Needing You

by T. Renee Fike

  “I will die before I ever say an apology to him. He deserves to rot in hell,” I scream.

  My mother slaps me across the face. I didn’t even see it coming. Tuck is behind me so he couldn’t have prevented it, but I’m sure he didn’t’ see it coming either. I hold him back because he’s ready to blow a gasket.

  “You ungrateful little bitch. Laney, your father has done nothing but loved you and been there for you, how you dare say such hateful things to him,” she yells.

  “Nothing but love me and been there for me… that’s what you call molesting your children mom? I know Allie never lied because the bastard did the same thing to me for almost two fucking years. You think I didn’t know you knew and did nothing? You stood by and let your husband hurt us like it was nothing,” I yell.

  I feel Tucker tense behind me. I take hold of his hands and I’m not letting go. I know if I do he will kill my father right now. I can’t risk him doing that and then going to jail, I won’t let that happen.

  My mother looks at me in complete shock. Tuck tries to let go of my hands and I just squeeze tighter because I see how this will go if I let go of his hands. He’s already punched my father once and that was for a comment, now that he knows the truth he will kill him.

  “Laney, how dare you lie about such a thing? Your father never touched you. He never touched Allie either. How can you two be so ungrateful?” she hollers at me.

  “Lie, like I would lie about that. Why do you think I left as soon as I turned eighteen, mom? I knew I couldn’t tell because Allie did and look how well that worked out for her. So I had to endure that asshole as a father until I could get the hell out without you stopping me,” I yell through the tears at her. “You wanted everyone to see such a happy home when it was anything but happy. Everything was a goddamn show for you. Attention, you had to be in the spotlight, had to stick out when you knew how it was. You did nothing to stop him. You did nothing to protect Allie and you did nothing to protect me,” I scream at her, the tears flowing down my cheeks.

  Tuck is now holding me; his arms are wrapped around my front as the tears continue to stream down my face. “Get the hell out of my house, get out of my life and don’t ever come back here. You’re not my family. Family doesn’t do what you’ve done.”

  My mother says nothing as she leads my father out of my dorm and slams the door shut. My legs finally give out and I fall to the floor with Tuck still wrapped around me. I cry and cry and he just holds me. He doesn’t say anything, probably having no idea what to even say. I don’t blame him, he probably wants to get out of here too, I know I would.

  Eventually I cry myself to sleep in Tuck’s arms on the living room floor. When I wake up sometime later, Tuck has me wrapped in his arms in bed and I drift back to sleep.

  Chapter 25

  I wake up the next morning with a bad headache, probably from all the crying I did yesterday. So much for telling Tuck last night on my own, instead he had to hear about it in an argument with my parents. Definitely not how I planned it. Well now, the truth is out there. I only hope he doesn’t look at me differently.

  Tuck isn’t in bed with me and I don’t hear anything in my apartment. I crawl out of bed and head into the bathroom to freshen up a bit then make my way to the living room and still no sign of Tuck. Then I see a note. Great, he left because of the shit from last night. I dread reading the note, knowing already what it says but I read it anyway.

  Good morning beautiful!

  I needed to run out this morning, something came up, but I will be back later and we can talk. I put some pancakes in the microwave so eat up!

  Tuck

  I look in the microwave and sure enough there are pancakes. I’m not hungry but force myself to eat anyway. I haven’t eaten since yesterday at lunch and I need something in my stomach.

  When I’m done, I have no idea what to do. Is he going to come back? Or was yesterday too much to deal with? I won’t blame him if he leaves, it will just suck A LOT. Tuck is all I have and though I’m sure I’ve known if for a while, I never told him. I never got to tell him that I’m in love with him. It hurts to know I may not get the chance but maybe it is better this way.

  After sitting in my apartment for two hours and still no sign of Tuck, I decide I need go to for a run. I need to try to clear my head before the tears take over again. I put my running gear on and head out the door.

