by Emily Bishop
“Are you all right?” I ask her.
She nods. “Just scared.”
She lies down on the bed.
I frown. I want her more than anything, but right now, she’s not ready. I can tell. The fact that she’s agreed to marry me means that she’s open to the idea of having sex with me. In previous situations, I’ve felt that she wants to. But not completely.
She’s not ready.
I understand. She was traumatized by what Vince did to her.
Damn that Vince. I swear I’m going to break him to pieces if I ever get within an inch of him.
I could wrap my arms around her. I could seduce her. If I do, I know she’ll give in. But no. I’d rather wait until she wants me and comes to me on her own.
I will wait.
“You must be tired,” I tell her, sitting up against the pillows and turning on the TV. “Why don’t you get some sleep?”
“You sure?” she asks, slightly worried.
I nod.
“Good night.” She turns on her side, her back against me.
“Good night.”
I tear my gaze away from the back of her neck, sighing, then get out of the bed. If I’m not going to be having sex with her tonight, I might as well sleep in one of the other dozen rooms, though something tells me that even if I do, it’s going to be a long, hard night.
Runaway
Sabrina
It’s a beautiful morning, I think as I lean against the wall and peek through the thick curtains.
The sun is rising slowly, its first beams making the surface of the fountain below glisten. The breeze is blowing through the leaves in the garden. The sky is turning blue, almost as blue as the sash I wore yesterday at my wedding.
My wedding.
I still can’t believe I’m married. It’s unreal.
Well, it isn’t real, but I also mean that it’s unbelievable to know that I’m someone’s wife, to have a ring on my finger and a man on my bed.
Not just any man. My husband.
I let the curtain slip from my fingers and lean on the wall, watching him sleeping soundly, snoring softly. Maybe he stayed up late?
I don’t know. I fell asleep shortly after I hit the bed.
I was surprised, actually. I thought that he would wrap his arms around me and start kissing me. I thought that since it was our wedding night, he would insist that we have sex, or at least seduce me into being in the mood for it. God knows he has the right to do that now and if he had, I would have resisted maybe a little but I wouldn’t have pushed him away. He did none of that, though.
Is it because he doesn’t want me? He did say we were friends. Maybe he wants us to remain friends.
No. I can tell he wants me. I remember how he looked at me when I was walking toward the gazebo during the wedding. I remember how he looked at me when I came out of the bathroom earlier. I glanced at his crotch and saw the bulge there.
Why then? I can only think of one reason – he’s holding back for my sake.
Maybe he thinks of me as someone frail now that he knows my past. Maybe he feels sorry for me. Or maybe he just thinks I’m not ready, which, frankly, is true.
I’m not ready to give myself to another man who doesn’t love me.
I know he’s not like Vince, not in the slightest. Still, I’m afraid. What if I end up getting hurt? What if I end up falling in love with him but he never loves me back? What if I after give myself to him, he doesn’t want me anymore?
He doesn’t love me. He only married me because he felt some misplaced duty to protect me – maybe he was a knight in a previous life, after all – and because he wants me to keep taking care of David.
David.
For the past week, he hasn’t spoken to me. He hasn’t even looked at me. Needless to say, we haven’t played that video game. I’d like to, but it’s almost like the challenge never existed, and he’s acting like we’re complete strangers again.
Back to square one.
I feel bad. I feel like I betrayed David. I gave him the impression that I was here for him, not for his father. Maybe in his eyes, I’m even worse than those other nannies. At least they didn’t try to get close to David or act nice to him. Their intentions were clear from the start. I, on the other hand, offered to be his friend, tried to be his friend, and then ended up becoming something else.
And to think that one of the reasons I stayed was because I didn’t want to hurt him, because I wanted to continue to watch over him, support him, encourage him, make him happy.
How ironic.
He must hate me now. Even Zombie seems wary of me. Maybe he’s confused, too, because I told him I was leaving but I didn’t.
Maybe I should have left.
I shake my head. No. Leaving was not the solution. He would have been hurt if I left. He might have ended up hating me just the same. At least now, even if he hates me, I still have a chance to change that. I still have a chance to return our relationship to the way it was.
No. I don’t just have a chance. I have a responsibility. After all, I’m technically his mother now.
I’m not giving up on him.
With a fresh sense of determination, I quietly leave the room, closing the door slowly behind me.
It’s time to have another talk with David. And this time, I’m not going to leave his side until I make him understand me.
***
“David?” I knock on the door to his bedroom for the third time.
No answer.
In the past, I would just leave, thinking that he needed some time alone to think things over and accept them. This time, though, I’ve decided to talk to him so I push the door open.
“David, I’m coming in.”
Still no answer.
Strange. His room seems quiet. Is he still asleep? Usually, at this time, he’s watching TV or banging the drums.
Zombie isn’t here, either. Maybe he’s outside?
I go to David’s bed, seeing the lump under the blanket. So he’s still asleep. Maybe he stayed up, too.
