Chapter Four
That smell… It’s so familiar… Nick?
My eyes look around at my surroundings, I’m back at the bridge in Kentucky… I’m not actually here, though, it’s just a dream, right? “Caroline.” Someone says as I turn around and find Nick smiling at me. He’s standing in the middle of the bridge in his uniform.
“Nick? You haven’t been in my dreams since the wedding?” That was true. I hadn’t heard from him since the night before Logan and I were married. He told me that I shouldn’t worry and he would be with me every step of the way.
“No, you’ve been pretty occupied for the past two years, congrats on the baby, by the way! I heard about the name, Julianna Nicole, beautiful.” I smile as I walk closer to him and lean against the railing.
“Did you hear what its name is supposed to be if it’s a boy?”
He nods. “Yeah, I did and thanks for that, but I’m afraid I’ll have to side with Logan this time. It’s definitely a girl.”
“And how do you know?” I ask curiously.
“When you’re up here, you can figure out a lot of things…”
I take a deep breath and ask him what I really wanted to know, “So, you’ve been gone for two years… Why show up right now?”
“I haven’t been gone, Care. In order for you to dream about me, you have to be thinking of me and I have to be thinking of you, which is why I’m here… I know you’re terrified for Logan and I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t stress over it. Everything will be fine.”
“Can you tell me something, Nick?”
“If I can.”
“Will Logan make it back home for the birth?”
And with that, I quickly shot up in bed. “Dang it!” I set up as a familiar noise makes me remember what Logan had written in his last letter, he was supposed to call me soon… And that noise was the phone ringing!
I quickly jumped out of bed and ran into the kitchen before the noise woke anyone else up. I grabbed the phone and answered, “Hello?”
“Now, that’s the voice I wanted to hear.”
“Logan! You called!” I squeal as I run back into my room.
“Of course, I did, what time is it there?”
I look at the clock on the nightstand, “Five, seems like you were my alarm today.”
He chuckles, “Ah well, how’s Miss Julianna?”
“Just lovely. Actually, I have a Doctor’s appointment in a few weeks to determine the gender. Then we get to see if you’re right.”
“I’m telling you, it’s a girl, Care. I know it, speaking of which, I expect a picture of you in the next letter you send me, I’ve got all the guys interested in Julianna now. They’ve been talking to their wives too and they keep telling me if you send me a picture, they can tell if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“And how can they do that?”
“The General said when his wife was pregnant with their first child, she carried low and it was a boy. The second time, she carried high and it was a girl.”
“Well, I never thought that the Captain Logan Cook would ever believe in superstitions.”
“I don’t, just curious is all… How’s my mother treating you?”
“She’s really not that bad other than she wants to take over the nursery project…”
“What?”
“She wants to decorate the nursery as a baby shower gift. She’s driving me crazy about it, Logan. It’s all she talks about even though I keep telling her that it’s very thoughtful and all, but it’s my baby and I should decorate it the way I want.”
“I agree, but you have to understand this is her first grandchild. You need to explain to her that isn’t her baby, it’s ours.”
“I know and I want to, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings… Have you heard any news about coming home?” I ask curiously.
He hesitates. “No… No one really knows…” It goes silent for a moment before he speaks up again, “I’m afraid I have to go now, Caroline, I love you.” He says quickly before hanging up the phone.
“I love you too…” I whisper into the dark, empty silence.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I stayed up and watched the morning news, something I rarely ever did. I watched it for about half an hour until they started mentioning some deceased soldiers who were being sent home today for their funeral.
I felt sorry for their family, as I had been in that same position just a few, short years ago… I clicked the TV off and took a shower, trying to get my mind off of everything that happened earlier. I really needed to get out of the house today, I didn’t care if it was just for an hour, I just needed to feel productive.
I thought about doing a little shopping for the baby, ya know, just the basics like bottles, pacifiers, bibs, etc. I knew if I told Helen where I was going, she would want to follow along, so I had to come up with another excuse.
It didn’t take long for me to figure that out when Katie called. She wasn’t working at the base today and was wondering if I wanted to meet up. I had told her about my plans and she said she would love to come along. At least I knew she wouldn’t drive me crazy.
Katie was Logan’s secretary and since he was gone, she had just been keeping up with things at the office and filing paperwork. She said she really needed a break, so she took the day off. Coincidence, I suppose.
