Out of Chances

by Shona Husk

  The girl Dan was dancing with shimmied a little too close, almost humping his leg.

  Maybe he wasn’t drunk enough to find that appealing. She smiled and fluttered her lashes. He drew back, needing some breathing space. That wasn’t what he was here for. While Ripley might be looking to hook-up, Dan was happy to just be out.

  Her friends said something to her and she moved in again. Her breasts pressed against him as she put her arms around his neck. ‘Hey, are you from that band Selling the Sun?’

  Dan nodded, then as her eyes lit up he kind of wished that he’d said no. The woman bounced up and down and then whipped out her phone. ‘Can I get a selfie?’

  He smiled and did what was expected as her friend took the picture. Usually this part was fun. Usually there was someone else to take the heat like Ed or Mike. Mike was good at this shit. Ed seemed to even enjoy it.

  ‘Where’s the rest of the band?’ Her hands were on him.

  ‘Not here.’ He had to be close to her to hear and be heard. He wanted to pull away.

  ‘Cool. So you’re all mine.’ She plastered herself to him, her hands moving over him, grabbing his ass.

  In the flashing lights she looked pretty enough. She wasn’t Indigo though … Indigo. His heart ached at the way she’d brushed his peace offerings aside. He’d well and truly blown it with her. The young woman ground against him. He wasn’t drunk enough that his body didn’t respond. This seemed like a good way to forget about everything for a few minutes. He danced with her and let her hands wander.

  Her hand slid up his inner thigh, there was a dare in her eyes. ‘Let’s ditch my friends.’

  His heart pulsed louder than the music. Say no, walk away. But that wasn’t what he said. ‘Where?’

  Ripley was here to find someone and get laid. He might as well take advantage. It didn’t matter what he did now, his life couldn’t get more fucked up. A few nameless one-night stands might be what he needed. It would certainly piss Lisa off and prove her lies wrong.

  ‘There’s has to be somewhere out of the way …’ She took his hand and led him through the club. Up the stairs to where there was less dancing and more groping. She tugged him to a corner that wasn’t nearly as private as he’d have liked, then dropped to her knees.

  Shit that was unexpected … he glanced around but no one was looking at them hidden in the shadows. She undid his fly. He was half hard at the idea of a random head job. Half absolutely terrified of getting busted. Adrenaline and nerves were more intoxicating than alcohol. Her mouth was hot on his dick.

  Oh, fuck this was happening.

  He watched as she licked and sucked him. And he didn’t feel a thing. He felt her touch, her hand and her tongue. But there was no lust. He didn’t want her. She glanced up as if seeking approval.

  ‘Maybe this isn’t …’ He started to pull away. Now he couldn’t even enjoy getting sucked. He was officially broken.

  ‘Jesus, man. Thought I’d lost you.’ Ripley put a hand on his shoulder.

  The girl released him. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I’m taking my very drunk friend home and you are going back to your friends.’ Ripley smiled as though everything was perfect.

  For a moment Dan wanted to argue, but he didn’t want her. She could have sucked all night and he probably wouldn’t have come. He tucked his softening dick away. His stomach turned and the room became hot. He needed the bathroom.

  He broke away from Ripley and the woman and stumbled to the mens.

  Dan shut the cubicle door and threw up. The acid burned this throat and for several seconds all he could do was breath as his stomach turned over. The room smelled of urine and his guts clenched again. He might be pretty well pissed but this wasn’t where he’d wanted to end up. He pushed his fingers through his hair. When had his life ended up in the toilet? He had everything. And he was flushing it away. He shivered, cold and sweaty. He couldn’t stay here. When he figured he wasn’t going to be ill again, he flushed and cleaned himself up, splashing water on his face while avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t.

  He wanted a shower. He wanted to go back about four hours and just have fun and dance instead of trying to drink as much as possible. He should’ve said no to her. Told her he wasn’t interested—was he that desperate for attention?

  Apparently so.

  The bathroom door opened. Ripley, looking unimpressed. ‘I’m making sure you’re alive.’

  ‘Yeah. I think I’m done.’ It would be easier to be dead. It would hurt less.

