Love Reality

by Nana Malone

And the other thing I know is that I fucked up. I never meant to betray your trust. I agreed to write a story on you before I ever knew you were Lonely Girl. But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have told you about the article. I thought I could protect you and do my job. I was wrong. So let me start by saying I’m sorry. I should have told you what I was doing or warned you in some way.

  But you have to know, I would never say those things about you. That wasn’t my article. It was a plant by Jamie. She’s known since the first show that we knew each other and has been manipulating us. And it’s my fault. Because I was being a cocky asshole, she overheard me telling you to beg for that kiss.

  I need you to believe I would never hurt you like that. Not only are you stunning, but you’re smart and obstinate and funny. I’ve never met anyone with a bigger heart. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I only want you to know that you are loved. The best part about love—you don’t have to accept it to make it true.

  I should have told you from the beginning. I didn’t trust what I was feeling, and now it may have cost me everything.

  I’m sorry for hurting you. I told myself I would never hurt someone the way I’d been hurt, and somehow, I managed to do just that. I hope at some point you can forgive me.

  So you know, I put in a call to Sam before we broke up. I hope he calls you at some point because I think the Mighty Donovans is a great idea and you deserve to see your dreams realized.

  I love you, and I’m sorry.

  Ryan.

  It didn’t matter how much she tried to blink away the tears, they flowed freely. He loved her. She knew he’d tried to tell her before, and she’d stopped him because she knew the words would have crippled her. She wouldn’t have been able to hear them let alone believe them then, but she believed him now.

  For once she didn’t have to be afraid of the pain of rejection. She didn’t have to hide. She could open up, accept it. It might hurt a little, but she was tough. She could deal. It wouldn’t kill her.

  She didn’t even have to think twice before she picked up her phone and pulled him up in the contacts. They had to talk, but first she had to prepare for her meeting. When all of this was done, they were going to talk.

  Instead of phoning, she sent a text. I read your letter. It’s my birthday next Saturday. We’re celebrating at my parents’ place. Do you want to come?

  She bit her thumbnail as she waited. But she didn’t have to wait long.

  I’ll be there.

  That knot that had been twisting and shredding her stomach lining for over a week finally dissipated. Now, all she had to do was create a whole show from scratch.

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  “I want access to my trust.”

  Ryan almost laughed as his brother sagged with relief. His whole body slouched as if he’d had a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders. “Fucking finally.”

  Ryan held up his hand. “Don’t look so relieved, Reece. I want to do something good with the money. Maybe start a not for profit. So I’ll need some projections for how much it will cost to start and fund.”

  His brother’s brows rose. “You’re serious about this? Does this mean you’re back?”

  Ryan nodded. “I’m accessing the money, but I’m not doing the society thing. I like my life here. But that money—it’s useless sitting there.”

  Reece shook his head. “You’ve never wanted it before. Why do you want it now?” He took a sip of his Old Fashioned. “This have anything to do with Mia?”

  It had everything to do with her. “Yes and no. She helped me see that I’ve been fucking around for too long. Even if I didn’t want the money, there are millions of people it could have been helping. Children especially. I thought I was being all noble and shit; I was being a selfish prick. I could have stayed. Faced my shit. Done something good. Instead, I ran off and licked my wounds. It was stupid. I’m awake now and ready to work.”

  “Okay. You realize that once it’s done, you won’t be able to hide anymore. Everyone will know that the lost heir is back. That the prodigal son has returned and shit.”

  “Well, screw any prodigal references, I’m not returning to Daddy’s fold. I’m coming back, but on my own terms.”

  “You realize you’ll have to deal with him eventually, right?”

  “I know. I actually asked him here tonight.”

  Reece leaned back and whistled low. “Oh, okay. I see. You’re nuts. That’s what’s wrong with you.”

  Ryan sipped his bourbon. “Maybe. But I wanted to look him in the eye and let him know I’m not going anywhere. That I’m not running anymore. So he’ll need to find a better way of dealing with me.”

