Drifting into Darkness

by La Rocca, J. M.

  “Are you really that confident that he’d come to you?”

  “I don’t have to have confidence,” she grinned, “because I know it will happen. It never fails, Sadie. He always comes back to me. He doesn’t get serious with anyone.”

  I could feel my heart rate pick up as more words flew out of her mouth. She was pissing me off, but that was her goal. I knew she wanted to get a rise out of me. But I couldn’t help but wonder if what she was saying was true. Which only made my stomach hurt. It wasn’t like she knew I had trust issues. She didn’t even know me. Yet, here we were standing in the middle of a grocery store having this conversation for everyone that passed by to hear.

  “He doesn’t get serious with any one, but you stand here acting like you have a relationship with him,” I scoffed. “You need to get over yourself; it’s called using someone for sex. It’s not a relationship and he doesn’t care for you. You’re a fuck ’em and leave ’em kind of girl and probably always will be.”

  Her eyes widened in shock, but her expression quickly changed to a sneer. “Oh, honey. You don’t know Landon at all. You just met him. Why don’t ya ask him about Kelly?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I already know about Kelly.” I was so done with this shit. “If that’s really all you’ve got, then you need to get a life.”

  I turned my back to her and pushed my cart to get out of the aisle. I didn’t even feel like shopping any more, but I wasn’t about to let her ruin the rest of my day. I needed to take some deep breaths and push her snarky country ass out of my mind.

  I turned out of the aisle and walked quickly toward the other end of the store to get some lunchmeat and bread. I needed to get what I came for and leave. I had so many things running through my mind now, I almost felt sick.

  It wasn’t like I had invested a lot of time with Landon, but I liked him. I felt like we had something there, and to think he might betray me in any way was hurtful, even if he hadn’t done anything yet. I knew it was her plan to plant all these thoughts and emotions in my head, and she did a damn good job of it.

  I needed to get what I came for and get the hell out the store so I could get home and figure out what the hell I was going to do with this newfound dilemma.

  Sixteen

  The next day went by like every other day except I was quieter than normal. I kept to myself, staying deep in thought for most of the day, going over what Shannon had said. Was Landon the type of person to cheat? Would he do that to me after everything he’d said? Scenario after scenario played in my head all day long. I had been zoned out when Lisa finally nudged me in the bean house.

  “Are you okay?” she asked with a concerned look on her face.

  I nodded and raised a hand to my head. “Yeah, I just have a little bit of a headache today.” It wasn’t a lie. I had stayed up half the night tossing and turning.

  She frowned and patted my shoulder. “Go on up to the office and get some Tylenol and water. Take a break for a few. We’ll be fine here until ya get back.” I gave her a small smile and nodded once as I walked off. She really was a sweetheart.

  I really wished I didn’t feel so blah. I needed to perk up or the day would definitely drag, but that was easier said than done with my mind whirling with questions.

  I tried my best not to let my confrontation with Shannon get to me, but deep down, all girls had that insecure feeling about themselves. You’d ask yourself, ‘If he could have her, why was he with me?’ And that was exactly what I was doing. What made me so special?

  All day I had debated on whether or not trying a relationship with Landon would be worth it. I knew my heart couldn’t handle being hurt again and I chastised myself for thinking I could start over so soon. Even though it had been months since we broke up and I should be over it, it was hard to get past what I’d known for six years of my life. But if I didn’t start over now, how long would I wait. Could you ever be ready for a new relationship after heartbreak?

  I had told myself I needed to live my life and not live in the past. I need to push through my doubts.

  Landon intrigued me. There was something about him that made me want to know more. I wanted to know the real Landon Johnson. Lisa said I’d be good for him, but would he be good for me? I thought about telling her of my run-in with Shannon to see if she would tell me what she was talking about, but I had a feeling she would tell me to ask Landon. She had said Derek told her he didn’t want her to get involved and I was inclined to agree. I didn’t want to put her in a bad position. She’d known the family for a long time and I didn’t want to cause any problems.

  Later that night, Landon and I texted a few times about our day. He mentioned being excited to see me the next morning and he couldn’t wait to show me just how much he’d missed seeing me.

  I, of course, giggled like a teenage girl because I felt the same way. With everything going through my mind I still missed spending time with him, even if our time was spent with me shoveling up horse poop. We’d seen each other for over a month. I was used to seeing him and it was one of the things I’d looked forward to every day. So not seeing him for two days was kind of a bummer. Maybe that was the cause of my blah mood.

  I’d decided by the end of the night that I did want to see where this would lead, but I needed to talk to him. I couldn’t keep worrying or having the feelings I was having if we were going to try and make it work.

  So, I’d wait and talk to him when he took me wherever he was taking me Thursday night. I knew I’d see him in the morning, but I didn’t want to have a conversation like that at work.

  ~*~

  I woke up in the morning feeling more refreshed than I did the day before. After making a decision on what I wanted to do with Shannon’s information, I was able to sleep throughout the night, without waking up every few hours.

  Arriving at the farm, a smile spread across my face when I spotted Landon sitting in a rocker alongside Nan. They were having a conversation so he hadn’t seen me. I took that opportunity to look him over as I got out of my car.

