The Anniversary
Page 30
She knew that Rick was watching her, sensed his rising annoy-27
ance. But, again, it had nothing to do with her. All she could do 28
was wait.
29
Rick leaned forward, hands clasped, elbows on the table. “I 30
want you to tell me what’s going on. Something is happening 31
with you. I want to know what it is. The way things have been 32
with us — it can’t go on. I feel like you don’t trust me. I haven’t 33
asked any questions. I haven’t wanted to press you. I’ve kept hop-34
ing that you’d — we’d — get to the point where you’d want to let 35 S
me in. Where you’d want to tell me your secrets. Want to tell me 36 R
about this. ”
2 0 2
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 203
T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y
Before she knew what was happening, he grabbed hold of her 1
arm. He flipped it over, pushed up the sleeve, and touched the 2
tracing of scars.
3
And then it was like she’d gone away. Her mind was set adrift.
4
Instead of listening to Rick, she was thinking of Melanie. She 5
needed to call the hospital, to find out her condition. She won-6
dered if they’d tell her how Melanie was if she called and asked.
7
She should have protected Melanie. She should have protected 8
the others. Once again, she’d second-guessed herself. She hadn’t 9
trusted her instincts.
10
“Callie? Are you listening to me?” Rick’s voice jarred her back 11
to the present.
12
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I sort of spaced out.”
13
“Have you heard a thing I’ve been saying?”
14
“I — I heard the first part.”
15
He looked at her, jaw set.
16
The waitress arrived with their meals.
17
The crisp, brown duck smelled delicious, but Callie wasn’t 18
hungry. Unwilling to meet Rick’s eyes, she picked up her fork and 19
knife. She cut off a tiny sliver of duck and moved it around on her 20
plate. It was then that she noticed the single rose in the flower 21
display on their table. The rose was the palest yellow, not red.
22
Still, her body clenched.
23
“I want to get a gun,” she said abruptly.
24
Rick looked at her, dumbfounded. “Is there any particular rea-25
son?” he asked.
26
She didn’t like his tone.
27
“I’m a citizen,” she said stiffly. “I have a right to protect my-28
self.”
29
“Callie, this is Merritt. Protect yourself from what?”
30
Suddenly, she felt angry. She shouldn’t have to explain. The 31
gun was her decision. It had nothing to do with Rick.
32
“You know,” she said, squarely meeting his eyes. “There are 33
things you don’t know about me. Some of them are . . . impor-34
tant.”
S 35
He leaned closer, across the table. “What the hell is going on?”
R 36
2 0 3
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 204
A M Y G U T M A N
1
She had a sense that if he could have, he’d have reached across 2
the table to shake her. Then something in him seemed to col-3
lapse, and he sank back into his chair. When he looked back up, 4
he seemed defeated, and she felt a pang of guilt. Suddenly, she 5
thought of Rick’s father, his ongoing heart problems. How long 6
had it been since she’d even asked Rick how his father was doing?
7
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for everything.”
8
Rick just looked at her, shook his head. His face was expres-9
sionless.
10
“Something’s got to change,” he said. “We can’t go on this 11
way.”
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35 S
36 R
2 0 4
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 205
Saturday, May 6
He shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t.
1
And yet, here he was.
2
Lester Crain drove slowly past the house on Abingdon Circle.
3
Right away, he knew he’d found the place. Her car was parked 4
out front. The blue Subaru with the license plate 23LG00. Then 5
the front door was opening. He pulled to the side of the road. He 6
watched as she stepped down off the porch with two men and an-7
other woman.
8
The four of them walked to the curb where a battered Jetta was 9
parked. They opened the doors and climbed inside, and then 10
they were off.
11
Without taking time to think, he fell in behind them.
12
The drumbeat was growing louder now.
13
He knew what he had to do.
14
15
h
16
“What’s a grange anyway?” asked Callie.
17
They were zipping up I-91 in Martha’s Volkswagen Jetta, Tod 18
and Martha in the front seat, Callie and Rick in the back, head-19
ing for the weekly contra dance at the Guiding Star Grange in 20
Greenfield.
21
“They were started by farmers after the Civil War,” said Martha.
22
“Community organizations to promote the well-being of farm fam-23
ilies. They fought the railroad monopolies but also did a lot of social 24
activities. Square dances, suppers, sing-alongs, that sort of thing.”
