You're Gone (Finding Solid Ground)

by Futrell, Leah A.

  “But he was still like this big kid until you came into his life. He changed his whole world for you, Charleigh, and that’s why I know he loved you. Besides the fact that I heard it about a hundred times a day during that month you guys were apart.”

  That made Charleigh laugh and cry at the same time. “It’s tough for me to think about never seeing him again, but it makes it even tougher, hearing you say that, Jenna.”

  “I’m saying it because it’s the truth. He loved you more than anyone else in his whole life.”

  “So, do you think I’m making the right decision to keep the twins?” Charleigh asked. “Knowing that now, abortion is completely off the table, but do you think they’d be better off being raised by someone else?”

  “Wait… twins?!” Jenna couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  “Yeah, I found out a few days ago. Didn’t Madie tell you?” Charleigh wiped her snotty nose with the cuff of her long-sleeved shirt.

  “Um… no! This is awesome. It’s… it’s…”

  “Terrifying,” Charleigh offered.

  “No, no. It’s great news. Jamie would be proud of his handy work,” Jenna laughed.

  “I’m pretty sure it was the both of us, because…

  “Because Gram and Lenore are twins,” she finished Charleigh’s sentence.

  “And my Aunt Denise has a pair of twin boys: Kyle and Connor. You met them at the engagement party, remember?”

  “That’s right. Brian’s brothers. I forgot to tell you that I got an email from him the other day. He wanted to know how I was doing.”

  “Really? I’m glad,” Charleigh said and continued with her thoughts, “And I found out that my mom also had a twin sister that was stillborn.”

  “Wow, our families are full of twins. Who knew?”

  Not me, she thought. “Jenn, tell me this is going to work out all right. Please? Tell me that nothing’s going to go wrong.”

  “It will, Charleigh. You have to believe it will.”

  The only thing Charleigh felt she could do was hope and pray.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  (One Year after Charleigh and Gavin’s wedding)

  After church services were over, the Randall family stood in the crowded parking lot while their children got situated with their destinations and money, if they needed it. Garrett was headed over to Denise and Phil’s house for lunch with Kyle and Connor. P.J. and Chris were going with John back to the farm. Liz was going with Ben Matthews and a group of kids from their Sunday school class to Deanna’s for lunch. Brian was headed back to his dorm in Durant to study for an exam the next day.

  The only two left were Charleigh and Lauren.

  “Mama, can I go home with Char? If it’s okay with her?” the little girl asked as she held Charleigh’s hand. They stood at the rear, between the small space of Caroline’s Suburban and Charleigh’s Tahoe.

  “I don’t think so,” Caroline said with a pat on her daughter’s shoulder.

  “But— Please?!” Lauren begged.

  “No, honey. Charleigh probably wants to go home and take a nap.”

  “Did you ever think about asking Charleigh herself? Can I come, Char? Can I? I promise that I’ll be good.”

  Charleigh looked down at the little girl before looking up at her aunt. “I don’t have a problem with it, Carrie, if you don’t. And she did promise to be good.”

  Caroline bit her bottom lip in hesitation for a long moment, studying her niece’s face, before finally relenting. She was worried about the added stress Lauren might put on Charleigh. Like she didn’t already have enough to worry about. “Well, if you’re sure, Char. I don’t want you to be overwhelmed. She can be a handful, you know.”

  “We’ll be fine. A few hours between now and evening service isn’t enough time to get into too much trouble.” She winked at Lauren as the little girl swung their arms in excitement. “How does pizza from Ernie’s sound?”

  “Great!” Lauren beamed.

  “Well, be good.” Caroline leaned down to kiss the top of her daughter’s head. Lauren went racing to the passenger-side of Charleigh’s vehicle. “Call me if she gives you any trouble, and I’ll come get her.”

  “Carrie, I promise that we’ll be fine,” Charleigh assured with a smile as she turned to open the car door.

  ***

  Back at the house, Charleigh let Lauren carry the pizzas into the kitchen while she went upstairs to change into a pair of sweats. Standing naked in front of the mirror, she looked at her body carefully for any visible signs that she was expecting. According to Doctor Emerson estimation, she was about eight to ten weeks pregnant.