  I run and run until I physically can’t run anymore. My body is burning and I feel like I’m going to fall over at any minute. I lost count after eighteen miles, I just couldn’t stop going. I wanted to run, run away from everything….my parents, my life, my sadness, my pain, my hurt. I just want it all to go away. I eventually collapse to the ground and the tears start again. Everything around me has spun out of control. I feel like I’m losing everything. I feel like I lost Allie all over again. How can my mother act like what happened was our fault? How can she make it out like Allie had problems? Allie was perfect.

  I continue to cry…I cry for my sister who never got to enjoy the rest of her life. She shouldn’t have had to die because of what a monster did to her. How could my mother sit back and let that happen? I would have done anything to help her, to protect her, if I only knew.

  “Why didn’t you tell me Allie? I could have helped you.” I scream out at the sky through my tears. “I would have done something.” “God I miss you Allie. I wish you were here with me,” I continue to say through my never ending tears to the open sky.

  I have no idea how long I sit and lay in the grass and cry and talk to the sky, to my sister, but eventually the tears subside and my legs don’t feel as weak so I walk back home.

  When I get back, there’s still no sign of Tuck. I see it’s already going on five. I’m supposed to work tonight but I have no idea how I can make it through the shift. Now I wish I had a damn phone because I can’t even call off.

  I take a shower and make myself presentable and sit down and watch some mindless television to pass the time. I make my way into work and thankfully the bar isn’t too busy because I’m not in the mood to deal with people right now.

  “Hey Harp,” Natalie says when I come behind the bar.

  “Hey!” We make small talk but then are interrupted due to customers. Later on I see Declan and the band, but no Parker. That’s odd; usually he’s always here with the guys. Maybe he’s a on a date tonight? I hope he finds a good girl.

  A few hours into my shift Nat comes up and starts talking to me about Parker. Hmmm…interesting.

  “So, you and Parker huh?” I say curiously.

  “It’s nothing serious; we just hang out every now and again,” she states.

  “So where is he tonight?” I decide to ask.

  “Not sure, Tuck came over and said he needed to talk to him and then they both split. I have no idea, I haven’t heard back from him yet,” she says, which surprises the hell out of me.

  “You saw Tuck today?” I ask nervously.

  “Yeah, he looked a bit frazzled. I was surprised when Park let him in because he can’t stand him, but whatever they talked about was serious because they left immediately,” she says.

  “Oh,” is all I can say. Why would Tuck go to Parker, what did he need him for? And why did he never come back to see me?

  “I haven’t heard back from Park yet so I hope everything’s okay,” Natalie says.

  “Yeah me too, can you keep me posted if you hear anything from Parker or Tuck?” I ask now slightly worried.

  “Sure, Harp do you still not have a phone?” she asks looking at me like I’m crazy.

  “No, I guess I should probably get myself one.” I saw with a frown.

  “Umm, yeah having a cell phone is practically mandatory now-a-days,” she says laughing and I start to laugh a little with her.

  Before we can discuss anything further the bar gets busy so back to work we go. I can’t say I’m not mad at Tuck because I am, but I think I’m sadder at the situation. He left and though I can’t bla
me him, it still hurts.

  It’s going on midnight when Tuck and Parker enter the bar. They both have serious, worried expressions on their faces. When Tuck sees me he smiles and walks directly over to me, behind the bar and all and wraps me up in his arms. I do nothing but hug him back. I should be angry but it all just fades away with just the sight of him.

  “Harp, I thought I would make it back earlier, I’m sorry. Let’s go home,” he says as he kisses me on the top of my head.

  “I can’t leave. I’m working.” Just then Parker comes up, “Harp, I talked to Eddie, you’re done for tonight.” The look on his face shows a sense of sadness, though I’m not sure why.

  Before I can say anything, “Okay let’s go,” Tuck says as he is holding my hand pulling me toward the door.

  “Oh okay then. Hi Parker, bye Parker,” I say as I’m walking with Tuck.