  “If you’re man enough to take my money, you think you’d be man enough to tell me why to my face,” his father growled from the doorway.

  Ryan inhaled deeply before meeting his father’s gaze. “Father Dearest, please, have a seat.”

  Reece’s eyes bugged as his gaze shifted from their father to Ryan and back again.

  “I prefer to stand.”

  Ryan shrugged. He needed to leave for Mia’s in a few minutes anyway. Standing, he faced his father. “You and I, no more fighting. No more of you trying to run my life, no more thinking that you can stroll into my place of business and stomp your feet like a two year old. I know why you wanted access to that money.”

  “Enlighten me,” the old man ground out through clenched teeth.

  “I know you think I’m useless, but I’m pretty smart. I know the company is hemorrhaging money. I know you need this infusion of cash to keep the emperor’s clothes on. And I know you’ve seen this coming for years.”

  “You don’t know anything. You—”

  Ryan held up his hand. “Relax, Old Man. I’m going to loan you the money.”

  Both his father and Reece blinked at him with blank, slack-jawed expressions.

  “But this is a loan that the RMI will pay back with interest. And all I ask in return is that you attempt to act like a human being. Oh, yeah, and to leave me the fuck alone.” There had been a time where he would have done anything for his father’s approval. Done anything to make him happy. Then he’d branched out and done what he’d wanted to do and learned that love he’d had was conditional.

  “I am your father; you cannot talk to me like this.”

  “This deal has a shelf life of about five more minutes. Take it or don’t. Not really any skin off my back.” He pulled the box out of his pocket and placed it on the table in front of Reece. “Can you make sure this gets to Alana? She needs it more than I do.”

  His brother nodded. “Yeah, no problem.”

  The old man sputtered, and he leveled Reece with a glare. “I see you chose your side.”

  His brother rolled his eyes. “If that’s the way you want to be about it, Dad, then yes, I’ve chosen sides. You’ve had your lawyers try to backend around the trust since Ryan named me as Trustee. You don’t have any right to that money. Now take the deal, because we both know you need it.”

  Ryan studied his father. As always he had a way of working up his blood pressure, but Ryan kept his mind focused on Mia and what she’d said. He only had the ability to control his response, not the old man. And this was what he wanted to do.

  “So what’s it going to be, Dad?”

  Five minutes later, with his father’s verbal agreement in hand, he headed out to Hope to meet Mia. He might have had this conversation because of her, but he didn’t do it for her. It was a long time coming, and he felt light for the first time in years. He only hoped the rest of the night would go as well.

  * * *

  Ryan sat in his car outside the large home on Clemons Drive. Was this really a good idea?

  He hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep since he last saw her. And when Mia had called out of the blue, that feeling would probably never be paralleled. But now that he was here, early no less, he was rethinking the whole thing.

  Last he remembered, she had a gang of brothers
. All probably waiting to beat his ass for hurting their sister. Not that he’d blame them. But the only way to have Mia was to get out of the car and face the music. If it meant he’d get to hold her again, hear her laugh. Hell, even just talk to her, he’d take it.

  Sap.

  Yeah, well, he was a sap. He’d gone and fallen in love. The perpetual bachelor who refused to settle down had been caught. And furthermore, he was quite happy to have been caught. That’s if she even wanted to be with him after this whole mess.

  Hell, for all he knew, she wanted to see him to finally unleash the wrath of Mia on him. From the last time he’d seen it, he wasn’t looking forward to the experience.

  Quit being a sissy, get out of the car, and go get her already. He was only going to continue to be a pathetic mess until he held her again.

  Shoulders back. He could do this. If he could square off with the old man, he could do this. Granted, Mia scared him a whole hell of a lot more than his father did.

  That’s because she holds your heart in her hands.

  Fuck it. He climbed out of the BMW, suddenly wishing he’d brought something a lot less flashy. Every other car on the street was some sort of sedan or SUV. His sports car stood out. Then his eyes landed on the beast of a motorcycle in the driveway. What the hell was that thing? It looked like a Tomahawk, but shit, he’d only ever seen one in the movies. Who in the family drove that monster around? And would he have the nerve to ask to touch it?

