After the Ending

by Lindsey Fairleigh

  That’s all for now. Stay safe Zo.

  Ciao,

  Dani

  37

  ZOE

  Waking the next morning was rough. I’d tossed and turned all night, thinking about Jake and the expression on his face when I’d left the common room. I was still exhausted and wasn’t even close to ready for a day filled with training and travel planning.

  Throwing off the covers, I pried myself from the warmth of the bed and slipped my feet into my brown, fur-lined slippers. I knew I’d need hot water if I was going to carpe diem, so I grabbed the towel hanging over the desk chair and headed out the door.

  The frigid air gnawed at my skin as I made my way down the empty hallway. Hearing the clacking of pool balls, I knew Dave was awake and playing his usual early morning game of pool with Stacey. I realized I was probably the last one to get up and dragged my feet lazily along the ground as I entered the empty locker room. The air was still steamy from someone else’s shower.

  After opening my locker, I sluggishly bent over and pulled off my sweatpants. My shirt quickly followed. As the steam dissipated, the brisk air bit at my exposed skin. I HATE winter. The cold tortured me as it lingered, seeming to mock my constant discomfort.

  Hearing the sound of a plastic bottle hitting the tiled shower floor, I jumped, swiveling around in surprise. I held my crumpled shirt against my exposed chest. The sound of bare feet on tile preceded Jake as he strode around the corner of the line of lockers…completely naked.

  Rumpling his hair with a towel, Jake almost ran into me before noticing my own mostly nude body frozen in front of him. He stopped abruptly, his expression shifting in recognition: surprise – confusion – intrigue.

  Beads of water glided down his skin, and his arm flexed as his fist clenched the towel hanging at his perfectly trimmed side. My eyes followed the droplets as they trickled down his sculpted abs, gravitating toward his…

  Realizing I was gawking at his nakedness, I raised my eyes to his face. He was curiously appraising my own barely covered body. His look was covetous, and he abruptly shifted his towel to cover the evidence of his sudden…excitement.

  “I didn’t know anyone else was in here,” he said casually. He was still naked, and I had to turn away or risk drooling. Why is he just standing there?

  “Shit,” I mouthed, realizing I was in the most deliciously awkward situation of my life. “I didn’t know you were in here either.” My boy-short bottoms and tangled mess of waist-length hair were all that covered my backside. One hand quickly moved to cover my face, and I considered putting my shirt back on. But then I’d have to pull it away from my boobs…

  “I’m pretty sure I put the white towel on the handle,” he said. The playfulness in his voice was back, and I could feel heat painting red splotches up my neck and cheeks.

  “Yeah, I guess I missed it. I’m not really a morning person.” I wondered if he was planning on getting dressed anytime soon. In the locker’s small mirror I could see his short hair, wet and spikey, and my body hummed at the thought of running my hands over it. “Are you planning on putting clothes on by any chance?” I murmured.

  “Am I making you uncomfortable?” I could tell he was smiling.

  Facing him, I fought the grin that threatened to expose my delight. “Slightly. I wasn’t expecting to see a naked man when I woke up this morning.”

  “You don’t like naked men?” His uncharacteristic joke made me laugh as I tried to focus on only his face.

  “Of course I do, I just wasn’t prepared…,” I said, stalling and pointing at him, “for this!”

  He said nothing and chuckled as he strolled toward the door, his firm glutes flexing as he walked by. I thought I glimpsed a smirk on his freshly shaven face as he turned the corner, wrapping his towel loosely around his waist as he vanished.

  Breathe.

  Again.

  I took numerous deep breaths, gathered my shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor, and headed for the showers. I was anxious for the hot water to wash away my sudden desire. Seemingly indestructible and with a body fit for battle, Jake reminded me of Achilles, and I wondered what his weakness might be. I couldn’t help but smile as I recalled his sexy grin.

  After my shower, I dressed and braided my hair, put my things away, and headed to the mess hall for breakfast. Of course I found Jake there, sitting at a table with Biggs. Great, just the three of us, I thought sarcastically. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, I lost my appetite.