  ‘I think you are too.’ Ripley held the door open. The music was too loud and the lights too colourful.

  Ripley kept a firm hand on Dan’s arm, as though he fully expected him to pass out as he guided his through the club.

  He wasn’t going to pass out. At least, he didn’t think he was. Ripley had looked at him as though he was an absolute loser. If everyone thought he was a loser, maybe they were right. They couldn’t all be wrong.

  Ripley stopped to talk to another man, who gave Dan a very cool once-over. Ripley had scored and Dan was screwing that up for him…maybe. Ripley’s free hand trailed down the other man’s arm before he moved on and hauled Dan with him.

  There was a spark between the two men that couldn’t be missed. For a moment he was jealous Ripley had it so goddamn easy. Then Dan remembered he’d had that with Indigo. He’d lost it. He wanted it back. He wanted her.

  They left the club and walked to the taxi stand.

  The night air was cold, but it didn’t help him sober up.

  ‘What the fuck is going on, Dan?’

  Dan just shook his head.

  ‘You have to pull it together. You know what really pisses haters off? Being wildly successful. Trust me on that one. At the moment all you are doing is proving them right … I don’t want to be there for that.’ Ripley put his hands on Dan’s shoulders. ‘You hear me. You understand?’

  ‘Yeah … I …’ he was going to give some lame excuse but no one had put the shot glass in his hand. ‘I hate you.’

  ‘I know. You’ll like me again in the morning.’ He ruffled Dan’s hair, messing it up. ‘If my hot date finds someone else while I’m hanging out here with you, I will be spending the rest of the night cursing your name.’

  ‘He’ll be waiting. No one says no to you.’

  Ripley laughed. ‘You have no idea … when you were kicked out of school I copped way more than I ever told you. The other boys were calling me a fag before I even came out.’

  ‘The dancing.’

  Ripley nodded. ‘So I made sure I was the best dancer. I made sure I was smarter, that I never joined them in the gutter. They never saw how much they got under my skin. By year ten they’d lost interest because I didn’t bite.’

  But Dan remembered Ripley being on the verge of quitting ballet because the boys at school had been horrible. The anti-bullying policy had been unenforced.

  ‘You have to stop biting, Mr Popular.’ Ripley gave him a slap on the shoulder. ‘Not that you will remember the conversation come daylight.’

  ‘Yeah I will.’

  They were finally at the front of the line for a taxi. Ripley pulled out another fifty and handed it to the cabbie as he gave the address of the flat.

  ‘No. I want to go to Indigo’s.’

  ‘As a friend, I am saying no.’ Ripley spoke to the now confused cabbie. ‘Take him where I said. No stops, no changes. He is going home.’ He pointed at Dan. ‘I’ll call you in the morning.’

  As soon as the taxi was moving Dan tried to reroute him but he refused.

  He wished he hadn’t bothered going out.

  When Indigo got back from her morning sessions at the gym, Emma and her friends were packing up. They’d come home late and noisy last night. It would be nice to have them gone and her place to herself again.

  ‘OMG you have to see this picture.’ Emma thrust the phone at Indigo before she was even fully through the door. ‘Kate was all over him last night. You
know who he is, right?’

  Indigo blinked as her throat closed. It obviously didn’t take long for Dan to move on.

  ‘All over him, she gave him head in the club.’ The girls gave a squeal of delight and shock, as if it was something to be proud of.

  ‘And then he left with a guy.’ Kate tugged her hair into a knot on her head. ‘I think that Lisa girl might be right. He is gay.’

  ‘What?’ Indigo looked at the girls standing around her fiddling with their phones. Somehow she’d stepped into an alternate reality. Dan wasn’t gay. That he’d get drunk and get a BJ from a random in a club shouldn’t shock her, but it did. It was an unexpected punch to the gut it made it hard to breathe.

  Three phones were pushed her way. She scanned the screens. His ex was saying their relationship had been a lie, that the rumours with Gemma had been a cover for both of them. They were both gay.

