Broken Silence

by Jade Buchanan

  “Not really. I know a lot of people like that. Doesn't mean anything.” It made Matthew want to take Rich everywhere. He couldn’t imagine not traveling. He’d been going places since he was little. His parents loved the world and always wanted him to experience as much of it as possible. Matthew had the sudden urge to do the same with Rich. Silly.

  “It means something to me.” Rich ducked his head.

  “Then we are going to have a blast, and I'm going to show you as much of the sights as I can. It'll be fun. I swear, you won't regret this.”

  He didn't want to think about the fact that he was planning something two months away with his closeted lover. Because that was what Rich was now, but what would they be in two months? Would they still be sleeping together? Hell, they'd only done that once so far. The other times had been love-him-and-leave-him sessions without any real penetrative sex involved.

  He wasn't sure if Rich had realized that yet, about the fact that they were looking into the future as if they would be a couple then. Or maybe he was thinking they'd still be—what?—friends? Were they even friends now? Shit, Matthew didn't even want to know what Andrew was going to say when he found out.

  Chapter Six

  “So, you never did tell me what Doobie got for Christmas.”

  Rich froze, before staring at his sister. “Uh, I didn't ask.”

  “You didn't ask? What, he didn't volunteer the information?”

  “Not really.” Shit, what was he supposed to say? He hadn't actually talked to Doobie, and he hadn't expected his sister to ask.

  They were currently sitting at his parent's place and lazing around while his mom was heating up leftovers in the kitchen and their dad was having a quick snooze. This quiet Boxing Day event was just as much of a tradition as the big Christmas dinner, and one he looked forward to every year. Usually, at least. This year he admitted a slight annoyance that it prevented him from having sex. With his lover. Fuck, was that what they were? He couldn't believe he'd just shouted out that he'd go on holiday with Matthew like that. They'd finally decided to just play it by ear and give each other a few days to think about it. Rich needed to find out if he could get a passport in the next month and Matthew needed to check with his friends to make sure it was cool for him to join them.

  Was Rich really sure he wanted to do this? He didn't know. What was he going to tell people if they decided to go? Fuck, he hadn't thought that far in advance.

  Instead, he'd been lying there thinking about how awesome it was to actually wake up beside another guy. To feel that masculine warmth beside him. It had been his first time. And like a giddy virgin he'd overreacted to Matthew's words and blurted out something so he could hold on to the feeling for just a few more minutes.

  How long could it possibly last, though?

  Lora punched his arm and brought his attention back to her.

  “Right. Well, I'm sure you guys had other things to talk about. Although, you know, after you left last night I swore I thought I remembered Doobie telling me he was going to Sudbury.”

  Rich grunted and pretended to be engrossed watching TV. Shit. Between Lora and Kevin you'd think he couldn't do a goddamn thing in this town without getting the third degree.

  “So, fess up. Who were you really with?”

  Rich grunted again, trying to figure out what to say to her.

  “Stop playing dumb. You can tell me, you know. I'm not going to judge you. ’Cause Doobie also let slip that the other boys were going away for Christmas, too. So, I know it wasn't any of them.”

  Rich wasn't sure what to say. How the hell had this gotten out of hand? He thought of the conversation he'd had with Kevin. “I was with someone, okay. It doesn't matter who it was. Just a little Christmas gift, if you get my drift.”

  “Lovely, Rich.”

  He shrugged, hoping she'd leave it alone. And since when did she talk to his friends anyway? They were his friends, not hers. What, did she question all of them about their plans for the holidays? He tried to mentally talk himself into relaxing. This would be worse if he went off half-cocked and started accusing her of something. She'd never let it go then.

  “Do I know them?” she asked.

  “How the hell should I know?”

  “Well, if you'd tell me their name, I could tell you if I know them.”

  Rich felt itchy between his shoulder blades. This was not how he'd imagined this day going. “Just drop it, okay. It's not important.”

  “I won't judge you, Rich. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?” Lora placed a hand on his arm, obviously trying to get his attention.

