Spoiled Secrets

by Ebony N. Donahue

  “Come on Chase, we’re sorry! Please….Please can we come!” They beg in unison.

  “Fine! You two are relentless and Emily, I swear girl…you need a bar of soap for that filthy mouth of yours. You better be glad I like Keisha more than you because if not, I sure as hell wouldn’t be inviting you after that entire lollipop shit!”

  “Really, don’t play like you despise me. But, then again, I am the girl others love to hate. For the record, yes, I do have a very dirty…dirty… filthy mouth. I’ve never gotten complaints for my unhygienic ways though. Maybe it’s because I take my lessons very serious unlike you, who will not take a little walk on the wild side to lick a little bit of lollipop. Hell, you just might like it! There are methods to my madness. I suck on Blow Pops all day, so that I can Blow Pops when I need a new pair of shoes or a particular outfit.”

  Emily reaches over and grabs her purse to withdraw a red Blow Pop. Everyone at the table is staring at her, which feeds her shameless behavior. She unwraps the Blow Pop and slowly brings it to her lips. She starts to take long deliberately slow licks of the sucker/imaginary penis. There is no doubt in my mind that she is trying her best to shock and awe everyone at the table. I swivel in my man’s lap; I have to know if this blatant sexual lollipop molestation scene is affecting him in any way. His face gives nothing away.

  He’s facing forward watching the show blank faced. Honestly, what is this girl thinking? I hear moaning and turn back to see Emily pushing the Blow Pop in and out of her mouth. It’s not only the moaning, but the occasional slurping sounds along with the moaning that has Keisha and me looking at her in sheer amazement. Granted, we are not shocked that she’s using the lollipop to demonstrate her sexual sucking skills. We have seen it before, but for her to do it in front of others is disturbing on so many levels. With an audible slurping popping sound, she withdrawals the Blow Pop from her mouth.

  “Mmmm, I just love cherry Blow Pops! Delicious!” She smiles wickedly at us.

  “You know Emily, I’m positive that demonstration was not for Keisha nor myself. We’ve seen it plenty of times to count. So, that leaves Chase. Everything in me is telling me it was a joke. But, the jealous bitch that lives inside me is pretty pissed that you preformed that sexual scene in front of my man. Yeah, I know you don’t want my man. Yeah, I know you don’t take seconds. Lord….friend to friend and I’m keeping it real. If you direct anything sexual his way again, I will skull drag your ass. You’re dangerously close to toeing a line your ass don’t want to cross.”

  Chase snakes his arms around my waist and pulls my back into his chest. He places several tender kisses on the side of my neck. Is this him trying to calm the raging beast that resides in me? Well, there is no need, I’m not that pissed at my girl! I was just pointing out the obvious. I know Emily like the back of my hand and as I said, I know she wasn’t trying to come on to him. More than anything she was trying to prove a point. What point? Fuck, your guess is as good as mine. My job as her friend is to give her fair warning, that if she attempts shit like this in the near future, she’s taking her safety in her own hands. This whole relationship thing, I really don’t have a handle on it yet.

  Lately, anything will set me off when it comes to Chase. I have never before felt this level of jealousy, sometimes I don’t feel like myself at all. Like I said, I have given her fair warning….friend to friend. She might catch me on a bad day and say the wrong thing, there is no telling what I’m capable of doing. Skull dragging her ass is a huge possibility.

  “Noted! No Blow Pop sucking in front of Chase! In your own words, “YOU WILL SKULL DRAG MY ASS!” Due to the fact that I’m so pretty, I would seriously like to object to that form of ass kicking. Anything that hints on destroying this pretty, pretty, package of perfection is out of the question. Keisha, write this down, please. I Emily, of sound mind, beautiful smile, and perfect body, will not be sucking on Blow Pops, eating bananas or eating any other type of food that resembles a man’s glorious long, dong, slong in front of Chase. Because she…her…me, does not want her girl mad or attempting to kick my ass! I was just trying to prove a point, that my licking and glorious sucking skills were more superior. And, with a little more practice, he as in Chase, could actually be great at licking your….lollipop! O-M-G, get mad at a bitch for trying to help you out! Lesson learned; leave Amber and her non-pussy licking boy toy alone!” This is said in a valley girl tone of voice.

  Okay, this is why she is my girl. This is why our disagreements do not get physical. How can you get mad at this crazy girl? Keisha and I burst out laughing at the same time. I even feel Chase silently chuckling behind me. As we stand to leave the lunchroom, Chase throws his parting words which silences my hysterical laughter and has Emily and Keisha giving me the wicked eye.

  “As I stated before tricks are for kids. When your girl gives me the green light I’ll not need, lickie-lickie-pussy pops, blow pops or anything else. I’m a fucking pussy connoisseur. I’ll need no road map or tricks to show me the way to her holy grail. I’ll devour her whole. The thing is, when that day comes you’ll never know. She will not utter one word of our love making because to vocalize one word means sharing me in some way. Believe me when I say, we are both too territorial to share in that way. So, in the future don’t try to prod me or Amber into telling you details of our intimate moments because we’re not sharing. Just believe, your girl is in excellent hands.”

