Drifting into Darkness

by La Rocca, J. M.

  Setting my drink down, I grabbed the rake and went about cleaning up the stall. I’d have to start bringing my iPod for this part of the day. If I had to clean up poop for two hours, at least I could do it while listening to some good music.

  ~*~

  It didn’t take me nearly as long to clean the stalls this time around, with a shovel that actually worked. I was able to make it back to the corn house to help Lisa get more bags done before we left for the day.

  I parted ways with Lisa and told her I’d text her if I did decide to go to the race or after party. I didn’t really know anyone and that was my biggest motivation in saying no, but I’d never meet anyone if I didn’t go. The situation reminded me of what my mom said to me when I was little about making new friends. ‘How do you expect to make any friends if you never talk to anyone?’ Erin was the first girl I talked to on my second day of kindergarten and we became instant best friends.

  After stopping at CVS on the way home to get sunblock, I made it home in forty minutes. I walked up my stairs and into my place, throwing my purse on the table next to the door, and went straight to the bathroom for a shower.

  I knew I’d call Erin as soon as I got out so I stayed in there longer than I was going to. I didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t tried to call or text after that first night. I knew she was giving me space. She knew me and how I’d react. We’d had fights and arguments before, but this was different. I felt like she betrayed me, but then again, I knew she was just being a friend. I just needed to call her and tell her that this all needed to be put behind us. If I wanted to get over what the asshole did, then I needed to let it go. Holding grudges never fixed anything and I didn’t want to lose her over him.

  I dried off after getting out of the shower and got dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a V-neck tee. I was going to make the phone call in my room while I lay on my bed, but thought better of it. I’d probably fall asleep in the middle of our conversation, so I went to the living room and sat on the couch instead.

  I dialed her number and waited.

  “Hey,” she answered.

  “Hey,” I replied. She didn’t say anything so I continued. “I wanted to talk to you about the other day.”

  “Yeah,” she snapped. I knew this was coming. She was in her defense mode.

  “Just listen to everything I say before you start talking, okay?” Silence. “I know you’re pissed that I basically accused you of being a bad friend, but you have to see it from my point of view. I was hurt and you are the last person I ever thought could hurt me like that. I understand what you were trying to do, though. And honestly, I just want to forget it all. I’m so sick of all of it. I’m ready to move on and I can’t do it if we’re still fighting because he’s the cause of that too. I love you and I’m sorry for being such a bitch.” The line was silent again and I waited a few seconds to see if she would say anything. When she didn’t, I got worried. “Erin, are you there?”

  “Yeah,” she said in a cracked voice before clearing her throat. “I’m so sorry too, and I agree, I want to move past it too. I was so worried when I didn’t hear from you, Sadie. You’re so far away now, so I didn’t know what to think. You’re my best friend and I would never do something to hurt you intentionally.”

  I let out a sigh. I felt bad that she was so upset over all of it. “I know you wouldn’t. So let’s just forget about it and move on. Okay? I have so many other things we could be talking about right now.”

  “Oh, really,” she sniffed, “like what?”

  “I got a job.”

  “Oh, where at?”

  I waited a minute before I replied knowing what her reaction would be. “…a farm.”

  She let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. “Are you shitting me? A farm? For real? Are you turning all southern on me already? Oh, Oh, Oh, have you met any hot cowboys?”

  Moving one of my pillows to the side of the couch, I laid down and got comfortable, knowing we’d be on the phone for a while. “Yes a farm. I met this girl, Lisa, at registration, which went fine by the way, and she told me about this farm where she works. I had told her about needing to find a job around here and she made a good point that in a college town during the summer all the good jobs would be taken. So anyway, I went there the next day and checked it out.”

  “What do you do? Do you have to like…milk cows and stuff?”

  I laughed. “No. It’s a crop farm. I help bag green beans and corn. They do have cows though, but they aren’t there for milking.” I knew she’d know what I was talking about.

  “Oh, well, that sucks.”

  “Yeah. They also have horses and I have the honor of cleaning up the horse shit every day.”

  This caused her to move the phone away from her ear to laugh. “Oh, my God, you aren’t serious?” I knew she’d crack up. Working on a farm is the last place she’d ever think I’d get a job, let alone, clean up horse crap.

  I chuckled. “Unfortunately, yes I am, but it’s really not that bad. I actually like working there except for the heat. It’s freaking brutal. I’ll have a suntan in no time at all.”

  “Any hot young guys work there?” I knew she’d go back to that one.

  I rested my arm above my head and started playing with my hair. “Yes, actually, there are.”

  “Ooh, you should sneak some pictures and show me,” she requested.

  I laughed. “You are out of your mind. No way am I doing that.”

  “You are such a spoilsport,” she laughed. “At least you have something nice to look at while you are at work.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” I reckoned.

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  I proceeded to tell her all about Landon and his crappy rudeness. “Oh, come on Sadie, you know that saying that guys mess with the girls they like.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Erin, we aren’t in middle school. This guy is a real douche, a hot douche, but a douche nonetheless.”

