Heart Song (The Erotic Rockstar Series)

by Botefuhr, Bec

  “By spreading your legs?”

  I frown. “That is unfair. Travis is the only man I have ever loved and you know it, it’s different.”

  “He is dangerous, what part of that don’t you get?”

  “Chief, you can’t keep doing this…”

  He sighs. “Fine…I will shut up about it, but I am warning you kid, be careful.”

  “I will.”

  “Look, Mischief, I haven’t told you because I didn’t think it was the right time but Demon still isn’t dealt with and I worry if he knows you are back, he will come into town.”

  I feel my eyes widen.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, so I would like if you would check in with me and never go out at night or in the morning alone.”

  “God, I can’t believe I am still living like this.”

  “I am close to finding his location, and when I do it will end.”

  “What about your safety?”

  He raises his brows.

  “Don’t worry about me.”

  I sigh. “I do, you know I do.”

  “Well don’t; just make sure you keep yourself safe. I can’t lose you again.”

  “Ok, I swear. I am going to bed.”

  I kiss his cheek and turn to walk away.

  “I meant what I said all those years ago, all I ever wanted was a life without darkness for you Mischief. I hope you know what you are doing with Travis Phoenix.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  I get up in the morning with a new determination. I am going to get Travis better, because he is my life. The man he is now might be one thing, but I know what is behind it and I am determined to get it back. I get ready, and then drive over to his house. It is quite when I pull up, so I get out of the car and walk up the porch steps. I open the front door, shocked to find it unlocked. I walk into the large house and look around. It is beautiful, with wooden floors, white walls and dark furniture. I wonder for a moment why he bought this place.

  I can see a toy here and there, and my heart aches. Poor Amber, she has likely had a hard life. Maybe I can fix her Dad, so she can get the best of him, because I know it’s there. I walk into the kitchen and scrunch up my nose. Pizza boxes, beer bottles, dirty dishes. I shake my head and move through the house, when I get up the stairs I open all the doors until I find Trav’s room.

  He is lying in the middle of the bed, fully dressed. I know he had just came home and dropped right down onto the bed. I walk over and stare down at him, he has a black eye. With a sigh, I stroke a piece of dirty blonde hair out of his eyes and lean down to kiss his cheek. He grumbles, but doesn’t wake. I look around the room, Annabelle was right, I am the only one that can fix him and that is because I know him better than anyone.

  First things first, I need to find his stash. I think long and hard about where Travis would hide something like that. It wouldn’t be in an easy place, but he would have it here. I close my eyes and go back to when we were kids, and we used to hide things so our parents couldn’t find them. I smile at the memory.

  “Mischief, hurry.” Trav calls.

  I run over with my piggy bank. We sneak into my room and lock the door.

  “When we run away, we need as much money as we can get.”

  I am only six and Travis is twelve, but we know what we want.

  “Trav, are we going to hide all my money?”

  “Yeah Mischief, because we are going to New York.”

  “New York?” I cry. “What about Momma?”

  “We will visit; don’t you want to come away with me Mischief?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to go without her.”

  He picks me up and carries me to the bed.

  “We are going to start a band, and you are going to be my groupie.”

  “What’s a groupie?”

  He laughs. “I will explain it all later, come on.”

  He kneels down under the bed and lifts a floor board. I stare at the wood, shocked that it moved like that.

  “How did you do that?”

  He grins up at me.

  “I made it, cool hey? No one will ever find it.”

  He drops the money in and presses the wood closed, and it sits flat.

  “That’s cool.” I smile.

  “I know!”

  I drop to my knees and feel around under the bed. When I feel the loose board, I pull it quietly open and stare down inside. Pills, meth, I can see it all. I feel my stomach turn. I don’t know how to get rid of this sort of stuff; I don’t even want to touch it. Travis stirs and I quickly pull out the entire contents and shove them into my bag. I stand and quietly rush out of the room and downstairs.

