Control

by Mary Calmes

  From how soft his voice was, I figured this was a good thing.

  “And when I went outside on the porch—all I could see was stars.”

  I watched the muscles in his jaw clench with emotion. He was really struck by everything he was telling me. “So it seems like the fact that you can go outside and be part of nature but still be safe and warm inside… that appeals to you.”

  He wasn’t ready to speak. I watched him working to hold himself together. My mate was a man whose control was absolute, but maybe being around me was loosening it up just a little.

  “You were so great tonight,” I said, changing the subject to give him time to calm down. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

  He bent and grabbed me, nuzzling his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. I was held tight but not bruising, and his sigh was very sweet.

  Here was a weakness—the man liked to cuddle. And so instead of doing what I’d planned and seducing him, I went about exploiting what I knew.

  “Whatever you made smells great.”

  He was off me, bustling around my kitchen, telling me to sit down while he filled two bowls and stacked a thick earthenware plate full of perfectly grilled cheese sandwiches. They were golden brown.

  “You could have put ham in the sandwiches if you wanted.”

  He grimaced. “I’m a vegetarian.”

  “You are not,” I said, chuckling.

  “I am. I even eat bee-free honey.”

  “You’re screwing with me.”

  His grin made his eyes glint. “No.”

  “Huh. Okay, then. Does that mean when I eat a cheeseburger you’re gonna hurl?”

  “No,” he assured me, leaning across the table to brush my hair out of my eyes. “I promise. I’m sorry I didn’t add any ham to yours, though.”

  “No, it’s perfect, I was just thinking of you. I promise to try and not make any more assumptions where you’re concerned.”

  He seemed pleased. We ate and talked about the night, and I was surprised he didn’t ask about any of the things that had my brain working: the kids, the pack of werewolves, and whatever they had been up to. I had to find out, but everything, all of it, paled in comparison to watching my mate enjoy his food, seeing his shining eyes, and listening to the deep rich baritone of his voice.

  “You should lie down on the couch while I do the dishes.”

  “You don’t have to do that. You cooked, so I should clean.”

  “You’re hurt, I’m not,” he said, reaching out to put a hand on my cheek. “Let me take care of you.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. I got up, limped across to the living room, and flopped down on my couch. I put my leg up on the ottoman and stretched out. I was dozing by the time he was finally hovering over me.

  “I should put you in bed and let you get some rest.”

  I patted the couch beside me. “Come sit for a minute before you go home.”

  Something flickered across his face, and I hoped I knew what it was. I had purposely said home knowing there was no way, even if he was glamping out there in the woods, that it was as nice as my little house.

  “Could you put one of the pillows under my foot?”

  He went to take a step.

  “Oh, hey, could you take your shoes off before you walk over by the fire? I don’t wanna track dirt through there.”

  Doing as I asked, on a mission to get me the overstuffed pillows, he tugged off his boots and stepped across the rug.

  I knew bliss when I saw it, and it was easy to see on Robert’s face. The man was very tactile, so the feel of the soft rug with the extra-heavy padding underneath it must have felt like heaven. The colors of the room, the deep rich browns—sepia, sable, chestnut, and mahogany—as well as the chenille throw pillow he couldn’t help but caress, all played on his senses as he returned to me.

  “You still owe me a massage,” I reminded him.

  He sagged down onto the couch beside me.

  “But I think I’d rather have you sit with me if that would be okay.”

  His posture mirrored mine, slouching. He pushed me forward for a minute before he wriggled sideways, so I ended up leaning back against him.

  “You have beautiful hands,” I told him, taking his right in both of mine and turning it over. “I love all these gorgeous veins.”

  I felt the tremble run through him as I lifted my chin and kissed under his jaw.

  “I… I should… go.”

  “Sure.” I yawned, nuzzling into the side of his neck, pressing back against him and letting him feel my weight. “Just five more minutes, okay?”

  His sigh was long, but he still tried to leave another ten minutes later.

  “Vy, I should—”

  “You know, in the winter it’s really nice out here.” I yawned again, ignoring him, still talking. “I make a fire sometimes and sleep right on the couch with all these pillows.”

  He stayed quiet, and I could tell he was listening.

  “Sometimes I bring in a down comforter too.”

  Silence.

  “But not everyone likes to be all wrapped up and—”

  “I do,” he said quickly.

  I closed my eyes when he nuzzled his face into my hair. No doubt about it: snuggling up next to him, talking, would catch me a bear.

  “VY!”

  Brought back sharply to the present, I realized the car had stopped and we were in front of Reno Jade’s vegan deli and sandwich shop. My first thought was that I had to remember to take Robert there.

  Lou pointed at me. “When we’re done here, I want a full report of why you didn’t get that man into bed last night.”

  I rolled my eyes and got out with her.

  “I mean, I know you’ve never been the type to sleep around, but you do know how it’s done, right?”

  “I will have you plucked,” I threatened.

  She snickered as we walked into Reno’s. He was behind the counter, putting bullets into a revolver, and Ed Sheridan was hanging over the other end of the counter as Denise Reyes made him a sandwich.

