Out of Chances

by Shona Husk

  That would be way cheaper as she wouldn’t have to sacrifice any shifts, or miss teaching any classes. She’d be able to pick up a few if other instructors went away.

  ‘Let me think about it.’

  That meant she’d see if some of her friends wanted to come too. That was okay. They’d all bring sleeping bags and crash on the floor of her flat. ‘No underage kids.’

  She didn’t want to be getting a call from the cops.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘No drugs.’ That was another of her rules.

  ‘You are no fun.’

  ‘I don’t care what you do when you’re out, but not in my house.’ Nope. She wasn’t going to have any of that.

  ‘Boring.’ Emma sighed.

  ‘And how would you know?’ But she knew what Emma got up to with her boyfriend.

  Emma was quiet.

  ‘Is Jay dealing again?’ Emma’s boyfriend was walking a fine line now he’d turned eighteen. ‘He isn’t coming over.’ She didn’t want him or his drugs in her house.

  ‘Fine. It’s not like you were an angel.’

  ‘I was always in control.’ She hadn’t been escaping in drugs or alcohol. She’d been having fun and making sure that no one got the chance to toss her aside like a used condom. Too many of her friends had cried after being dumped. She’d never shed a tear over any guy. They weren’t worth it.

  ‘Are you ever not?’

  Indigo opened her mouth, but she hadn’t let her hair down for a while. Not really. One afternoon with a rock star didn’t really count. Now if it had been a whole night with more than a few drinks … or if he’d asked for her number. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t gone further. She’d had fun. She’d had Dan Clarke.

  But something moved inside of her. She wanted more.

  It had been ages since she’d had a second date. If they didn’t offer, she didn’t ask. She didn’t need a man. No, but she did want more than one every couple of months. What she really needed was a fuck buddy. Someone where the lines were clear and there could never be any hard feelings.

  ‘I’m working two jobs at the moment. Talk to me when you move out and are on your own.’ She didn’t have to defend the way she lived to her still at high school sister.

  ‘You’re never moving back, are you?’

  ‘No.’ Had her family really thought she would? ‘But if you’re planning on going to uni you can live with me.’

  Her sister laughed. ‘I’ll let you know. Not everyone is in a burning rush to leave town like you.’

  That meant that Jay had no plans to go and Emma wouldn’t go without him. It wasn’t her problem, but she didn’t want Emma to end up like their mother.

  ‘Just …’ What could she say? There was no point in arguing. Her sister needed to see more of the world, to live, and to realise there was more to life than the wide streets and pubs and mines of Kalgoorlie. Other guys than the dope-smoking idiot she’d been dating for the last two years. ‘Take care.’

  Indigo hung up, knowing that one way or another she’d be dipping into her precious savings.

  The band had gathered in the Vincent’s garage as they had so many times before. This time there was no pressure to get an album written and everyone seemed a little less edgy. Dan smiled. Today he had plenty to smile about and nothing was going to kill his mood.

  Ed had picked up a bit of a tan while on his Bali surfing holiday. He also seemed more relaxed. However, before the holiday he couldn’t have got more tense without snapping. Mike said nothing as he walked in. It was as if their private conversation had never happened. Dan flicked a beer cap between his fingers. It wasn’t his first for the day, but he was celebrating getting his name off the lease.

  The property manager had been more upset than he was about the ending of his relationship with Lisa. They’d had a conversation about the effects of long distance relationships. He had no idea what she thought he did, maybe FIFO on the mines, and he didn’t care.

  He was still quietly simmering at his father’s bribery. He’d obviously given up trying to cajole his son and had started on the girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Did he need to make it official?

  Yeah. He should announce it.

  He tapped the cap on the glass and got his band mates attention. ‘I’d like to thank Mike for a kick in the pants. Lisa and I are officially over. I have moved out and quit paying a share of the rent.’ He gave a small bow and waited for the applause.

  There was none. His smile faltered.

  ‘I thought you’d done that.’ Ed frowned.