We agreed to meet up at the Babies R Us at ten, so I got ready and waited around until time to go. I went over to my desk to grab my keys and knocked off a picture frame. I picked it up and sat it back on the table, it was one of our engagement pictures. Hard to believe that was taken two years ago… We both looked so happy, so innocent.
Neither of us knew what was ahead, we had agreed that we wanted a family within a couple of years, but we never expected Logan to be sent back to war…
I felt like I was being a bit selfish with Logan, I knew it was hard for him to leave but all I kept thinking about was myself. The day I told him I was pregnant, we were both so excited. I couldn’t wait to go shopping with him, to decorate the nursery, but the next day, those plans came to a halt.
Was I upset with the General? No, he couldn’t do anything about it, but I do wish he would have told us a little sooner instead of springing it on us all of a sudden…
I reached for my keys but instead of picking up mine, I paused and picked up Logan’s. I knew I had to drive Crimson every once and awhile or the battery would die. I grasped them in my hand as I opened my bedroom door and started to make my way to the garage.
“Where are you off to, Caroline?” Helen asks, following me.
“Uh, just going to meet a friend for lunch… I’ll be back later.” I add and run off to the car. Thankfully, I make it out of the garage before she can say anything else. I shut the garage door as I send Katie a text, saying that I’m on my way.
As I head into town, I enjoy the peace and quiet. It’s been awhile since I’ve had time to myself… Once I pull into the parking lot, Katie’s Toyota Four Runner pulls up beside me. I smile as I get out and lock the Camaro.
“Does he know you’re driving that?” She asks as we start to walk into the store.
“Not exactly, but hey, if I don’t, the battery will die.”
She smirks, “Good excuse.”
As we enter the building, I begin to get a little excited as I look around at all the baby items. Katie grins, “Yep, that’s the exact expression I had on my face when I came here the first time. It’s like Baby Land, anything and everything you could ever need. Exciting, isn’t it?” Katie should know, she has two kids under the age of five, Emma and Ally.
“Yeah, I don’t even know where to begin. I mean, I don’t know the gender for sure yet, so…” I trail off.
“Well, we can still get quite a few things without knowing that detail. You can always get unisex colors like yellow and mint green.” I followed her through the maze of aisles as she stopped near the bottles. “Definitely going to need this.” She adds a
bottle warmer to my cart.
“Well, it’s a good thing I know you because I don’t know what half of this stuff is,” I add looking around at all the merchandise.
“Don’t worry, I’ve been through this twice, I’ve got your back.” She smiles before asking, “When is your appointment to check the baby’s gender?”
“Two weeks from today, why?”
“Well, I really wanted to be the one to throw you a baby shower…”
I grin widely, “Of course! I would love that!”
“Great! It’ll be my little secret, all I need you to do is tell me the sex of the baby when you find out.”
“Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to the appointment? I know Helen’s coming, but I’d feel a lot better if you were there too.”
Her eyes glisten a bit, “Oh my God, of course, I would! That is always the most exciting part of any pregnancy! Well, other than the birth, naturally.”
“Then it’s settled.”
That definitely made me feel better, I really didn’t want to go to the appointment alone with Helen. I honestly can’t wait to tell Logan about the baby shower, I’m sure Katie will do a fantastic job! I’ve only been to one baby shower in my life and it was awesome! I can’t even imagine what Katie’s planning. I just wish Logan could be there.
I feel so odd doing all this on my own, but at least I have some really good friends to help me along the way. I tried my best to keep my mind on the task at hand and not think about the phone call I had gotten earlier that morning. I knew it wouldn’t last long and believe me, I was thankful for the few minutes I had, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be to hang up. Who knows when I’d be able to talk to him again, to hear his voice, to hear him say I love you…
It was a challenge to keep my sanity, but after my dream, I had to believe Nick… I had to remain positive, if I let myself think negatively, it wouldn’t be good for me or the baby.
I just had to believe in Logan. He could take care of himself and I knew, with all my heart, that he would do whatever it takes to make it back home…
I have to admit, my mini shopping trip was a great success. I had only bought neutral items since the gender had yet to be revealed. Katie was a major help in deciding upon things that would make it a little bit more efficient when the baby came, such as bottle warmers, a diaper genie, and a humidifier. I had chosen a few pieces of clothing in various shades of yellow and a few in light blue and mint green.
