Thicker Than Water

by Takerra, Allen

“What?” Tatum asked, feigning shock. “I don’t have a man.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Ree asked, tapping the cigar and then staring directly into her eyes. “I find that hard to believe. Do you want one?”

  Tatum realized he was asking her the question that she sometimes lay in bed and pondered to herself. But why was he asking this? Did he mean he would want to be her man? Tatum quickly fantasized the extravagance of possibly having someone like Respect as your man. She summed her reply up real nice though.

  “Eventually,” she answered casually.

  “Tell me about it,” he insisted, adjusting his seat and tuning in to her feeling as if there was more to elaborate.

  “Well Ree, niggas, or men shall I say, are all confused these days. They want this good girl wifey that cooks and cleans, is completely independent. . . driving her own car and holding a good job, sexes them like a porn star but is miraculously a virgin . . . all the while putting up with his shit, baby mamas, bangin’, drug-slingin’, collect calls, bail, and side chicks, but when they get a true good woman they either don’t know how to treat her or ain’t worth shit themselves. Tell me, Ree, why does a man with nothing want a woman with everything?” she asked matter of factly.

  “Why can’t it be a man with something just wants a woman with something, too?” he retorted back quickly.

  “That’s not usually the way it works though, Ree. There’s always one person who has more to offer than the other. And that person ends up feeling all in control like they’re needed and more important than the other person,” she answered intensely. “I’m just not ready for all of that.”

  Ree let out a sigh and shook his head before responding.

  “Damn, sweetheart.” He leaned forward as if his words were just meant for the two of them, even though they were the only people on the jet besides the pilot in the cockpit. “You’re smart, Tatum, but you got a lot of growing up to do.” He was dead serious. Tatum was offended. No one had ever said that to her.

  “Excuse me?” was all she could come up with in response.

  “I mean, don’t take it the wrong way because we all have to progress in different aspects of our lives. Nobody has all of their shit together. It’s just that you have a close-minded view on relationships. Sometimes people just like to do nice things for others. It’s not about power or importance. Maybe one person has more to offer financially while the other has an abundance in knowledge and guidance. Spiritual wealth, which by the way, Ms. Lady, is much more of value than any dollar.” Tatum’s heart sank to her stomach. She was spell-bound. Everything that she thought she knew about he already knew. He’d been there, seemed to have more life experience that in turn gave him more knowledge, and mentally he was with her and a man was actually teaching her something. She knew that he was different and she knew, right there, that she was in trouble.

  It was 9:30 P.M. when Neli stepped out of the bathtub and slid into her silk camisole and panties. She hadn’t seen Ray at all since she’d come home that morning and was running over the excuse she would feed him when she finally did see him. I spent the night at Kim’s last night because I was too drunk to drive and I would have called but . . . Oh yeah, my phone died. She smiled at her own cleverness.

  She walked down the stairs slowly, allowing the plush carpet to massage her toes as she admired the beautiful house she lived in. It was extremely comfortable, and although there was a price to pay, like sleeping next to a man she barely knew and liked even less, it was worth it. Entering the spacious kitchen, Neli opened the fridge, and took out a vanilla yogurt. Just as she was grabbing a spoon and heading to the living room to catch an old rerun of Sex and the City, she heard keys jingling in the door. The thoughts in her head were going a mile a minute.

  I was at Kim’s, no we went out. Then, I fell asleep at Kim’s and I forgot my phone, no my phone went dead. My phone went dead.

  “Where were you?” he demanded, storming into the kitchen.

  “Hello to you too, Ray,” Neli answered, her soft voice drowned in sarcasm.

  “Where the hell have you been, Penelope? Do you seriously think that I’m going to marry a woman that spends the night out whenever the hell she feels like it, huh?” Ray yelled, slamming his car keys down on the counter. Neli turned around to face him and stared him dead in the eye. He’s so pathetic.

  “No,” she answered, really meaning that she had no intention of marrying him at all.

