Needing You

by T. Renee Fike

  “In the end, my dad ended up leaving my mom for Bianca and my mom blamed me for destroying our family because I dated Bianca and brought her into our family. My relationship with Trent was never repaired, because well, he honestly didn’t give a shit. My baby sister Tessa went in the opposite direction and turned to drugs as a way to cope. She has her own issues, but losing her family to a girl that dated her brother was hard for her. At the time she was only sixteen, so moving and losing everything she was used to was a hard adjustment for her. She’s gotten into trouble, hung out with the wrong people, got into hard drugs and always calls me when she’s in trouble,” he says looking at me with pain and sorrow in his eyes. I just want to hug him.

  “I am so sorry that your family had to go through that and that your mother acted that way,” I say sympathetically.

  “Harp, after that, I told myself I would never allow another woman to play me like that and I haven’t. I fuck and sometimes I don’t even take the time to learn their name because what’s the point, I’m not calling her tomorrow. Instead of allowing a girl to use me, I use them. I get what I want and send them on their way. I don’t hide who I am or what I do, girls know what to expect when they come to me. It’s just easier this way,” he says with sad solemn eyes.

  I’m confused a little bit because this man wouldn’t touch me, yet he fucks girls and leaves them. Finally I find the balls to ask, “Tucker, then why would you not even kiss me?” I ask a bit on the quieter side.

  He looks at me confused, “Harp, you’re different. You deserve better because you’re better than a one-night stand. You’re pure and though I can see you have demons too, I could never do that to you. You deserve more….hell you are more,” he says with a sweet smile on his face while piercing me with his sexy deep brown eyes.

  Shit if he only knew, I’m a whole pile of fucked-up. “Tuck, thank you for saying that, but I can’t say I agree with you,” I say sadly.

  He takes my chin and moves it so I have no choice but to look him in the eyes and says, “Harp, you deserve the best. As much as I wish that was me right now it’s not, but I’m trying. You make me want to try. You, Harper Mae Lane, give me hope that women aren’t all manipulative bitches,” he says with a small chuckle.

  I smile and laugh with him. “Well you are right on that one, we aren’t, at least not me.”

  “Well now you can understand why I don’t trust the female species and why I treat them the way I do. I’m not going to say it’s right because it’s not but it’s my way of dealing with shit,” he says sadly.

  “I do get it now and thank you for talking to me and telling me this. I understand it’s not easy, but I’m glad I got to see a new side of you. It’s not easy to be hurt and to move on and be okay, but you are. You give me hope Tucker James Price.”

  Tucker smiles at me and says, “I think we talked about enough past bullshit for one day, can we just hang out and talk about other shit now?”

  “Absolutely! “ I say still with a freaking huge grin on my face.

  And we do. We talk about classes and homework and work. He does ask me why I didn’t work on Saturday and I fill him in that the bar was overstaffed for the night and I told them on Friday that they could cut me for the Saturday shift, which was why I was out and about at a sorority house. Then, Tuck fills me in on fraternity things and tells me they have a social event coming up and he would like me to accompany him. The night goes really well after his admission of his past.

  I somewhere find the courage to ask Tuck if he would stay the night with me, he agrees and we snuggle together. Lying here in Tucker’s arms and falling asleep feels like the safest place. I haven’t felt this safe in years and it makes my stomach do somersaults knowing I feel this way because of Tucker Price. I drift off into sweet slumber with Tucker’s arms wrapped tightly around me.

  Chapter 19

  The next few weeks fly by and Tucker and I have become a lot closer since his admission of his past. I know I need to tell him about some of my issues, but it’s still a work in progress. I know once he knows my past he’ll leave and I’m not ready to lose him yet. We haven’t done anything other than cuddle and he occasionally kisses my forehead. I would like to taste his freaking mouth, but he keeps saying we are taking things slow. I get it and I’m not ready for anything sexual, but kissing is harmless right?