  He wore the same thing as every other day, t-shirt, jeans, and boots, the basic farm attire. But instead of his usual clean-shaven face, he had the starting of a beard. I smiled and bit my lip at the sight. Oh, boy, did it look good on him.

  As I walked closer, my movement caught his attention. He looked up at me with a bright smile and slowly got up from his seat to greet me.

  “Good morning,” I smiled, as he walked up to me.

  “Good morning,” he grinned. He held out his hand and gestured for me to take it.

  I slid my hand into his and raised an eyebrow at him. “And just where do you think you are taking me?” I asked as he pulled me along with him to the side of the office building.

  He turned to look at me over his shoulder. “Somewhere private,” was all he said as he turned the corner and led me to the very back of the office.

  As soon as he pulled me fully around the corner, he slowly backed me up to the building until I was fully pressed up against it, caging me in his arms on either side of my head. I looked up into his eyes and licked my lips in anticipation as his gaze penetrated mine. I knew what he was going to do and I grinned at how stealthy he was trying to act.

  He grinned back at me and slowly lowered his lips to mine. I raised my arms and wrapped them around his neck, leaning up to meet his kiss, only to have him back away and smile at me. I dropped my mouth open and he laughed at me. Playful Landon was out and he wanted to tease. Two could play that game.

  Unlocking my hands from around his neck, I slowly let them trail down his shoulders to his pecs, massaging as I went. My touch caused his nipples to harden and I ran my fingertips around them as I ran my hand down to his abs, memorizing every groove. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw and my fingers danced along his rib cage and made their way to his back where they didn’t stay. They headed south and latched on to that perfect round muscular butt and squeezed.

  His eyes flew open with a sigh and he wasted no
time bringing his lips to mine in a hungry kiss. He grabbed onto my waist and leaned into me causing excitement to peak in my core. I got lost in his kiss. My hands grabbed at his face and then slid into his hair that was slightly damp from sweat.

  The heat of the day was already affecting us, but not as much as the heat he was creating with those lips.

  He ran his hands down my side to my hip and was about to lower them further when we were interrupted with a clearing of a throat.

  We pulled apart, breathing heavily, and turned to see who was there. My cheeks immediately flamed with embarrassment. Mr. Johnson was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, with a smiling Derek by his side.

  Landon pulled back, dropping his hands from my hips. I stayed where I was against the building even though the brick was starting to dig into my back.

  “Nan said she saw you walk back here,” his dad stated with an obvious look of irritation. It only made me feel more self-conscious about the compromising position he’d caught me in, on the job, even though I wasn’t clocked in yet.

  “Yes, sir,” Landon replied, waiting for his dad to continue. It was the first time I’d heard him address his dad that way. I knew Derek and everyone else did, but the words had never left Landon’s mouth that I’d heard, until now. And the look on Mr. Johnson’s face would suggest he was surprised too.

  Mr. Johnson uncrossed his arms and gestured to the front of the building. “I need you in the office to sign some of this paperwork.”

  Landon nodded and his dad and Derek walked off.

  I sighed as soon as they were out of sight and brought my hand up to my forehead. “Well, that was embarrassing.”

  He tipped my chin up to look at him. “Don’t worry about it,” he said with a smile and then he kissed my forehead. “He catches Lisa and Derek all the time.”

  Grabbing my hand, he pulled me along with him to the front of the office. I knew my cheeks were still red so I took a couple of deep breaths to calm my embarrassment. There was nothing like getting caught making out by a parent, let alone your boss. I knew then why he dragged me back there, but next time, he’d have to find a more secluded place if he wanted to attack me with a make-out session.

  He pulled me through the office door with him and kissed me on the forehead once more. “I’ll see you later today,” he said with a wink as he pulled away and headed to the right to the office door that was always closed.

  After he closed himself behind the door, I walked to Nan’s office and signed the sign in sheet. A smiling Lisa was waiting for me.

  “Welcome to the club, sweetie. It happens to us all the time,” she laughed.

  I shook my head as we made our way out of the office. “That was so damn embarrassing,” I said, managing to laugh at myself.

  “Was he just kissing you?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah, why?”

  She laughed. “You want to talk about embarrassment. Try being caught in your bra with your boyfriend’s hands all over your boobs.” She gave me a freaked-out expression and I couldn’t contain my laughter.

  “Oh. My. God. I would have died.”

  She nodded her head laughing. “Yeah, well, we’ve learned our lesson. Now you’ve learned yours.” She looked at me with a grin. “No more making out on the farm.”

  She got that right.

  ~*~

  The rest of the day went by quickly. Landon sat with me at lunch and I listened to him talk to Derek and Joe about the race that was happening in another town they planned on attending Friday night. He asked me if I wanted to go and I, of course, said yes. I wanted to see him in action.

  I was sure watching other cars race was awesome, but watching Landon race would be different. I already knew I’d probably be cheering like the rest of them. They were so enthusiastic when they talked about it, so there was no way I wouldn’t be too.

  After lunch, he drove me to the stables in his truck.

