Heart's Surrender

by Rosanne Bittner

The weather grew slightly warmer, the terrain more familiar as they moved through Virginia, then North Carolina. Everything was greener here, for in the North the colors began to turn earlier than they did in this land. With every mile Andrea’s chest tightened with anticipation and a little fear. What would she find? What would Adam be like? Perhaps he would be angry if she showed up. What if he’d found someone else? The thought provoked painful jealousy, yet she told herself she must not blame him if he had found another. After all, she had been gone three years, and that was a long time for a young boy to wait, especially when he probably didn’t even know if she would ever come back.

  Adam! Every green hill, every cedar, hickory, oak, and pine tree, every wildflower and every inch of red earth reminded her of him—of those sweet stolen moments that seemed to have occurred a century ago. Had she ever really lain with him beneath the great oak? Was it still there? She touched her stomach, painful memories shooting through her. The baby. Yes, she had lain with Adam Chandler. She had borne his son. It was all so unreal, except for the miserable ache she felt inside every time she thought of the baby, wondered what had happened to her son. Those first few weeks after the birth had been such agony, both physically and emotionally. Would she ever get completely over it? No, that was impossible. But if she could find Adam, and if he still wanted her, she would be stronger, she would make it.

  The land became more familiar. Andrea’s problem now was to get away from the woman who had been sent along to escort her home. Every proper young lady must have an escort, according to Miss Darcy. But Andrea knew it was this woman’s duty to make sure she went directly home and did not end up where she was not supposed to be—Indian country.

  Every night they had stayed at a proper inn, and the woman with her never left Andrea’s side, except when Andrea was in the bath. Somehow Andrea had to get away from her, and the driver. She would not go home! She was determined to go to New Echota, even if she had to leave her belongings behind and flee on foot. She had considered bribing the driver. Surely Adam’s family would gladly pay the man well if he helped her. But how could she trust him? He might betray her. She could trust no one anymore—no one but herself and Adam.

  She must ask how long it would be before she was home. She could tell by the terrain that she was very close, but the road from the north was unfamiliar to her. She had never been farther north than her own farm, except the night she’d been whisked away, and then she had been unconscious for many days. She had not seen the route they had taken. And if she had, it was three years ago. She would never remember. As they took a break to stretch from their long day’s ride, she approached the driver, pretending girlish curiosity and eagerness.

  “Oh, I must be so close to my home!” she said excitedly. “This all looks so familiar, but I’ve never been this far north. Are we close, Mr. West?”

  He dug a stone from a horse’s hoof. “That we are, little lady. Just another day’s ride. There’s a fork in the road near the inn where we’ll stay tonight. One way goes south, right past your farm. The other goes to the west—into New Echota, Indian country. There’s a high ridge between the two. It’s the only thing that separates the whites from the Indians, I hear. They even say the Indians want to have their own state. I don’t doubt there’s a lot going to be happening down here mighty quick. The papers up North say as how you Southerners want the Indians out altogether, but the Cherokee have got themselves some good land and a real nice town and all. I’m glad I’m from up North. I wouldn’t want to get mixed up in any of that mess.”

  Andrea put a hand to her chest. “Oh, it frightens me, Mr. West. I’ll be glad to get to my folks and make sure they’re all right. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them.”

  Mrs. Drew spoke up. “I’m sure they’re fine.” The tall, stern woman walked up beside Andrea. “Isn’t it good to be back to normal, Andrea?”

  “Oh, yes, it’s wonderful,” the girl told her, assuming a smile. “I feel like a new person.”

  The older woman smiled proudly in return. “Well, you are! And won’t your parents be surprised!”

