by E. R. Wade
“Sofia? Are you all right?” I snap out of whatever spell Julian cast on me. I’m mad at Julian, but I’m more upset with myself for reacting to him without him even making a single effort. For fuck’s sake, he didn’t say a word to me and there I was standing like a love-struck teenager ogling him and waiting to do his bidding. To make it worse, Lucas may have witnessed it.
“Sofia?”
“Sorry . . . Yeah, I’m good. I think I may be coming down with something,” I lie, convincingly I hope.
I hate lying and I’ve never been a good liar, so I generally steer clear of telling lies.
“Are you okay? Do you need me to take you home?”
Okay, so I must lie better than I think or maybe I look a bit shaken from my encounter with Julian. Either way, I’m too relieved that Lucas is buying my story to care.
“No, I’m good. I’ll stay a while and see if I can shake it off. If not, I’ll go home.”
He furrows his brows in concern. “If you need me, let me know.”
I nod, eager to end the conversation and take refuge in my office. I grab my coffee from the counter and leave, aware that Lucas is still looking at me curiously and there is no way I’m going to drink what's in my mug. There’s no cream or sugar in it, and I like my coffee as sweet and creamy as possible. I wasn’t willing to stick around long enough to grab some and endure Lucas’s scrutiny.
As soon as I sit down, I drop my head in my hands. That was a close call. I should be glad Lucas walked in when he did. There is no telling what I would have done. I don’t want to examine why I’m feeling disappointed by his timely interruption.
So Julian is definitely attracted to me, though it’s clear that he doesn’t want to be. I wouldn’t have thought he would be, considering the vibe I’ve gotten from him since we met with the exception of Friday night. I still get the feeling that he doesn’t like me and he doesn’t trust me to do a good job. So to see the hunger in his eyes . . . I really shouldn’t be glad but I am. It’s good to know I’m not the only one affected and I didn’t imagine Friday night. I know nothing can happen between us. He is my boss. I am not going to risk my career and reputation for a casual night of passion with a man who may not like me but wants to have sex with me.
Well, it’s safe to say that I’m going to be keeping clear of the coffee room for some time until I sort out what the heck is wrong with me. The really perplexing thing is that despite the fact that I’ve deliberately kept away from him, never seeking him out and minimizing my interactions with him to the absolute minimum, I just seem to be getting more fascinated by him. Once anyone mentions his name or I see him, my body reacts. It’s the strangest thing ever. I’ve been here for less than two weeks and despite my best efforts, the more I get to know him the more attracted I am to him.
I raise my head from my desk determined to get some work done. I have to finish up the sketches I’ve been working on, and get some color swatches, fabric samples and pictures ready for the Winston meeting next tomorrow.
Before I know it, I’m engrossed in work. I hear a knock on my door and I look up to see Lucas leaning in the doorway.
“Hey,” he says softly. “Feeling better?”
For a moment I’m not sure what he means then I remember our encounter in the coffee room.
“Much better,” I tell him, smiling.
I notice he has his backpack swung over a shoulder.
“Leaving?”
“Yeah. I’m beat. I want to order a pizza and catch up on some much needed sleep.”
I glance at the time surprised to see that it’s almost seven. I’ve been at this for over four hours.
“You’re welcome to join me,” he adds.
I raise an eyebrow at him in amusement.
“For dinner,” he clarifies, chuckling at my expression.
“Not tonight,” I tell him. “I still have about an hour to go before I leave.”
He looks at me intently for a few seconds. “Okay then, but sometime soon.”
I have no intention of committing to that. “We’ll see,” I hedge.
“Sofia, it’s just dinner –”
Nadya walks in, interrupting whatever else he wanted to say. Perfect timing.
“Lucas, were you leaving? I need to speak to Sofia urgently.”
Lucas sighs softly. “Yeah, I was.” Turning his gaze back to me, he says, “I’m glad you're feeling better. It would have sucked if you couldn’t make it on Friday night.”
I look at him puzzled. “What's happening on Friday night?” I’m certain I didn’t agree to do anything on Friday.
