Protecting Rayne

by Emily Bishop

  No. It can’t be true.

  Helena puts her comb back in her purse and sighs. “I thought he’d never marry again. But I guess he found someone else who needed protecting. And who knows? Maybe this time, he might actually be able to protect you and find salvation.”

  So, he’s the one who’s actually using me? He doesn’t love me? But he…

  What? He wants you and has crazy sex with you? That’s lust, honey, not love. He wants you to be a famous singer? That’s admiration, support.

  Not love.

  I freeze, my chest and throat suddenly tight.

  I was thinking that Randall loved me because of his strong desire to protect me. I thought he cared. But now, I realize he might just be protecting me for the sake of protecting me, just for his own selfish intent.

  Randall doesn’t love me.

  “You know I’m right, don’t you?”

  I glare at Helena, then leave for real this time.

  “Go on,” she calls after me. “Ask Randall if I’m right.”

  I don’t really want to but I know I have to. I have to know the truth, no matter how much it may hurt.

  I have to know if I’ve been a fool. Again.

  ***

  “What’s wrong, Sabrina?” Randall asks as he changes his clothes beside the bed, realizing I’m not doing the same. “Are you still bothered by that conversation with Vince?”

  Throughout the trip home, I’ve been silent, holding back tears. Now that we’re here in the bedroom, though, I can’t hold back any longer.

  “That’s not all that’s bothering me,” I tell him.

  “Then what else?” He approaches me, still unbuttoning his shirt.

  I look at him. “Randall, is there anything you want to tell me?”

  He looks confused. “Like what?”

  “Something about Dinah.”

  He shrugs. “What’s there to tell?”

  “Funny. You said the same the last time. Whenever I ask about her, you say there’s nothing to tell. But there is, isn’t there?”

  His hands fall to his sides. Now, he looks even more confused.

  “What’s going on, Sabrina?” he asks.

  “Why did you marry me, Randall?” I ask him.

  “Because I couldn’t just let you put yourself in danger.”

  In other words, because he wanted to protect me.

  “And why is that?”

  “Why?” His eyebrows go up. “What do you mean why? Anyone would want to keep others out of danger.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “That’s not true, especially if it involves endangering oneself. In most people, the self-preservation instinct is strong but it seems your protective instinct is stronger.”

  He places his hands on my arms. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Sabrina. Are you saying it’s wrong for me to protect you? Are you mad because I was the one who scared Vince away and—”

  “Do you love me?” I blurt out the question, slowly lifting my eyes to meet his gaze.

  “Sabrina…”

  “Did you love Dinah? Or did you just feel sorry for her?”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “That’s why you took her in, right? Because you felt guilty that she lost her job and because you wanted to protect her. But you also wanted her so you got her pregnant and then you had to protect her again from the consequences of that so you married her. But you couldn’t protect her.”

  “No,” he admits, his head bowed. “I couldn’t.”

  “Now you want to protect me? Do you feel sorry for me, too?”

  Again, no answer.

  “You know, I asked David earlier what the two of you talked about the day he ran away. He said that you explained why you married me, that you said you were protecting me from someone and that was all.” I take a deep breath, keeping tears at bay. “That is all, isn’t it? This is all just about protecting me.”

  “That’s not true. I…”

  “Want me, too? Yes, I know that. You want to keep having sex with me and then that will give you more reasons to want to protect me, yes?”

  He sighs as he squeezes my arms. “Sabrina…”

  I step back, shrugging his hands away. “Do you love me, Randall? Because I love you.” Tears trickle down my cheeks. “I love you. I didn’t want to. I was afraid. But when you love someone, you can’t help it. I fell in love with you just like I fell in love with Vince. Once again, I’ve given my heart to someone who doesn’t really want it, to someone who will never give me his back.”

  “I’m sorry, Sabrina.”

  He steps forward, trying to put his arms around me, but I slap them away.

  “I’m sorry, too, Randall. Because I don’t want your protection! Not if that’s all you can give. How can you protect me when you’ve already hurt me? And you know what else? I feel sorry for you if protecting is all you can do, because you can’t really protect someone. You can’t do anything at all.”

  With those words, I leave the room, heading to one of the guest rooms where I lock myself in, throwing myself on the bed and clutching a pillow as I cry.

  I know Randall isn’t the same as Vince. I know he’s kind and he didn’t mean to hurt me. But even kindness can hurt when what a person wants is love.

  Love.

  Why did I have to fall in love with him? And I know it is love because I didn’t feel this way when I found out Vince didn’t really love me. I was disappointed, angry, but not like this. Not this torn or this lost or this hurt.

  And the worst part is I can’t do anything about the pain except cry myself to sleep.

  ***

  I wake up to someone shaking me. At first, I think it’s a dream. Soon, Lucy’s face comes into focus.

  Lucy’s pale, troubled face.

  “What’s wrong, Lucy?” I ask as I sit up.

  “Harry came back.”

  I rub my eyes, which are still sore from crying.

  “What do you mean?”

  Doesn’t he always come back after bringing David to school?

  “He’s hurt. He barely made it home.”