  She turned slowly from side to side. First, with her hands on her belly. Then without. Nothing was really recognizably changed about her appearance. The area around her belly button was slightly obtruded, but some might think that she was just getting fat.

  There was no sign of that ‘Mommy-glow’ that she had heard women get when they’re pregnant, either. Her skin was kind of gray. Charleigh realized that she did look tired, especially with those dark circles around her eyes. She didn’t sleep much, between the tears and the vomit. Who could blame her with all the tragedy known as her life? Hopefully, no one.

  “Charleigh, aren’t you hungry?” Lauren asked, coming to stand in the open door of her cousin’s bedroom.

  She saw Charleigh, wearing only her bra and underwear, but the ten-year-old little girl didn’t seem embarrassed by it. It was more like Lauren was fascinated by Charleigh’s body and what was going on inside it as she came closer into the bedroom.

  “I’ll come down in a few minutes.” Charleigh reached for a t-shirt that lay on the bed.

  “Is there really a baby in there?” Lauren asked, staring at Charleigh’s belly button.

  “Yeah, they say there are two of them.” She pulled the shirt on over her head.

  “That’s hard to believe. I mean, when Mama was pregnant with Chris, she got this huge belly. You don’t.”

  “Not yet because I’m only about two and a half months gone. There’s still about six months or so to go. You’ll be out of school by that time.”

  “Can I come stay with you after you have ‘em? I promise that I’ll be good.”

  “We’ll wait until then to see, but I’m sure gonna need some help with them.” Charleigh laughed, sitting down on the end of the bed to put on a pair of cotton Capri pants. “I remember what a crier you were after you were born.”

  “Was I really that bad?”

  “Nah, not really,” Charleigh assured. “You had Colic, so I suppose that was a good excuse.”

  Lauren’s eyes grew large with fear. “Colic? Is that like cancer or something?”

  Charleigh laughed. “No, Colic is just built-up gas. The baby gets a bad bellyache, and that’s what makes them cry. It’s nothing fatal. You can’t die from it, silly.”

  Lauren made a ‘whoosh!’ sound in relief. “That’s good.”

  “Enough talk about gas. I’m hungry. Let’s go get a couple of slices of that pizza.” She stood up and held out a hand to the little girl.

  “Good idea,” Lauren said, taking her cousin’s hand.

  “Can I have some ranch dressing, please?” Lauren managed to ask over a mouthful of dough and pepperoni.

  “To put on your pizza?”

  “Yeah, it’s really good. You have to try it.”

  “Sounds good,” Charleigh said, standing up from her stool at the kitchen counter to go get a bottle from the refrigerator. The phone started to ring. “Can you answer that for me?”

  “Yep,” Lauren replied, hopping down from her own stool. She skipped over to where the cordless phone sat on its cradle. “Hello? Hello?” The little girl held the handset out to Charleigh. “There’s somebody on there. I can hear them breathing, but they’re not saying anything.”

  Charleigh took the phone and put it up to her ear. She could hear the breathing too. “Hello? Hello?” After a beat, she said, “Pervert,” and hung u
p.

  “Who was it?” Lauren asked when Charleigh turned back to her.

  “Don’t know. Wrong number, I suppose.” Charleigh looked at the Caller Id to find that the number had been blocked. She just shrugged it off.

  “Prank phone call probably. Me and Mindy and Tina did that one time at a sleepover at Tina’s house. We called and asked if their refrigerator was running. Stuff like that.”

  “Did you get in trouble for it?” Charleigh put some of the dressing on her plate to dip her pizza in.

  “Yeah, this one old guy called back and yelled at Tina’s mama. She yelled at us, and took the phone out of Tina’s room.” Lauren poured a whole glob of the salad dressing on her pizza. Charleigh didn’t think she’d eat it, but the little girl picked up the slice and began chomping away.

  “What does a ten-year-old need with her own phone line anyway?”