“Team bonding. Every last Friday of the month, we go out for dinner and drinks. The firm foots the bill,” Nadya answers for him.
“Oh right. Erin mentioned it last week. I completely forgot. Of course I’ll be there.”
“Okay. Good. See you ladies tomorrow.”
Nadya turns to look at me critically as soon as he leaves, and I’m not sure why. I hope she doesn’t think Lucas and I are together.
“Were you feeling ill?”
This is one of the many reasons I abhor lying. You usually have to tell a lie to cover up one you’ve previously told.
“It was nothing. Maybe something I ate but I’m much better now.” I don’t give her a chance to ask any more questions. “You wanted to speak to me?”
“Yes . . . I wanted to find out how the drawings for Winston Inc. are going and to remind you that we are going to Union Street on Friday morning.”
I try not to let my puzzlement show. “The drawings are done. I’ll send them to you before I leave.”
“Oh, you don't need to. I trust you’ve done a good job. We can look through them tomorrow at lunch,” she quickly says. “That's all I wanted to say. Don’t stay too long. Goodnight.”
She’s out of my office before I can get a word out. Odd. She mentioned that what she wanted to discuss was urgent. The Winston drawings were done. I only had to make a couple of minor changes. She didn’t have to remind me about Friday’s meeting. All meetings are inputted in each attendee’s calendar. I logged it in myself and sent her a meeting request last week, and a reminder has been set for tomorrow. She knows this.
Something is up. Could this be about Lucas? I doubt it. Why would she care if anything is going on between me and Lucas?
SIX
Sofia
On Friday evening, we head to a popular bar where we’re going to have dinner and drinks. It’s a few blocks from the office. Erin and Lucas are beside me and I’m glad that I don’t have to engage in conversation with them. They are talking about a mutual friend of theirs whose wedding they’re going to attend in a few weeks’ time.
Julian is strolling a few steps ahead of me. He is talking to Tom Snow and Gina Mendes. I’m glad I can admire him without him seeing me. I wouldn’t want him to see me checking out his ass. Yes, his ass is gorgeous too and this isn’t the first time I’ve checked it out. And it won’t be the last time too. Is there anything about this man that isn’t magnificent? It’s so unfair for a man to look this good.
With his looks, he could easily be a player but as far as I know he doesn’t even date. I had discreetly and as casually as I could manage asked Erin about Julian during lunch yesterday but she didn’t know anything about his personal life. She says he is fiercely private and is a workaholic. She’s worked for him for two years but hasn’t ever seen him with a woman or heard him talk about one.
I notice Gina’s hand on his arm. Why is her hand on his arm? Can’t she get whatever point she’s trying to make across without touching him? And how come he doesn’t mind it? I haven’t forgotten how reluctant he was to touch me the first day we met, or how it seems like he has taken the trouble to avoid me almost as much as I’ve been avoiding him.
I have the feeling he wants me but he doesn’t like that he does, and is avoiding me to make sure that nothing happens between us.
Is it just me or has Gina now moved closer to him? How inappropriate. Does she really need to
be that close to him?
Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I need to get a grip, and I have to stop staring at him. What is the matter with me? I have no idea why I’m feeling this way. I am not this person. Feeling angry and possessive over a man, and letting him dominate my thoughts.
Sick of looking at Gina pawing him, I turn my face away and see Nadya watching me. She’s listening to what the two junior architects, Zane and Mitch, are saying but her gaze is on me. I smile brightly at her hoping she didn’t see me checking Julian out. She smiles back and gives her full attention to the two men.
When we get to the bar, I grab a seat as far away from Julian as possible. He is sitting between Nadya and Tom. Lucas takes the seat beside me. I hope he isn’t going to flirt tonight because I’m not sure I have the patience for it.