  “Okay, well, it’s Friday. What are you doing tonight? I’m betting you haven’t been out since you moved. You should call up that girl and see if she wants to go out. She could introduce you to some guys or maybe you could meet some new people. You need to get out of the house.”

  I turned and laid on my side holding the phone to my ear. “I told myself the other night that I’m not looking for a guy right now. I feel like I need a break from all of it. I don’t even think I could trust another guy again.” It was sad how much faith and trust I had put into that relationship. Like he had control over everything. I would never let that happen again.

  I heard her sigh. “I know what you are saying, Sadie, but we all need a little bit of love in our life. You’re young and pretty and shouldn’t stop living your life just because of one asshole. With everything going on with Jason and now your mom and dad, you could use a little distraction.”

  She was right; I did. There was no reason I should just turn off my life because I was sad and felt like crap. “There is this party going on over at the farm tonight that I was invited to. I haven’t made up my mind if I wanted to go or not.”

  “You should totally go,” she shrieked. “Get out of the house and go have fun. But you have to tell me all about it tomorrow. And if there are lots of hot cowboys you have to tell me. I might come visit you a lot sooner,” she laughed loudly.

  “You are such a dork,” I yawned. “All right, I’m going to let you go for now. I’m so tired. I’ll have to take a nap if I want to do anything tonight. Getting up so early is going to kick my ass this summer.”

  “Yeah, good luck with that one.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “You better. Have a good night. Talk to you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.” I stretched my arm out and set my phone on the coffee table contemplating if I’d really go or not. There was nothing else for me to do except sit there and watch reality TV, read, or I could bear a night hanging out with my parents. And that’s exactly what I’d be
en doing for the past three weeks since we moved here. I was pathetic. There was no reason for me not to go to the party tonight. Even if I went for just a little bit, at least it would get me out of the house.

  With that decided, I rolled over on the couch, having no energy to get up and go to bed, and took a nap.

  Eight

  It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness when I finally peeled my eyes open. I grabbed my phone to see what time it was. Shit! It was already seven twenty-two in the evening. I must have really been tired to sleep for over three hours. I was surprised my mother hadn’t texted or called to see if I was coming down for dinner. And speaking of dinner, I was famished. I really didn’t want to go down to the main house to see what she had made, so I decided on just making a ham sandwich and grabbed a can of coke to drink.

  I turned on the light in my small living room and settled down on the couch to send Lisa a text while I ate.

  Me: Hey I was thinking about going to the party at the farm. What time do you guys normally get there?

  I only had to wait a few minutes for her reply.

  Lisa: Yay! That would be awesome. We’re still at the track but we’ll be leaving in about twenty minutes. Do you remember where I showed you everyone parks?

  Me: Yes, but I don’t know how to get there.

  Lisa: Instead of turning down the road to the farm, keep going straight. There are reflectors on a tree about two miles down. Use high beams. Turn right down that path and you’ll see all the cars.

  Me: Ok, sounds easy enough. I’ll see you in about an hour and a half.

  Lisa: Text me when you get there.

  Me: K

  Texting Lisa got me excited about going out. It had been a long time since I had fun and I was ready to let loose.

  I finished my sandwich and strode to the bathroom to take another shower, leaving my hair up in a bun. I didn’t need to take another one, but I always took one after a nap. It helped to wake me up. In the shower, I contemplated what I’d wear. What did you wear to a farm party?

  Washing up quickly, I got out of the shower, dried off, and headed to my room to pick out my clothes. I decided on an embellished tank top and a short linen skirt. It was still warm out even though it was at night, so I didn’t want to wear something too heavy and get all sweaty.

  After getting dressed, I went back to the bathroom to flat iron my long brown hair and put on a little bit of makeup. Nothing too heavy since my skin was already starting to tan from the little exposure I got from the past two days. I slipped on some flip-flops and I was ready to go.

  ~*~

  I found the tree Lisa was talking about and turned down the path. It wasn’t long before I saw about twenty cars parked in random places. Not knowing where to park, I picked an isolated spot so I wouldn’t have a problem getting my car out when I wanted to leave.

  Grabbing my phone, I sent Lisa a quick text letting her know I was there and had already parked. She texted back quickly and said she was walking toward the cars to meet me.

  Getting out of the car, I walked toward a path that led to the clearing. I was glad there was a quarter moon or I wouldn’t have been able to see anything. Laughter and talking floated through the trees as I got closer. I knew there had to be more people than the twenty cars led you to believe. I imagined each car carried at least four people out here.

  A slight breeze ruffled my hair as I walked down the pathway. It wasn’t as warm as I thought it would be at night.

  Shadows danced across the trees at the other end of the pathway and I noticed a figure that was walking in my direction. As it got closer, I could see that it was Lisa. She was wearing another summer dress and she had her hair in a high ponytail.

  “Sadie,” she squealed, “I’m so glad ya decided to come out.” She skipped and hopped up to me, grabbing me in a hug. I could smell the alcohol on her as she wrapped her arms around me.

  “Hey,” I said as she backed away.

