The Strings That Hold Us Together

by Kendra Mase

  “His eyes,” Katherine cut in, the other words still tossing themselves against her skull.

  He must love her.

  “What was that?”

  “His eyes and his smile—” That was what she noticed first.

  They never saw him.

  Katherine looked over her shoulder in the direction Claudia did moments ago, but Jack was no longer there. He must have gone inside or around the back of the house without her.

  He must love her.

  Why did she even let those words get to her? She knew they weren’t right, this was all a charade she played inside of her head.

  A few of the girls looked down into their hands while the others continued to appraise Katherine like the new prize mare. She couldn’t help but think they knew she wouldn’t win any prizes, her pedigree not up to their standards.

  “Are you alright?”

  Katherine nodded, continuing to take a few steps away. The girls looked amused when she nearly tripped over her feet.

  “I am just going to—” Katherine grit her teeth together, unable to say anything more. She shook her cup. It hung limply by her side.

  Claudia, pretty little Claudia with a voice like ice, smiled the cheeriest smile. “Alright, well, I’ll see you hopefully.”

  Of course. She couldn’t help herself, giving an almost respectful half-hearted wave to the rest to the girls who quickly lessened the space between one another now that Katherine slid away. Stomping through the high patches of grass, she noticed how dark it had become. The fairy lights they hung early in the day illuminated the space of laughing faces filling their plates and starting to dance in small movements on the makeshift dance floor under the big swooping tree.

  Katherine bit the inside of her cheek, looking at them all.

  “Are you all right there, Kit?” Brian asked. His hand reached out in a comforting way, but Katherine had already taken a few steps past him before she paused.

  “Yes. I am. Thank you. I just needed a moment for some fresh air.”

  “How about you dance with me instead?”

  “Oh, I’m not much of a dancer.”

  “For some reason, I don’t think that’s true.” He extended a large hand once more. “Come on. For an old guy on his anniversary.”

  Huffing with a light smile, Katherine nodded. Her hand felt small inside of his, callused yet somehow soft as he already began to lead her back to the center of the dance floor. “All right.”

  “So, tell me, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong. It’s a lovely party.”

  He raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

  Katherine only shook her head, trying not to look down at her feet she was sure were a step away from stomping on his. “Just thinking is all.”

  “No good can come of that most of the time.”

  That she knew.

  “Want to talk about it instead of thinking?”

  “Not really.” If she was being honest. “It’s… a lot.”

  “Hm. I think I know the feeling. For the longest time, you know, I didn’t think my son would come back. The rest, they were independent enough, but they always came home when I whistled out the back door. Jack, on the other hand, was always someone I knew would press curfew until the last second. He got a watch one time just to prove it to me when he sauntered on in late one night with his shirt inside out.”

  Katherine chuckled.

  “If you like that one, I have plenty more,” said Brian. “But like I said, he was always his own person. He reminded me a lot of his mother compared to me. For the longest time, she always wanted to run away to that city your aunt did, after she went away, closer to Ashton for school and I had to drive back and forth every few days just to see her. She used to talk about that city all the time, and I saw how Jack’s eyes lit up. She came back, though. Jack—”

  “Jack made the city his home.”

  “I suppose he did.”

  “He did,” Katherine repeated. “Honestly, Mr. Carver—”

  “Brian.”

  “You say that Jack isn’t a family guy, but he is someone who smiles at everyone, whether it be in a good or bad way. He grins so often that when he smiles at you, it is hard to tell whether or not it’s actually real or for you. He never ceases to make me feel special when he does smile at me, though, whatever that means. He and his friends gave me a family I never had before, since I came to the city. And though, it isn’t always perfect, and sometimes we don’t make the best decisions, or we forget to call each other once in a while, what family is perfect, really? Speaking from my perspective, I know it doesn’t mean much.”

  “It does.”

  “Your son has been one of the best people I have ever met.” Katherine sniffed, not realizing the clouds in her eyes, she quickly blinked to clear them.

  “I love that boy, whether he wants me to or not,” Brian told her.

  “He knows.”

  “You so sure?”

  Thinking for a minute, Katherine scrunched her nose with a smile. “No.”

  Brian let out a loud, howling laugh. Now she knew where Jack got it from as it echoed around them.

  “I like you, Kit. If you ever need anyone too, you let me know. I know what it is like not to have a family. My parents weren’t around a lot. Not like I made sure that this family would try to be. If you stick around, know that I’ll be here.” He gave the nod, and the statement was sealed.

  Lips parting, Katherine stared at him. A family. Him and Emily and Jack—they were offering up family like it was free to go around and Katherine didn’t know what to say. Pressure pulsed against the back of her eyes.

  “Thank you.” She took a step back, escaping his gentle hands as the song came to a close. She pointed behind her. “I just… like I said, I need a second. Thank you.”

  Turning on her heel, Katherine moved across the field, away from everyone and not caring exactly where she was going. She just needed a minute to think or—

  Katherine had to sniff back a breath of air that had caught in her throat.