Dinner turns out to be much nicer than I expected. After a few drinks and a meal of grilled salmon fillet with wasabi and lemon cream sauce, I’ve managed to relax a little and I’m chatting with everyone. Well, almost everyone. Lucas tells me that the bar, which is trendy and upscale, is fairly new. Skylar will like it. I make a mental note to come back with her soon. We’ve been here a couple of hours and it’s now filled up with the after-work crowd. It’s definitely a very popular place.
I’m still aware of Julian who’s sitting a few seats away, but I’ve managed to avoid looking at him for the last thirty minutes. I should get a medal because that’s no small feat. I deserve a tiny peek. He’s turned to his right towards Nadya and they are both listening to Mitch talk. I can’t make out what he’s saying and frankly I don’t care. My gaze settles on Julian.
His sleeves are rolled up. I’m trying hard not to stare at his arms on the table. His sexy, muscular forearms. They look so strong and smooth. I want to touch them. I want to be held in his arms. And his hands . . . He has the sexiest hands I’ve ever seen. I’ve imagined more times than I’d like to count what they could do to me, the pleasure they would give me. I want them on me, all over me, touching every inch of my body. Desire courses through me. I want Julian in my throbbing sex. I’m already wet, and he hasn’t even glanced at me. I groan inwardly. This is going to be a long evening. I drag my eyes away from his sexy hands and my gaze collides with his. His penetrating blue gaze holds mine. He knows. He knows what I am thinking.
He knows that I would rather have him fucking me senseless than sitting in the midst of everyone trying to make small talk, pretending that his mere presence hasn’t almost driven me to my wits’ end. Feeling overwhelmingly aroused, heat creeps up my neck and into my cheeks. My pulse is racing. My heart is pounding so hard.
Awareness crackles between us. His eyes hold mine with a frightening intensity like he can devour me with one touch. Instinctively, I lick my dry lips.
I see the hunger he doesn’t hide in his eyes. And right there and then, I know I’m screwed. I know that there’s no escaping whatever this is. There is no escaping him. He wants me, and I’m going to let him take me. I have to have him. I feel a need like I’ve never felt before. It scares me, but it also excites me. I cling to the fear, and tear my gaze away from him.
Without a second thought, I stand up and murmur to no one in particular that I’m going to the ladies’ room. I need to breathe. I can’t say how I make it through the throng of bodies to where I see the sign for the restrooms. Thankfully there’s a short queue. I take the waiting time to take deep breaths and calm my erratically beating heart.
Finally, I make it inside. I wash my hands in the washbasin, and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look flushed. I wish I could tell myself that it’s because of all the alcohol I’ve consumed tonight but I can’t lie to myself. This is all Julian Scott. I don’t know what’s going on between us. All I know is that I can’t fight it any more. I probably should try harder to resist it but the moment I realized he wants me too, the battle was over. In a room full of people, he is the only one who exists. The awareness between us is palpable, like I could reach out a hand and touch it. I wonder how it would feel to be really alone with him. Hopefully no one noticed me drooling over him at the table. They were all busy drinking and laughing. Because I was relatively quiet all through dinner, I haven’t been drawn in too much into the conversation going on around me. I know I should participate more, after all, the purpose of tonight is to bond with colleagues but I can’t. Not with Julian being in the same room with me, and driving me to distraction.
After giving myself a mini pep talk, I feel strong enough to go back out there and join everyone in having fun. I resolve that I will not look at Julian, and if my eyes find him by pure accident of course, I’ll look away immediately. The exception being if he speaks to me, which I doubt will happen because so far he has managed to avoid saying a single word to me all through dinner.
As I exit the restroom, I bump right into him and all the air leaves my lungs. He pulls me towards an obscure dimly lit hallway, and I’m pushed up against the wall. He has one hand on the wall, beside my face. His other hand is on my waist. His molten blue eyes sear into me. I briefly wonder what he sees when he looks at me.
“What are you doing?” he murmurs softly. His voice sounds deeper than usual.
I can’t utter a word for the life of me. My mouth has gone completely dry. I want to ask him what he means but I can’t. My entire being is aware that he is touching me. My nerve endings are tingling with excitement, and my lower belly is doing backflips.