  ‘I think what Lisa is trying to say is that he’s bi.’ That he’d left the club with a guy, who was probably his dancer friend Ripley, was strangely reassuring. He hadn’t gone home with another woman. He didn’t need to after getting head. She was going to delete him from her phone for good.

  She’d never be able to listen to his music without remembering what he was really like. The carefully crafted look was just that. A veneer of perfection. The real Dan was a mess. Why had it taken her so long to see that? Because when they were together he hadn’t been a mess, he’d been charming and happy and he’d wanted her. Even when she was in trackie pants. He hadn’t cared what she looked like.

  ‘And he chose a guy over me. He didn’t even finish. Lame.’ The girl rolled her eyes and put her phone away.

  ‘Maybe you don’t give good head.’ Indigo handed back the phone back to its owner and turned away from the group. They kept talking about him. She couldn’t deal with it.

  Knowing this would happen and living it were two very different things.

  ‘I thought it was your fave band?’

  ‘It is.’ Their new single ‘Gone from View’ was phenomenal. It hurt to hear though. That she knew the story behind the song made it even sadder. And now she had to cut Dan from her life. She was acting as though they’d had more than a few casual hook-ups.

  ‘Don’t you care?’

  She swallowed hard and fixed her face in an I-don’t-care expression. ‘About what? That they make great music or that you are easy?’

  Now she was being a bitch. She wanted to be a bitch. She wanted to ring him up and ask him why. She wanted to slam her bedroom door and cry.

  ‘Says my slutty sister who doesn’t believe in boyfriends.’ Emma smiled.

  ‘Guys cheat.’

  ‘Only if you don’t take care of how you look.’ Emma countered, with a flick of her hair.

  ‘You have a flat chest, and more muscles than most men. Bet he’d bang you.’ Kate of the lame BJs chimed in.

  Indigo winced. Yeah, maybe that was why he’d liked her. He’d never once said anything about being into guys—surely it would’ve come up in conversation? Maybe not. They hadn’t really got that close.

  Because she’d kicked him out of her car and had slammed that door. What would’ve happened if she’d gone inside with him? Spent the night with him? Would he have still gone out, got drunk and picked up? She wanted to be able to say no, but she couldn’t be sure.

  His ex, on the other hand … was she holding a grudge for a reason? Had Dan cheated on her? She knew the rumours, but she’d chosen not to listen. However, she knew once a cheater, always a cheater. Her father had taught her that.

  Leopards didn’t become tigers. And Dan was showing his spots.

  Chapter 14

  As soon as Dan’s phone was plugged in and charging it started buzzing. The messages and missed calls flicked over the screen in a sickening display. Someone knew what had happened last night. He was still queasy, the painkiller hadn’t kicked in and he was about ready to declare he was never drinking again. Ever.

  The first call was from Ripley who had tried to ring at the unholy hour of five am. Dan listened to the message—it was pretty obvious there was someone else in the room. Ripley had obviously had a very good night.

  Dan sent him a simple text that he was alive and would call later.

  Next there were calls from Ed, Gemma and Mike, then Dan’s father and his mother and his sisters.

  He doubted his family were congratulating him on the new single.

  He was beginning to get a really bad feeling about last night. So he checked his social media. There was a picture of him leaving the club with Ripley, and then heaps of comments.

  R U really gay. I am crying.

  And there was plenty more like it. Then a few friendlier messages from male fans.

  He shut the page down and stared at his phone. Well, at least the other thing wasn’t making an appearance. God, that he regretted most of all. It had felt wrong at the time but … He cradled his head in his hands unable to move.

  His life was officially roadkill.

  The minutes ticked past, he had no idea what to do next. He swallowed, his mouth dry. Going back to bed and hiding under the covers seemed like a really good idea, but he had to stop running and hiding. If he’d faced up to the problems months ago things would never have gotten this bad.

  One step at a time. Shower, then call Ed.

  It was a good plan, but he barely had time to put on a towel after his shower before there was knocking on the door.

  ‘I have a key,’ Mike said. ‘You’d better be decent or dead.’