  I run next door and into the house. Chief and Jasmine are sitting in the kitchen talking about something in the newspaper. Chief looks up when I rush in and I feel my own eyes darting around, like I am smuggling something illegal. Wait, I am.

  “Mischief, what you lookin like that for?”

  “Can we talk a minute?”

  He stands and grips my elbow, leading me out.

  “What are you acting crazy for?”

  I open my bag and show him, he curses and yanks it closed.

  “What the fuck are you doing running around with that sort of shit for?”

  “It’s Trav’s, I took it.”

  “What?” He yells.

  “Shhh! I want to help him; I need you to get rid of this. Can you?”

  “Give it to me, go on hurry. Don’t tell him I have got it.”

  I quickly pile the drugs into Chief’s hand and he disappears upstairs for a long moment. When he comes back down, he looks as paranoid as I did.

  “You be darn careful, keep that gun. A man coming off those sorts of drugs will do whatever he can to get them.”

  “I can handle Trav; you are next door if I need. I have to go.”

  I rush out the door and back over to Trav’s house. I hear him screaming and bellowing, with a deep breath, I step inside. He is in the kitchen, ripping through the drawers and tossing bits of paper and cutlery on the ground.

  “Trav?”

  He turns and stares at me, his eyes are crazed.

  “What did you do?” He roars.

  “I took them, they’re gone.”

  “Fucking Hell! What is wrong with you?” He snarls, storming over to me.

  “Do you want me Travis?”

  “Don’t fucking start that shit now, I need to find those pills.”

  “ANSWER ME!” I scream.

  “You know I fucking want you.”

  “Then you have to stop.”

  “I will,” He whispers, stroking my cheek. “Just as soon as my shows are over.”

  “Well it’s too late, they are gone.”

  He goes from calm to raging again in seconds. I stand my ground.

  “Fucking hell, get them back, where did you take them?”

  “I flushed them.”

  Suddenly I am against the wall; his hand is around my throat. I struggle, unable to breathe. His fingers are tight and he is panting, his eyes are crazed. I can’t see even a speck of Travis in the grey depths. Then, he is being reefed off me and tossed to the ground; Chief grips his throat and snarls at him.

  “If you ever fucking touch my daughter again, I will slit your damned throat.”

  Travis seems to snap out of his haze, he blinks a few times and then stares at me.

  “Mischief…oh God…baby, I am so sorry.”

  “You need help.” I whisper.

  He nods frantically. “Yes.”

  “I am going to help you Trav.”

  Chief grips my arm. “This ain’t a good idea.”

  “I have to Daddy, I love him…wouldn’t you do the same if this was Momma?”

  His eyes are pained, but he lets me go.

  “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  So did I.

  TRAVIS

  It fucking hurts, I can’t breathe. I can hear voices; I don’t know whose they are.
I don’t know anything right now except I need it, I want it. I am so desperate for those drugs, so desperate to feel ok again. She didn’t know what she was doing when she took them away from me, they are the only reason I get out of bed each day, the only reason I keep going. Everything broke when she left, everything.

  I open my eyes and groan, my head is thumping and my heart is beating so frantically I can see my own chest moving. Where is she? Where did she go? Seeing her face each time I open my eyes, seems to make it just a little better. I croak out her name and there she is, looking down at me with those beautiful grey eyes. Her dark hair falls in locks over her shoulders and she strokes the sweat from my brow.

  “Hey, it’s ok; you are going to be ok.” She soothes, in her soft, beautiful voice.

  “Mischief, it fucking hurts.”

  “I know honey, I know. It will get better.”

  “Why do you do this to me?”

  “Because I care about you Trav, because I want you to feel better.”

  “Why did you leave me?”

  She swallows and her eyes glass over.

  “I am sorry, please, just let me help you now.”

  “Hurt you, I’m sorry.” I croak.

  “No baby, it’s ok, it’s all ok.”

  “You are my girl Mischief, forever.”