  ‘Nah … it was too hard.’ And he was still avoiding seeing her face to face. He had no need to see her in the flesh ever again. ‘New-found freedom.’ He raised the beer.

  Gemma and Mike both lifted their water bottles, Ed had a beer. At least he wasn’t drinking alone.

  ‘I’m going to be scarce this weekend as Ripley is in town. That okay?’ There wasn’t much for them to do right now and it was Easter.

  Ed nodded. ‘Yeah. Enjoy the downtime and too many chocolate eggs.’

  Mike grinned. ‘You going to do a Gemma and come out of the closet?’

  Dan threw the cap at him. ‘You are a dumbass. Besides you’re more his type, he likes men who are good with their hands.’

  That drew some laughter, and for the first time in months he didn’t feel the weight he had been dragging around. Here he was just Dan, he wasn’t some loser boyfriend or son. When they’d started touring last year they had all expected him to be engaged by the time they got home. He hadn’t looked at rings once.

  He shuddered. If not for the ultimatum he might have caved and bought her a ring … he’d have put the problems down to the separation, not their growing differences. They weren’t the same people they had been when they’d got together.

  He wanted to be able to share the whole story, but when he looked at Gemma he didn’t know if he could trust her. She shouldn’t have told Mike or Ed about Lisa and the baby. Lisa had finally managed to come between them. He tried to ignore the pain that caused, because he didn’t know how to fix broken trust. But he didn’t want to give Lisa that victory. Gemma was a band mate as well as friend. Things couldn’t be left to fester.

  ‘Don’t be booking any long vacations or leaving the country, because it will be video filming time very soon.’ Ed was smiling. He would be, he’d just had a decent overseas holiday.

  Living at home meant he didn’t have to worry about rent or feeding himself, the way the rest of them did. Gemma and her girlfriend, Ed’s sister Kirsten, had moved in to Mike’s house. His mother had left him everything, along with a mortgage.

  ‘More importantly, what is the first single?’ Gemma said.

  Ed stopped smiling. ‘“Gone from View” and it will be released in a couple of weeks. They are still talking about what the clip should be. Congrats, Mike.’

  Mike winced and looked away. He didn’t do much lyric writing but that song had been about his mother’s death, and while Dan had worked on it with him, it hadn’t been written to be on the album.

  ‘That mean they’ve started to schedule gigs?’ Mike said, obviously concerned about how he was going to juggle being a sparky with being a rock star.

  It would be a nice dilemma to have. And nice to have the extra money.

  Dan had a pile of songs that he’d written that were never going to go anywhere because they weren’t the right the sound for Selling the Sun. ‘Did “Seppuku” get on?’

  He was kind of hoping that the powers that be had decided that it was too dark. It was too personal. It was too much about what he’d been going through. He regretted showing it to everyone, but it was too late now. And it was an awesome song, even if he did say so himself.

  ‘Yeah. We’ve got to work out a way to strip it back to play live. And if you checked your email more than “when I can be bothered”, you’d have seen the finalised order for the album.’ Ed looked at him.

  He’d had other things on his mind over the weekend.
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br />   ‘Who cares about that these days? People buy a few songs. No one listens to a whole CD … no one even buys CDs.’ Gemma pressed her lips together. ‘Seriously, we should just release a bunch of singles and forget the rest.’

  ‘Fans buy the whole thing. Thus the bonus content if they do buy the whole thing.’ Dan took a sip of beer. ‘Plus if people like the single they go back and maybe buy a few more tracks. You got to put the options there.’

  He needed options. A way to earn some extra money, because his short-term solution was just that. Short-term. There was only so much he could sell out of the things he owned. How had he burned through the money so fast? He could sell his car, but he still needed to get around and there would be more surprise maintenance on something old, and his father would know that things were getting tough and he’d apply the screws.

  That was not an option.

  There was one, but he didn’t know if his band mates would be happy. Part of him wanted to just investigate the possibility and then discuss, but if they said no then he’d wasted time and gotten his hopes up. ‘Serious question.’

  ‘Uh-oh.’ Gemma smiled at him but he didn’t return it.

