Temper

by Mary E. Twomey

  “That’s the thing about dads, I hear.”

  We watched the ducks while holding hands for a while, leaning into each other and enjoying the boring couple stuff I didn’t get much of. Everything was always so harrowing. Philip sat where I put him and was the comfort I needed to get through the night.

  In the morning, I laid in bed until I could no longer pretend to be asleep anymore. Boston was in the shower, and Von sat next to where I lay. “What do you want for breakfast?” Von asked, kissing my cheek to rouse me.

  “I usually don’t eat until like, ten o’clock. My stomach’s too uneasy before then.”

  “Did you have much morning sickness?”

  I nodded. “Buckets of it. I haven’t puked in a few weeks, though. Just general queasiness.”

  “How do you do it? You say vile words like ‘puke’, but I only want you more.”

  “It’s a gift. Wait till I start throwing around words like ‘placenta’ and ‘mucus plug’. I’m absolutely ravishing.”

  “I have no doubt.” His hand draped over my hip and squeezed. “I was thinking next weekend for the wedding.”

  My nose scrunched. “You know about Danny and Mariang? Their official wedding’s not until after the baby comes. Mariang wanted a flower girl.” I frowned, wondering if her own pregnancy might move things up.

  Von gaped at me. “Boy, did I sure miss a lot. I didn’t know they were engaged. She finally caved, did she?”

  “Yeah. They’re technically married, actually. Went to Justice of the Peace not too long ago. They’re keeping it secret, though, so Terraway can have their big to-do to celebrate.”

  Von guffawed. “Are you having a laugh? They got married, and I missed it?”

  “When it dawned on them that Mariang wasn’t going to die anytime soon after the healing waters did their magic on her, Danny didn’t waste a minute. Like, literally not a minute after he put it all together. It was sweet. Got down on one knee and everything.”

  Von smiled, the edges of his eyes crinkling in that way I always found cute. “Good for him. She could do better, though.”

  “I think I said something similar in my congratulations toast.”

  “I wasn’t talking about them, though. I was talking about us getting hitched next weekend.” He pulled a cinnamon stick from off the nightstand and started chewing on the end of it.

  “Hitched to what?”

  “Married,” he said slowly, as if I was stupid.

  My mouth fell open in shock as I sat up. “Are you high? We’re not getting married. We’re not even dating!”

  “Yet,” Von countered, unperturbed. “We’re not dating yet. It’s inevitable, don’t you think? We’re already head over heels for each other. We were together before our little strawberry came along. It just makes sense.”

  I tried not to soften when he referred to our daughter as a strawberry.

  Our daughter.

  I straightened, my chin in the air as I fought for composure. “Hello, you couldn’t even call me your girlfriend before. Try choking on the word ‘wife’. We’re not getting married.”

  “That was the idiot version of Von. I’m going to have a baby with you soon, so I’m all grown up now.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  “That’s a pretty impressive growth spurt. Forgive me for not trusting it.”

  “Forgiven. Now when are we going on a date? I assume you’ll want your shoes for that?”

  “We’re not dating. I’m not dating anyone. Not you, not Finn, not Truck Stop Bubba. I’m a mama only right now. That’s enough to take up all my Friday nights.”

  “What about this Friday night?”

  My head swiveled with too much attitude. “All the Friday nights until the end of time are booked. You had over a year to ask me out for any of those Fridays, and you couldn’t be bothered.”

  “Playing stubborn, are we? Very well. I can wait it out while you pretend you’re still furious, as if you have a leg to stand on.”

  I guffawed, leaning against the headboard to gape at him. “You’re saying I shouldn’t be mad that I told you I didn’t cheat on you, and you left anyways?”

  “Think it through,” he began, chewing on the stick as he held it like a cigar. “Do you know of any other virgin pregnancies? I mean, I assume it’s not a deity growing in your womb. I had very reasonable doubt. Add to that you kissing Finn, of all people.”

  I didn’t have a solid enough argument, so I changed the subject. “Why are you chewing on that?”