  “Listen, Ray, I went out with the girls and then when we got back I was too drunk to drive and I fell asleep at Kim’s.”

  “What the hell? Why didn’t you call, Penelope?”

  “My phone went dead.”

  “Bullshit!” he interrupted angrily, before she could get anything out. He was really pissed. Neli could see his nostrils flaring and his yellow skin becoming red with anger.

  “I opened my home to you, tried to make a woman out of you when you were nothing but a fucking slut!” Neli just stared at him appalled. His words cut her deep and tears began to come to her eyes. He had never spoken to her this way.

  “Yeah, cry now, Penelope. You run around here with your hoe friends trying to be down, fucking and sucking lowlife drug dealers thinking someone’s going to discover your talentless ass and you’ll be famous. You think I’m stupid? Yeah, you’ll be famous all right, for being a fucking whore!” By this time, Neli’s shock turned to hurt and tears were streaming down her face. Her tears soon turned to a hysterical cry which was almost to a point of hyperventilation.

  “Don’t talk to me like that,” she mumbled through sobs. His words hurt so much because they were true. Neli had heard them from her dad and from every man that she ever loved. Ray just stood there staring at her. He was hurt by her actions and constant disrespect of their relationship, but he loved her. What really hurt him is that she didn’t love him back.

  Neli became even more upset. She began thinking about all of the men who told her that she was nothing more than an insecure slut. All the people who told her she wouldn’t be anything, and people like Sasha who appeared to have it all.

  “DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” she screamed as she picked up a plate off the counter and hurled it at him. Ray ducked it but rose up in time to catch a china bowl to the crown of his head. Blood began to drip down his temple as he held his head in disbelief. Neli was going mad.

  She began letting out bloodcurdling shrieks and pulling at her hair. It was truly terrifying. Ray attempted to calm her down.

  “Listen, I’m sorry, baby, just . . . just come here.” He spoke softly, tenderly as if talking to a child. He walked slowly toward her with his arms open wide. “Come here, sweetie, it’s okay. I’m sorry . . .”

  She came to him sobbing, not sure what had come over her. Once he got close he put his arms around her and hugged her. He really was sorry.

  “Neli,” he whispered, with a worried look. “Maybe you should think about seeing someone, baby.”

  This wasn’t the first time Ray had seen her act like this, and it was starting to get worse. Neli took in his words. This nigga thinks I’m crazy. Oh, so now there is something wrong with me. Why do men always have to find something wrong with me?

  “No!” Neli screamed as she bit hard into his shoulder and bolted up the stairs.

  Ray cried out in agony. She had broken his skin.

  “Crazy bitch!”

  He grabbed his up keys and headed back out the door. He couldn’t take her shit tonight.

  Pacing back and forth in the bedroom like a mental patient, Neli enveloped herself in a hug. Why did he leave? He doesn’t even care about me! What’s wrong with me, why can’t I just be happy?

  Neli fell to the floor and began weeping until her stomach churned like she was going to vomit. She took a few deep breaths and in the midst of her insanity, she picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

  She was nervous but she needed someone to talk to.

  Ringgg. Ringgg.

  The phone rang and rang and on th
e fifth ring, Neli hung up but then called right back after giving it another thought. This time he picked up immediately.

  “What?” he asked in an irritated tone.

  “Chauncey . . . I need you right now.” Neli whispered softly, like a scared little girl.

  “Yo, you’re fucking crazy, ma. I told you I wasn’t fucking with you like that no more.”

  “Yeah, you say that a lot.”

  Neli began to cry again, she felt so empty, so alone. She had no one to love her and she really wanted Chauncey to, the way that he loved Sasha.

  “But Chauncey, I really need someone to talk to . . . please.”

  She could tell he didn’t give a fuck, she heard people talking and laughing in the background and thought they were laughing at her.

  “Yeah well, Neli, I mean it this time. Don’t call me no more. I ain’t feeling this shit.”

  She looked at the phone in disbelief.

  “Yeah well, you were feeling it last night!”

  She was crying louder now.