  The key was in the lock before he could say anything. So Dan made a dive for clothes … while there were plenty on the floor, he wanted something clean. He pulled out cargo pants he’d forgotten he owned because they’d been at Lisa’s, and a t-shirt.

  Mike had brought the rest of the band from the sounds of it.

  ‘Yes, I’m alive. But only just so keep the volume down.’ Dan walked in to the living room as casually as he could, knowing he’d probably be better off dead.

  Gemma was perched on the arm of the sofa. ‘Lisa made good on her threats.’

  So much for hello and how are you going.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He was. If this sunk them … but then it was all publicity, and that couldn’t be all bad.

  ‘And the picture from last night?’ Mike raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Is just a picture. You know Ripley. I was pissed. He’d picked up. I was in a cab less than five minutes later.’ He shrugged then sighed. ‘I don’t actually care what everyone thinks.’

  ‘Does Lisa think you will run back now?’ Ed was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

  ‘I don’t know. I think she expected me to crawl back before she did this.’ This was her final move. He’d called her bluff and she’d been forced to act. There was nothing else she could do.

  Gemma scuffed the toe of her runner on the floor. ‘We should say something. The local radio stations have been in contact. Our agent wants to know what the hell is going on. Are you okay?’

  ‘Are you? What about Kirsten?’ Dan glanced from Ed to Gemma.

  Gemma hesitated then spoke when it became clear that Ed wasn’t going to speak for his sister. ‘I don’t need to talk about her, but she is okay with me coming out more publicly.’

  From the bedroom Dan’s phone started ringing again. He was going to drop it down the toilet on purpose in a minute. The one person he wanted to hear from hadn’t said anything and he was sure that Indigo must have seen the news, everyone else had. If she hadn’t totally hated him after the DUI she would now. She’d certainly indicated that she didn’t want anything to do with him.

  ‘Did you want to share why this is all imploding now?’

  ‘Not really …’ he sighed. He’d had to tell Gemma already. He wasn’t going to put her in the middle again. ‘Short version: Lisa was in it for the money. There was no baby. All that hell was for nothing.’

  Lisa was cruel and heartless. Every time he thought about h
er the anger and betrayal surged. His head pounded and his stomach was growling. He wasn’t ready for this.

  ‘And I don’t really want to talk about it again. And if I could take that song off the album I would.’ He should’ve never written something so personal … but he had been less than sober at the time.

  ‘Bit late for that, mate,’ Ed said.

  ‘I’m not exactly thrilled about the first single.’ Mike leaned back. ‘At least the songs mean something.’

  ‘All our guts laid out like some primitive offering to the gods of success.’ Gemma opened up her arms and stuck out her tongue as though she was dead.

  Dan almost managed a laugh. Living sacrifices. He hoped that the gods were listening this time and all the blood and heartache wasn’t for nothing. He looked at his band mates. He might as well go all in so they knew how much trouble he really was. ‘And while I’m coming clean, I will be losing my licence sometime in the near future.’

  Ed stared at him. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘Nothing bad. DUI.’

  ‘Don’t tell Olivia, she will go mental.’ Ed rubbed his hand over his very short and unfashionable hair. Utilitarian. ‘Her fiancé killed himself and nearly her.’

  Dan had known that. He had. But he hadn’t thought he was that much over and he wasn’t that far from home. All the excuses were there, but he knew they were the lies he was telling himself to get by. He must have driven over the limit multiple times. Indigo was right, he’d been damn lucky not to have hurt anyone.

  Gemma glanced at Mike then him. ‘You know your dad is an alcoholic, right?’

  Dan shrugged. ‘He has a couple of drinks to unwind.’

  He always had. Alcoholics got drunk and lost their jobs and their licences … didn’t they? When was the last day he hadn’t had a drink? Indigo had asked him that.

  ‘You think I’m a pisshead like him?’ Were they actually saying he was like his father? That was harsh.

  ‘I think you know,’ Mike said. ‘But maybe you’ve had too much going on and it was easier.’

  ‘Now you have to stop and think. You aren’t getting on stage drunk.’ Ed’s face said he wasn’t going to negotiate that point.