  We walk off to finish the day. That small declaration has my mind whirling with all sorts of thoughts. But, I mustn’t forget the problem at hand. How will this afternoon turn out? That within itself, is a cold bucket thrown on my steamy thoughts. I’m dreading the meeting later!

  Chapter 14

  Left….1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Right….1, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Left….1, 2, 3,4,5,6. Right….1, 2, 3, 4. I can’t seem to stop pacing. Left, right, right, left, over and over again. This is going to be a disaster. I understand mom wanted to officially meet Chase. I do, I do understand that. What parent wouldn’t want to meet their child’s boyfriend or girlfriend? I’ve actually been very lucky so far. It’s been three months with little to no interference from my parents. Then out of the blue while at dinner, mom hits me with this. BAM!! This situation has reached a critical level!

  She thinks it would be a good idea to invite Chase over for dinner, so that he can officially meet them. REALLY! Did I actually think it could continue on like it has been? Yes! She wants him to meet my father! Let’s just say, this is the last thing this man wants to do. He could care less about meeting Chase. When she asked me to invite him over, I felt like someone was shining a spotlight on me. I look up from my dinner plate to find my father glaring at me. Terrible….this is TERRIBLE!

  Fried chicken, greens, mashed potatoes, and dinner rolls. The smell of southern cooking lingering throughout the house has my mouth watering. Too bad I won’t be able to savor the flavors, I’ll be too busy scared shitless. My mothers’ voice is crystal clear over the intercom, telling me that dinner is almost ready. I’m starved, but how would I be able to enjoy my meal with so many unknowns staring me in the face.

  This is my reality, or it’s better said, this has been my warped sense of reality for the past few months. No reverent looks from my father. Mother and daughter conversations, something I dreamed of for years were being had. Family movie nights, as an actual family! Perfect! Too Perfect!

  I should have known the rug would be pulled from under my feet. I should have expected that this small reprieve would not last long. But, I was caught up. I was caught up in living my life. Caught up being loved and having fun, that I no longer took the time to look at the hourglass of what I call my life.

  The precious sands… my time… my life, were running out faster than I thought. I have been caught up in this alternate universe, this alternate space, this alternate time, that I closed my eyes to the problem at hand. Unfortunately, reality has a way of realigning itself, sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes….

  The realit
y is…my reality…my past…my future, and my here and now are all on a collision course, and the reverberation from such a collide will shake my already unstable foundation. This will be catastrophic!

  How do you cope with something like this? When your sanity, meets your insanity for the first time! Will my sanity look beyond the carefully constructed glamour veil and see the inky sludge of Mr. Insanity’s depravity? When they shake hands for the first time, will the wrongness that clings to Mr. Insanity like saran wrap, leave a smudge of wrongness on my sanity’s hands? So that later, when he is in the confines of his own space and time, he can closely examine the wickedness left behind. A part of me hopes so. A part of me wishes that he uncovers what no other person has revealed and shines a light on this horrific discovery. But, another part of me wants these secrets, this wrongness, to be kept hidden. I can’t fathom the shame of such a discovery.

  I’ve worked so hard at discovering me, I’m afraid that this meeting will push Mr. Insanity over the proverbial edge. I’m afraid he’ll flip and take ME with him. GOD, please don’t let me lose myself again. Please, don’t let the nightmare begin again. Will the almighty hear my prayers? If he has heard my prayers before, he must have turned a blind eye to my situation and a deaf ear to my prayers. It makes me wonder and not for the first time, am I not worthy of his love? Am I not worthy enough to be helped?

  Maybe if I humble myself and fall to my knees to beg for help…maybe, just maybe, he’ll hear me. Maybe he’ll open eyes that were too blinded to see and ears that refused to hear all my silent pleas. I’ll be the lowliest of low human beings, if that is what my mighty GOD requires me to be. I’ll come to him on bended knees. PLEASE, I’LL DO WHAT EVER YOU ASK OF ME, IF ONLY YOU HELP ME! So, I drop to my knees, place my palms together and I pray.

  “GOD, it’s me. It’s Amber, can you hear me? Please give me the strength to endure what is to come. Please help me! Why are you not answering me? Am I approaching you wrong? Am I praying wrong? What is it, what’s wrong with me? Why me? Why am I the one that have to live like this? Why am I the one that have to endure this humiliation and abuse? Why can’t I have a normal life? Why….why….why? I have a bad feeling that it’s going to start again. I don’t know if I can endure this that much longer. I don’t think I’m that strong. After months of nothing, and to be expected to go back to all of that madness, it’s ludicrous. I can’t, I just can’t do it again! How can you or anyone else expect me to go through this again? I’m begging you to hear my prayer and help me please! I’m begging you to hear your child’s cry… to hear me! Do I not belong to you? Why are you not listening? Please, what else am I to do…….PLEASE, JUST FUCKING HELP ME!”

  Chapter 15

  (Chase Mitchell)

  Am I nervous? No, not really. What I am is a little anxious. Hell, I think that’s one in the same! I’m ready to get this over with. Hearing all the little comments from the peanut gallery has me this way. They have me second guessing this whole situation. Not the situation between Amber and myself, we’re good! There is nothing or no one that can have me second guessing what we have. I’m…fuck it, why pretend, I’m nervous about meeting her pops.