  He shook his head. Focus. Mia was inside. Just a couple of hundred feet.

  As he approached the door, he took internal stock of how he was feeling. Sweaty hands, check. Thundering heart, check. Dry mouth complete with tongue coated in sawdust, check and check. Perfect. He was more nervous than he’d been as a teenager coming to pick up Mindy Vaughn for their date. And Mindy Vaughn’s father was one of the largest gun manufacturers in the country.

  But before he could even ring the doorbell, the front door swung open, and two men squared off with him. One dark, one blond. Both big, like I-will-fuck-you-up-and-not-even-break-my-knuckles-doing-it kind of big. He could only assume these were two of her brothers she’d been talking about. Somehow, though, he’d pictured them as black, or at least biracial like her. There was a lot to talk about.

  He addressed the one with the dark hair first. Sticking out his hand, he said, “Hi, I’m Ryan.”

  The dark-haired one kept his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

  The blond one laughed. “You’ll have to forgive my brother. He’s so used to making terrorists shit themselves and beg for their mamas he’s forgotten his manners.”

  Right. Okay, that made the dark-haired one Dylan. It also made him the one who could label Ryan a domestic terrorist and lock him up for a very long time.

  He continued to scowl at Ryan.

  Okay, so he was for sure bad cop. It didn’t matter. Ryan wanted Mia, and if it meant going through these two, then he would. He shifted his untaken hand to the other guy. “Nice to meet you too.”

  The blonde laughed again. “Just because I’m showing my teeth doesn’t mean I’m smiling, asshole. You hurt my little sister, so I’m grinning because I’m going to enjoy booting your ass out of here.”

  A smile tugged on the corners of Ryan’s lips as he said, “You’re welcome to try, but I’m not going anywhere until I see her. She invited me.” For a second, he wondered if his jiu jitsu training would finally come in handy.

  But then a female voice behind them tsked.

  “Nate, Derrick, would you two stop being assholes and let the poor man in?”

  The blond guy had the good sense to look chagrined. The dark-haired guy didn’t budge until a large hand clamped him on the shoulder. “Yo, D, ease up. He’s Mia’s guest. She’s going to shit a brick if she finds out you harassed him. Remember, no one wants to see Angry Mia. You won’t find your balls for a week if you tick her off.”

  Something akin to fear flitted over the big guy’s face, and he finally stepped out of the doorway.

  A pretty African American woman with wide, dark eyes smiled up at Ryan. “You must be Ryan. Sorry for my knuckle-headed brother and fiancé. They think they have to do the big brother thing.”

  Ahh, so that was Nate. The guy was bigger than he’d imagined. When Mia had said game programmer, she’d created a completely different image in his head. And the guy looked nothing like the polished CEO on magazines. This guy looked like a motorcycle-riding bruiser.

  Ryan inclined his head. “The bike yours?”

  Nate nodded, his gaze narrowing.

  “Pretty sweet. I rode one in a demo once—how does it handle?”

  Nat’s stance immediately loosened. “You like bikes?”

  “I used to have a Ducati until I wrecked the damn thing. I plan to get another one at some point.”

  Nate immediately relaxed. “Oh, man, don’t do that, get a—”

  Dylan flicked his brother a scowl. “Just like that, he’s your bro?”

  Nate shrugged. “Lila is gonna kick my ass, besides, he knows good bikes.”

  Dylan just rolled his eyes then stalked off.

  The other guy who’d stopped the impending ass kicking grinned. “I’m Derek. Mia’s talked a lot about you.”

  Ryan took his hand.

  A voice from further inside down the hallway had him freezing, his blood heating and rushing through his skull. Mia.

  “What the hell has gotten into Dylan, and why are you guys crowded around the—” She halted. Pausing just as the sunlight hit her, illuminating her like an angel. “Ryan.”