  Andrea looked to the western mountains, toward New Echota. “Yes. They’ll be very surprised.” She had no feeling for her parents. She would never forget the past three cruel years, the loss of her precious baby and of her precious Adam, the whippings and the hard work. Nor would she forget that her parents had never once visited her, that they had written to her only twice. She didn’t care if she never saw them again. Only Adam mattered. She would find him. She would leave tonight, while Mrs. Drew and the driver slept. She would sneak to the stables behind the inn where they were to stay, and she would take one of the carriage horses, bridle it, and ride it bareback along the western road—the road to New Echota. Surely God was with her this time! Surely he had not brought her this far only to let something go wrong! She would head for New Echota, and by midday tomorrow she would be there, in the shelter of Adam’s arms—at least sheltered by him out of respect, if that was all he had left for her. Perhaps she would not find the love she expected to find, the happiness in his eyes that would be in hers when she saw him again. Perhaps he wouldn’t even be there. If so, she would have to count on his family to help her. But she would go, no matter what. She would not return home.

  The night was cold, so cold and dark! But the autumn moon was full and the road ahead easy to see. Still, what lay behind the shadows? The trees along the sides of the road were thick and shadowy. Evil men or vicious beasts could be lurking behind them. Was it at night that wolves and bears and all sorts of creatures prowled? And didn’t men with evil intentions hide in the shadows waiting to attack?

  Andrea breathed deeply to stay in control. She must not let fear overtake her. She pictured the same road in daylight. Surely it was beautiful and sunny, free of frightening things. She would not let the dark frighten her. She would remain calm so that the horse would do the same. She pushed the animal on. She had to get as much ground between herself and the town behind her as she could. She had to get close to New Echota before Mrs. Drew awoke to find her gone! Once the woman realized her charge was missing, she would know right away where Andrea had gone. She and the coachman would take the western road and they would find her. Andrea decided to hide among the trees, perhaps let the horse loose and go on by foot, as soon as the sun was up.

  The night air was filled with the sounds of singing insects, hooting owls; and an occasional rustling in the nearby woods brought terror to Andrea’s heart. She wanted to scream, was even tempted to go back to the warm, safe room at the inn. But she had no choice now. The next day they would take her home, and she didn’t want to go there, for she was certain that if she did she would never see Adam again.

  Adam! She must think only of Adam. She must be strong and brave for him. He was all that mattered. She could not let her childish fears of the dark woods make her turn back. She had been through so many hardships in these last three years, so much pain and loneliness. She couldn’t give up now. Not now! She talked soothingly to the horse, urging it on and on, terrified that in the dim moonlight the animal would take a wrong step and falter, throwing her and leaving her injured and helpless in the dark night. And then, in the morning they would come. They would come and find her. If only Adam would come and find her…How wonderful that would be! Again she concentrated on him. Adam. She must think of nothing else.

  Deep into the night, for over four hours, she urged the horse on, giving thanks to God for every minute the animal kept going. She kept her cloak wrapped snugly about her shoulders, the hood up over her head. Somehow it seemed the garment might protect her from evil demons. She rode hunched over. She felt safer that way. If she sat up straight, someone could more easily sink a knife into her back. And this was Indian country. Perhaps the Cherokee were not all as civilized as Adam and the Indians she had met through him. Perhaps evil Cherokees lurked in the trees and bushes. But no. She would not believe that. The Indians she had met were nice and kind, and peaceful. Th
ey would not harm her.

  She came upon a steep downward grade in the road just then, and far in the distance she could see lighted windows, a sign of civilization, a town! Was it New Echota? How many hours had she been on the road, feeling her way bravely through the darkness? Adam would be proud of her when she showed up at his door in the night!

  She urged the horse forward. She would have to slow down now. This was a dangerous grade. She continued to talk quietly to the animal, heading it toward the lights. If only they were a little closer! If only it wasn’t such a long way yet! If only it were not so dark and frightening! She shivered in spite of her cloak. She had brought along only the clothes she wore, nothing extra. She hadn’t wanted to have to worry about baggage, for she would be riding bareback. If she made it to New Echota, Adam would see that she was provided with everything she needed. And then there would be no more loneliness, no more worry, no more fear. She would be safe and warm, and she would be loved forever. All she had to do was make it to the lights by morning.