  “Feel better?” Jake asked with a barely-there smirk.

  “You could say that,” I said before I could stop the words from escaping.

  “Yeah?” A jovial glint danced in his eyes.

  Biggs’s head turned back and forth between us until, thankfully, he interrupted. “When you’re finished with breakfast, Zoe, we’ll start training. Harper can’t today, so you’re stuck with me. Okay?”

  “Yeah, that’s great, thanks.” I suddenly realized I hadn’t seen Harper for a few days—not since the fireworks show—and the fact that I hadn’t really noticed his absence was surprising…and made me feel horrible. “Is Harper okay?” I asked.

  Biggs stopped chewing, like my question required a lot of thought. “Why do you ask?”

  “I haven’t seen him in a couple of days.” I eyed him closely. “Just wondering…,” I said, promising myself I’d find Harper before training.

  The three of us finished eating in silence, and after a while, Jake and I took our trays into the kitchen. As we scraped off our plates, we exchanged stolen glances until we heard Sanchez march in and whisper something to Biggs, who still sat at the table, jotting down notes.

  I looked over at Jake curiously. “Do you know what’s going on?”

  He shook his head.

  After a second thought, I asked, “Would you even tell me if you did?”

  “I have no idea what’s going on,” was all he said as we watched the secret exchange.

  Biggs looked up at me and smiled weakly. “Sorry Zoe, I have to bail on our training today. I’ll catch up with you later,” he blurted, hurrying away before I could ask any questions.

  “Hmmm…” Abandoning my plate in the sink, I debated whether I should follow after him like an annoying little kid.

  “If you’re serious about leaving,” Jake said, “you need to keep training.” He ruminated for a moment, completely unconcerned with what was happening with our other friends. “Do you want my help?” Despite his kindness, he seemed to find little pleasure in his offer.

  “Um…” Knowing Jake might convince me to stay, I was hesitant to accept his help. “Sure,” I said, accepting anyway—a small part of me simply wanted to be around him.

  “I can show you how to fight…and how to use a gun and a knife, but that’s about it,” he said.

  “You can?” I teased.

  “I know enough to get by.” He flashed a mischievous grin, and for a moment I saw the Jake I’d encountered in the locker room.

  To begin our workout, we started by jogging to the gym. The day was pleasant and getting warmer as we ran down the sidewalk.

  “How do you ‘know enough to get by,’ exactly?” I asked between breaths, hoping, but not expecting, to catch a glimpse into his past. Maybe he knows karate? I doubted it—I couldn’t picture a younger version of him being dropped off at a Dojo.

  “I got into a lot of trouble growing up,” Jake said after a few strides.

  “Can you please be more specific? I don’t mean to pry—I know how you hate that—but as your new trainee, I feel I deserve to know what I’m getting myself into. Are we talking skills and precision or hardcore street-fighting?” I half-joked.

  Jake smiled. “I moved around a lot. I was a stupid kid and wasted my time doing a lot of stupid things.”

  Had he practiced karate as a child or gone target shooting with his dad, my curiosity would’ve been satisfied. But his dismissive explanation was much more Jake-like, alluding to the untamed side I sometimes saw in his e
yes. I fought the temptation to dig deeper, to learn about him through his memories. I thought about how far we’d come the last couple of days, and I didn’t want to ruin our developing friendship by knowing too much too fast—plus there was that whole…none-of-your-business vibe.

  “So let’s just be clear, we’re not cage fighting or anything, right?” I asked playfully, trying to keep the conversation light.

  “No cage fighting,” he said. “Although…that’s an entertaining thought.” His rough laugh made me giggle.

  Surprised by my silliness, I stopped jogging. I just giggled. Guys don’t make me giggle.

  “You okay?” Jake asked as he stopped and stared back at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern.

  God, the way he looks at me makes me want to fling myself at him.

  Reality hit me like a ton of bricks falling one-by-one—each brick an interaction between Jake and me during the short time we’d known each other. As they landed, I recalled every word, every look, every gesture, and my conflicted emotions for him became clearer.