25
As it turned out, Callie was just as happy to be in a group S 26
R 27
2 0 5
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 206
A M Y G U T M A N
1
tonight. There was no denying the tension that now suffused her 2
dealings with Rick. They hadn’t talked since Thursday night, 3
when he’d left her abruptly at the front door. She’d even thought 4
that he might cancel tonight, say he just didn’t want to see her.
5
But, perhaps in deference to his friendship with Tod, he hadn’t 6
opted out.
7
“Actually,” said Martha, “this particular grange almost closed 8
in the early nineties. There was a lawsuit over handicap access 9
and not enough members left to pay for renovations. We — I 10
mean the dancers — we’d been renting the hall, and when we 11
found
out what was happening, we asked the farmers how we 12
could help. The solution we figured out was for the dancers to 13
join the grange.”
14
“That’s interesting,” said Tod.
15
“Yes,” Callie chimed in.
16
Rick’s face was dim in the shadows. He didn’t seem to hear.
17
Callie wondered what he’d say if he knew where she’d spent her 18
day: in Springfield, at the Smith & Wesson Academy, taking a 19
gun safety course. Today she’d stood on a shooting range, firing at 20
paper targets. She’d learned to squeeze the trigger slowly, waiting 21
for the recoil. The revolver was heavier than she’d expected. She 22
felt subtly changed. Now, with her safety certificate in hand, she 23
was free to apply for a license.
24
They swung off 91 onto 2A and headed down Greenfield’s 25
Main Street. Callie had a moment of déjà vu; she’d taken this 26
route to Maine. They passed through town, then swung a left 27
down a side street of clapboard houses.
28
The Guiding Star Grange was a large white building that 29
might have been a country church. It was only seven-thirty, but 30
the lot was filling, and it took some time to park. Inside, the hall 31
was huge, with wood floors and tall windows. A table by the door 32
held an open fiddle case piled with dollar bills. A sign on the case 33
said $7.00, the price of admission. “I’ll pay for you,” Callie said to 34
Rick and counted out fourteen dollars. “Thanks,” Rick re-35 S
sponded. He barely glanced at her.
36 R
Callie’s spirits lifted slightly as they moved inside, and she 2 0 6
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 207
T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y
heard the lively music, a haunting, energizing blend of Celtic and 1
American. Onstage, someone played the accordion, and a few 2
other musicians played strings. Out front, a few eager couples 3
danced, mirroring each other’s movements, swirling in circles, 4
suddenly stopping, then doing a sort of scuff kick.
5
The growing crowd ran the gamut from aging hippies to tat-6
tooed kids. There were even a few svelte couples in black who 7
looked like they hailed from Manhattan. Callie was smiling at 8
the random mix when she caught sight of Nathan and Posy.
9
Callie ducked behind Martha. “Kabuki Girl’s here. With 10
Nathan.”
11
Martha looked at her, stricken. “I should have told you she 12
comes sometimes. I’d totally forgotten.”
13
“It’s not a big deal,” said Callie. But a part of her wished she’d 14
known. The thought of dealing with Nathan tonight was more 15
than she could take. People were still pouring through the door, 16
filling up the hall. Perhaps the crowd would be large enough that 17
he wouldn’t notice her.
18
Someone on the stage was talking.
19
“That’s the caller. We’re about to start.” Martha looked at Cal-20
lie and Rick. “Maybe the two of you should split up, at least for 21
the first few dances. It’s easier to pick up the steps with someone 22
who knows what they’re doing.”
23
“Okay,” said Rick, with an alacrity that Callie found discon-24
certing. He headed off into the crowd, leaving Callie with 25
Martha and Tod.
26
“I don’t want to strain my ankle,” said Callie. “I just got off 27
those crutches.”
28
“See how it feels,” Martha said. “You can always sit down if you 29
want to.”
30
Martha was looking over Callie’s shoulder. “Al!” she called.
31
“Come dance with my friend. It’s her first time here.”
32
Callie’s partner was a balding man with a small potbelly and an 33
impish smile. Below khaki shorts, his legs were white. He wore 34
tube socks and sneakers.
S 35
The crowd had divided itself into three long lines of couples.
R 36
2 0 7
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 208
A M Y G U T M A N
1
From the stage, the caller gave instructions. Callie did her best to 2
follow.
