Once he finished, he slid himself inside me and the excitement faded. Damn, I thought, why couldn’t he just keep licking? I moaned and groaned like it was the best thing ever.
When he left, I called Damion over to finish the job. In the meantime, I’d have to work on Paul until he got better. Eventually, I hoped, he would, but only time would tell.
23
NOKEA
I ate everything in the house, from the rooter to the tooter. I had been pigging out even when I wasn’t hungry. The stress from not talking to Jaylin added to my bad eating habits. I was only a few months pregnant and already had picked up fourteen pounds. Dr. Beckwith said if I didn’t slow down, I was headed for a difficult pregnancy.
When I left his office, I stopped by Burger King on West Florissant Avenue to get my last taste of a double Whopper with extra cheese and some French fries. Then I had the nerve to stop at Krispy Kreme and get three glazed donuts. By the time I got to the office, I felt like a pig. I had to struggle just to make it up the stairs. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I could still see my curves, but if I kept at it, I knew they would soon disappear. I decided to take my doctor’s advice and cut back on the fattening foods. From now on, it would be just salads and Jell-O. If I splurged, it would only be on the weekend, or if I felt like going out to dinner with Pat and her husband.
She was a charm. Since she was the closest friend I had, I confided in her a lot. She even started to pick up weight with me, forever bringing me ice cream and a bunch of other fattening foods. Every Saturday she took time away from Chad to come by my place and keep me company. She knew I missed Jaylin and tried to do everything in her power to make me forget him. But no matter how hard she and I both tried, he could never leave my memory. We had too much history together, and since we had a baby on the way, it would be even more difficult to get him out of my system.
On Saturday, Pat was right on time with some salads she made and movies she brought from Blockbuster. She rented The Best Man and Training Day, movies we had seen time and time again. She knew that Morris Chestnut and Denzel Washington were definitely a way to snap me out of my misery. We sat in my den mesmerized by the fineness in both of them and munched on our salads.
“Girl, I’m so hungry that I’m going to imagine this is the hamburger and fries I ate earlier this week,” I said, picking all the meat out of the salad first.
“Nokea! I thought you said you weren’t going to eat any more fast food.”
“That was after I stopped at Burger King. Since then, I’ve been doing pretty good. And since it’s Saturday, and I can splurge on the weekend, can we please order a pizza with everything on it?”
“No, Nokea. You know you need to eat a little healthier. If not for you, then for the baby.”
“I didn’t think it would be this hard for me to watch my weight, but this salad stuff is driving me crazy.”
“Look, if you want to order a pizza, you go right ahead,” Pat said, chewing slowly and picking at the salad like she really wanted me to order a pizza.
I reached over to the coffee table, picked up the phone, and ordered a supreme pizza with extra mushrooms and olives from Pizza Hut.
“Okay, don’t blame me when your ass gets all fat. Then I’m going to have to listen to you gripe about that. In the meantime, what I don’t understand is . . . why didn’t you tell them to put extra cheese on the damn thing? Girl, call them back and tell them to add more cheese,” she said.
We laughed as I picked up the phone and called Pizza Hut back. The man gave me a new total and I hung up.
“I’m sorry, but that salad was just not cutting it. And I made it. Shame on me for bringing that bullshit over here,” Pat said.
“Well, at least you tried. And as hard as I tried to make it taste like a hamburger, it wouldn’t.”
“At least we got a good laugh out of it. I haven’t seen you laugh like that in a long time. So, seriously, how have you been? And don’t tell me what I want to hear, tell me the truth,” Pat said, putting Training Day on pause.
“It’s been tough, Pat. Really tough. Sometimes I want to pick up the phone and curse Jaylin out for doing this to me. And other times, I thank God he’s out of my life. Then there’s a part of me that thinks this is some day going to work itself out. How? I don’t know, but I really wish that it would. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, torturing myself over seeing him with Scorpio. Wondering why it couldn’t be me living there with him. With our son.
