The Promise

by Nikita Singh

  Mili could not even pretend to be so strong. She broke down and fell to her knees. She sobbed uncontrollably, her body heaving as her breathing got rattled. Tutul was by her side immediately, trying to pull her up, but Mili did not get up. She pulled her knees up to her face and wailed. 'This is ... so ... unfair...' she stammered to let the words out. She looked up at Shambhavi, her face crumpled up. She closed her eyes and said, 'This should never ... have happened ...'

  Somehow, Miii s tears seemed to have given Shambhavi some strength. She tried to stoop down to pull her friend up, but the cast in her leg made it impossible for her to bend. 'Aargh,' she let out, as the pain hit her again. She doubled down in agony and clutched her stomach tightly.

  'Are you okay?' Mili was back to her feet in a microsecond. 'Where does it hurt, Shambhavi?'

  'Everywhere,' Shambhavi said and threw herself in Mili's arms. The three girls stood there, in the middle of the hospital corridor, crying profusely. Their wails were heart wrenching. They supported each other, wiped each other's tears, when their own kept flowing down their cheeks ceaselessly.

  Arjun still stood rooted at his spot, and watched the scene unfold. Seeing Shambhavi break down like that was even more painful to see than the last time he had seen her crying. She was beyond herself, the anguish of their baby's health grappling her. She did not notice him standing there, just about six feet away from her. She did not care about anything other than Pari at the moment.

  He should have been there. He knew he would never be able to forgive himself for causing Shambhavi such angst. He knew he was a horrible person. He knew it was all his fault, and he would have agreed to die a million deaths to spare Shambhavi the sorrow she felt right then. But it does not work like that.

  You cannot undo what's already done.

  He wished he could. He wished he had given Shambhavi a chance to explain-that he had not suspected her in the first place-that he had not been such a heartless monster. He wished he could take away all her woes and make them his. He wished their child-Pari, he had heard Shambhavi call her-would be all right. He wished Shambhavi would forgive him.

  He wished ... but wishes rarely come true.

  Making-up to someone might seem simple in theory, but it is really not that smooth a sail. Dues inexorably have to be paid.

  ventually, the girls calmed down and Mili and Tutul took Shambhavi back to her ward. Arjun stayed where he was and waited for Shambhavi's friends to come out. He wanted to ask them what the doctors were saying about Shambhavi's and Paris condition and which doctor was working on their cases and every other possible detail about the treatment.

  He could not just stand there and do nothing, watching the mother of his child push herself into depression. He needed to do something. To make something happen.

  Finally, he saw Mili come out. He went to her.

  'Go away,' she said and turned away from him.

  'You must be Mili,' Arjun said. I have heard a lot about you.'

  'You must be Arjun. I have heard a lot about you too. Mostly horrible things,' Mili glared at him.

  He nodded, accepting the insult he deserved. 'How is she?'

  'Did you not see? Were you not there?'

  'Please Mili. You can ridicule me all you want. But first, please just tell me what I need to know.'

  Something in his expression must have stirred something inside her, because she relented. 'Not well at all. Dr Awasthi, he is the one operating her, said she needs bed rest for at least two months. She lost a lot of blood. We had to infuse three bottles last night ...'

  Arjun inhaled sharply.

  'There are fractures in her right arm and her right leg is badly hurt. A concussion in her head. That, along with the blood loss and the weight she had gradually lost ... it doesn't seem good. She has no energy. Physically, she will need a while to recover ...'

  'But she will be okay, right? There is no long-term damage ?'

  Mili laughed sarcastically. The tears in her eyes started to flow again, as she clenched her teeth furiously and muttered, 'You think there is no long-term damage? Her father died right in front of her. Her baby is going to ... How do you expect her to come out of that unscarred?'

  Arjun had nothing to say. He processed all the information he had just been given and his heart sank lower. Just then, Tutul came out of the ward too. She looked at him and the anger returned on her face.

  'What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough damage?' she snarled.

  He did not respond to that. He knew he deserved all the curses being hurled at him. He did not defend himself.

  'How is the baby?' he asked instead. Even if there was no reason left to try, it was worth trying any and everything he could. For their child, he would leave no stone unturned.

  'Dying,' Tutul said curtly.

  Arjun flinched.

  'It's the truth. Pari is dying. It is as simple as that. She was delivered after just six and a half months of gestation period. That too, after Shambhavi got hit by the edge of a wheelchair. I don't know if you have seen the child, but when you do, the bruise on her shoulder caused by that bump is unmistakable.'

  'Stop it Tutul,' Mili said. 'Don't be so mean to him.'

  'Why not? Why the hell not? He was the one who left Shambhavi after getting her pregnant. He was the one responsible for Shambhavi throwing herself into work to save for Pari. He was the reason why she had to do it all singlehandedly, that too when her father was already in the hospital and his expenses were already something she could barely manage. He is the one who did this to Shambhavi and Pari,' Tutul exploded. She turned to Arjun and sneered, 'Why did you come back now? There is nothing left to be saved.'

  'I just want to be of any help I can. You have reasons to hate me, and that's okay. But now is not the time. Please tell me everything there is to know about anything I can do to help. Please,' Arjun begged.