  “Nah, not really,” Chauncey stated coldly. He had the potential to make a person feel low and it was exactly what he was doing to her at the moment.

  She sat with her mouth opened in shock for a moment. After giving herself to him physically and emotionally, and being everything that she thought he needed, she thought she could teach him to love her, but now she was starting to believe that he didn’t give a single fuck about her.

  “It’s Sasha, right?” Neli asked, already feeling the answer in her bones. Chauncey sighed and then took a pause before answering.

  “Yeah . . . it’s Sasha. In fact, it should’ve been Sasha all along.” With that, he hung up in her ear, and when she tried to call him back, he sent her straight to voice mail.

  At that, Neli began a downpour of tears that no one could save her from. She couldn’t call her friends and tell them about anything that had to do with Chauncey, so she lay on the bed and wept until she was empty.

  So many thoughts ran through her head and the more she thought, the more she cried, until her eyes burned and were too heavy to open. So she left them closed and let herself drift off to sleep, dreams of being loved taking the place of her reality.

  Chapter 4

  Control

  It had been a week since E came and picked up Chauncey’s things and Sasha hadn’t heard from either of them since. Maybe it’s about time that I moved on, she thought while at work at the hospital.

  Sasha knew soon she would have to, and there were guys lined up around the block waiting for her so she knew it wouldn’t be hard. Her considerations were interrupted by the ringing phone.

  “St. Peter’s Hospital, pediatrics,” she answered.

  “I’ve been shot, help me, please.”

  Sasha tried to remain calm but in an emergency situation, she was the wrong person to contact. She was a panic freak!

  “Okay, miss, this is not emergency dispatch but if you want I can send you an ambulance.” Sasha spoke, trying to sound calm and soothing.

  “No, I don’t want no ambulance. I got shot in the back,” the caller said, sounding in pain.

  Sasha sat at the hospital desk with a confused look on her face.

  “You got shot in the back, miss, and you don’t want an ambulance?”

  “Yeah bitch! I got a backshot and that shit felt good as hell!”

  “Kim!” Sasha screamed. Then she realized where she was and brought her voice down. “Bitch, is you crazy? I’m at work!”

  “I know, but you ain’t doing shit.”

  This was true. Sasha began working at the hospital in between class shifts for experience, but she really didn’t do anything.

  “Kim, you are so stupid. What’s up, girl?” Sasha asked, pulling out a bag of Doritos from her desk drawer.

  “Nothing.” Kim paused. “Look, if I tell you something, Sash, you gotta promise not to be mad.”

  Sasha knew that every time Kim said that, it was something outlandish. Assuming that Sasha agreed, Kim proceeded.

  “I had sex with Blair last week.”

  “Kim! Why?” Sasha asked, upset and disappointed at the same time.

  Kim had put herself through so much with Blair and nobody wanted to see her go through that again.

  “I love him, Sash. I mean, I don’t know why, I just do.”

  Sasha realized that Kim was going to do what she wanted to do and that Kim wouldn’t look at her as a friend or tell her anything if Sasha judged her every time she did . . . Hell, Sasha was the last to judge about being in love with the wrong type of man. So Sasha asked the question that Kim had been waiting for all week.

  “So . . . go ahead . . . how was it?”

  “Girl, it was banging! He had me in the Jacuzzi, on the sink, on the floor, in the pussy, in the ass, in the mouth—”

  “Okay, okay, all right, Kim, I don’t need the visuals.”

  Sasha twisted up her face but then thought for a minute about her own boring-ass sex life, well, the one that didn’t exist since Chauncey left. Sasha began to consider the unthinkable.

  “Kim, you think I should invite Chauncey over?”

  “For what?” Kim asked, not comprehending.

  “For some of what you got the other night, what you think? I mean, not for some getting-back-together stuff but just, I don’t know—”

  Kim cut Sasha off before she could say any more.

  “Sasha, I didn’t want to tell you this but I saw Chauncey up at the motel the night I was there with Blair. So no, I don’t think you should invite Chauncey over for anything.”