  ‘How would you feel if I sold some of the other songs I’ve written?’

  ‘Stuff we’ve worked on?’ Ed was frowning now.

  ‘No, stuff I wrote but knew wasn’t us.’ He grimaced and took a drink. ‘Some of it is pop.’ He muffled the last word with his hand.

  Silence and then laughter.

  ‘Yeah, yeah. Get it out of your system.’ He crossed his arms and waited.

  Selling the Sun was rock. It had solid drums and a good bass line and strong guitar. The other stuff he’d written was definitely not what they were known for.

  Gemma raised one eyebrow. ‘How much other stuff have you written?’

  None of it was final, but there was quite a bit. ‘Enough that I think I could sell some of it.’

  Their music was collaborative. It might start with some lyrics or a piano piece by Mike but everyone was involved. This was just his random musings put to music. All the time he spent sitting alone in a bar or a café generated the extra songs. They weren’t personal and he didn’t want to be performing them … but they deserved a chance and someone might love them. And if they didn’t then he knew he sucked as a solo songwriter, which meant he was back to square one with no idea how to supplement his income.

  Moving back in with Lisa and taking everything his father threw at them wasn’t at all tempting. The short-term gain would not be worth the long-term pain. Better to hurt now for a few weeks, or months, than suffer for decades.

  ‘Why pop?’ Ed was staring at him like he’d grown horns.

  Dan shrugged. Maybe listening to his sisters’ favourite boy bands while growing up had left deep scars. ‘I didn’t want it sound like us, some of it was experimental. I don’t know. That’s just the way it turned out.’

  ‘Can we hear some of it?’ Mike seemed interested.

  ‘I’ll bring something tomorrow. Gemma, you want to unleash your inner pop princess?’

  She flipped him the bird. ‘You missed your calling as a boy band member.’

  ‘That hurts—I can play a musical instrument and I can write my own songs.’ That was about all he could do. He had no plan B unless he went back to uni and became a teacher. That was still a better plan than going back home with his tail between his legs.

  Chapter 6

  ‘I can’t remember the last time I was here. A year ago?’ Ripley gazed out across the Swan River and watched the sun set.

  ‘Closer to two?’ They’d caught up last year when they’d both been in Sydney, but at the moment Ripley was based in San Francisco living the glamorous life of a ballet dancer. Which was about as glamorous as Dan’s life but with a better pay check.

  ‘Probably. When I’m away I don’t miss being here, then when I’m home I don’t want to leave.’

  Dan knew exactly how Ripley felt. He rarely came to this pub because it was where the two of them went. Last week he’d come alone because he’d wanted to see if it was still the same. That he’d been picked up by the bartender had been a pleasant bonus. He hadn’t seen her tonight. He didn’t know if he wanted to see her.

  Part of him wanted to because she was cute and hadn’t mucked around, the rest of him didn’t want to get caught up with a groupie and she fell into that pile. She’d recognised him. No one recognised him, especially when he hadn’t done his hair and was looking scruffy. He’d be lying if he said that his ego hadn’t enjoyed the stroke as much as his dick.

  ‘How are your folks?’

  ‘Dad’s doing okay but that could change. Just praying I don’t get it.’ Ripley glanced at his hand as if looking for a tremor. Paul still insists on calling me Jacob.’

  ‘Your brother’s a tool.’ When Ripley had come out in year eleven he’d decided to start using his middle name. It was symbolic and his family had for the most part been supportive. It had meant there was an awkward year where the school called him Jacob and didn’t know, but family and a few close friends did. But Ripley seemed to bounce through life without ever getting a scratch. Even his older brother’s prissy attitude didn’t leave a dent.

  ‘On the subject of tools, how is Lisa? Too soon to slam the ex?’ Ripley raised one eyebrow.

  ‘Oh, man. Fuck.’ Dan shook his head. Then he told Ripley what he could never tell anyone else—mostly because no one else would believe it and they’d think him a liar and a spineless shit.