  “Are you still going out with your dad tonight?” he asked as he put the truck in park on the side of the building.

  I looked over at him and smiled. “Yeah. As of right now, it’s still on.” I hopped out of the truck and we walked into the stables.

  “Okay, so we’re still on for tomorrow then, right?”

  I looked over at him and smirked. “Well…that depends,” I said, shrugging.

  “Oh, really?” He stopped at the door to the office. “On what?”

  I laughed. “Where you’re taking me.”

  He shook his head with a smile. “I’m not going to tell you, so you’ll just have to wait.”

  I loved surprises, but it never stopped me from trying to find out what they were. I’d asked him a couple of times where he was taking me and he still hadn’t given in, so I guessed I’d just have to wait.

  “Okay, you win,” I smiled. “I’ll stop asking.” I walked up to him and rose up on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I better get started,” I said, scrunching up my nose as I pulled away from him.

  He opened the door to the office and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I have some phone calls I have to make, so I’ll probably be in here for the rest of the day. Let me know when you’re done and I’ll drive you back up front.”

  “Sure thing, boss man.”

  I smiled at the look he gave me before closing himself into his office. I had joked around with him at lunch saying if he was joining the business with his dad, that he was technically my boss. He insisted, in no way was he my boss, but I disagreed. I told him from now on I was going to call him boss. It would probably take a while for him to get used to it. I laughed at the thought, knowing that would never happen.

  After cleaning out the stalls and laying down fresh hay, I knocked on the office door and waited for him to call me in. I didn’t want to barge in if he was on the phone or something.

  “Yeah, come on in,” he called out. I walked in and sighed at the cool air that was coming from the air conditioning unit in the window. It was a hot sticky day out and I couldn’t wait to get home and take a shower. “You ready to head up?” he asked as he shuffled some papers around on the desk.

  I leaned down to the small fridge and grabbed a bottle of blue Gatorade. I chugged half of it before I replied. “Yeah, boss. I’m ready to go,” I said with a mischievous grin.

  “Let’s go, you antagonizer,” he gibed as he grabbed his keys off the desk and walked out the door with a smirk on his face.

  He dropped me off at the office and I worked with Lisa, bagging corn for another hour before it was time to head home. I was hoping to see Landon one more time before I left, but he must have still been in the stables because I didn’t see him when I got to the office. I was disappointed, but I sent him a text before I left, letting him know I’d text him later.

  When I arrived home, I went directly to the shower to wash the sweat off from the day. I never realized how much I loved my shower until I started sweating profusely on a daily basis. I didn’t know how Landon and the guys worked every day in jeans. I knew they wore them to protect their legs from being in the fields, but the heat was so brutal.

  After my shower, I relaxed on the couch and watched a little bit of TV before I needed to get ready. I had talked to my dad the night before about where he wanted to go. He mentioned a new restaurant called Blue Fin Grill, so we were going to go try it out.

  I needed to get ready around five since dad wanted to leave around six. So, after just a few hours of watching TV, I got up to get ready. I wanted to take a short nap, but I didn’t want to oversleep or feel groggy for the rest of the night if I didn’t get to nap well.

  As I got dressed, I thought about the many topics we could possibly discuss. I knew we would probably talk about the situation with him and Mom, but I wasn’t sure what he would have to say. I actually felt nervous about the whole thing, only because I didn’t know what to expect.

  I dressed in a cap sleeved, yellow sundress and tied my hair into a low ponytail. After applying a
touch of makeup and slipping on my sandals, I headed down to the main house.

  Mom was in the living room on the brown leather sofa. She had the TV on with a book in her hand. It was something she did all the time. She’d told me a long time ago she couldn’t read without the noise. I never understood how she could pay attention to the words with all the background noise, but she insisted it was just the way she was.

  “Hey, Mom,” I greeted as I took a seat next to her.

  “Oh, hun, you look very pretty,’ she said, looking over my dress.

  I smiled and smoothed the dress down my legs. “Is Dad still…” I cut off my question as my dad walked into the room wearing a blue polo and khaki pants. He looked really nice. It wasn’t something I normally saw him wear. When he went to work, he was usually wearing button-ups with slacks. I didn’t understand why he had to wear that to work every day when all he was going to do was change out of it as soon as he got there, to put on his scrubs and white lab coat.

  “Hey, Sadie. You ready? I’m starved.”

  My mom smiled at my dad as he fixed his shirt so it wasn’t tucked in so tightly into his pants. “You look lovely too, dear,” she beamed up at him.

  I watched them interact with each other on almost a daily basis, and I had to admit, things had started to seem like they were back to normal. Just watching the smile spread across my dad’s face at my mom’s endearment, made me smile.

  Standing up, I brushed down my dress and grabbed my small satchel from the couch. “I’m ready when you are,” I stated as I walked up to stand next to him.

  He smiled down at me. “You look really nice.”

  “Thanks, so do you.”

  “All right, well, I guess we’d better be on our way,” he leaned down and gave Mom a kiss. “We shouldn’t be gone too long.”

  “Don’t worry about it, just take your time and have fun,” she said as we walked out of the room to the front door.