  I’m…into him. I like being around him. If the world was normal, I’d want to date him.

  The image of his sister dying in his arms flashed in my mind, and I knew I could never have him. I’m leaving for Colorado. His sister died there. He only wants to come to protect me because he couldn’t protect her. I don’t even know how he really feels about me.

  As he anxiously approached me, I grasped for control. “I’m fine, sorry,” I told him, waving him away.

  “You don’t look fine.”

  “Gee, thanks.” I jogged ahead, trying to stay focused on our day of training. “Come on, we’ve got a lot to do today.”

  I hated pushing Jake away like that, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was too caught off guard by the troublesome feelings I felt for him, and I just wanted to ignore them.

  When we reached the gym, we began our session with some kickboxing. Jake started by showing me how to throw a proper punch against a heavy punching bag.

  “Harper can show you how to wiggle your way out of an attacker’s arms all he wants, but then what? You need to learn how to fight back, otherwise, getting away would be pointless.”

  As he demonstrated, his triceps flexed with each extension of his arm, taunting me. I wished he’d put his long sleeves back on as much as I wished I could tear off everything he was still wearing.

  Why did I have to realize this now? I groaned inwardly.

  “Why are you stopping? Keep going,” he demanded.

  “I hardly see how this is helpful,” I whined, getting out of step with the heavy bag. It knocked into me with a thud, and I almost fell over.

  “If you can’t defend yourself against an inanimate object, how can you expect to protect yourself out there. I won’t always be there…you need to learn how to take care of yourself.”

  I sighed. “You’re right. You won’t always be there because you’re not coming with me.”

  Shaking his head, he hit his bag harder. “Whatever you say,” he said, mocking me.

  “Why do you have to say it like that? Why can’t you just help me and not try to make me feel like shit for wanting to leave? Is it really that difficult?”

  “Why wouldn’t I? I don’t want you going at all—with or without me. I’m surprised Harper’s not chaining you to your bed—that’s what I’d do.”

  “Harper’s not in charge of me. He’s not my father, not my boyfriend…” Jake’s pensive frown told me he’d assumed otherwise. “You thought we were together?” I asked, taken aback.

  He just smirked at my words and continued assaulting his heavy bag—left, right, then left again. Between the nicknames and the flirting, I could see why Jake might’ve thought that there was something going on between Harper and me. Beyond that, I was intrigued that he’d given it any thought at all, and happy that the revelation seemed to satisfy him.

  “Even if Harper and I were together,” I said, “he wouldn’t get a say.” I continued to kick my bag, my building aggression making my strikes more powerful. “Besides, he’s got his own shit going on, apparently.” I could feel sweat beading on my neck and chest, and fatigue was spreading through my thighs and butt. “Plus, since I have your blood inside me, I think there’s a chance I’ll be—”

  Jake stopped mid-punch, catching his bag as it swung back to him. “Jesus Christ, you can’t count on that,” he said angrily. “It might’ve been a one-time thing. I can’t believe you’re not taking this more seriously.”

  I rolled my eyes and continued kicking to avoid his scrutiny.

  “Turn your foot out, or you’ll break your ankle,” he ordered and resumed beating the shit out of his own bag.

  I stopped kicking and steadied myself to catch my breath. “What the hell? I don’t want you to come with me,” I lied. “So why are you making such a big deal about it?”

  Between strikes he said, “I’m going with you…because I didn’t save…your life just so…you could leave and…get yourself killed…Sorry if I seem…a little….pissed…about…it.”

  I took a step toward him. “Why do you care so much anyway?”

  Jake stopped abruptly and scoffed. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  I shook my head. “No, not really. You’re about as clear as mud, and you’re unpredictable. I have no idea what to think of you.” As I stood mere feet from his glistening body, I wanted to lunge at him, unsure if it was in anger or lust.

  His chest heaved, and he looked directly into my eyes. His gaze was charged with an electric current I could feel buzzing through me. I swallowed thickly.