  “Put the gun away, Reno,” Lou directed.

  He looked up, saw both of us, put the gun down, and shivered. “He’s been bullying me since high school, Lou. I won’t have it anymore just because the sheriff says he has to hit me before he can do anything.”

  “I told the sheriff I’m taking care of it,” she told him. “It’s done.”

  He nodded, taking her at her word as she walked forward toward Ed. The thing was, it wasn’t just me who knew that Lou was actually the one in charge down at the station. Sheriff Davis was a nice man, a kind man, and the people had elected him for one last term. Once he retired, Lou would be sheriff, and everyone was already treating her as if she was.

  Denise saw Lou and stopped what she was doing. “I’m done,” she announced. “You talk to Lou.”

  Ed Sheridan was a big man, but not like Robert. Whereas Robert moved fluidly, with obvious confidence, Ed purposely made his height menacing, did it to intimidate, and moved in spurts to startle and intimidate. I had never liked him.

  “Ed,” Lou addressed him coolly.

  He turned, and I saw the rifle.

  “Put it down, or I’ll beat you with it.”

  Lou had a definite way about her. Most people would have gone directly to gentle negotiation. Not her.

  “How about,” he said, cocking the big gun, “I just shoot you in the face?”

  He was really drunk, unsteady on his feet, and I was concerned for Lou.

  She was annoyed. She crossed her arms and shook her head. “Guess what I get to do?”

  Lifting the gun, he aimed it at her.

  “I get to detox you myself,” she said, smirking at him. “You don’t get to go to the hospital this time. Your mother doesn’t get to take you home to her house this time. You’re mine.”

  I saw that information seep through him. He was nervous, which didn’t help. If he was scared, he might actually react by trying to hurt Lou. Edward Sheridan ha
d always been a bully.

  “I don’t think so Lou,” he snarled at her.

  “Ed,” I snapped at him.

  He turned to me.

  “Remember senior year?”

  Immediately, he put the rifle on the counter and stepped away, putting his hands up as he went to his knees.

  Lou squinted at me as I stood and waited for her to cuff him.

  “Thanks, Vy,” Reno called over to me. “For then and now.”

  I smiled at him. “No problem.”

  “Let me know if you ever—”

  “Hey,” I cut him off, reaching the counter. “Do you have bee-free honey?”

  His smile was bright as his wife Ginny came into the deli.

  “Ohmygod, what happened?” she gasped, watching Lou lead Ed, in cuffs, toward the front door.

  “I do,” Reno said, beaming at me. “Have you gone vegetarian, my carnivorous friend?”

  “No,” I assured him, chuckling. “But I have a friend who is. I’ll bring him by.”

  “Great. When you do, lunch is on me.”

  I held out my hand. He moved quickly and grasped it, holding tight.

  “You should come by more often.”

  “Yes, you should,” Ginny agreed, smiling at me.

  Outside, Lou stuffed Ed into the back of her car, but stopped me before I got in.

  “What happened senior year?”

  I shrugged. “My father always told me, ‘Don’t let people see your power. Don’t let them know you’re stronger,’ but Ed wouldn’t quit, he wouldn’t stop. Always with the bullying, with the crap—tripping, shoving people into lockers—he was the worst.”

  “And?”

  “Senior year he shoved Reno down a flight of stairs at school.”

  “Ohmygod,” she gasped. “Was—what happened?”

  “I caught Reno before he hit the bottom, and then I charged up the stairs and threw Ed out of the second-story window.”

  “Holy crap, Vy,” she gasped her eyes huge.

  “Yeah, but I leaped after him. Caught him too.” As I was strong in both human and hawk form, the action had not been an issue for me.

  She was speechless.

  “I disappeared before anyone but him saw me. And nobody came forward and said they saw me grab him, lift him up, and throw him out the window.”

  “That’s bad, Vy.”

  “Yeah, I know.” I sighed. “It was a long time ago, and my temper is better, but still… I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. And Reno, he was small and so fragile in high school, so I had to act, but after that everyone was kind of afraid of me.”

  “I bet.”

  “The talk eventually died down, but I wish there had been a better way.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “I’m not saying violence is the answer. You know I’m not like that.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “But sometimes… there’s nothing else.”

  She nodded.

  Before she could get in the car, I stopped her. “Come over here and talk to me.”

  We walked to the front of the police cruiser so we couldn’t be overheard by the man going to Lou’s private detox, who was now shivering in the backseat.

  “Please tell me about the concerns of the ket.”

  “It’s not everyone, just the parents of some of the kids.”

  “And?”

  “They’re confused, Vy.”

  “How so?” I asked irritably.

  “They’re reacting to what their kids saw. To them, it looked like Robert shoved the car off the ledge. You tell me it didn’t happen like that, and I believe you, of course. But even when they brought it to me, before I knew the whole story, I didn’t know what to think. I mean, he’s a bear, right? He could hurt you; he could’ve hurt the kids.”

  “But he never would. Robert doesn’t use his strength like Ed does to hurt anyone.”