  This man holds the key to me seeing his daughter. If he doesn’t approve it could make our relationship difficult. I think I would feel more on solid ground if Amber wasn’t so nervous about us meeting.

  She puts on this fragile smile and throws around this tuff bitch attitude, as if there is nothing wrong. But, I can see beyond that. I have always been able to see beyond the mask she puts on for everyone else, I just haven’t told her that yet. I go along with this charade because there has to be a reason for this small deception.

  I know what my heart is telling me and it’s speaking loud and clear. There is something not right with the level of nervousness she is exuding and unsuccessfully trying to hide. I love this girl with everything in me and if I find out anything, or if ANYONE is mistreating my girl…I’m going straight HAM on a motherfucker!

  I know I need to calm down. It’s just the weird smiles, fake mask and Peanuts warning, it all has me on edge. What I said to Peanut was nothing, but truth, I protect what is mine. And, Amber has my name stamped all over her. From the top of that gorgeous head to the bottom of her dainty feet, that girl belongs to me!

  Yes, I know I sound possessive. I know this, but I can’t envision my life without her in it. I can’t imagine a future without her. Mom thinks I’m crazy, she thinks I’m too young. She thinks that I’m letting my hormones take over, but that’s not it at all.

  I love her! I want to spend the rest of my life with her. A lot of people will soon criticize me. They will say, what’s the rush? The simple fact is, I’m not letting her go! After graduation…like, right after we throw those stupid ass fucking hats in the air and kiss high school goodbye. I am going to find my girl in the midst of all that organized chaos and ask her to be mine for life.

  I’m not stupid, I will not run to the church and demand to be married the next day. No, I have a plan, long engagement, college, and then marriage. Hell, I’ve already admitted to being a tad bit possessive. The thing is, that crazy part of me that thinks like a caveman wants that ring on her finger. This way the whole fucking fucked up world will know that she belongs to me!

  *****

  Shit! This is a big ass house. This is a perfect house, with perfect cars parked out front, perfect manicured lawn and hedges. Man, what some people do with their money. To each, his own, some people like to wear their money; they like to show it off. On the other hand, you have the ones that are comfortable living in a modest house, driving a modest car, basically living under the radar. I can’t hate on it. As I pull up behind Amber’s ride I can’t help, but to think that everything looks a little too perfect.

  Ring-Ring-Ring

  “Hey babe.” My greeting was met with a few seconds of silence before she responded.

  “Hey.”

  “What’s going on Amber, are you okay?” That funny vibe I’ve been getting from her lately has presented itself once again.

  “No…nothing is wrong.” Was her stuttered response. “I’m just a little nervous, that’s all. This is the first time I have ever introduced a guy to my father. It’s a little nerve wreaking, that’s all.”

  “Babe, relax! First, I’m glad this is a totally new experience for you. I would be more than a little jealous, if another dude was that important to you that you allowed him to meet the folks. If anything, they should know that by you introducing me to them, that I mean a hell of a lot to you.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.” This was her almost inaudible response.

  “What did you say?” Maybe, I’m hearing things.

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “Amber, do you not want me to meet your parents? Your mom seems hell of cool. So, I don’t see what the problem would be with me officially meeting her. I know it has nothing to do with your mom, which leaves only one person, your dad.”

  “Yeah, that’s the problem.” she lets loose a non-humorous chuckle. “Listen, this is the first time I’m introducing anyone to both my parents. My mom is very excited for today’s meeting. I’m going to be truthful; my father can be a little bit of an ass. I just pray that he doesn’t show his ass today.”

  “Sweetheart, don’t worry about it, okay?”

  “Okay. Are you almost here?”

  “I’ve been parked outside your house since I called you. I’ll see you in a second, I’m getting out of the car now.”

  “Okay.” Was her timid response.

  “Amber?” I waited for her to acknowledge me.

  “Hmmm?”

  “I love you. I want you to know that no matter how this goes tonight, although, I’m wishing for the best. But, if for some reason this dinner turns into a giant cluster-fuck, I promise it will not come between us or change the way I feel about you. Can you promise me the same?”

  “I promise. Chase, I love you.”

  I chuckle. “N
ow, since that’s out of the way, can you bring your sexy ass to the front door to let me into your humble abode? It’s time I meet the folks.”

  Chapter 16

  I’ve done all I can to prepare myself for this meeting. As I reach my bedroom door to head downstairs the doorbell chimes. I could lie and say all the praying has calmed my frazzled nerves, but it’s simply not the truth. My heart skips several beats at the thought of this doomed meeting.

  I should have been prepared! I should have known! But…I was too distracted. I was yanked back from the top of the stairwell and dragged backwards by familiar talons digging into my scalp. I let out a squeak of distress. The reward for my outburst was my shoulder being slammed into my bedroom door.

  “Amber, honey, are you okay?” My mom yells from somewhere downstairs.

  I knew this could happen. I knew he would snap soon. I just didn’t think he would do it now, not with my mom only a few feet away and Chase at the door. My mind is racing.