At least, that’s what I think before taking a closer look at that lump, which looks like something I’ve seen before.
It looks like that lump I left on the bed in Vince’s house, one that’s meant to deceive.
Sure enough, as I pull the blanket off, I see only pillows and stuffed toys underneath and at the sight, I get a bad feeling in my gut.
“David!”
***
“What do you mean David isn’t here?” A sleepy Randall asks as I follow him to his office.
I didn’t want to wake him, but I had to.
“I mean we can’t find him,” I explain. “I’ve asked Lucy and Mrs. Wilson and the others to look for him everywhere and we can’t find him.”
“Did you look in the pantry?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure you searched everywhere?”
“I have,” I admit. “He’s nowhere to be found.”
“He’s just hiding. He becomes better at it each time he does it.”
“There’s one more thing.”
He stops walking and turns to me. “What?”
“Zombie’s missing, too.”
“What?”
Just then, Lucy calls out, “Sabrina!”
“Yes?” I turn to her. “One of his backpacks is missing and some clothes and his piggy bank.”
“Shit,” I say at the same time Randall says, “Fuck.”
He continues walking, faster this time. Reaching his office, he pushes the doors open and heads to a computer. I look over his shoulder, watching as he looks at the footage from the security camera at the gate.
Suddenly, he stops the video, a frame showing Zombie and David with his backpack and cap on frozen on the screen.
“No,” I gasp, clamping a hand over my mouth.
God, no.
“This was two hours ago,” Randall says. “He can’t be far. I’ll call the police. You go with Harry and start searching for David. Aft
er I change, I’ll search for him, too.”
I nod, running out the door as Randall picks up the phone, my heart thudding in my chest.
Please, let David be safe.
***
“Where are you, David?” I whisper as I lean forward in the passenger seat of the Benz, my hands folded and clasped to my mouth.
For the past hour, Harry and I have driven around Bel Air, looking for him. Randall has gone to Houston, and Tess has checked on all of David’s friends from school. Still, we have no clue where he is.
Where can he be hiding?
“Don’t worry,” Harry says, sensing my fear. “I’m sure we’ll find him, Mrs. Brewster.”
“Please call me Sabrina,” I tell him. “I sure hope we find him, Harry, because if we don’t, I don’t know how I’ll be able to live with myself.
This is my fault, all my fault. If I hadn’t agreed to marry Randall, if I hadn’t accepted his offer of protection, this wouldn’t have happened.
I stayed because I wanted to be safe and now, David is the one who’s left the house. David is the one in danger.
What if Vince finds him first? What if Vince has somehow found out that he’s Randall’s son and decides to take him, to hurt him to get back at me, to punish me?
I shake my head. I mustn’t think of that. If I keep imagining David hurt, I’ll go crazy.
Now I know how mothers feel when their children are in danger.
I run my hands through my hair, clutching my nape. How on Earth do mothers stay sane through times like this?
He may not be my son, but he is my responsibility. He was under my care.
Oh, God, please don’t let anything bad have happened to him.
“He’s with Zombie, so he’ll be fine,” Harry reminds me.
It’s good that Zombie is with him so he isn’t so scared or lonely, but Zombie isn’t always reliable. What if he ran off and David followed him and got into trouble?
Suddenly, though, I see a child sitting on the sidewalk, playing drums with a stranger, a black Labrador beside him. My heart stops.
We found him.
“Harry, it’s David!” I point out ecstatically. “Tell Randall we found him! We found him!”
Aftermath
Randall
We found him.
When Sabrina woke me up and first told me that David was missing, I thought I was having a nightmare. And for a moment back there when we were searching, I was afraid we would never find him, that I’d lost him forever.
Now, thank goodness, he’s right in front of me again, eating his fries and his burger.
After Sabrina and Harry told me they found him, I went to get him then decided to spend some time with him. Now, we’re having lunch, and I’ve decided it’s time to talk to him about my marriage to Sabrina.
“David, you have to understand that my marriage to Sabrina wasn’t planned,” I tell him, touching his shoulder. “And we definitely didn’t do it to make you sad. We did it because it was the best thing to do for all of us.”
“How is it the best for me?” David asks, pouting as he grabs a potato wedge from the basket. “I didn’t want this. And now, I’m left out again.”
“You’re not left out, and you haven’t lost anything. You gained something.”
“You mean a mother? I don’t want Sabrina to be my mother.”
“Then let her be your friend. Play that video game with her and give her the chance to be your friend.”
“Why should I?” David takes a bite from his burger. “She doesn’t care about me. All she cares about is you.”
“Do you really think that’s true?” I ask my son. “In the past week, hasn’t Sabrina been knocking at your bedroom door trying to talk to you? And when she found you earlier, wasn’t she almost crying tears of joy? Didn’t she hug you tight?”
“If she cared about me, she would have asked me first if she could marry you,” David says.