  She pictured Mrs. Drew and the driver still sleeping, unaware of her absence. She smiled at that thought. How clever she was! How brave and clever to have fooled the hateful Miss Darcy and all the others, to have made Mrs. Drew think she was anxious to get home, to have sneaked away and braved the dark night road. Yes, she had fooled them all! She had not stopped loving Adam Chandler for one moment. If anything, she loved him even more, for he had fathered her little baby. She had given birth to a life, even though that baby had been taken from her. She wasn’t sorry for joining with Adam, being his wife. That was what she was, after all. He had told her so. And if he thought of her as his wife, then he would wait for her. Young love ran deep and strong, did it not? Yes, he would be waiting. She had only to get to the lights.

  At that moment a fluttering sound came from a nearby tree, and something large flew in front of the horse. Andrea didn’t have time to wonder what it was—a hawk, an owl, a demon. Its movement was enough to startle her mount, to make it suddenly rear in terror. Without a saddle Andrea could not hang on. She screamed as she slid off the horse’s back, and as she landed hard on the rough ground, one hoof came down on her ribs. She let out a grunt and tried to get out of the way, but slipped on loose gravel and fell again, rolling down and down. She could hear the horse somewhere, whinnying and running off.

  “No!” she screamed. “Come back! Don’t go!” All the while she slid and rolled until she landed, with a jolt, against a rock. Panicked, she tried to rise, but pain gripped her, and she collapsed, gasping. Her every attempt to breathe suddenly provoked excruciating pain, and she knew she dare not try to rise again, for it was suddenly dangerous just to breathe.

  “Adam!” she whimpered. “God, no! Don’t let them find me! Help me!” She struggled against tears, for to breathe in quick, hard sobs would be unbearable. How long would she have to lie in pain this way, in the cold night with no help? She could hear a running horse, far away now. So far away! She pulled her cloak over herself, a painful effort, then huddled beside the rock, praying she had landed someplace where she would not be found by the wrong people. She could not stop the tears of panic and despair now, in spite of the unbearable pain they brought on. Why? Why had this happened? She’d been doing so well. Surely something was broken inside her. Perhaps she would die here. How ironic to die in this place, after all these years, so close to him, so close to Adam. How cruel and unfair! How could God have done this to her? But if she was going to be found by Mrs. Drew, she would rather die. She hoped the woman would find her dead, for if she did not, surely she would take her right back to that horrible school. No! She could never go back! If she could not get to Adam now, she wanted only to die.

  She curled up under the cloak, resting her head against leaves, wondering if a wolf or some other creature would come along and eat her. But soon her eyes drooped and she fell into an exhausted sleep, her body slipping into unconsciousness due to her injuries. Yet her mind floated…to Adam…to the oak tree…to nothingness. She was sure she must be dying. She would simply let it happen.

  Andrea awoke to an awareness of slight movement and bright sun in her face. Her heart pounded wildly when she saw two figures standing over her. The glare behind them was so bright she couldn’t make them out. One of them had turned her onto her back. He was running his hands over her.

  “No!” she whimpered. “Don’t touch me!”

  “It’s all right, little one,” a man said kindly. “We only want to help you. Who are you? Where should we take you?”

  She struggled to gather her thoughts. This was not Mrs. Drew…or Mr. West. Who was this? She must be careful. The pain! It was so bad, so hard to breathe! The man was moving his hands over her again, and she cried out.

  “I think a rib is broken, perhaps more than one. She must have been thrown from a horse or something.”

  “Who…are you?” she gasped. “Please don’t hurt me!”

  “We are not here to hurt you. We are from New Echota. I am Sam Williams, and this is my brother, Robert. We were on our way home when we saw you lying here. Who are you? Where are you from?”

  “New Echota?” Her breathing quickened. “Take me there! Please…please…take me there…to Adam…Adam Chandler. I’m…Andrea. He knows me. I was…trying to get to him.”

  Sam turned to look at his brother. “It’s her—the one Adam brought to the dance a long time ago, the one he wanted to marry before she disappeared. Remember? Everyone talked about it for a long time.”