  It was stupid that she was even thinking of her and Jack. Together. For some reason though, every time someone said it; Jack’s girl, boyfriend, girlfriend, love, family—Katherine couldn’t help the feelings that were stirred at the possibility that was never going to happen.

  Katherine never had a family. She never expected to.

  Just like she couldn’t expect for it to happen now.

  To do otherwise would just be another fantasy. Another infatuation she could not let herself linger in.

  Because she and Jack weren’t together, whether or not everyone else here thought so, and she wasn’t strong enough to reject it.

  She knew who she was, and she also knew in extraordinary detail how Jack could have any girl in the country. Maybe even Avril, if he got up the courage to do more than just grin at her and watch her walk away.

  Her hands lifted into her hair and squeezed the curls tight.

  Maybe the girls here were just willing to say the things that Katherine wasn’t. That he didn’t love her. He never said anything—did anything. Katherine didn’t even know if he liked her for anything other than the fact that Avril wasn’t here right now to fill her space ever since she left and she forced herself back into his life that night.

  A distraction. That’s what she was.

  Maybe she could take that and face it without this complete upheaval. She could understand it even on some human level.

  And yet, her heart clenched, so did the bones holding it up. She couldn’t help herself.

  Oh god, she was more than just infatuated with Jack.

  Infatuated with the world she could not have, yet was now surrounding her, all hers if she would only open her hands and take it like the girl who knew who she was and where she was meant to be and didn’t fear anyone taking those things away from her.

  She was in love with Jack.

  It was only then, as she turned in her agony, she noticed t
he glowing eyes staring at her in the darkness.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “Ah!” Leaping backward, Katherine attempted to fall on her feet. Like most times in the dark, however, she effectively fell on her butt.

  “Hey, hey.” A voice came up behind her, holding her under her arms and lifting her back up to her feet. Laughter ensued from the deep bellowing of her savior’s chest. It rang so loud through his chest that the stars above Katherine shook. “You’re all right.”

  “Eyes. There. Animal.”

  “That’s just Pat.”

  “Pat? What?” Leaning into Jack’s chest while her eyes adjusted, Katherine did not see a rabid mountain lion in front of her, but a very large, brown, “Cow.”

  “Just Pat.”

  “The cow has a name.”

  He chortled. Actually chortled.

  Oh god, it was worse. Katherine wasn’t falling in love with Jack. She stared at him with wide, pained eyes, afraid to blink.

  She was in love with him.

  He rubbed his hands up and down her arms before stepping closer to the cow. The creature looked like it was smiling at them. “Not only does Pat have a name, but Pat here...”

  The cow fell into Jack the moment he approached. Maybe that is what people meant when they went cow tipping. Or was it dipping? Either way, this cow let out a tiny moo as it nuzzled the man who was holding up at least a ton.

  “Pat here is basically part dog and now free roams the property. Pat was born on this farm when all of us brothers were old enough to watch. He’s basically been the fifth brother from when we realized he was a boy.”

  “Lot of male energy around this place, huh?”

  Jack extended a hand. “Come here.”

  She shook her head at the offer. No matter how much Pat might have been a brother to him, Pat was still a large animal that moments ago Katherine believed was ready to attack as much as any mountain lion.

  Gently, Jack took her hand and extended it toward Pat, who had not moved another inch until her hand met with the side of his surprisingly soft head. If anything, he leaned farther into it, much unlike a lion and more like a very large dog.

  Katherine sadly pursed her lips, continuing to pet Pat even when Jack took his hand away. He was sort of cute.

  “You okay?” Jack asked her softly, as if afraid to spook her.

  “Yeah,” Katherine said, her voice still shaky. “I’m fine.”

  “You don’t seem fine.”

  She let her hand fall away from Pat. He didn’t seem to mind standing there, watching the two of them in the darkness through the sound of crickets and faded eighties hits. Jack appeared a tad more concerned.

  “My dad told me where you went. He looked a little worried.”

  Weren’t they all a little worried at this rate? What had her life turned into?

  Putting a hand to her head, her glasses jostled onto the one side of her face. Maybe it was her arms that were cold again or the sky was bright with stars, or the fact that Jack was just standing there, waiting.

  Katherine had to say it, something, as she stood there because she couldn’t think of another wish right now to make it all go away.

  “I really like you, okay?”

  Jack’s grin reappeared. “I would sure hope so.”

  “No.” Katherine heard the way that sounded. “No, you don’t get it.”

  Her voice was stiff, and he noticed. Instead of moving, he only offered a hand.

  She couldn’t take it.

  “I kissed you,” she whispered, words collapsing in on one another. “I kissed you that night and you said nothing. But no, that’s not it. Since then, everything has been so amazing. You’ve been my friend and I—”

  She wanted him.

  Did she have to spell it out for him? “If you are going to go back to Penelope, or Claudia, or—”

  “You make it sound as if I have a harem.”

  “Or Avril.”

  “Avril?”

  “I know you say that is old news or whatever, but I still see how you look at her.” Katherine clenched her teeth together so she wouldn’t scream. It cracked out of the back of her throat anyway. “You look at her how I’ve always imagined you would look at me. For so long, I’ve come up with these stupid thoughts of you in my head, and I wanted you to look at me like that.”