  She smiles down at me, but I can see how tired she is. Even after all I have done, she is still here by my bedside. I reach up and stroke her cheek and she grips my hand, pressing it close and closing her eyes. I feel my vision blur a little, my head is thumping. I want so much to focus on her and only her, but all I can feel right now is pain, my entire body just hurts.

  VIOLET

  “Mischief, it hurts!” Travis bellows from his room.

  I am downstairs, trying to fit in a glass of water. It is day ten and I couldn’t have even come close to preparing myself for what it would be like. You just can’t understand how terrifying drugs really are until someone is coming down from them. The first day he was ok, and I let myself hope that it would be easy. I was dreaming. The second day came and with it came spewing, screaming, punching holes in walls and insane rambling.

  Day three and four, he shivered in a cold sweat in bed all day. He yelled and screamed, gripping the sheets so hard he tore holes in them. He didn’t eat, or drink and I had to work around the clock to try and keep him hydrated. He begged, pleaded, screamed and yelled at me for more drugs. We made it through. Day five and six he slept a lot, but I didn’t, afraid as soon as I closed my eyes he would sneak out.

  Day seven and eight were the worst, he screamed out for them all day. I answered agent’s calls, work calls, fan calls and tried to get everyone to understand he is ill and can’t come to the shows. There has been hate mail, death threats, you name it. Harley, Marcus and Greg have been amazing, bringing me food and supplies. I lean back against the bench, I haven’t slept more than a few hours for ten days and I am finding it hard to stay awake.

  The past two days have been better; he is in pain now, almost like his body is finally going back to normal. It hurts when he drinks and when he eats. He sweats and shivers, but he isn’t craving the drugs so badly now. I sip a glass of water and close my eyes a moment, trying to gather myself. I knew it would be hard and I would do it all over again for him. I will do anything to see Travis back again, anything.

  “PLEASE!” He screams.

  I swallow the water and run up the stairs, he is on the bed again, staring at me with those crazed grey eyes. He is shivering, but sweat courses down his face. His eyes are darting around, and I know his body is trying to detox itself. I walk over and kneel in front of him, in all this, he has screamed, yelled and gone crazy but he hasn’t laid another hand on me.

  “Hey, now come on, it’s ok. You can do it, you have come this far.”

  “I’m going fucking crazy, fucking crazy. It hurts, everything hurts!”

  “You are going to be ok.”

  I pick up a damp towel and I dab it over his sweaty face. I stare at his eyes, and for the first time I can see just a touch of Travis back in them. The dark rings under his eyes are slowly fading and he is getting a touch of color in his cheeks. His body is bulking up quickly and he just looks healthier.

  “Why Mischief, why did you do this to me?”

  He asks me this every day and I answer the same way.

  “Because I love you rockstar, I would do anything for you.”

  And he answers in the same way.

  “Love you too, fucking love you too.”

  I sit with him, wiping his face and soothing him until he falls asleep. I turn out the lights and walk downstairs, Chief is standing in the kitchen. When he sees me, he shakes his head.

  “Fuck it Mischief, you can’t do this. Have you seen yourself?”

  “He is getting better Daddy, he really is.”

  “And you are drowning yourself. Where is he?”

  “Sleeping.”

  “Good, go and shower, eat and get some sleep.”

  “I can’t, if he wakes…”

  “I won’t let him out of this house. I am not giving you a choice, get to fucking sleep before I knock you out and make you sleep.”

  I smile and he grins back.

  “Thanks, really…”

  “Go on, shower.”

  “Yeah, I got it.”

  I turn to see Reagan walking in with a tray full of fresh lasagna, my stomach rumbles and she laughs.

  “I knew you would love it.”

  I smile and feel my lip tremble slightly.

  “Aw hell, don’t go crying on me girl, breaking me apart.” Chief mutters.

  Reagan puts the tray down and walks over, pulling me into her arms.

  “You are doing an amazing thing; he will love you so much more for it.”

  “It hurts to see him like this…”

  “Love hurts honey; it’s the way it is.”