  Von pulled it out to show it to me. “Cinnamon stick. Almost as good as the real thing.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You can go outside and smoke. I’m not stopping you.”

  “I told you, I gave it up. Even if you were carrying Bubba’s baby, I was working my way up to coming back, but I knew I couldn’t if I didn’t get myself together first. So I quit smoking and found a more reliable blood provider.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.”

  “You’re a dork if you think that’s all it takes.”

  “Oh, you love it.” He took the stick out of his mouth and held it out to me, as if to offer me a smoke. “Try it. It’s not bad.”

  “No, thanks. I’m trying to quit. I try not to put things that have been in other guys’ mouths into mine.”

  “I hardly think that matters when it’s me. You’ve sucked on my tongue on more than one occasion.”

  “Gross! Don’t say it like that.”

  “Like what? Like I didn’t make you melt for me? Like we didn’t make that baby in our minds over and over again? It’s only a matter of time. Though, you’re right. Next weekend might be problematic for a wedding, especially if we want Mason there.”

  “Oh, you’re hopeless.”

  “Actually, I’m hopeful. Quite the distinction.”

  Despite my aversion to him sliding back into my life too seamlessly, I gave in to a small smile. “I missed this. Us. The back and forth. You were my favorite friend before it got all tangled.”

  Von put his stick on the nightstand, got comfortable in the bed and sunk down next to me, inviting me into the haven. He slid under the covers and pulled the comforter up over our heads, like we were children hiding in a fort. “Don’t you know? Untangling damsels from life’s snares just so happens to be my specialty.”

  “Oh, Von. You’re the snare. You’re always the thing that gets me twisted.”

  “Then why are you resisting me?” Von pulled me closer so September was smooshed between us. His nose brushed lightly across mine. His cinnamon breath that had no hint of cigar to it sweetened the air in our fort, leaving me a puddle of malleable clay that begged for his hands to shape me.

  “Von?”

  “Tell me you don’t want me.”

  How I desperately wanted Von. How I wanted to kiss him and make a perfect mess of the sheets. How I wanted to do what we’d done in our dreams together right here on the bed. “You know I want you,” I breathed, and then rolled onto my back to break our closeness. “You should also know that’s not enough. You split on me. And Danny was right – which you know I hate saying.”

  “What did my petulant little brother say this time?”

  “He said you ran out on your responsibility even if the baby hadn’t been yours. Your duty’s to Terraway, and you screwed Mason over by ditching us. You have a job, Von. Mason bit me because he was pulling for two by himself. He got too hungry. It was too much to ask of him in the first place, and you didn’t actually even ask him. You just left him with all the work. That’s on you. This bite on my leg? It’s on you. I reaped through morning sickness, through Bev dying, through swollen ankles, through everything because it’s my job. It was every bit as much your job too, and you decided the whole thing was an option you could elect not to show up for.” I chewed on my lower lip, swinging the final punch. “You left me with a Matruculan, knowing I was pregnant. You didn’t care if I died, Von.”
>
  Von pulled the covers down and sat up, frowning. “You’re not serious.”

  “I had to give up my whole life for Terraway. I can’t even live in my own house! You think it’s rough to have to stay with a woman you assume cheated on you? It’s even harder to carry a baby by yourself, still work a normal day, and have nothing in your life that’s actually yours.” I shook my head. “I have to get my life together. September needs me to be on my top game. I can’t do that with a guy who doesn’t understand the job. We’re feeding starving nations, Von. You cared about your drama more than you cared about people starving to death when you ran out on me.”

  Von’s mouth dropped open. “You’re kicking me out? I come back, and you kick me out?”

  “Of course I’m not kicking you out, you drama queen. But we’re not getting back together. Not until I have some reassurance that you won’t ditch September again. I meant what I said; you can be as involved as you want – with the baby. But you and I are coworkers.”

  “So that’s the size of it? After everything we’ve been through – just friends?”