  It might always be someone like Avril. Confident and wild. The vixen who Katherine loved even when it felt like she took a dagger and stabbed a hole through both their chests.

  “Avril?” Jack repeated, reaching that hand up to run through his hair.

  He certainly didn’t sound outraged about it.

  “Yes.”

  “From the moment I first walked into DuCain and saw you two sitting on the edge of the stage, the first thing I thought was, how perfect you two looked together. Laughing and looking up as the lights shined down on you like some sign from heaven. How perfect you were.”

  “You said you were jealous.”

  “I am! Obviously.” Katherine swallowed the thickness in her throat. Still, the burn of tears made its way to her eyes. “I’ve been jealous of everyone my entire life and I don’t know how to stop. I am the big green monster! So yes, I was jealous of your friendship and your lives that looked so worth living, and how you love her when I’ve somehow loved you from the minute I first laid eyes on you like some infatuated little girl.

  “And me,” Katherine forced out. “I’m just—”

  “You are not just anything.” Jack reached out for her hand.

  She pulled it away, slipping back another step, unable to look at him as she retreated. Unlike Avril, she wasn’t a queen. She was never good at fighting wars. She always lost.

  “Look at me.”

  “Stop it.” She took another step away. She needed a minute to clear her head, to pretend this all never happened, and then they could go back to doing what they were before. It must’ve been the sangria or something causing her big mouth to open and start like this.

  “Kitten.”

  No one wanted her. How could she even entertain the possibility? Her breath cracked with a low, despicable laugh.

  “I love you and you can’t even look at me.”

  Katherine’s head snapped back up. “What?”

  Jack’s lip curled. “How I look at you—I look at you and I feel like I can’t breathe. I look at you and for all the good reasons in the world, I can’t find one good enough to stop.”

  Lips pressed together; Katherine stared at him to make sure she was breathing.

  “You said you loved me,” Jack reminded.

  “So?” she asked. So what if she loved him? “I love you and I don’t know why; I just do. But we can be friends. We are so good at being friends and you’ve been so nice to me and helping me—”

  “Friends?”

  “Not only am I jealous, it turns out that my heart is greedy, but it’s okay. You and Avril are my family and I don’t have anyone else. We can just be friends.”

  She just didn’t want to be alone.

  For so long, she thought she was good at being alone, but it looked like she was wrong. Wishes on stars didn’t come true just because you begged and pleaded for years on one.

  “Did you not just hear me, Kit?”

  “What?”

  “I asked if you just heard what I said a minute ago while you were all up in your head convincing yourself anything but.”

  Katherine bit her lip, letting him gently put his hands on her arms.

  “I said, Kit, I love you,” Jack said. “Do I need to say it again?”

  A few times would probably be best.

  “I love you, so I’m going to need you to keep being able to look at me when I do this.”

  Before Katherine could get words out from her numb lips, whatever they were meant to be, Jack’s hand gripped her hair.

  Then his lips crashed on top of hers.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The first time Jack realized he kissed
Kit was about two-and-a-half seconds after he did it. She opened her mouth and breathed into him with a gasp that sounded more like a laugh meant to be bottled inside of him. Maybe it was the sangria he had that was stronger than he remembered, or the night, cold when not close to the someone else, but none of that mattered.

  He didn’t care what she was about to say next, challenging him for another truth. All he knew was that he had to kiss her. His mouth covered hers, drawing her close with the hand he shoved to her hair so she couldn’t run away. Damn anyone who watched—who stared wantonly as he devoured one of many spots on her he’d clearly been starving for.

  Pulling back, he looked down at her and what was there wasn’t shiny eyes or regret or unsureness. No, after a second, her eyes met with his and he saw her teeth pop out of the corners of her mouth before she grinned, beaming up at him.

  No, it was the first time Jack realized he kissed Kit.

  No, he didn’t just like Kit.

  No, hell no. It was the first time in Jack’s life his heart sank in his chest as if someone had just sucker punched him in the gut. It was the first time he realized, just like after he said it; he was in love with Kit.

  He had been since the moment they looked up at the ceiling and both must’ve wished on nothingness for everything.

  He felt the force of her desire radiating from her, and he loved the way that she responded to him, opening her mouth and kissing him with such a force he was sure she was going to devour him. If so, he’d die happy. Arms surrounding her waist, he touched her however he could, grazed her through the thin layer she had on as they crumbled against each other to the ground, no string holding them up and apart for so long.

  Too long.

  He needed to kiss, touch, and taste every inch of her. Rolling on top of her, for now, this would have to do as he ran his tongue up the column of her throat.

  She shook at the sensation, and he could feel the sharp pounding echo of her heartbeat on his taste buds.

  She was so delicious.

  Jack gave a laugh before sighing against her throat. The sound only caused Katherine’s hand to tremble more as she clumsily fought to get past his shirt. She tugged each of his shirt buttons. There was a quiet pop.