  Thankfully, I am doing better than I expected in most of my classes. I’ve been studying my butt off so I am glad to see my hard work is paying off.

  I’m back to only working weekends at PowerTrip’s and it’s going well. I’m able to keep making decent money and it’s great to see the bands. I’ve talked to Natalie more over the last few days and I feel she is someone I could see myself being friends with. I don’t know too much about her other than the basic or general information, but I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better. I’ve run into the girls from my dorm and they invite me to a few more parties here and there, so far I’ve declined, but thanked them each time. I don’t know them but it’s nice to be invited to things. I know I should go and mingle and make new friends, but part of me is still nervous to do that.

  Tuck asked me to go to a spring dance thing his fraternity is throwing so this should be fun. It’s tomorrow. It’s a semi-formal, so I went and bought myself a green cocktail dress which goes great with the silver shoes I purchased. I found them both on sale so that made it all the more better. The dress looks great on me and it isn’t too revealing, because that’s just not me. But it’s cute and I like it. I only work tonight so I’m hoping it’s busy and I can make some decent tips. There’s a band tonight, so hopefully they’re good.

  I head outside to make my way into work and I see Parker talking to some girls in the parking lot. I wave and before I know it he’s headed my way.

  “Hey Parker,” I say with a smile on my face.

  “Hey Harp, you heading to PowerTrip’s?” he asks, looking sexy as hell. It should be a sin to look that hot.

  “Yea, I work tonight,” I state.

  “I can give you a lift,” he says politely.

  “That’s okay, I don’t want to take you from your friends,” I say with a slight blush.

  “Oh they aren’t friends, just fans of the band. Come on let’s go,” he says with a sexy smile.

  “Okay, thanks,” I say and head towards his car.

  We get into his car and he drives the short distance to the bar and parks. There’s not much time for small talk because the bar is pretty close, but the silence isn’t awkward. Parker starts talking as I get out of the car though and says, “Hey Harper, are you walking home tonight or is Tuck coming to get you?”

  “Oh I’m walking, Tucker’s got plans tonight,” I state like it’s no big deal, because it’s not.

  “I’ll take you home tonight; just wait for me after the show,” he states rather sweetly.

  “Oh alright, thanks,” I say back a bit surprised.

  We make our way in and the bar is crazy. This must be some band. I’m excited though because this means great tips.

  I make my way behind the bar and say hey to Natalie and Marcus and ask who the band is because of how packed it is. Natalie says there was a change in schedule so King Dread is playing tonight. That makes sense now why Parker said to wait for him until after the show and it also explains why the bar is so freaking packed.

  I start serving customers quickly and before I know it the band is on stage. Tonight seems crazier than any night ever before. I don’t know why, but I’m thankful for it. The tips are piling in.

  We finally get a small break and Natalie catches me off guard and asks, “So what’s going on with you and Tucker or should I ask you and Parker?” she says with a bit of a snarky tone to her voice.

  “Huh? Tucker and I are friends and hang out and Parker is also a friend. That’s all, why?” I ask confused.

  “Well, college girls and boys talk and it seems as though you have tamed the wild Tucker James, while also handling Parker,”
she states with a concerned look.

  Oh great, now people are going to think I’m a slut and I’m not even having sex. Ugh, just what I need. “It’s not like that Natalie. I ran into Parker and he brought me into work tonight, that’s it. And Tucker, yeah we hang out and talk, but we’re just friends.” I state honestly because it’s the freaking truth.

  Right, that is what we are. I mean we never discussed our relationship status so I’m assuming that’s what we are. We hang out, laugh, and cuddle sometimes, but it never goes further than that. He hasn’t spent the night since the last time when I asked him too. This is not a subject I want to have with him just yet.

  “I believe you Harp; I just thought I would let you know the word around town,” she says sadly.

  “Thanks,” is my only reply.

  “No worries, I kind of figured that anyway because Tucker is a man-whore and well Park is great and all, but he plays the field just as well as Tucker. Neither of them does the relationship thing,” she says sympathetically.