  People took one look at his family and went looking for the silver spoon. His life was supposed to be perfect. Ripley knew all the details because growing up they’d lived on the same street. He’d known Ripley was gay years before everyone else. They had kept each other’s secrets. Unlike Gemma, Ripley could keep his mouth closed.

  ‘Well, I’d like to say I’m shocked and splutter with disbelief … but.’ He gave an elegant shrug. ‘Your father pulls that crap all the time.’

  ‘On me, not my girlfriends.’ That was crossing a whole new line that Dan hadn’t even seen. That he didn’t want to see again. Would every relationship he had be poisoned by his father?

  ‘It’s on her, not you.’

  Dan looked at the man opposite him. ‘You have never run the risk of getting someone pregnant. You don’t know how that feels.’

  ‘I know what it’s like to be lied to.’

  ‘Not the same. What she did …’ He couldn’t even speak without the hurt and anger bubbling up and burning his gut. As much as he didn’t want to be a father right now—maybe in five or ten years—that she could do that. He didn’t know her at all. Even if they weren’t together they could’ve come to an arrangement about the baby. His mother would’ve gladly stepped in, while giving him the glare, which he never would’ve lived down; there were other options.

  ‘Was within her right. You picked the band and she decided to get on with her life. She didn’t have to keep the baby.’

  ‘I thought you were on my side.’

  ‘I am, the whole bribery thing, that sucks, but you made a choice and she made a choice and you can’t hate her for that.’

  ‘Yeah I can.’ He sounded like a brat and he hated that Ripley was right. If he wasn’t ready to settle down with her, he couldn’t expect her to be a single mother and raise his child. Dan shook his head and had a sip of his beer. ‘I hate it when you’re right.’

  ‘I know.’ Ripley grinned. The tooth that had been chipped in a fight at school was now capped, his smile almost too white. ‘So I’m here for three weeks. Opening night is on Friday. Are you coming?’

  ‘Are you going to give me free tickets, and are there girls in this one?’ The last time the production had been all men. Ballet wasn’t his thing, and watching men in close-fitting tights really wasn’t his thing. Chicks on the other hand …

  ‘Yes and yes. I’m guessing it won’t be Lisa you bring. Gemma?’

  ‘No, she’s got a girlfriend. That might be weird.
’

  Ripley’s eyebrow twitched and his lips curved. ‘You seem to have a talent for picking queer friends. Is there something you’re not telling me?’

  Dan laughed. That was so true and he had no idea why it was true. ‘Maybe they find me.’

  ‘Ah, to the women you are safe and for the men you aren’t competition.’

  ‘I am your perfect wingman.’ Never in the spotlight, always just beneath the melody. No one noticed he was there until he was gone.

  He’d been out with Ripley plenty of times. Ripley had a way of talking to people so they were halfway in love with him before they left the club. He made it all about them while getting everything he wanted. Dan had picked up a few pointers, but he wasn’t a people person like Ripley. He was sure the only reason they had become friends was because they had bonded over their love of art and music and they caught the bus together until Dan had got expelled.

  And a year later expelled from a different private school.

  Ripley leaned forward. ‘That red-haired bar wench has been looking over here. I’m pretty sure it’s not me she’s looking at.’

  ‘Sure,’ Dan said. Ripley was taller and managed to look good the moment he rolled out of bed. He drew attention without trying. Going clubbing with him meant women came over like moths to a flame. Then they noticed Dan.

  But this time he suspected Ripley was right. As Dan glanced to his right he saw her. Her hair was in two braids today and she was balancing the tray she was steadily loading with empty glasses as if it were simple. He swallowed. What should he say when she got over here. Nothing? No, he wanted to say something. A smile formed as he watched her.

  ‘You do know her.’

  ‘Only in the biblical sense.’ Dan tried to make it sound casual.

  ‘And recently, I’m guessing, since you didn’t really want to come here today.’

  Dan grimaced and glanced at Ripley. ‘She offered and I said yes.’

  ‘Of course you did. She is exactly what you need to get past Lisa. Rebound sex is wonderful.’

  ‘No.’ That wasn’t how it was. ‘And I don’t need anything or anyone.’