  “After everything you put me through, yes. That’s the size of it. You’re lucky we’re friends. I wouldn’t turn your nose up at my friendship. I’m an excellent friend.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck, looking confused, like he’d suddenly taken a wrong turn and couldn’t get back home. Boy, did I know that feeling. “You’re serious, aren’t you.”

  “Very. Date whoever you want, but I’d still appreciate it if you stopped sleeping with my friends. It kind of makes me the pathetic joke on my own turf. Not only could I not keep the father of my baby around even after I got knocked up, but I also couldn’t satisfy him. Now he’s out populating the planet with the nearest piece.” I mimed stabbing myself in the heart. “Hurts on a level I can’t really take right now. Friend-to-friend and all.”

  Von nodded, though his eyes were a million miles away. “Sure. I can stay away from your mates. Wasn’t planning on going back to Katrina anyway. That last one was a drunken mistake.”

  When Boston got out of the bathroom, I took my turn in the shower, using the steady sound of the water to muffle my pathetic tears that couldn’t be helped. Did I want to be with Von? Of course. I wanted to be with the loyal, fun one who got me and loved me even after knowing my quirks. The one who made fun of my scar in public and treated me like a stranger? The one who ditched me when things got super dark? Him, not so much. What would happen one day when September threw a fit and he decided he just couldn’t take it? He’d leave all over again, and I couldn’t afford to be hurt or surprised anymore.

  My shower took longer than usual because my tears had no self-control, shameless as they fell faster than the water could sweep them away. Mason was gone, and Von was back.

  For now.

  Seventeen.

  More of me, Not Less

  It was a couple mornings of checking the bed to see if Von had split in the night before I started to sleep without that worry. At night, I was swept immediately into a dream with Philip, where he gave me that same weird shriveled weed again from the black leathery hard box. Whatever. It made him happy, and then we got to go to the pyramids of Giza. That’s right. My dreams are cultured. Not my real life, mind you, but in my dreams, I’ve seen the world.

  I went from admiring ancient architecture with Philip to being gently woken by Von nuzzling my neck. His nose climbed from my clavicle up my throat when I rolled onto my back. “Did you sleep well? You were making these little ‘hmm’ noises.”

  “Good dream. You?”

  “I don’t need good dreams. I have you. That’s dream enough.” His nose scrunched. “Too much cheese this early in the day?” He nodded and then shook his head at himself. “I meant it, but it came out like a greeting card.”

  “I like greeting cards, even when they’re dorky.”

  I’d tried to make Von sleep in a different room when we got back to the mansion after Mason retreated to Sombi, but Ezra was firm on following the strict pulling for two rules. That also meant that Boston slept with us, which neither brother was all that thrilled about. We’d submitted to the arrangement for weeks now, and it wasn’t all that bad. Our pattern was slowly being established: Von spooning me and September while Boston held my hand in the night. It was so uncomfortable and claustrophobic – especially when Boston first climbed clumsily into the bed after his nightcap. But he was a good third wheel, for which I was grateful. I couldn’t cave and fall back into a rhythm with Von if his brother was in bed with us.

  It took Von a solid fifteen minutes every night to let his hand move from its anxious, shielding hold on my belly to a relaxed stroke down my navel. It was like the second Von knew the baby was his, he turned viciously protective. Not a bad thing, but it was a steep learning curve going from him not being around at all, to being everywhere I turned.

  He was best behavior Von, which was a whole new experience for me. When I got out of the shower that morning, I found he’d laid out fresh clothes for me. Then I migrated downstairs to find he’d made breakfast for me. “You made this?” I asked of the oatmeal, bacon, eggs, fruit bowl and orange juice.

  “You say that like you’re surprised to find I can walk upright. Yes, I can cook. I used to cook for you every now and again when we stayed at your house in the beginning, if you recall. I lived on my own for years before Ezra took me in, and before that I took care of my brothers while Mum was at work. The boys would only tolerate cereal for so long.” He narrowed one eye at me. “I’ve cooked breakfast for you before.”