3
Do-si-do. Star Left. Swing your partner. Circle right.
4
Some moves were familiar from childhood square dances; oth-5
ers were totally new. The most complicated step, called a hey, in-6
volved four dancers weaving in and out. Callie couldn’t seem to 7
get it straight. She kept bumping shoulders and knees.
8
“Don’t worry about it,” Al said reassuringly. “Just have a good 9
time.”
10
The music started up, spirited and infectious.
11
Before she knew what was happening, Callie found herself 12
dancing. Someone grabbed her hand. She turned around. Then 13
Al clasped her from behind. He spun her around, first slowly, 14
then faster and faster.
15
“Meet my eyes,” she heard him say, as the room began to blur.
16
“It’ll keep you from getting dizzy.”
17
She raised her head, reeling, smiling. Then someone else 18
grasped her hand.
19
There was a pattern to the dance, Callie saw, though it took a 20
while to catch on. She and Al had started near the top of their 21
line and were moving toward the bottom, dancing with the cou-22
ple just behind them, then moving on to the next, repeating the 23
same pattern of steps with each successive couple.
24
Once she got the hang of it, she fell into the rhythm. Before 25
long, she was extending a hand, not waiting to be grabbed. Now 26
when Al spun her around, she leaned farther back, letting the 27
weight of her body add to the momentum. It was like being a 28
child again, twirling as fast as she could, getting a kick out of try-29
ing to make herself dizzy enough to fall down.
30
Glancing around, Callie thought how wholesome the whole 31
thing seemed. As if they’d all been transported back to some sim-32
pler time and place. A community barn raising, a church potluck 33
supper. It really was a lot of fun, festive and exhilarating. So dif-34
ferent from the type of dancing she’d done when she was younger.
35 S
The dark rooms, the beer and sweat, the loud pounding music.
36 R
I’m in the mood, I’m in the mood, I’m in the . . .
2 0 8
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 209
T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y
With a start, she pulled her thoughts back to the safe, well-1
lighted present.
2
When the music ended, everyone clapped. Al thanked her and 3
moved on. But bef
ore she could look around for Rick, someone 4
else had asked her to dance. She danced with him and then an-5
other man, a professor at UMass. By the end of the third dance, 6
her ankle throbbed. She had to take a break.
7
Chairs lined the sides of the hall, and she headed for an empty 8
one. She was just about to take a seat, when someone called her 9
name.
10
“Hi, Callie. Will you dance with me?” Nathan’s face was pink 11
and shiny. His white T-shirt clung damply to the bones of his nar-12
row rib cage.
13
Callie shook her head. “Sorry, Nathan, but I’m beat. I’ve got to 14
take a break.”
15
“Maybe I’ll take a break with you. I’m pretty wiped out too.”
16
The music had started again. But instead of the rousing contra 17
music, the musicians were playing a waltz. Couples slowly dipped 18
and turned to the one-two-three, one-two-three beat. Across the 19
room, Callie saw Martha, taking the floor with Al. She wondered 20
what he’d been thinking when he put on those thick white socks.
21
“Where’s Posy?” Callie asked Nathan.
22
He shrugged. “Don’t know,” he said.
23
Then, with relief, Callie saw Tod, coming toward her through 24
the crowd.
25
“Hey,” he said. “I was looking for you. Want to give it a whirl?”
26
“Sure!” said Callie. She looked at Nathan. “Sorry. I promised 27
him.” She glimpsed Nathan’s disappointed face as Tod took her 28
hand. He stood there, slack-faced, staring, as she moved to the 29
floor with Tod.
30
“What was that about?” asked Tod, taking Callie in his arms.
31
He felt different from Rick, shorter and more compact. She had 32
an impression of solidity. He smelled of wool and lime.
33
“It’s not worth going into,” said Callie. “Someone I know from 34
school.”
S 35
They danced for a while in silence, Tod’s arm firm around her R 36
2 0 9
2nd PASS PAGES
13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 210
A M Y G U T M A N
1
waist. Callie hadn’t waltzed since the ballroom dancing classes 2
she’d taken as a kid, but to her surprise, she found that she could 3
easily follow Tod.
4
“You’re good at this.” She grinned up at him.
5
“You sound surprised,” he said.
6
“No. Oh, maybe. I guess I just don’t think of people waltzing 7