  “See you later,” Parker says still looking sad.

  Once outside I ask Tuck, “Is Parker okay, he seems a little off tonight?”

  “He’s okay, don’t worry about him,” he says as he opens the door to his car to let me in. I slide in and then he makes his way around the car and slides into the driver side and heads in the direction of my dorm. When he parks the car he gets out and opens the door for me. He takes my hand in his as we make our way up to my room. He’s been pretty quiet the whole ride back and I wasn’t sure what to say so I say nothing.

  Once inside he looks like he wants to say something but is holding back. “Tuck, what’s going on?” I ask finally because it’s driving me nuts.

  “We will talk but how about you take a shower and get in comfortable clothes first,” he says with a sadness showing on his face.

  “No, Tuck I want you to talk to me now, where the heck have you been all day?” I say a little bit angrier than intended.

  “Harp please, I will tell you everything, but you need to relax first.” He comes up to me and wraps me in his arms and hugs me tightly to his body. Then he leads me into the bathroom and starts the shower for me. He knows I like to get showers when I get home to get the bar smell off of me and the hot water helps to relax me.

  I relent and once he leaves the bathroom I enter the shower and allow the steaming hot water wash away all the stress of the day. Taking a longer shower than planned, I finally step out and dry off, lotion up, brush my teeth then make my way into the bedroom and throw on some nightclothes. I make my way out to the living room and see Tuck sitting on the couch looking deep in thought.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” I say to him. He smiles up at me and pulls me down onto his lap. I love when he wraps me up and holds me. I melt against his body and snuggle into him.

  “There’s a lot I want to talk to you about, but how about for tonight we just relax and fall asleep together. We can discuss it all tomorrow, okay?” he says looking hopeful at me.

  “Sounds good to me!” I yawn as Tuck picks me up and walks me back to the bedroom and we fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Next morning’s here and it’s early, but I can’t sleep anymore. It shows it’s almost 8 a.m., and Tuck is still fast asleep beside me. I decide not to wake him and head into the living room with my e-reader. I’m not hungry yet, plus I will wait for Tuck anyway so we can at least eat together.

  Instead, I sit on the couch and start reading a novel I’ve been dying to read. It’s one of those romance love triangle stories, usually I hate love triangles, but this one’s good. Both the men are beyond amazing, so it’s tough to pick sides. Ultimately I do choose a side only to realize there’s going to be another book which isn’t out yet…I hate that. By the time I am done reading, I see Tuck standing in the halfway leaning against the wall just watching me.

  “Hey, how long have you been standing there?” I ask smiling as his sexy face.

  “Not long but, it’s nice watching you so intrigued with whatever you’re reading,” he says with a smile.

  “Are you hungry? I can make us something to eat,” I ask as I stand up and head into the kitchen.

  “We can go out for breakfast if you want or if you rather we can stay in, your choice,” he says stumbling over his words.

  “We can stay in; I’ll make some eggs with toast. I’d make bacon but I forgot to pick some up,” I say looking apologetically.

  “That sounds good to me! Need any help?” Tuck asks as he walks over to me.

  “No I think I got it, thanks though.”

  “Alright then I’m going to hop into the shower.” He gives me a kiss on my forehead and then makes his way back the hall to the bathroom.

  After breakfast Tuck tells me he wants to talk to me about some things that happened yesterday, when he wasn’t around. I’m thankful I won’t have to drag that information out of him, but he looks nervous, so this in turn makes me nervous.

  “Harp, I’m not even sure where to begin…I want to kill your father for what he’s put you and your sister through. You should never have to endure anything like that and for that I am truly sorry that happened to you. I should have killed him when he was here,” he says and I can see the hurt and anger in his eyes, his hands are in fists looking ready to punch something.

  “I don’t want you to kill anyone, then you would get into trouble and I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me,” I say sadly looking at him.