Overall, I was happy with my progress and went home fairly excited to write a letter to Logan. I knew he had been wondering when the shopping would begin and I also couldn’t wait to tell him that Katie was going to host the baby shower! That was certainly one event that I was looking forward to.
I parked Crimson in the garage and attempted to carry all the shopping bags in at once. Surprisingly, I succeeded in the challenge and carried them all the way upstairs and into the empty room that would soon be the nursery. I sat them down in the corner and looked around the room.
I couldn’t wait to decorate and I had already planned my themes. For a girl, I was thinking Cinderella and for a boy, I was thinking Thomas the Train or Winnie the Pooh. “So, this will be the nursery?” Helen walks in and looks around the room.
“Uh, yeah…” I reply as she looks at the bags in the corner.
“So, that’s why you wouldn’t tell me where you were going? Nursery shopping?”
“No, I did go out for lunch with a friend. Katie and I decided to stop by Babies R Us and I picked up a few things. She has kids of her own, you know.”
She nods, “I realize I’ve been getting on your nerves, Caroline, and for that I’m sorry. I was never the best mother to Logan and I’ve regretted that for many years now. I just don’t want to make that same mistake with my grandchild.”
That kind of took me by surprise. “How did you-”
“Logan called while you were gone. I know he called you earlier and I can’t say I blame you for not waking me up. I’ve been so pushy towards you and I didn’t realize I was causing you stress. Logan informed me that I needed to back off a bit and let you experience pregnancy the way every mother does. I don’t want us to be the usual mother-in-law and daughter-in-law… I don’t want you to despise me.”
“Oh, Helen, I don’t despise you! I love having you around but like Logan said, I need to have my own experience too. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be there for me and give me advice.”
She smiles, “I’m glad you feel that way and another thing, I didn’t know how much it meant to you to decorate the nursery, go right ahead, I promise I won’t stand in your way.”
“That’s nice to know, Helen, but I think I’ll need a little help painting and folding clothes…” I trail off.
“Count me in!”
“I thought you’d like that. And by the way, I have a Doctor’s appointment in two weeks to determine the gender of the baby. I was kind of hoping you’d come with me.”
Her eyes light up, “Of course, I will, I’d be honored!” She pulls me into a hug, then quickly releases me. “Even though I missed most of Logan’s life and he basically raised himself, I’m very proud of what he’s become. He really loves you, Caroline, and I’m so glad you both found each other.”
“Well, I’m glad you chose to be in our life.”
We walk back down the stairs as Helen heads toward the kitchen. “I sent Alex to the market to pick up some steaks, I figured I could make a nice dinner for us tonight. Steaks alright with you?”
I nod. “Steaks are always more than alright with me.” I laugh as I head into my bedroom and sit down at my desk. I open my notepad and grab a pen.
Letter #47
Dear Logan,
First off, I don’t know what you told your mother, but whatever it was, thank you! This morning, Katie and I went to Babies R Us for a little shopping trip and when I came back, it’s like your mother had turned into an angel!
She wasn’t upset that I went shopping without her and even apologized for stressing me out! She even admitted to being pushy! And get this, she said she was glad that we found each other! I’m telling you, I would have videoed that if I had the time. You just wouldn’t believe how much she changed in just a few hours! You’re definitely a miracle worker, Logan.
Now, as for the shopping trip, Katie was definitely a big help in deciding what to get. I bought a bottle warmer, which I’m sure we’ll both love once the baby arrives, and I bought a few neutral clothing items as well.
Also, I bet you can’t guess who’s throwing my baby shower in a few weeks? Katie! Logan, you have no idea how excited I am for that! Honestly, I don’t think I’ve gotten this excited since we got married.
Katie and I were also discussing some nursery themes and I think Cinderella would fit Julianna very well, after all, she’ll be our little princess! I’m not even going to bother with the boy themes since you’re so fixed on the thought that it’ll be a girl. Katie also agrees with you, by the way.
I’m enclosing a picture of me, as promised. I had your mother take this yesterday, I feel like I gain five pounds every day and that’s not something I’m very keen on, especially since most women don’t get this big until they’re at least five months pregnant. So, let me know what your unit says. I’m sure they’ll agree with the Captain, as always. :)
I can’t wait to hear back from you!
Forever & Always,
Caroline
You're Still The One Page 5