  “And I know that now, because you’re telling me, but if I wasn’t me—if I wasn’t your ahir, how would I know that?”

  “So you want me to do what? Introduce him to the ket?”

  “It might help.”

  “But I shouldn’t have to. No one is allowed to question me. I’m the kuar.”

  “I know, Vy, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to bring their fears and—”

  “What fears?” I half shouted at her.

  “Like some of the kids saw Robert step right up into Jodie’s face, and then they saw her move away.”

  “He was talking to her and—”

  “But to the kids there, it looked like he threatened her. They’re kids, Vy, and when kids go home and talk to their parents, good parents worry, good parents get protective. Without hearing from Jodie or Brady or especially Chris, the others are going on secondhand information from children they love.”

  “So I should go round up the kids who were there and go talk to all the members of the ket with the wrong impression?”

  “That might be for the best.”

  The very idea of going from house to house reassuring members of my ket was ridiculous. Kuars did not make house calls. Members of the ket came to me, not the other way around. “I won’t do it,” I told her flatly. “It’s absurd.”

  “But, Vy—”

  “I was there with Robert. Me. I let him take me home afterwards. In what realm of imagination do they think that if the man were dangerous I would let him near me?”

  She squinted.

  “Oh, there’s more.”

  “I should really take Ed back to—”

  “Now, Lou. Spill it.”

  She was wincing. “A few of the parents think it’s wonderful that Robert saved Chris—and that’s what most of the kids saw—but they also saw his incredible strength and power.”

  “And?”

  “And they think it’s all well and good that he helped, but what happens next time when he’s not of the mind to aid but instead to injure.”

  “So they’re wrapped up in what he could do instead of what he did do.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, shit,” I groused at her. “He’s damned either way, then.”

  “They think he’s dangerous because you can’t control him, and none of us would be strong enough to challenge him.”

  “Robert is not that kind of man! He’s a gentle, kind, good man.”

  “I don’t know him, Vy,” she soothed me. “But whatever you say he is, he is. Your word is my law.”

  “I—”

  “Your word is the law of the ket,” she insisted. “But you must realize that they may follow your word, but that won’t make them trust a man who’s not only an outsider, but also not a hawk. There are innate problems that you can’t make go away simply by screeching at everyone.”

  I turned away.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to walk to the construction office,” I said over my shoulder.

  “I’ll drive you,” she called after me.

  I turned around and faced her, walking backward. “You go deal with Ed. I need to take a walk and clear my head so I don’t kill anyone.”

  She looked like she wanted to argue.

  “It’s fine. Thanks for telling me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Call me if you need me. I can throw Ed out another window.”

  I got a faint smile before I wheeled around and continued down the sidewalk. I had to figure out what I was going to do about the people of my flock. Amazing how angry I was. How them questioning Robert felt like they were questioning me. The very idea that they would not approve of my mate made me want to tear someone apart. My mate was a dear, sweet, tenderhearted man. I would not allow anyone to second-guess his nature. I just had to figure out what to do that wouldn’t result in bloodshed. First, I had to clear away the murderous thoughts. I definitely needed the half-mile walk.

  Six

  Robert

  I WAS having the weirdest day. It started out the same as always: the
sounds of the forest serving as my alarm clock. I tossed the sleeping bags off me and rubbed my eyes. Given how much I traveled and the remoteness of the places I had to go, sleeping in my truck was commonplace.

  Truth be told, no matter how well-restrained I kept my bear, connecting with the outdoors was as ingrained in me as breathing. Well, I supposed a nature-versus-nurture debate could be had about that, because my parents were all about camping under trees. In their sixties, they still didn’t own a home, preferring to live out of tents when they did their work for the Nature Conservancy, tracking and saving endangered species. Last time we spoke, my father said something about buying a small RV. I’d believe it when I saw it.

  After rolling my sleeping bags up and stashing them in the corner of my truck bed, I yanked on my boots and climbed out. My phone rang, so I grabbed it and took the call as I walked to the nearest tree.

  “’Lo,” I said, my voice scratchy with sleep and lack of overnight use.

  “Hey, Robert, it’s me,” Kathleen Porter, my sort of work partner said.

  “Sort of” meaning that though we were technically assigned to work together, that wasn’t literal as far as locales. The stated goal was that we were supposed to bounce ideas off one another and keep each other informed of our progress. We suspected it had more to do with an attempt to make sure someone would figure it out if one of us was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. With the infrequency of our calls to people at the office, our bodies could be decimated carcasses by the time our absences were noticed.

  “Morning.” My bladder was making itself known with a sharp insistence, so phone call or no phone call, I needed relief. I lowered my zipper, fished out my dick, and let go. “Ahhh,” I sighed.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “Taking a leak,” I answered honestly.

  “Oh,” she said, completely unperturbed. “Melinda dumped me.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah.”

  “What happened?” I asked as I shook off the last few drops.

  “She said I didn’t pay her enough attention.”

  Kathleen’s work hours and travel schedule were like mine, which meant she saw her girlfriend a couple of weekends a month, if she was lucky. I saw the woman’s point.