  “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks Natalie,” I state.

  “I’m glad to hear you’re only friends because I heard some girls talking that Tucker’s out with some girl, doing what Tucker does,” she tells me with a worried look on her face.

  Before she can say anything else, a group of people come up for drinks and it cuts our conversation off. I want to ask who he’s with but I don’t get the chance and it’s probably better-off this way. I mean we aren’t dating so he is free to date or sleep with whomever he wants, but damn if I don’t feel a hell of a lot jealousy right now. Ugh, jealousy is such an ugly trait but clearly, I have it because I’m jealous as hell right now.

  Luckily, the bar is full and it’s keeping me busy to where I don’t have time to think about Tucker and his date for the night. It makes sense why they aren’t coming to the bar tonight, he wouldn’t dare bring a girl to the bar when I’m working. At least I don’t think he would. Oh hell, who knows, this is Tucker Price we’re talking about.

  At the end of the night Parker takes me home and he asks about Tuck, but I just ask if we can talk about anything else because clearly Tuck is not who I want to discuss right now. So instead, we talk about his upcoming shows and him traveling around the country playing his songs. I’m so excited and happy for him, but I’ll miss him. Parker’s a great guy and a good friend. I get out of the car and say goodnight and head inside. By the time I lay down in bed, all I can see is the sexy brown-eyed devil man himself and sleep doesn’t come easily.

  As quickly as I fall asleep, I’m up screaming and drenched in sweat. Damn you nightmares. This is the same one involving me again, no matter how many times I try to change the outcome, it never works. I get some water and lay in bed just staring at nothing, hoping for something more, something to stop the nightmares, something to help the anxiety, anything. I decide to take a sleeping pill that my doctor prescribed, hopefully this will work.

  I wake up hours later and realize that I have a dance with Tucker to go too. I’m not sure how I feel about it considering he was with someone else last night, but I won’t bail on him now. I’m kind of excited to go. I’ve never been to a dance before. I mean, I went in high school but that was years ago, after Allie died, I didn’t go anymore.

  The dance doesn’t start until 8 p.m. and Tucker said he would be here shortly before then to pick me up. We decided we’re going to walk because it’s a short distance anyway. I spend my day working on homework and hanging out with my e-reader. Before I realize it, it’s going on 6:40 p.m. and I need to get ready. I hop into the shower quickly and do my lady things like wash my hair, shave and then hop out and lotion up before putting my dress on. By the time I’m all done up it’s already 7:45 p.m. Tucker should be here any minute.

  I decide to watch some TV to kill the time and when I look at the clock it reads 8:22 p.m. That’s odd; I swore Tucker said he was coming over here to get me. I decide to wait a while longer because I just don’t feel comfortable walking to the frat house to a dance thing by myself. I decide to read to pass the time so I’m not constantly staring at the clock. Reading apparently works because the next time I look at the clock it shows 10:36 p.m. Now I’m more pissed than anything. He could have at least had the respect to let me know he changed his mind. I get up from the couch and decide to go and change, but before I get the chance there was a knock on my door. I open it to find Tucker standing half slumped over.

  “Heyyy Harp, youu look great,” he slurs.

  “You’re drunk and late,” I state a bit irritated.

  “Sorrry. The guys played a drinking gamme first and well that’s whyyy I’m soooo late,” he slurs again trying to look at me but probably seeing three of me.

  So much for having a good night, with Mr. Drunko, this isn’t going to go as planned. “Tucker, maybe we should just do this another time,” I state frustrated and a bit sad.

  “Noooooo Harp, I’ve been looking forward to this for a while. Commme on it will be funnn.” Tucker slurs again trying to reach for my arm.

  “Cleary you’re drunk and you could probably pass out any minute,” I snap at him as I pull my arm out of his reach.