  Tuck takes my hands and looks at me with those deep brown eyes, where I swear he has access to see right into my freaking soul. “I care a lot about you and I want to protect you. Your family should have protected you, instead they…they did the unimaginable. I won’t let anything like that ever happen to you, I promise you that.”

  “Tuck, it wasn’t your fault, heck we didn’t even know each other. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to me, I do trust you, you know,” I say with a smile trying to lighten the situation a little bit.

  “I went looking for your dad yesterday morning,” he says then releasing a breath I didn’t realize he was holding. “I couldn’t let him get away with what he did to you so I went to make him feel the pain that he’s caused.”

  “Tuck…..what did you do?” I ask him nervously looking him in the eyes.

  The look on Tuck’s face doesn’t tell me much but finally I hear words…”I didn’t get to do anything. They’d already left on a flight back. I’m not going to lie, I was tempted to fly out and still beat the shit out of him but I couldn’t leave you like that. I couldn’t get a hold of you because you don’t have a damn phone so I had no option but to stay here,” he says looking remorseful with his face looking towards the floor.

  “I’m glad you didn’t go after him, honestly, he’s not worth it. I just want to forget it all and move forward with my life. That is why I moved halfway across the freaking country, I want to start over Tuck,” I say with a small smile trying to get his attention to look at me.

  “I understand that, I do but there’s something else I need to tell you,” he says a little more nervously now still not looking at me.

  “What is it? Tell me.” I say now pulling his chin toward me so he has no choice but to look me in the face and explain what he’s talking about.

  “I told Park what was going on. Before when shit went bad for me, he’s the guy I went to and he didn’t let me down. I knew he wouldn’t because it involved you and I needed his help.” Tuck says nervously.

  “What did you do?” I ask him scared for his answer.

  “Listen, Park knows people, lots of people, especially now that his band’s getting known across the country. He put in a few calls and well, when your dad got off the plane he was arrested immediately and taken into custody,” Tuck informs me. What the hell do I do with that information? My dad arrested for what he did to me and my sister. While I’m thankful I’m nervous too, what does this mean for me now?

  “I don’t even know what to say. What happens now?” I ask cautiously

  “You need to testify against your fat
her. Plus you still have your sister’s journal so the prosecution will need to see that as well. The statute of limitations hasn’t run out for your sister so based on what Park’s lawyer is telling us, your dad could go away for a long time,” he says looking hopeful at me while holding my hands. “Also, Harp….your mom was arrested too for child endangerment. She knew what happened and did nothing. The lawyer said it may be harder to prove she knew without any physical evidence, but at least your father can pay for what he’s done.” I can tell he’s happy, but he also looks nervous.

  “So I need to go to court back in Virginia and face my parents and try to throw them in prison? Tuck, I….I’m not sure I can do this,” I say and I feel a few tears start to slowly slip out of my eyes.

  “Babe, look at me, you’re not going to do this alone. I’ll be there with you, holding your hand and helping you every step of the way. Park said he’d be there too. You’re not alone, not anymore.” Tuck says looking into my teary eyes, he takes his thumbs and slowly wipes away the few tears that escaped.

  “Thank you, but can I, can I just think about it please? I want them to go away, I never thought about sending my father to prison. That’s a lot to take in right now.” I try to tell him.

  “I get it, and yes please think about it. You need to realize that your father could do this to some other girl now that you’re gone. Who knows if he has done it to others, maybe people will speak out if he has? You’re so strong, I know you can do this,” he tells me with a hopeful look in his eyes. Too bad for me I don’t feel strong.

  Sending my father to prison, I honestly never thought of it. Based on what Allie tried to do by telling people and never amounting to anything have me scared shitless. I can’t sit in court and try to make him pay for him to get off and be back on the streets. He would surely come after me to make me pay. Then what? I can’t let Tuck get sucked into this mess, this mess that’s my life. He deserves better than this.

  As much as I want justice for me, I want it for Allie more. She deserves to be on this Earth every day and because of this monster, she’s not here living her life and planning her future. No instead, she’s buried six feet below.