  * * *

  First order of business was to kill her brothers. Dylan first, since he was the most assholey of the bunch. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t a word, but still. Nate she might not kill but at least maim. Never mind that he was marrying Delilah, nor that her sister seemed to be very fond of her fiancé. He’d tried to run Ryan off.

  They were protecting you.

  Protection her ass. She could take care of herself.

  As she led Ryan down the hall into the study, she apologized. “I’m sorry about the less than warm welcome. I swear they’re not normally like that.” She shook her head. “Who am I kidding? Dylan is usually like that. You should have seen how he treated Nate when he finally came home again. What you got can be considered a warm welcome.”

  There was some mumbling behind the door of the study, and she got the impression that her siblings were listening on the other side. Every damn one of them.

  Ryan shook his head. “Nah, it’s cool. I deserve the third degree. If you were my sister, I probably wouldn’t have asked questions. Dole out ass handings first then do proper introductions after.” He put up his hands. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m pretty grateful they did not go that route.”

  Mia was pretty sure she heard someone mutter, “There’s still time.”

  Ryan continued as if he didn’t hear. “Happy birthday, Mia. You look beautiful.”

  His gaze slid over her body as if he was cataloguing and remembering every inch of her. Everywhere his gaze touched, her skin flamed. What she wanted to do was run into his arms and stay there until someone had to pry them apart. But she didn’t. The cautious part of her still reigned.

  “Thank you for coming. I—” She looked down at her hands. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”

  “Are you kidding me? I’d have still come, even if you’d told me to expect to get jumped by all the Donovan men.”

  Something about the intensity of his gaze told her he was serious. The way he looked at her now was as if mere inches separated them instead of four feet. “I promise you the women are far more deadly.”

  More grumbling behind the door.

  He shook his head. “I believe it.”

  “I read your letter.”

  He dipped his head and peered up at her through lowered lashes. “Mia, I’m sorry. I don’t have the words to tell you how sorry I am. And I never meant to exploit you. I just—” He ran his hand through hi
s hair. “I just screwed up. And I was wrong.”

  She shook her head. “You weren’t exactly wrong, Ryan. What you said about me…It was right. That’s why I was so hurt. It was me raw and uncensored for everyone to see. After that night, at my place, I thought…” Spit it out girl. “I thought…”

  It didn’t matter how much she tried, the words didn’t feel like coming. Tears brimmed as her frustration bubbled to the surface.

  He closed the gap between them and took her hands in his. “Mia, I love you. I love your insanely extensive movie quote knowledge. I love how you can eat me under the table on any given day, and you aren’t afraid to get a little dirty. I love that you were spontaneous and followed a virtual stranger to a club in Harlem and then proceeded to show him up on the dance floor. I love you. I love that you insist on trying to drink coffee because millions of people can’t be wrong, but you still try every day, and end up just drinking hot chocolate. Every day. I love that you stick out your tongue just a little when you’re concentrating, and I love that you work your butt off. I love the way you love your family. I love all of you. Even that ruckus temper that everyone seems to be so afraid of.”

  She blinked rapidly, but the tears rolled anyway, spilling down her cheeks, no doubt leaving salty tracks through her makeup. “Ryan, you were right. That night. When I stopped you from saying it, I knew what you were trying to say. I knew it, but I couldn’t stand to hear the words. I thought if you said them, then you’d realize that you didn’t love me, and it would make it more painful when you left. So I thought if you never said them I could guard myself. The article was right. I do think I’m unlovable. Everyone who was supposed to love me abandoned me. It took me a long time to adjust to being here in this family. They are the only ones, well, and Larissa, who I let love me, who I let get close. And even that is effort. It’s like with the outside world I have to keep this protective barrier, and you threatened that. I was afraid you’d see that you were wrong and I was unlovable. It scared me; you scare me.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you. You hear me? I love you. I will keep loving you even if you tell me to get out and never come back. That won’t stop me from loving you.”