  “Nooo I won’t, come on,” he says trying to look at me with a sweet smile, then quickly says, “I need your bathroom,” as he runs past me and into the bathroom where I hear his drunken mess coming back to bite him in the ass. Ugh, so much for having a good night.

  I head into my bedroom and change out of my dress and throw on my yoga pants and a tee shirt. I still hear Tucker vomiting, so I wait until he’s done and knock on the door.

  “You okay in there?” I ask slightly worried.

  “I’ll be okay, give me five minutes and we can goooo,” he states quietly from behind the bathroom door.

  I don’t answer because I hear him again deliver his stomach contents into the toilet. I head into the living room and have a seat on the couch. After a good twenty minutes, Tucker comes out of the bathroom with a sad look on his face.

  “Harp, I’m sooorry about tonight. Shit, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go,” he says with sadness in his voice.

  “It’s okay, maybe some other time,” I say softly.

  “Can I lie down? I don’t feel too good,” he asks looking paler by the minute.

  “Yeah of course. Do you need me to get you anything?” I ask more worried now.

  “Maybe some water,” he says while making noises, clearly uncomfortable and feeling sick.

  I head into the kitchen to get him water and aspirin and when I come out he’s not in the living room. Thinking he went back into the bathroom, I wait a few minutes. When I don’t hear him, I head towards the bathroom to find it empty. I head into my bedroom where Tucker is now passed out on my bed in half of his clothes. I put the glass of water and aspirin on the nightstand and then change and crawl into bed for a night of sleep. As angry as I am at Tucker, I can’t help but watch how peaceful and sexy he looks when he’s asleep. Eventually I drift off into a sweet slumber with the sexy brown-eyed devil man beside me.

  I wake up feeling stuck and I start to panic, but then I realize its Tucker’s limbs that have me trapped. Our legs are entwined and his arms are around my body holding me tightly to him. As nice as this feels, I know it’s too good to be true. It’s still dark outside so I allow myself for tonight to snuggle up to him and go back to sleep.

  Hours later I wake up and still feel Tucker’s arms wrapped around me. I slowly disentangle myself from his hold and head into the bathroom. I freshen up and come out to see Tucker is still passed out. It’s going on 10 a.m., so I decide to make us some breakfast which can hopefully help his stomach absorb some of the alcohol that may still be in there. I make eggs, bacon, and toast and put it on a cookie sheet and walk back to the bedroom. I had to improvise because it’s not like I own a breakfast tray. Tucker looks at me as I walk into the bedroom and has a small smile on his face.

  “Morning Harp,” he says sweetly.

  “Morning,
I made you breakfast and there’s some aspirin on the nightstand,” I inform him.

  “Thanks. God, I’m so sorry about last night. I am a freaking idiot,” he says clearly frustrated with himself.

  “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I say. No point in arguing…pick your battles right?

  “It’s not fine, it was only to be a few drinks before the party started and I clearly got out of control with it. I should have watched how much I was drinking. I ruined our date,” he says looking defeated.

  “Tucker I’m over it, yes last night I was pissed, but I’m over it now. Just forget about it,” I say truthfully to him, because I am over it.

  “I’m going to make it up to you, I promise,” he says looking into my eyes showing the sincerity of his words.

  “It’s fine; eat before your food gets cold,” I tell him.

  Before he gets a chance to say anything, I walk back out and get the other cookie sheet with my food and head back to my bedroom to eat too.

  I can tell Tucker wants to say more, but I just start eating and hope he gets the hint to drop the subject and just eat his breakfast. When I’m done eating, I decide to get a shower. “Hey Tucker, I’m going to hop in the shower, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  “You want company?” he asks with a smug smile on his face.

  Hmm, should I play this game with him? Probably not, but I decide to anyway.

  “Sure, if you think you can handle it,” I say with as much confidence as I can muster as I saunter past him and into the bathroom. What the hell was I just thinking I shouldn’t have done that. Knowing Tuck, he will be in here any minute to join me. I will not be another notch on his belt. I am more than that.