  He couldn't look at her. Instead he stared straight at the TV. Shit, this wasn't going to work. He needed to get out of here.

  “Just drop it,” he said, before getting up and leaving the room.

  “Rich!” she called after him.

  He ignored her, and thankfully she decided not to come after him. He went into the kitchen instead and tried to sneak a bite of mashed potato from one of the plates his mom hadn't warmed up yet.

  “Rich, wait a goddamned minute. It'll be ready soon.”

  He grinned at his mom before sitting down at the kitchen table. He watched as she made up the plates of turkey sandwiches and warmed the gravy on the stove. Hot turkey sandwiches. Fucking A. She was even making homemade French fries to go with it. He wasn't sure if she'd let his dad eat any of those, but Rich intended to more than make up for the rest.

  His mom finally came over and kissed the top of his head. “What's up, baby?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why are you sitting in here with me instead of watching TV or having a snooze in your room?”

  Rich shrugged. “You know I don't live here anymore, right? So, it's technically not my room anymore.”

  “As long as you're my baby it will always be your room. Now, what's bothering you?”

  “Nothing.” He couldn't talk to his mom about this. He couldn't talk to anyone about this.

  “Rich?” His mom sat down beside him and put her hands down on his crossed arms. “You can tell me anything.”

  Geez, no need to wonder where his sister got it from. “Do you think I might be able to go on holiday in a few months?”

  His mom frowned. “Of course. You haven't taken a break from work since taking over from your dad. Is that it? Are you worried about what your dad will say? Rich, he knows how hard you've been working and it's a big job. Now that Lora's back she'll be able to take some of the pressure off of you. I think it's a great idea to get out of here for a bit. Where were you thinking?”

  Rich exhaled loudly. “It's not a given, yet. But, I was thinking maybe of going to Vegas.”

  Loraine sat back in her chair. “Really? You'd have to apply for a passport.”

  “I know.”

  “Well, I think it's a great idea. Who're you going with?”

  He froze. Shit. “Not sure. I'll have to see who's available. Hell, I might end up going by myself. I just need a break. You know?”

  “Of course I know. You aren't like everyone else in the family, Rich. You never got your years away. Your dad and I know how much stress you've been under and we really appreciate everything you've given up for the bar. Tell you what. I'll talk to your dad and maybe we can pay for your airfare or something. You deserve it. And your birthday is coming up soon.”

  Rich nodded. “Thanks, Mom. You guys don't have to do that.”

  “Of course we do. Your dad will feel the same way, trust me. You've given up a lot for this family. It's time you take some time for yourself. Of course, that still does not give you permission to go to any of those places while you're down there.”

  Rich grimaced. “Ah, Mom. You know I'm not going to tell you nothing about that.”

  She pursed her lips, obviously hiding a grin. “Well, as long as you keep it quiet if you do.”

  His dad finally entered the room with a muffled groan like a waking bear. “Is food finally ready? I'm starved.” />
  “You'll get it when I give it to you, Daniel. Now set the table if you're looking for something to do.”

  Lora piped up. “I can do it.”

  Shit, Rich wasn't sure how long either of them had been standing in the kitchen. He thought his dad had just come in or he would have said something, but Lora was sneaky.

  In no time they had a heaping table-full of food and Rich was happily munching away on hot turkey sandwiches covered with gravy and a side of homemade fries. Life just didn't get any better than this.

  “So, Daniel. Rich was just telling me that he might be interested in taking some holidays.”

  “About time. When?” His dad eyed the plateful of fries Rich was hoarding with a look of longing.

  Rich hesitated. He hadn't asked when exactly Matthew and his friends were going. “Uh, February maybe. We're usually fairly quiet then. And it'd be before Spring Break. I need to check flights and all that.”

  “Where?” his dad asked.

  “Vegas.”

  “Hmm. Lot's to do there.”

  “Yeah, that's what I thought.” Hell, it wasn't like he had to ask his parents’ permission to go on holiday but his dad did still technically sign his pay cheques, so he'd have to get his agreement before booking time off work.