  'Money cannot buy everything, Mr Datta,' Mili said stiffly.

  'I know that. But it surely can pay for medical expenses.'

  'Shambhavi would never accept any help from you.'

  'Shambhavi does not need to know. I just want to do my best to ensure that she and Pari get the best medical attention possible. And money can make that happen. I do not know how much you know about me, Tutul. But this was the reason why I became obsessed with earning money-because I did not have any to pay for medical care for my family and they died because of that. It would be nice if you cooperate with me, and even if you don't -I am not going to let money come in the way of my family's life again.'

  He stood outside the glass door, watching silently. There was no one around, except a nurse, who looked bored, sitting there, doing nothing other than staring at the frail, sick baby. Arjun had requested personal attention for the baby, but since they needed to do it without raising Shambhavi's suspicion, they could not get Pari transferred to another hospital. It was all right, though; the hospital they were in was one of the best in the city, and the baby was not strong enough to be transferred to a bigger city.

  They were doing their best for her. Seven paediatricians, from five different hospitals of the city were working on Paris case. Two specialists had flown in from Delhi to help. They had decided to operate on the baby. Pari was not strong enough to withstand an operation. But she was only getting weaker by the second. The panel of doctors decided against waiting. The operation was to be conducted in ten minutes' time and the doctors had left Pari under the supervision of the nurse, to prepare for the operation.

  But Arjun was not thinking about any of that. All he had in mind was-Pari. He stared at her, unblinkingly. She was his daughter, his blood. She was the one thing he shared with Shambhavi, even though she would never let him close to her. Pari was their daughter, even though Shambhavi would not give him the right to be her father.

  She was very tiny, with tiny fingers and toes. Her eyes were closed and he craved to find out what colour they were. Her lips were a bright shade of pink, as was her entire body. Her legs wer
e folded and almost touched her chest. Her hands were also doubled up in a way that made her look like a ball. All her limbs crumpled close to her body, she looked like she must have looked inside her mother's womb. She was not used to having so much space around her, so she had not spread her arms and legs; she just stayed the way she had since the time she got life inside her mother.

  Tutul was right-the wound on Pari's shoulder was unmistakable. It was like a physical ache to Arjun, seeing his daughter in such a state. But he could not tear his eyes away from her either. He imagined what his life would have been like, in that moment, if only he had not abandoned Shambhavi. They would have been a family. A beautiful family-with two angels in it. But it was not to be.

  Pari was kept in an incubator-which gave the child a false feeling of being in its mother's womb. The environment she was kept in was expertly controlled to be the same as what it is inside for an unborn child in its mother's body.

  Arjun stood there and stared at his daughter for as long as he could get. He wished he could hold her, but the nurse had refused, when he had asked. He had agreed. Paris safety before everything else.

  'I'm so, so sorry,' he whispered.

  And then, just as he stood there watching, he saw the best sight ever-Pari struggled with breathing, and her mouth opened slightly and her chest heaved as she drew a deep breath in. She released it, and her chest inflated. And right after that, her lips spread into a big smile.

  The sight of it was breathtaking. She kept smiling, her lips stayed stretched. It was as if she had stilled the smile, for her daddy to see and cherish. But even then, it lasted for far too less time for him. He had not had his fill; he never would.

  She was his angel. Looking at her smile for five seconds was not enough. He knew it would not have been enough even if it had lasted for decades. She had been in his life for all of ten minutes, and in those ten minutes, she had become a part of him. He could not imagine a life without her anymore.

  He stood outside the operation theatre, praying for his daughter to be okay. He walked in circles, flustered. It had been half an hour since the doctors had gone in and Arjun was getting impatient.

  So was she, apparently.

  He saw her coming towards him. She was in a wheelchair, which Mili was wheeling towards the operation theatre. Mili had told Arjun about how Shambhavi had refused to use the wheelchair, because it reminded her of the night of the accident. Maybe she was getting desperate, and had no other option but to give in, eventually. She was too badly hurt to even use a walking stick. But maybe she could not stay put, in her ward, with Pari in the operation theatre. He saw her getting closer. She looked even weaker than before, if that was possible. Her head rested back and her eyes were blank. She looked like someone who had no hope. Maybe she had really become that someone.

  And then he saw her look right at him. And he saw the recognition register.

  'You?' she muttered.

  He wanted to run away. He wanted to turn invisible at that moment. He had known all along that Shambhavi must hate him, but when he actually saw the hatred in her eyes, he realized that he had not been prepared to face it. He instinctively took a step back.

  'What are you doing here?' she asked, when she was close enough.

  'I heard what happened and I...' he could not seem to find words. Her face told him so many things at the same time. There was worry in her face, and fear. There was anger and hurt. There was insecurity and uncertainty. Her expression told a million stories all at once. But most of all, it told him that she loathed him, with all her heart.

  He was crushed.

  He could not talk to her. He could not face her. Not yet, not ever. He wanted to run away and never come back. But he had run away once and it had been the worst decision of his life, something he would regret till his last breath. He was not about to take that chance again. So he stood there, right in front of her, and let her shower him with insults. He let her vent out all her pent up emotions at him. He deserved all of it ... and more.