“You’re driving me crazy,” he tells me in that sexy voice. His words go straight between my thighs.
He lowers his head slowly towards me. His lips are a breath away from mine. He hesitates. I know he’s waiting for me to either push him away or give him my consent. I brush his lips with mine. That sets him off. He claims my lips and devours me with intense hunger.
My body sparks to life. His kiss is more than I imagined, so much more. He completely devours me sending me into a frenzy of need. He pushes me right against the wall. His body is pressed against mine, and I feel his hard length against my thigh. I moan into his mouth, shamelessly letting him know how much I want him right now. There is no way I am going to stop him if he wants to takes me against the wall or on the floor. I don’t care that we are in a bar, and that anyone can walk in on us. I don’t care that our co-workers are right down the hallway probably wondering where we are. The only thing I care about is him satisfying the craving I’ve had since I met him.
My hands are all over him. I’ve wanted to touch him for a long time and I think I’m trying to make up for all the waiting. I run my hands through his gorgeous and silky blond hair, down to his wide, strong shoulders and to the hard planes of his chest. I want more. I want to touch his skin.
He breaks the kiss, and in a hoarse voice, says, “Not here.” He doesn’t pull away from me. Instead, he leans his forehead on mine, breathing deeply. My hands are gripping his shoulder.
“Invite me to your place.”
I don’t hesitate. Sanity has deserted me. “Come home with me.” I miss his lips on mine. My mind is already imagining all the things we could be doing in my bedroom.
“I can’t offer you anything more than this.” By ‘this’, he means sex. That’s absolutely fine by me.
“That’s what I want.” My voice sounds alien to me. Julian’s kisses have almost robbed me of speech and thought. Right now, I’ll probably agree to anything as long as it gets me to where I desperately want to be . . . under him.
He looks at me like he wants to see if I’m being honest. I don’t know if he can see my expression clearly in the dim hallway.
“I can only offer you sex, nothing more,” he repeats. “I am not looking for a relationship.”
I guess he’s making sure I understand him.
“I understand.” Yes, I definitely want to have sex with him, and if he’s as good in bed as he is at kissing, then I’ll want to have lots and lots of sex with him.
His eyes don’t leave mine. “I have two conditions.”
Any
thing. “What are they?”
“There has to be complete fidelity. You can’t have sex with anyone else while you’re with me.”
That’s easy. There isn’t a single chance of that happening. Why would I sleep with anyone else if I have him? I don’t want anyone else. “Okay. What’s the second?”
“This stays between us.”
I nod in acceptance. Julian doesn’t need to worry. I have no plans to tell anyone that I’m having sex with my boss.
A bit of saneness has returned and I decide that I have one condition which is that whatever this is between us does not affect my job. I can’t believe I’m willing to risk my job and reputation by having an affair with my boss.
“That’s what I want too.” I pause looking at him square in the eye. “This doesn’t affect my job. At all. No matter how it ends.”
He nods in agreement. “I wish I could put that in writing,” he murmurs, and then leans down and kisses me softly, making my toes curl in my shoes. “Are you sure?” he asks.
I get the feeling that he’s uncertain. He wants me but he’s not sure it’s a good idea. He must be concerned about me turning into a clingy wannabe-girlfriend but he couldn’t be more wrong. I know I’ve never had an affair or suffered from unrequited feelings but one thing I’m certain of is that there is no way I’ll ever go crawling after any man, no matter how gorgeous he looks. Even if he’s the sexiest man alive with beautiful blue eyes.
“I’m sure,” I respond in as firm a voice as I can manage given that he’s still got me sandwiched between him and the wall.
He stares at me silently for a few seconds.
“Text me your address. I’ll come over tomorrow at seven.”
“Okay.”
He pulls away from me, and my arms drop to my sides. We’re now standing about a foot away from each other.
“If you change your mind, text me. You have my number.”
“I won't change my mind,” I tell him.
He stares at me for a moment before letting me go and walking away without a backward glance. I watch as he walks down the dimly lit hallway and back into the crowd.