  “Plenty.” Lauren’s words were mumbled over a mouthful of pizza.

  “Be careful or you’ll choke, kid. I haven’t had to do the Heimlich since you’re brother got that cookie stuck in his throat the summer before last at vacation bible school,” Charleigh said as the phone started to ring. “Hello? Hello?”

  There was nothing on the other end of the line. Charleigh listened carefully. All she could hear was the sound of someone’s breath, and maybe cartoons in the background. Kids, she thought and hung up.

  But as soon as Charleigh hung up the phone, it began to ring again. With a sigh, she pressed the ‘Talk’ button.

  “Hello?” She was greeted by the same breathing as the two times before. Looking at the Caller Id, Charleigh saw that the number was blocked. “Guys, do your parents know what you’re doing?”

  She was answered only by silence. Lauren sat across the island on her stool, staring wild-eyed at her cousin. As if she expected someone to jump through the receiver.

  “Like I can’t hear you breathing. If you have something to say, I wish you would and stop bothering me.”

  But they didn’t. There was only the steady breath of whoever was on the other end of the line.

  “Fine then,” Charleigh said after giving the anonymous caller ample time to identify his or herself. “I already have a lot of other stuff to worry about. The last thing I need is a stalker, so go find someone else to terrorize.” And she hung up.

  “Do you think they’ll call back?” Lauren whispered.

  “I don’t know. I hope not, but I’m sure we don’t have anything to worry about. It’s probably just a bunch of kids having a good time.” At least I hope that’s what it is.

  But there hadn’t been anymore prank phone calls after that. When Charleigh and Lauren were finished eating, the little girl helped clean up the kitchen and went into the living room to watch cartoons. A half-hour later, she was asleep on the love seat.

  Charleigh sat in her recliner for a while after that, watching Tom and Jerry. When that went off, she decided to go upstairs and gather up some dirty laundry from the hamper in the master bathroom.

  A framed picture on the nightstand caught Charleigh’s eye as she passed by. It was of her with Jamie from the Independence Day barbecue at her Granddad’s house. She sat the laundry basket down by the door and went over to pick it up.

  For a while— how long Charleigh couldn’t be sure— she sat on the bed staring at the picture. Jamie had been such a handsome man. So GQ cover-model. Sometimes, she had found herself wondering what he saw in her. She wasn’t the model-gorgeous-type that went along with the guys in any kind of print ad like what Jamie belonged in.

  The difference between Charleigh and those supermodels— besides the obvious— was that she liked to eat. She couldn’t imagine skipping a meal so that she could be that thin, either. Plus, she liked her naturally large breasts. Although Charleigh worked out, she would never be rail-thin. Her medium bone structure wouldn’t allow it.

  She ran a finger over the cool glass that protected the picture.

  “You know, I’m trying so hard not to be angry, Jamie,” She whispered to the smiling hunk. “It’s difficult to wake up in the morning— every morning— and know you’re not here beside me. I miss your smile, your warmth, your touch. I don’t blame you for dying. I don’t, because none of what happened is your fault. I just want justice for you and your dad, and for all of those other people and their familes.”

  Her heart rose up into her throat. Tears threatened to spill over. What Charleigh wanted more than life itself was to hold Jamie in her arms one more time. She would have gladly given every last breath in her body for that chance. But because it was impossible, she’d just have to wait until the moment she heard those first little cries of the next best thing.

  They were were the only things that mattered in Charleigh’s life anymore. And though sometimes she hurt so bad that she felt like giving it all up, Charleigh knew she had to keep going. For them. Baby Uno and Baby Dos, she would have to call them for now.

  “Charleigh?” Lauren’s sleepy voice called from the doorway.

  Charleigh looked up to see the little girl rubbing the sleep away from her eyes. She quickly wiped away the tears.

  “Who were you talking to?”

  “Myself,” she replied motioning for her cousin to come closer. “You okay?”

  “I woke up and you weren’t there.” Lauren pointed to the clock on the bedside table. It read 4:45. “I guess we better get dressed for church, huh?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Give me a few minutes while you go change back into your dress?”