  Carefully, he said, “I care about what happens to you because I care about you. I don’t want you to get killed.”

  His sincerity angered me even more. “You don’t care about me,” I snapped. “Let’s be honest, Jake. You just feel like you have to protect me because I remind you of your sister.” I couldn’t believe what I’d said—I knew it wasn’t true.

  “You know that’s not why,” he said through clenched teeth. He stepped closer, and the heat of his body wrapped around me, tempting me to lean into him.

  Instead, I timidly took a step backward. “Isn’t that why you saved me to begin with?”

  Rage filled his eyes as he again closed the distance between us. “Oh, so if I saw you getting raped and you didn’t remind me of her, you think I would’ve walked away? Give me a fucking break!” Infuriated, he turned away from me and paced back and forth. “For supposedly being able to read people’s minds or whatever, you’re really shitty at it.”

  “I already told you, I try not to. I thought—”

  “STOP IT! Tell me what’s really going on,” he demanded. “Did I piss you off? Where the hell is this coming from?”

  I waivered. Everything Jake had said during the last few minutes was finally sinking in. I desperately wanted to tell him how I felt…that I cared about him too.

  Before I could react, the heavy, metal door swung open, and Sanchez stepped inside. “We’ve got a situation,” she said gravely. “Both of you—come with me.” She turned and walked out of the gym, oblivious to the argument she’d interrupted, and expected us to follow her.

  I glanced at Jake, and the fierce glint in his eyes told me our conversation wasn’t over. Both of us were still breathing heavily as we followed Sanchez in silence, hurrying to catch up with her. A gentle breeze cooled my sweaty skin, making me shiver, and I rubbed my arms for warmth. I could see Jake eyeing me from the edge of my vision, willing me to look at him, but I refused. I didn’t know what the hell to do…I was embarrassed about what I’d said and was afraid of what might happen when our conversation continued.

  As we made our way toward the barracks, I spotted Harper. He looked haggard as he eased himself down onto the bench of a picnic table. I ran to him, squatting in front of him and taking in his appearance. “What’s wrong, H?”

  Harper smiled and kissed my forehead. “I’m fine, Baby Girl. I’m feeling a lot better, just re
ally tired. I haven’t been sleeping very well,” he explained as he straightened, portraying the cocky façade he knew I wanted to see. “Have a seat,” he said, motioning for me to sit beside him.

  I did and glanced over at Jake who was standing in front of us. Even he appeared concerned, his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth pressed into a thin line.

  Harper’s eyes shifted back and forth between us, and he hesitated.

  “Whatever it is, just tell us,” I pleaded. “Don’t beat around the bush. I’ll reach in and grab it if I have to,” I threatened, realizing my freakish empathy-thing was pointless if I didn’t start using it to my advantage.

  He winked. “Promise?”

  I tilted my head to the side and exhaled in exasperation.

  Chuckling, he said, “Calm down. I’ll tell you.”

  The late-morning sun was bright, and Harper squinted into the light before closing his eyes—its rays seemed to rejuvenate him right in front of us.

  “I’ve been seeing things…strange things,” he said thoughtfully, looking over to gauge my reaction before he glanced at Jake.

  “You’re like Sanchez, Jake, and me…the Virus changed you too,” I clarified.

  Harper nodded. “I’ve been having bad dreams for a while now, but they’ve gotten worse recently.” His eyes didn’t leave Jake as he continued, “The night before it happened, I saw Zoe being poisoned.”

  “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?” Jake practically growled.

  Harper’s eyes narrowed at him, and Jake’s fierce expression faltered, melting into shame. “It was too late,” Harper said defensively. “When it really did happen—when you were poisoned—I was…shocked.” He looked at me, his eyes filled with regret. “You died in my dream. That’s why I practically gave up…I didn’t think we could save you.” He paused. “But here you are…and not because of me. If Jake hadn’t known he could save you…if he hadn’t made me do the transfusion…” Harper shook his head, and I could feel his self-disgust.