“He seemed so excited about her little girl, and I don’t even know if he’s going to be excited about his baby when he finds out—”
“What do you mean when he finds out? Are you planning on telling him?”
“No, but what if he does find out? I can’t keep this from him forever. It would be impossible.”
“Look, Nokea, nothing’s impossible. You tried to tell him and he didn’t want to hear it. So, fuck him. Raise this child by yourself. You never know; somebody decent might come along and be a good father to him. He doesn’t need a father like Jaylin setting bad examples for him, especially when it comes to how to treat women.”
“You’re talking like you know it’s a boy too. I hope it is. And I hope he looks just like Jaylin. If I can’t love the big one like I want to, then the little one will just have to do,” I said, rubbing my belly.
“You are out of your mind. All I can say is go with your heart. It’ll take you places no one else can.”
“But my heart is with Jaylin, Pat.”
“For now it might be, but you’ll find somewhere else to place it. Just give it time.” She took the movie off pause. “Who knows? Maybe somebody like Denzel Washington will come your way. And if he does, will you be so kind to a friend and share him with me?”
We laughed. “Now, I’ll share Jaylin, but Denzel, or any man like him, I will not. Denzel is the kind of man you want to keep all to yourself.”
“Okay, fine, keep Denzel. But when I show up at your door next week with Morris Chestnut, don’t be mad at me.”
“Only in your dreams, Pat. Only in your dreams.”
The Pizza Hut driver came and we ate the pizza so fast that we ordered another one. When he came back, he laughed because I had pizza sauce all over my white T-shirt from the first one. Pat only had two slices of the second pizza, and I nearly ate five slices all by myself. I hated the thick edges, so when I pulled them off, it actually only accounted for four slices. No matter how many it actually was, I paid for it, and so did Pat. We lay on the floor in the den with cold rags on our bellies to cool them.
“You are a mess. Look at you, Nokea. I told you this was a bad idea.” Pat rolled over on her side.
“No, you didn’t, Pat. You told me to call them back and add more cheese. And in case you forgot, you were the one who suggested a second pizza.”
“Damn, I was, wasn’t I? And I have to drive home and face Chad looking like a big fat pig. You know, he’s noticed this sudden weight gain I’ve had since you’ve been pregnant. He told me if I gained one more pound, he would leave me.”
“Girl, please. That man loves you. I don’t care how fat you get, he isn’t going anywhere.”
“I know, but girl, we’ve got to slow down. We got six more months to go and if we’re eating like this now, we gon’ be some fat chicks by the time you deliver.”
“Okay, starting Monday. No more of this pigging out after Monday. I promise.”
After Training Day was over, Pat helped me clean up the den and headed home. She called Chad to tell him she was on her way and gave me a sista-hug before she left. I didn’t know what I would do without her in my life. Mama and Daddy tried to be there for me, but I couldn’t talk to them about everything like I could Pat—even though she would never be accepting of Jaylin the way I’d wanted her to be.
I went to the kitchen and poured a soothing cup of the hot Chinese tea Mama had given me to relax. It didn’t have any caffeine, so I had no problem going to sleep.
>
The phone woke me at one o’clock in the morning. When I heard Stephon’s voice on the other end, it scared me.
“Stephon, is everything okay?” I asked, holding my chest.
“No. Not really. I just wanted to call and let you know that my mother passed away last night. You know she’s been battling this drug addiction for years, and last night . . . she, uh . . . she decided to take her life.”
I could hear the pain in his voice.
“Stephon, I’m so sorry. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. I know how you felt about your mother doing drugs, but at least you had the courage to make peace with her years ago. God will bless you for that, and you’ll be able to go on knowing that you did all you could for her.”
Stephon was quiet. “Yeah, but I guess it wasn’t good enough. She called me last week and asked for some money, but I wouldn’t give it to her. I knew what she wanted it for, but... but now I feel bad because I didn’t give it to her.”