  'And? You heard what happened and you came to gloat? Is that it? Did you want to show that I got what I deserved, for trapping you into sleeping with me and getting pregnant on purpose?'

  'No, Shambhavi. I just wanted to help ...'

  'Oh, you did? Did you buy a heart from somewhere? Or is it just that you rich people love pitying us poor people and you could not bear to let this chance go?'

  He said nothing.

  'Well, you know what, Mr Datta? I do not need your help. For anything at all.'

  He nodded.

  'I do not need your love. I don't need your money.'

  He nodded again.

  She looked as if she had something more to say, but she turned back towards the operation theatre without saying anymore. Maybe she decided she had more pressing issues than making him feel like shit. She was too worried about the operation to care about his return into her life. Her daughter was being operated upon and her fate was going to be decided in a matter of a little bit of time. Pari's fate would also determine her mother's future.

  Shambhavi determinedly looked away from Arjun. He watched her. Her chest was heaving, she was breathing so heavily. It killed him to see the magnitude of hatred she felt for him. She was blinking rapidly, trying to hold back tears.

  He looked away. He could not bear to see her cry. Not again.

  They stayed there in silence; no one uttered a word. He met Mili's eyes once and she had a semi-apologetic expression on her face. He knew she no longer hated him. He was grateful that at least someone on the earth did not loathe him completely. He nodded at her, expressing his unspoken gratitude.

  She leaned into the chest of a man next to her, probably her boyfriend. He faintly remembered Shambhavi telling him something about Mili's boyfriend. He did not stress his mind too much. It was somewhere else, anyway.

  Arjun turned back to face the operation theatre. The red light was still on. He desperately wanted Pari to be okay. If Shambhavi wanted, he would stay away from both of them for life. He just wanted them to be okay. He remembered his angel's smile and he prayed for her. He longed to see that smile again.

  He had never put much of a belief in God, but when he felt his heart sinking, he had nothing to hold on to, but faith in a higher power. They say when medicines do not work, prayers do. So, he prayed silently for a miracle to happen, and save his daughter.

  His heart beat out of his chest, when an hour later, he saw the red light turning off, over the door of the operation theatre. He dared to look at Shambhavi, who was struggling out of her wheelchair upon seeing the doctors come out. He dived towards them, in a mad rush to find out if his prayers had been answered.

  They hadn't.

  The operation was unsuccessful. Pari was no more.

  The best distraction from our own misery is to try and make the grief and sufferings of our loved ones go away.

  e did not want Shambhavi to be there, at the funeral. He did not want her to see it-the dead bodies of her father and her daughter. But he had no say over anything she did. And right then, all she was doing was staring into nothingness, floating in some other world.

  Her father and her baby had died less than twenty-four hours apart. Her dad ... at 10 pm at night, and her daughter ... at 5 pm, the next evening. It was no surprise that she was broken. She was not talking to anyone, just sitting silently, tears flowing down her cheeks ceaselessly. She did not bother to wipe them away. It was of no use, anyway.

  They were at the funeral. Her father's body was about to be burned and their daughter's body buried. It was not going to be pleasant and Arjun had tried to convince Mili and Tutul to stop Shambhavi from coming. But she had come. She sat in her wheelchair, not talking to anyone, not even looking ... just sobbing silently. Her sadness killed something inside him. He missed her bright eyes, which used to sparkle whenever she talked about SRK and his movies.

  They were surrounded by people. Arjun did not notice who they were, neither did he care. He just
kept looking at Shambhavi. She looked as if she was about to faint.

  It went on like that, till the time the bodies were brought in. Then, everything changed in a matter of seconds.

  As soon as Shambhavi saw her father's body, she broke down worse than ever. It was as if a dam had broken inside her, causing the tears to flow out endlessly. She cried out loud and her breath got caught several times. She found it difficult to breathe. Her entire body was shaking and she fell to the floor, hugging her father's corpse. Arjun could not bear the sight of it.

  'Dad ...' she kept crying over and over again.

  At that moment, she looked like a child. He wanted to go to her, and hold her close to him. He wanted to protect her from all that hurt. She looked way younger than she was, as her face crumpled up and her eyes turned red with the constant presence of tears. She sobbed loudly, saying things that were heart breaking to hear.

  'Why ...? Why did you have to go, Dad? Why now ...? Everything was getting ... better ...' she moaned. She sniffed and tried to get her breathing back to normal before saying, 'I was ... I thought we would be a family again ... you were back home ... I was so happy...'

  Convulsions shot through her and all the remaining energy seeped out of her, leaving her tired to the bone. Arjun wanted to rush to her side, to keep her from fainting, but knew she would not accept any kind of help from him.

  'You never even got to see Pari ... she is ... she was ... so cute...' she sniffed. 'And you know ... they did not even let me ... hold her ... touch her ... I just saw her ... once ... She left me, my child, my hope...'

  That was all she could say before breaking down completely in front of her father's body. She buried her face into his chest and cried. It felt like she never wanted to getup, as if she wanted to stay there forever. She did not want her father to be taken away.