  “Thank you, I know I have said it but thank you.”

  She kisses my cheek and pulls back.

  “Always and forever, you know that.”

  I squeeze her again, then let go. Chief hugs me for long moments and I sit and eat some lasagna, then I head off to the shower and enjoy the hot water soaking my tired body. By the time I hit the bed sheets, I drop out and for the first time in two years, I don’t dream.

  CHAPTER NINE

  When I wake, my body is throbbing. I feel as though I have been hit by a truck. I don’t know how long I have slept or what the time is. Glancing out the window, I see its dark out. Figuring I got a solid few hours, I get up and stretch. God I feel like I haven’t moved for a week. I walk out of the spare room and into the lounge. Chief is here, and Reagan is sitting at the table playing cards with Harley.

  “Hey.” I whisper.

  They all look up and smile.

  “Well there you are!” Reagan grins.

  “How long was I out?”

  “About twenty hours.”

  I gasp. “What?”

  “You needed it.”

  “Travis?” I panic.

  “Go and see for yourself.”

  I run up the stairs and into his room, and my world stops. He is sitting by the window in a pair of old, faded jeans. He is without a shirt and his body ripples and pulls as he strums on a guitar and sings softly. I feel my insides cave and my legs become wobbly, he looks…normal. I make a strangled sound and he turns, setting the guitar down. He looks at me and his gaze meets mine, and for the first time since I have been back, I see Travis. Tears thunder down my cheeks.

  “Hey there you.” I croak.

  He smiles and stands.

  “Hey yourself.”

  “You look better.”

  “Thanks to you, I feel better.”

  He walks over and stops in front of me.

  “Mischief…” He begins, but I cut him off.

  “It’s ok, don’t say anything.”

  “You have been by my bedside while I have abused you for the past two weeks,
I do have to say something. I treated you real bad, I spoke to you like a dog, I hurt you…” He whispers, stroking my neck, remembering how he gripped me the day I threw his drugs out.

  “You didn’t know what you were doing.”

  “God Mischief, don’t make this sound ok because it isn’t. I treated you bad, I fucked you like a dog in that limo, I am sorry, I know it isn’t enough but God, beautiful girl, I am sorry.”

  I reach up and run my fingertips over his cheek.

  “You need to shave.”

  He gives a hoarse laugh.

  “Only you Mischief could make me laugh right now. I will shave, but first I want to talk, we have to talk.”

  “There is plenty of time to talk Trav.”

  “No,” He says gripping my hands and sitting on the bed. “There is not plenty of time, we need to talk now.”

  I sit beside him and look deep into his grey eyes.

  “I made a mistake running Trav; I should have let you explain.”

  He puts his hand up.

  “No, you were right about one thing. I don’t get to blame this on you. I lied Mischief; I didn’t tell you about Amber because I was shit scared of losing you, in the end it caused just that. I died when you left, every ounce of my heart and soul crumbled. I had no escape; I couldn’t get the pain out of my chest.”

  “It’s why you left in the first place, isn’t it?” I whisper.

  He nods. “I fucked her when I was drunk one night; it was a stupid, stupid mistake. She told me she was pregnant, and I thought I had to do what was best and be with her. I couldn’t do that here; I was a coward because I couldn’t face you every day knowing how much it would have broken your heart. We went to New York; it didn’t work out so I came back.”

  “And the past two years?”

  “I didn’t go back with Anna, if that’s what you’re asking?”

  “You didn’t love her.”

  He shakes his head.

  “No, not even close. She let me see Amber a lot, but then I started using and it slipped. I feel awful for that, because now she has my daughter and won’t answer my calls.”

  “She will come around Trav. Why did she come back two years ago?”

  “It was partly my fault; I had a huge fight with her and left. I never really gave her a reason why. She came back because she wanted to solve things, she wanted to know what I wanted to do about Amber and if I wanted her in my life. She didn’t want me back; she didn’t know I was with you at that point otherwise I don’t think she would have just showed up like that.”