  “Sure.” Lauren hopped off the bed. She turned back to look at Charleigh. “Char, I know you’re sad about Jamie and all. You must’ve really, really loved him.”

  “Yes, I did. I still love Jamie…” Charleigh sighed, looking back down at the picture. Her heart leapt at the simple sound of his name. “…very much.”

  “That’s what I thought. Mama said that when two people love each other so much that God let’s them have a baby. To be having two babies instead of the regular one, Jamie must’ve loved you an extra lot, too.”

  It made Charleigh smile to think of how simple the little girl put it. It really was that simple. “I’m sure he did, Lauren.”

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  A bouquet of lilies and orchids were delivered to Charleigh’s house from everyone at the clinic early in the morning. Charleigh was just barely awake when Mister Arnold knocked on the front door. The sweet old man greeted her with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek when she opened the door.

  “Well, I—” she didn’t know what to say.

  “You need anything, darlin’, you don’t be afraid to call me,” Mister Arnold told her, like so many others, when he turned to go. “I don’t care what it is. You give Ole Frank a call, hear?”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you,” Charleigh said, closing the front door behind him.

  Carrying the large, colorful vase in both arms, she went into the kitchen to fix a small pot of coffee. Doctor Emerson had said that she could have only two cups a day, which wasn’t a big deal at all since Charleigh usually drank only one.

  She sat the vase in the middle of the kitchen table and pulled the small white envelope from the center of the bouquet. The card inside read: ‘Just to let you know we care.’ Sticking both in the pocket of her robe, Charleigh went over to take the coffeepot and fill it with water.

  As she stood next to the drizzling coffee maker, biting on her unmanicured fingernails, she realized coffee wasn’t at all what she craved. Charleigh went over to the refrigerator to get a gallon of milk and the Hershey’s syrup. She put them on the island and turned back to find something to eat. A big, hot-fudge sundae sounded really good, but she decided to go the healthier route, since it was only nine o’clock in the morning.

  With her arms filled with the makings of a ham and cheese omelet, Charleigh turned just in time to see Corey and Amos scamper in, one after the other, through the doggy door flag. They were covered in mud and horse manure, by the smell of them. It made her gag
, and Charleigh clapped a hand over her mouth as best as she could manage.

  “Oh, guys!” She said, going over to open the back door, “No, no, no, you don’t. Back outside.”

  The dogs obeyed, running back out toward the pasture where multiple mud puddles and even more piles of horse dung were calling their names.

  “Ugh.” Charleigh shook her head, turning back to her breakfast. The disgusting smell made her lose her appetite, but she went on to fix herself something to eat because she needed to.

  A short time later, the kitchen was filled with the marvelous aromas of an omelet and homemade hash browns. Charleigh was working her way down to the bottom of a second glass of chocolate milk— Yum! — when the phone started to ring. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she went to answer it.

  “Hello?” She went over to take the skillets off the burners.

  “Hello, Charleigh,” the voice on the other end said.

  Instantly, Charleigh stopped in her tracks. She knew who it was. The small joy that the concoction had brought her evaporated. Her heart sank. It was Claudia, her nemesis.

  Gavin and Andrea had been little puppy dogs compared to this woman. She was an awful, ruthless woman, who was only out for herself. This was the type of woman who would pop a child’s balloon, if she saw fit, and find pleasure from the child’s cry. It told Charleigh only one thing: Claudia had heard about the babies.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Charleigh said. She had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying something a lot less pleasant.

  “I’m calling to tell you that Jamie and Greg have been officially declared dead.” Claudia’s voice was even and held no sense of feeling at all.

  Charleigh felt a catch in her throat as she lowered herself down onto a stool. “Did they… have they been found?”

  “No.”

  “Well, then… I don’t understand. How?”

  “It’s none of your concern. I’m just calling to tell you flat out, in as plain terms as a hillbilly can possibly understand, not to expect any part of Greg’s estate that would have gone to Jamie. Just because you’re carrying my son’s bastards doesn’t mean a thing…”