“How could you feel bad about not contributing to her habit? Look at all the good things you did for her. Out of all her children, you were the one who stood by her. Please don’t go dumping on yourself because you did the best you could.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I’ll call you in a couple of days and let you know about the arrangements. Sorry to call you so late. Go back to sleep, Shorty, and get some rest.”
“Stephon, before you go . . . how’s Jaylin taking the news? I mean, I know he’s probably thinking about his mother at a time like this.”
“He’s doing okay. I think he’s more hurt because I am. He never really cared too much for Mama anyway, but I think it bothers him knowing he wasn’t there for her either.”
“All right, Stephon. Thanks for calling, and call me as soon as you find out the arrangements.”
I couldn’t sleep a lick as I thought about Stephon’s mother. The memory of her leaving them at home alone, night after night when they were kids, kept coming to mind. Several times, my mother even stepped in and fed them when Stephon’s mother was out on one of her drug binges. And Jaylin, she treated him like crap. One time, one of her boyfriends badly beat him with an extension cord and he came to school with whip marks all over him. Some kids made fun of him, but I was always by his side. I couldn’t blame him for not being hurt about her death, but I knew he would always be there when it came to Stephon. And so would I.
24
JAYLIN
The funeral was torture. I sat in the front pew with Stephon and his brothers, who I didn’t get along with. We wore black suits and dark black shades. My glasses helped to hide the tears as I found myself thinking about Mama when she left me years ago to take her place in heaven.
Stephon took it the hardest. When he fell to his knees in front of his mother’s casket, I damn near lost it myself. I walked up and put my arms around him. He grabbed my leg and asked the Lord, why? Why did He have to take her?
My other cousins sat there with a few tears here and there, but that was it. I wanted to kick all of them straight in the ass. One of the assholes was a crackhead his damn self and had the nerve to sit there like his shit didn’t stink. And the other two were broke as hell, didn’t have nothing going on but thug-ass women and a street corner. Basically, didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Stephon was the only decent one. They couldn’t stand either one of us because we didn’t turn out like they did.
Stephon’s girlfriend and I helped him back to his seat. When I got back to mine, Scorpio was right there, waiting to comfort me. She held my hand and rubbed my back. I held back the tears because I definitely didn’t want my woman to see me cry. I didn’t care how bad things got.
When the funeral was over, there was a dinner in the lower level of the church, in remembrance of Aunt Betty. Stephon sat in a chair in the corner all by himself. It was obvious that he didn’t want to be bothered. When I looked up, I saw Nokea talking to him. She looked beautiful in a knee-length, sky blue dress and some sexy high-heeled shoes. Her eyebrows were perfectly arched and her short hair had been freshly cut. She even looked as if she’d thickened up a bit. She wore the extra weight well, especially in the breast area.
Before my mind went into the gutter, I had to think about where I was. I couldn’t be in church thinking about sexing up women, could I? But with all the fine women running around, it was hard not to. Since Scorpio watched my every move, I backed off. Especially on this nice li’l tender who mugged me from far across the room. She stared me down like she wanted to break a brotha down right then and there; however, now wasn’t the time or the place.
After we chowed down, I walked to the water fountain and got a drink. When I lifted my head, I saw Nokea standing close by, waiting for me. Since I saw Scorpio looking at me, I kept on walking like I didn’t even see Nokea.
She grabbed my arm. “Listen, I’m not trying to come between you and your woman, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your aunt. I know this has probably been a difficult time for you, and I wanted to tell you if you need anything, call me.” She handed me a piece of paper.
“Thanks.” I leaned forward to give her a hug just so I could feel her in my arms again. “I appreciate it. And . . . and take care.”
I went back over to the table and sat next to Scorpio. She smiled and encouraged me to go talk to Stephon because he seemed like he was out of it. I tried to give him some space because men don’t like all that attention when they’re feeling down. We like to get our thoughts together and deal with it whenever. But since Scorpio pressed the issue, I went over and pulled up a chair next to him.