  Robert frowned. “It could make much trouble to take her to New Echota.”

  “Please take me,” she whimpered. “Please! Don’t…take me home. I’ve been through…so much…to get here. Please take me to Adam!”

  The one called Sam sighed. “The boy Adam will be very upset if we do not take her to him. I say this is the boy’s problem—Jonas Chandler’s problem. It is not up to us to decide. I say we take her to Chandler’s house.”

  “Then let us do so quickly. She is badly hurt, and she will be sick from lying here all night in the damp cold.”

  Tears of joy and relief ran from Andrea’s eyes. She tried hard to hold them back, but she could not. She kept slipping in and out of consciousness as someone wrapped another blanket around her and picked her up. She cried out with pain then, but there was no choice but to move her. They laid her in a wagon full of straw, on which they had transported eggs the day before. Sam sat in the back with her, and Robert carefully drove the team down the steep road into the valley.

  Andrea smiled in spite of her pain, lying back and allowing the sun to warm her face and body. God was being good to her after all! Adam! She was going to Adam! The people who had found her were Cherokee, not from the school! She fought the unconsciousness that kept trying to overtake her, though it sometimes succeeded momentarily. She had to be awake. What did she look like? She had planned on looking her finest when seeing Adam again, to have her hair pretty. She’d worn her best dress when she’d left the inn, hoping nothing would happen to it. Now it was surely torn and dirty, and she was in so much pain she could not even stand up to show him how much she had grown. He wouldn’t be able to tell how she had changed and filled out. But maybe it wouldn’t matter to him. Maybe he would be so glad to see her it wouldn’t matter.

  Was this really happening? She drifted in and out of a strange, painful sleep. How long did the wagon bounce over the rough road before she felt it stop, heard voices?

  “Andrea! My God, it’s Andrea Sanders!” a man exclaimed. The voice was familiar, but it was not Adam’s. “Someone go and get my son right away—and a doctor! Adam is at the newspaper office. Get the girl inside. Take her to the guest room. She looks badly hurt.”

  She was being moved as gently as possible.

  The voice came again. “Where did you find her?”

  “Up the road, Jonas. Looks like she was thrown from a horse or something. She begged us to bring her here, not to take her home. We didn’t know what else to do.”
<
br />   “I am glad you brought her here. It is dangerous, but my son will be so happy.”

  Happy? Adam! Then he was still waiting! He still loved her! The voices faded again, and then a woman spoke, and a young girl. Her clothes were being removed and she cried out with pain.

  “The doctor will come soon,” the woman told her. “And Adam will be here quickly, I am sure. Try to relax, Andrea. You are badly hurt.”

  Cool sheets came over her, then a blanket, wonderfully warm and soft. And a warm, wet rag moved over her face, washing it clean. “Poor child,” the woman soothed. “Where have you been, dear girl? How did you come to be lying hurt along the road?”

  “She must have been running away from someone, Mother.” The younger voice.

  “Yes. I wonder what she has been through. God only knows. Perhaps her parents do not know she is here. We will not tell them, not until we find out from Andrea what has happened. We must be prepared for unwanted visitors who might follow her here. If strangers come, tell them nothing.”

  “Yes, Mother.”

  “Adam will be so happy…so happy.”

  “Adam!” Andrea whimpered the name half-consciously.

  “He will be here soon, Andrea dear. You just hang on. Adam is coming.”

  The doctor came out into the hall where Adam paced anxiously, reluctantly obeying his mother’s instructions not to go inside until the doctor had seen Andrea. All four Chandlers looked at the doctor as he exited. He was a white missionary, a man who had worked with the Cherokee for years, and he considered them friends and family, his own wife being a Cherokee woman. He knew the story of Adam and Andrea, and there was sorrow in his eyes now as they met Adam’s. He now had to look up at the tall, well-built young man. Adam was handsome. It was easy to see how Andrea, how any girl, could love him.

  “What is it?” Adam stepped closer, looking as if he were ready to explode. “Is she badly hurt?”