  “What?” I feel jolted awake.

  “He said they were attacked on their way to David’s school,” Lucy says.

  “They?” I put a hand over my chest, which suddenly feels tight as I begin to understand what’s going on.

  “Sabrina, they took David!”

  Taken

  Randall

  “Fuck!”

  I pick up one of the pots in the garden, hurling it at the fountain. It hits the side, the clay cracking against the marble, the soil spilling and the roots of the plant exposed.

  I don’t care. I don’t fucking care.

  I’d like to go to the gym, actually, and throw all the weights out the window. I want to go to the kitchen and break all the plates. I want to go to the art room and throw each sculpture down on the floor, over and over until they either get pulverized or the floor breaks. I want to beat my fists against a wall until they bleed. I want to hit my head against the pavement until my skull cracks.

  I want to do all that but I know none of that will undo what happened this morning or bring David back to me this instant. Nothing will.

  He’s been taken from me.

  I sit on a marble bench, burying my face in my hands.

  After that argument with Sabrina last night, I drank a little. When Mrs. Wilson came to tell me that David had been taken, I couldn’t fathom it at first. My mind was still muddled from the alcohol and the lack of sleep. But then I saw Harry and the sight of him covered with bruises and bleeding was just like a bucket of cold water poured over me.

  David had been taken.

  My first thought was to call the police but then I got a phone call from Vince, telling me that he had my son and that if I didn’t want him to get hurt, I wouldn’t call the police. I would wait for him to call again.

  So here I am, unable to do anything, completely helpless for the first time in my life.

&nb
sp; And it’s the worst feeling in the world, even worse than the pain I felt last night.

  Sabrina’s right. Protecting is all I can do, but I can’t even really do it, and so I can’t do anything at all.

  “Randall?”

  I look up to see Sabrina standing a few feet away. She looks like hell, too, circles under her eyes and the tearstains on her cheeks coated by fresh tears. She hasn’t even changed yet, still in that pink gown, although it doesn’t seem to sparkle anymore.

  “Vince took him,” I tell her. “He must have done it to get back at me for last night.”

  “And to hurt me,” she says as she approaches. “This is all my fault.”

  Like before, she breaks down, kneeling on the grass, her hands pulling her hair as she sobs.

  I want to comfort her just like last time. I want to put my arms around her and tell her that it’s not nobody’s fault but that’s not true. It is my fault. I was the one who decided to bring Sabrina to the party last night. I was the one who told Vince off. I was the one who promised to protect all of us.

  And I failed.

  I want to hold her so we can draw strength and comfort from each other, but I don’t. I can’t. I didn’t promise her that. All I promised was to protect her. That was all I intended to do.

  Now I realize how selfish and foolish I’ve been.

  I should never try to protect anyone. That’s arrogance. I can’t protect anyone when I’m weak.

  I thought I was stronger now, but no, I’m still weak. And I’m still alone.

  “Have you called the cops?” Sabrina asks feebly, between sobs.

  “No. Vince told me not to.”

  “What does he want?”

  “I don’t know yet.” I shake my head. “He said he’d call back. I don’t know what time. All we can do is wait.”

  ***

  The phone rings again at dusk. I answer it quickly, almost dropping the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello, Mr. Brewster,” Vince greets me. “How has your day been?”

  I swear, someday I’m going to kill this bastard.

  For now, though, my priority is to find David. I glance at Gil, giving him the signal to try and track the call. Vince may have told me not to call the cops but he didn’t say I couldn’t call a tech expert.

  “I’d like to speak to Sabrina,” he says.

  I look at her. She’s changed her clothes and she looks a bit better but I know that she is just as scared and frustrated as I am.

  She nods and I put the phone on loudspeaker before handing it to her.

  She holds the phone against her cheek. “Vince.”

  “So you do remember me.”

  Her fists and jaw clench. “Don’t you dare hurt David. I let you get away with hurting me but I swear, if you hurt one hair of David’s head, I’ll—”

  Vince laughs. “I knew you’d say that.”

  “What do you want?” Sabrina demands.

  “You,” Vince answers simply.

  Sabrina tenses. “Explain.”

  “I’ll send you the address. Tell your husband to bring you in two and a half hours. I’d like to see him again, too.”

  My temper shoots up. “Why, you–”

  Sabrina raises a hand to stop me and I shut up. I can’t lose my cool while David is still in danger.

  “What about David?”

  “After your husband brings you to me, I’ll tell him where to find David. If both of you don’t come, David is mine and I’ll do with him as I please. It’s that simple.”

  Sabrina says nothing, her face pale.

  “Do you understand, Sabrina?”

  She nods her head slowly, her hand shaking. “Y-yes.”

  “I’ll be waiting, Sabrina.”

  I hear a click and the line goes dead. Sabrina slides to the floor, seemingly lifeless, the phone slipping out of her hands. I pick it up and, as soon as I do, it beeps to alert me of a new message.

  It’s the message containing the address where I’m supposed to take Sabrina.

  “That’s near where we tracked the call,” Gil says as he looks at the phone. “But that doesn’t help, does it? Vince isn’t with David.”