  “Come on,” she demanded, as she grabbed my wrist. “Let’s go introduce ya to everyone.” I followed her the rest of the way, not really having a choice since she kind of had a death grip on my wrist.

  We made it to the end of the path and Lisa stopped and started looking around. I was surprised at how many people were actually out here. There had to be well over sixty people. Someone had a car parked at the far end of the clearing with the doors and trunk open letting country music pour out from the speakers. It wasn’t my type of music, but I’d listened to some of what they played on pop radio. There were also five metal trashcans in all different areas around the clearing that held fires, which would explain all the shadows I was seeing in the pathway.

  Lisa let go of my wrist, and all of a sudden, I heard the shrill loudness of a whistle coming from her lips. It was probably the loudest whistle I’d ever heard coming from such a small person.

  “Hey y’all!” she yelled, waving her hands in the air. I was not surprised when people stopped what they were doing to look at her because I would have done the same thing. “This,” she pointed to me, “is Sadie…Sadie, this is everyone!” She held her arm out and gestured toward everyone like she was a game show host showing me my prize.

  I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I kept my head up and didn’t divert my gaze. It took a lot for me to get embarrassed and Lisa was doing a great job at it. She turned to me clapping her hands with a smile on her face. “Yay, I’m so excited you’re here. There’re so many people for you to meet, but first, we need to get ya a drink,” she said happily as she grabbed my wrist again.

  Everyone went back to what they were doing before the interruption, except for Joe who was walking toward us with a smile. “There you are. I was wondering if you’d come out tonight. You missed some great races though.”

  “Yeah, you would think I planned it that way.” He looked at me confused, not understanding my sarcasm.

  “Not now, Joe,” Lisa said, trying to shoo Joe away. “I’m takin’ her to get a drink.”

  He started walking backwards with his arms up in defeat. “All right, all right. I’ll just catch up with you later, Sadie.” he smiled with a wink before he bumped into some guy and got beer spilled down the front of his shirt.

  I laughed. Way to be all suave. I arrived to a party full of drunken people. This should definitely be entertaining, but I’d need to have a drink of my own so I could handle it. I knew I had to drive though so I wouldn’t drink that much.

  “Here we are,” Lisa stated as she let go of me to lean over a cooler. She opened it up and pulled out a water bottle filled with something red.

  “What the hell is this?” I asked, still examining it. I opened it up and brought it to my nose to smell the contents.

  She giggled. “It’s spiked fruit punch. Just drink it; you’ll like it, I promise.”

  I brought it to my lips and took a small sip. It definitely still tasted like fruit punch, but I could feel the burn of some kind of alcohol arriving in the pit of my stomach. “Wow,” I said licking my lips. “This is really good.”

  She smiled, nodding her head. “I told ya.”

  “Hey look who it is.” Derek walked up behind Lisa, wrapped his arms around her waist with a beer in his hand and smiled at me. “Did you just get here?”

  I took another drink and nodded my head. “Yeah, like five minutes ago. Didn’t you hear her introduction,” I laughed.

  “No,” he smiled, “but I was over by the car blaring music, so I wouldn’t have heard anything.”

  I nodded in understanding and looked around again. We were practically in the middle of the clearing, so I had a good view of everyone around us. People were gathered in little groups and I noticed there were a lot more girls then guys. “Is it always like this?”

  “Like what?” Lisa asked.

  I pointed around. “So many girls.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, I told ya it was comical.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. She wasn’t seriously suggesting th
at all these girls wanted a piece of Landon. I mean seriously, he’s a hot guy, but get real. There was nothing special about him from what I’d seen. “You aren’t suggesting all these girls are thinking they have a chance at getting Landon, are you?”

  She turned her head into Derek’s neck and giggled. That was definitely an ‘I’m too drunk to talk’ giggle. I looked at Derek for confirmation, but he just laughed. “Most of them are, yes, but not all of them. You’ll be able to tell who is though. They swarm like bees to honey,” Derek explained while Lisa continued to giggle in Derek’s neck. These two really were a cute couple.

  I drank more of my drink, noticing I’d already drank half, when Lisa finally got herself under control. She turned around to face me, still in Derek’s arms. “Come on, I’ll introduce ya to some people,” she slurred as she grabbed my hand.

  “Do you think maybe you should sit down for a bit?” I didn’t want her falling over.

  “Pshhh! No,” she laughed, “I’m fine. We do this all the time. Oh, look, there’s Sarah. Let’s go say hi.”

  We walked toward the right to a group of girls where Sarah, the waitress from the other day, was standing. It still surprised me that even though Sarah blatantly flirted with Derek right in front of her; she would still speak to her in a friendly manner. In a drunken state, I’d be putting her ass in her place; although, I didn’t even need to be drunk.

  As they noticed our approach, the conversation they were animatedly having halted. Lisa was oblivious in her state of inebriation. “Hey, have y’all met Sadie yet?” she asked as we came to a stop in front of five very pretty girls. The first thing I noticed was they were all blondes. The reason I noticed that was because you could plainly see two of them were natural brunettes by the dark shade of their eyebrows. Had no one told them that look was a thing of the past?