  Sasha’s heart dropped to the floor. It literally freefell from her chest and splattered on the floor. She wanted all of the details.

  “So wait . . . I mean, tell me what happened,” Sasha probed, trying to play it cool.

  “Tell you what? I told you he was at the motel getting a room.”

  “So was he like with a group of people, like maybe there was a party or something?” Sasha asked, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  “Sasha, listen, he had a girl in the car and it was like four o’clock in the morning when we got back from the club . . . it wasn’t no damn party. Especially not at the Super 8, girl, you know that’s where they bring the slides and the side chicks.”

  Sasha was shattered. Yeah, it had been two weeks since they had broken up but Chauncey and Sasha had been together for two years, how could he even think of being with someone else?

  “Yeah, well, I guess I better get back to work. Kim. Listen, try not to get all caught up with Blair again. I know it’s hard ’cause the dick is good but I don’t want you to get hurt, mama.”

  Kim immediately filled with regret. She knew that Sasha was crushed and was just trying to get her off the phone so that she could be sad in solitude. Sasha was a good person and Kim knew that out of all of them, Sasha didn’t deserve to be hurt.

  “All right, Sash, I’m gonna call you later, okay?”

  “Bye,” Sasha said softly as she dropped the phone on the receiver, and dropped a single tear to go with it.

  She sat at the desk debating whether to act on her anger and call him up. Let him know that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and that he was a fucking asshole.

  Or on the other hand, she knew she could finish her day at work, go home, take a long hot bath, read a book or something, and try her hardest to forget about him. She knew that was almost impossible but she also knew that she had to be strong. Calling him wouldn’t change the fact that he had obviously moved on. I gotta be strong.

  Ree sat at the edge of his bed rolling up a perfect blunt, half listening to his little man Deets fill him in on the usual.

  “Like I said, Ree, niggas is starving over in Queen City. Little niggas hungry, willing to peel a nigga’s cap for fucking peanuts. Peanuts, nigga! We already got North Jersey locked, we moving twice as fast as we thought, we even had to recruit new niggas!”

  Ree lit the blunt and stared blankly at De
ets, which was a typical expression for him; you could never tell what the man was truly thinking.

  What Deets was saying was definitely true. Since Ree and his crew had moved into Jersey from Brooklyn a couple of years ago, they began locking the whole northern division down—from Newark, to Elizabeth, even Jersey City and Bayonne. Now the debate was expansion into Plainfield, and moving into other parts of Central Jersey. Deets continued.

  “We can get that suburb money. That white-boy money . . . Ree, that dope money.”

  Deets watched the dollar signs in Ree’s eyes at the sound of dope. He had a new heroin plug and was just looking for a small town to ship his hardest and most loyal soldiers to. Much of the inner-city brought in crack cocaine dollars, but he wanted to push his dope further. He had a couple of workers he wanted to move up in rank—put them in charge of their own cities, not just sections. Right now, Ree had Fats and Deets overlooking Elizabeth, while he had Chauncey basically handling Newark on his own. Of course Chauncey had E, his right-hand man, but Ree basically had set Chauncey up to be the next him, the one to take this thing over when Ree was ready to step down.

  And his plan would come together even smoother if they got all of Jersey involved. Since Chauncey was a little hot right now and the cops were all on him, especially with the way he had come up over the past year, Ree considered relocating him somewhere new where he could have his own team work for him and he’d just lay low and call shots. Sort of what Ree did now.

  Respect was renowned—it took a lot of power and respect to do what he did. Ree started out in the drug and murder game over in his homeland of Jamaica as a part of his family business. When a territorial war broke out and his father presented him the idea of expansion to the States, he hopped on it. He traveled around the country helping to move premium weight in major cities, being the middleman for the connects, even doing dirty work, murder for hire, for the bosses that his father had set him up with. Ree was a monster when it came to this game and although soon many began to know of him, mostly for his reputation of being deadly and cunning, few really knew the man himself.