Now there’s something. Maybe things would have been better if Sabrina was the one who had told him about the marriage. She gave that job to me because she was afraid David would end up getting mad at her, but it made no difference. David is still mad.
“Would you have said yes?” I ask curiously.
David shrugs, taking another bite of his burger.
“What if I told you that this marriage was more of an agreement?”
He gives me a confused look.
“What if I told you that we married so that I could protect Sabrina because there’s a bad guy who wants to get her?”
“What bad guy?”
“Someone Sabrina met in the past. She trusted him, but he did bad things to her.”
“What bad things?” David reaches for his glass of juice.
“Bad things,” I repeat. “Things that could have happened again, and I didn’t want them to. Sabrina’s our friend, right?”
“So you married her because she’s your friend?”
I shrug. “That’s one way of looking at it.”
“And she married you back because you’re her friend, too?”
“Yes. And so she can continue watching over you.”
David says nothing.
I reach for his hand. “We keep her safe, and she takes care of us. That’s the way it is.”
“Is that why you married my mother, too? Because she was your friend?”
I pause, not expecting the question.
David has barely asked about his mother before.
“Yes, she was my friend, too,” I answer truthfully.
“I see.” David eats another potato wedge.
“Do you? Do you understand now, David?”
“A bit.”
“So you’re not mad at me anymore?”
“You’re my Dad. I can’t stay mad at you.”
That’s good to hear.
“What about Sabrina? Can you let her be your friend? Can you give her another chance?”
David shrugs. “I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.”
It’s not quite the answer I’m hoping for but I’ll take it. At least, David doesn’t seem mad anymore.
“And one more thing,” I say to him. “Do you promise me that you’ll never run away again?”
He looks at me.
“Promise me,” I urge.
“Fine. I promise.”
“Good.” I ruffle his hair.
Things may not be okay yet, but this is a vast improvement. I can’t wait to tell Sabrina.
***
“I can’t do this anymore,” Sabrina says moments after I walk in through the door of our bedroom, finding her sitting on a chair near the window, her hands on her head.
As I approach her, I see the bunched-up wads of Kleenex in the trash can and I frown.
She’s been crying this whole time?
“Hey.” I kneel in front of her. “What’s wrong?”
“You know what’s wrong,” she mumbles, grabbing another wad of Kleenex to blow her nose.
“No, I don’t.” I reach for her hand. “Nothing’s wrong. David is home now. He fell asleep in the car on the way home, and now he’s sleeping in his bed, safe and sound. I’ve talked to him, too, and he said he’ll think about giving you another chance.” I squeeze her hand. “See? Everything’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.” Sabrina pulls her hand away as she stands up. “David could have been lost out there. He could have been hurt. He could have been hit by a car. Someone could have kidnapped him. Vince could have kidnapped him and hurt him. Vince could have killed him!”
I stand. “Well, that didn’t happen. And it’s not going to happen.”
“It’s all my fault.” Sabrina paces, apparently not having heard what I said. “I shouldn’t have married you. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of your kindness.”
“You didn’t do any such thing.”
“I should have just left. If I had, none of this would have happened. If I ran away, David would not have run away.”
&
nbsp; “Well, I was the one who stopped you,” I remind her. “So sue me.”
“I should have just refused your offer.” She drops her hands to her side as she stops walking. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this mess.”
“You didn’t drag anyone, Sabrina.”
“It’s all my fault,” she says again.
She isn’t listening again, running her hands through her hair exasperatedly.
I shake my head, my hands on my hips. “None of this is your fault.”
“I should never have come here in the first place. I should have known there was no way for me to run away from Vince or hide from him.”
I frown. “There is a way, okay? You’re safe now.”
“But at what cost? Look at what happened to David.”
“Nothing happened to David.”
“But what if something did?” She looks at me, her eyes brimming with tears. “I would never have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to him.”
I sigh. “And I’m telling you nothing happened to him so you should stop beating yourself up over this. There’s no reason for you to.”
Why on Earth can’t she see that? Why isn’t she listening to me?
She shakes her head. “I’m selfish. A part of me wanted to stay, wanted you to stop me, even though it meant putting you and David in danger.”
“Sabrina…”
“I don’t deserve your kindness, Randall. I don’t deserve your protection.”
Now I’m the one who’s frustrated.
“Why not?” I grab her by the shoulders. “Why don’t you deserve kindness or happiness? What did you do, huh?”
“I was a fool,” she tells me. “I was a big fool. I was blinded by his promises. I was consumed by following my dreams.”
“And what’s wrong with that, huh?” I shake her. “Nothing’s wrong with wanting to follow your dreams. And so what if you put your faith in the wrong person? What if you were a fool? That doesn’t give anyone the right to hurt you. That doesn’t give anyone the right to take away your chance at happiness.”
“But I’ll only take away your happiness.” Sabrina starts sobbing. “I almost did today. Next time, it might happen for real.”