent. “As you can see, I’m white and my stunning woman here is black. We’ve been noticing all the frightful stares we’ve been getting and would like to say thank you. You’ve made us feel like celebrities. So, my name is Paul and this is Felicia. We just got married yesterday, so would you all be so kind and give the gorgeous bride a big round of applause?”
Paul clapped and so did everybody else. When he kissed me, the applause got louder. I couldn’t believe how he embarrassed us, but it was quite funny. As we walked through the theater to our seats, some people smiled and told us congrats. Even though it was a stupid thing to do, it worked. I felt more at ease with him, and the stares had turned into smiles.
During the movie, I gripped Paul’s muscles every time a scary moment came on the screen. He laughed but held me tightly in his arms.
“Felicia, are you really that scared? If so, we can watch something else.”
“No, Paul, this is cool,” I said, chewing on some gummy bears. “If you don’t mind, I just like snuggling up with you.”
“Of course I don’t mind. Whatever you want, my dear.” He held me tighter.
After the movie, we headed back to my place. The first thing I did was check my messages to see if Jaylin had called. He hadn’t, so I went into the living room and entertained Paul. When it came to sex, if he was a bit more aggressive, maybe I would like him more. I always had to be the one to initiate it. It was like he was scared to touch me.
But when I changed into my black teddy and straddled his lap, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. He laid me back on the couch and laid my coochie out with his tongue. Now, in my opinion, this was one thing white men sure knew how to do better than black men. For the first time, Jaylin had nothing on him. I could barely keep still. Damn near broke his neck as I squeezed it tightly with my thighs.
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