  I shake my head. “No, he’s not, but he must be nearby. We have to find him quickly.”

  “I don’t know if we can find him that fast,” Gil says. “This address is near the entrance to the Angelina National Forest. That means David must be somewhere in that forest but that’s more than 150,000 acres of land.”

  “Can’t you access the security cameras?” I ask Gil.

  “Even if I can, the park only has a few and they’re far between. Someone can easily sneak a kid in there with none of the cameras catching him.”

  “Fuck!” I beat my fist on my table.

  “You don’t have to waste your time looking for him,” Sabrina says. “You heard Vince. He’ll give David’s address.”

  “And how can we be sure David will be there?” I ask her.

  “You can because he doesn’t want David. I’m the one he wants.”

  “I’m not handing you over to him,” I tell her.

  “You have to.” She stands up. “It’s the only way.”

  “Sabrina…”

  “I’m going whether you’re bringing me or not.” She looks at me. “Though it will be better if you come, so you can find out where David is and go to him.”

  I grab her shoulders. “I won’t let him have you, Sabrina.”

  “Don’t you understand, Randall?” She shrugs me off. “He already has David. Right at this moment, David is suffering when it should be me. It should have been me all along.”

  “It’s not your—”

  “It is my fault. Now, please, let me pay for my mistake.”

  I shake my head. We may have argued and she may hate me now but she is still my wife and I still care about her.

  “I won’t.”

  “Like I said, I’m going anyway.”

  Why does she have to be so stubborn?

  “We can put a tracker on her if you want,” Gil offers. “A microchip that we can put on your clothes or under your skin.”

  “No.” Sabrina shakes her head. “Vince will expect that.”

  “Then maybe one that you can swallow like a pill?” Gil suggests. “But that will only work for eight hours before it’s dissolved by gastric juices or–”

  “That should be long enough,” I say to him.

  Then I look at Sabrina, holding her hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll come for you after I rescue David. I’m not going to let Vince have either of you.”

  ***

  I told Sabrina that Vince wouldn’t have her again, but now, in the car, as Sabrina and I approach the address Vince sent, I’m feeling terrified. What if David isn’t where he’s supposed to be? What if he’s seriously hurt and I have to bring him to a hospital? What if the tracker doesn’t work and I lose Sabrina? What if Vince does awful things to her before I rescue her?

  Just the thought of Vince touching her makes me want to strangle someone with my bare hands.

  Why? Why did it have come to this? Why do I have to hand over the woman I care about the most to get my son back?

  “It will be okay,” Sabrina tells me, putting her hand over mine.

  Why the hell is she the one comforting me when I can tell she’s even more terrified than I am?

  “No matter what happens, don’t feel bad, okay?”

  What is she saying?

  “And if… things don’t go well…”

  “Sabrina…”

  She squeezes my hand. “If things don’t go well, promise me that you won’t try to make up for it by trying to protect someone else. If you really want to protect someone, love that person. That way, even if that person gets hurt, she’ll be able to heal and find her way back.”

  I squeeze her hand in turn. “I’m sorry, Sabrina. I didn’t–”

  “Shh.” She holds a finger to her lips. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

/>   How can she say that? I want to say more but I decide to save my words until I get her back.

  “After I get you back, we’ll talk, okay?”

  She nods. “Okay.”

  After a few minutes, we reach the address. Sabrina takes the pill then she and I get out of the car to face Vince.

  “Hello there,” he greets us, then glances at his watch. “I see you’re right on time.”

  “Where’s David?” Sabrina asks.

  Vince holds up a map. “You have to come and get it yourself.”

  Sabrina looks at me.

  I want to put my arms around her and keep her from going. I don’t want her to go. But I have to think of David.

  I nod and Sabrina walks over to Vince.

  “What? No goodbye kiss?” Vince teases.

  “Where’s the map?” Sabrina asks.

  Vince signals to his men to grab her.

  “Check her,” he orders. “Make sure there isn’t a tracker on her.”

  I look away as they grope her.

  “She’s clean, boss,” one of his men answers.

  “Good.” Vince grins.

  He hands Sabrina the map, which Sabrina looks at before throwing it at me. It’s a map of the forest with a spot marked with a red dot.

  “You’ll find David there,” Vince says. “I suggest you hurry before some wild animal finds him. I did tie him to a tree, after all.”

  “Bastard.”

  I step forward, wanting to throw a punch at him, but he lifts a finger.

  “I didn’t say he was alone,” Vince informs. “If you hurt me, David could get hurt.”

  Sabrina looks at me, pleading with me to calm down. I take a step back.

  Vince laughs. “Look at you, a beast tamed by a woman.” He gets a few locks of Sabrina’s hair and rubs them against his cheek.

  My jaw clenches.

  “Last night, you looked like a wolf. Now, you look like a neutered dog. Who’s lost his balls now?”

  His men laugh.

  Fuck. I want to take them down. I know I have a chance. But I can’t risk David getting hurt.

  There’s nothing I can do.

  “Oh, by the way, don’t think of following us,” Vince says. “If any of my men spot anyone following us, David will get hurt.”