“Man, are you going to be okay? I know it hurts; I’ve been there before. But it gets easier, my brotha. In due time, it gets easier,” I said.
“I know, man, but why did she have to kill herself? If she was going to do that, she should’ve done it years ago. Just don’t make sense. And then to make us suffer because she didn’t want to anymore.”
“Those suffering days were over a long time ago. For us anyway. Now, Aunt Betty had a choice. She could’ve cleaned up her act, and you gave her the opportunity to do so. I know when you asked me for that fifteen grand you gave it to her. I know every time that you borrowed from me you put it right into her hand. All I’m saying is you can’t feel responsible for something she done to herself. And if you do, then that’s too bad. But she knew out of everybody, you were the one who took care of her.”
There was silence. Stephon closed his eyes and swallowed.
“Jay, I don’t know what I’d do without you. After the way Mama abused you when you were growing up, you knew the money was for her all along, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but I also knew if I didn’t give it to you, I’d lose the only family I had. I wasn’t willing to lose you.”
“Naw, you knew if you didn’t give it to me, I would kick your ass like I did when we were little,” he said, laughing.
“Whatever, nigga. I held back because I didn’t want your brothers jumping in it, trying to help you kick my ass. But now I wish I would’ve fucked all y’all up.” We both laughed again. Just to get one smile out of him made me feel good.
I looked over at Scorpio and blew her a kiss—only to see Nokea reach out her hand and catch it. I smiled and went back to conversing with Stephon.
“Say, man. Did you see Nokea? She’s looking good, my brotha. Looking damn good,” Stephon said, sounding like he wanted to hit that.
“She looks a’ight. I mean, if you ask me, she look like she’s picked up some weight,” I said, though there was no doubt in my mind that Nokea looked spectacular.
“Weight is good, bro, especially if you’re wearing it like she is.”
“So, what are you trying to say? You trying to get a piece of that action?”
“Naw, I’m just telling you like I see it. That woman got it going on. She’s pretty, she’s smart, got a good job, a good heart—she’s the full package. Right about now, she’d give Scorpio a serious run for
her money.”
“Negro, please. She might be the full package, but when it comes to looks, Nokea don’t even compare to Scorpio. They both fine, but Scorpio gets a ten-plus in my book. Nokea only gets a nine. With the exception of today; today I’ll give her a ten.”
“Well, I have that reversed. You’re only thinking about the pu-tain but I’m strictly talking about appearance. And appearance-wise, Nokea looks much better than Scorpio.”
“You are out of your mind! Look at them. Take a look at both of them now and tell me Nokea looks better than Scorpio.”
We checked out both women. Stephon hesitated for a moment.
“All right. You got me convinced, but Nokea is still the bomb.”
“Like I said, she’s workable, but she ain’t got my baby beat. Besides, why you riding Nokea so tough? Are you finding yourself a bit attracted to her?”
Stephon licked his lips and gave me a stern look.
“If I was, would you be mad?”
It didn’t take me long to think about it. I gave him the most serious look he’d probably ever seen on my face.
“Man, we like brothers, but that’s one woman we’ll never share.”
“So, are you saying she’s only hands-off when it comes to me? Or to anybody?”
“All I’m saying is that’s one woman we’ll never share.” My palms started to sweat. I could tell where this conversation was headed.
“But she deserves to have a good man in her life, don’t she?”
“I’m saying that man won’t be you, so let’s drop it.”
Stephon hopped up and grabbed my hand. We gave each other a pat on the back.
For the rest of the evening, I felt a tension between us—tension I had never felt before. When Nokea said good-bye to everyone, Stephon got up and offered to walk her to her car. Deep down, my insides burned, but I managed not to let it show.
Scorpio said she was ready to go, so I told her to wait in front of the church while I went to get the car. Outside, I noticed Stephon in the car, talking to Nokea. Looked like they were in a deep conversation, but once again, I kept my cool. When they saw me, Stephon got out and waved good-bye to her, then walked toward me.
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