  “Sure, but not like this. It’s a whole spread.” I sat down at the table, my eyes wide at the options. “Where’s everyone else?”

  “Danny and Mariang are sleeping in. Though when I passed their room, the sleeping seemed more acrobatic than restful. Making up for lost time, I assume. Boston already ate; he’s in the conference room with Ezra. I’m guessing they’re discussing topics like what to get me for my birthday. I told them I wanted things simple this year. A roller coaster. That’s all I want.”

  Von had made mention of his upcoming birthday no less than five times a day since he’d returned. I was pretty sure my present for him would be a letdown, but I wasn’t all that practiced with the whole birthday tradition. Birthdays hadn’t been a thing growing up. Bev didn’t remember which day in October she gave birth to me, so the whole month was taken up with morose anecdotes of how my father had left her because of me. I didn’t much care for my birth month. Allie and Ollie knew better than to wish me a happy birthday when it inevitably rolled around on October 30th every year. I usually tried to bury myself in work and pray the day would pass without anyone telling me I’d ruined their life by, you know, being born.

  Von had been loved by his mama, and it showed in how geeked the guy got thinking about his birthday. The big day was due to be celebrated tomorrow first thing, and I’m guessing would last all day long.

  “You want to go to an amusement park?” I asked, spearing the eggs that tasted like butter, cheese and something amazing. “Oh, these are incredible. Thank you for cooking.”

  “I don’t want to go see a roller coaster. I want a roller coaster. Preferably one that starts in our room and goes throughout the mansion. We could call it The Half-Vamp at Full-Speed.” He waved his fork around in the air as he sat across from me at the dining room table. It was such a big table for just the two of us. “I’m still working on the name.”

  “I’ll make sure Ezra knows, so he can paint the name on the side.”

  “See that you do. I mean, you won’t be able to go on it for another month or so, but I’ll save you the best seat for when you’re ready.” His lazy smile was in full swing. It was a dangerous contagion, Von’s smile. It made me forget that I was still trying not to get used to having him around. He gazed at my face dreamily. “Do you think September will have my blue eyes, you know, back when both my eyes were blue instead of just the one?” He motioned with disdain to his gold ey
e that now had blue speckles.

  “I hope so. She’ll be able to get out of all sorts of things the more she looks like you.”

  “My eyes, your hair. Is it wrong to hope she has my figure?”

  I frowned. “There’s nothing wrong with my body, Von. I’m pregnant. This is how I’m supposed to look.”

  Von waved off my affront with a flick of his wrist. “If she has your figure, it’ll be a full-time job keeping the more sordid blokes away from her. I’m hoping she has a flat chest and mannish arms. That might buy me a little relief from worrying all the live-long day.”

  “Oh, I see.” I chuckled through my next bite, grinning at Von’s joke. “I just hope she’s happy. Do you think there’s a chance? I don’t want my childhood for her. Or yours, actually.”

  Von speared his fruit in contemplation. “You’re nothing like Bev, so we’re cleared on that front. And I won’t be leaving ever again, so she won’t have my childhood, either. I didn’t know the baby was mine, Peach. I thought you’d cheated on me, so I took off. Now that I know you’re still mine and so’s September? Good luck getting me to leave you alone ever again. I hope you enjoyed that space you had, because it’s gone forever.”

  “Love the sentiment, but I’m still not yours, Von. Stick around for September. That’s good. You should stay for her. But I’m still mine, not yours.”

  Von had a hard look of defiance that twisted his handsome features, but it quickly was replaced with his usual lackadaisical “whatever” face. “Whatever you can live with, Peach. If you can keep yourself from falling in love with me again, then all the more power to you. I’m a patient man. I see what you pretend not to notice, and I can wait.”

  “Can we talk about something else? When are we reaping today?”

  “Later this evening. Boston and I were talking to Ezra, and figured that since reaping three souls now leaves you exhausted because of my sweet little bun in your oven, we should try to reap in the evening instead. Maybe then you can be more awake for your life.”