  “You give me the days and I'll make sure someone can cover you.”

  “I'll do it. I'd like to do more with the bar anyway. I've got some ideas for expansion,” Lora said.

  “Jesus, not at the dinner table.” His dad looked over at Rich and rolled his eyes.

  Rich hid a grin.

  “Well, I think it's a great idea,” his mom piped up.

  “Yeah, could be fun, Rich. Lots of titty bars down there.”

  “Daniel Matheson! Not at the dinner table.”

  Rich snorted, and then hastily had to turn it into a cough when his mom turned her glare on him.

  “I told you. I don't want to know if you do anything like that. Not one word. You're still my baby.”

  “Geez, Loraine. The boy isn't a baby.”

  “He's not a boy either,” Rich grumbled.

  Dan grinned and finally reached out to sneak a handful of fries off Rich's plate. “You're my boy, so quiet down.”

  “And he's my baby, so you just keep your nose out of it, Daniel.”

  Lora smirked at him from where she sat across from him. Baby, she mouthed.

  Fuck off, he mouthed back.

  I'm telling, she mouthed again.

  Go ahead, tattletale.

  “Mom, Rich is—”

  “Geez, Lora,” he said over top of her words. Some things never changed.

  The rest of the holidays passed by like usual. He was scheduled to work on New Year's but that didn't bother him too much as all his boys were coming in for the night. Matthew was working evenings so they wouldn’t be able to get together. Kinda shitty, but there wasn't anything they could do about it.

  Regardless, he'd had fun with his boys over New Year’s. He'd been the only one of them not plastered, but that just meant he had more ammunition to rib them with once they all sobered up.

  Now it was New Year’s day and Matthew was scheduled to work tonight too, but he'd have a few hours free during the afternoon at least. Rich wasn't sure where they'd get together, since Matthew's aunt was now back, but they'd figure it out.

  Hell, maybe they could drive down to North Bay or something. Or would that be pathetic? It wasn't even just about the sex, although he really did want that. He just wanted to spend some time with him. He felt like he could be himself around Matthew, and it was a nice feeling. Knowing that if he made a joke Matthew would know he wasn't really joking about it. Not like his boys. If he said something about the scent of ball sweat to them they'd all think he was razzing them.

  It was harder than he'd thought it would be in some ways. Now that he had one person he felt more comfortable with, it was harder not to try and talk to his friends about this shit. They were good guys, after all. He'd known them forever.

  It was just hard.

  Regardless, he managed to get through the holidays with his usual aplomb. He'd texted Matthew as the clock counted down the seconds and received a Happy New Year message in return as the clock turned and the old year faded into the new.

  It made him feel good.

  Which then made him feel bad. Because this wasn't going anywhere. They still hadn't made up their minds about whether Rich was really going to go to Vegas with Matthew and his friends. They were giving it time. But, Rich didn't know which was the right answer. Should he go, or should he back out? And why was it so hard to figure out?

  It shouldn't matter. It was just a holiday. Less than a week, really. But, it was actual planning, and that was what had him so tied up in knots. He'd never planned something with someone he was sleeping with. He'd never made plans before. Every time he'd gotten together with some guy, even Jonah, it had been a phone call five minutes before or an in-person meet-and-greet.

  And speaking of Jonah... He'd shown up last night with Neil and his family for the New Year festivities. Rich had avoided them all night and made sure he wasn't anywhere near them. He'd known instinctively that he might run into them at some point but seeing as he hadn't gone anywhere but the bar, his parent’s house and Matthew's home during the holidays he'd been doing pretty good.

  He hadn't expected them to walk into his bar. Jonah had looked good. Fucking good. He'd also looked happy and it had been that more than anything that had Rich brushing a hand over his aching chest.

  It wasn't even about Jonah anymore, and when he thought about it maybe it never had been. Maybe Jonah just represented something in his brain. A chance. For the longest time, Jonah had been his only chance.

  Then Matthew had entered the picture. And fucked everything up at the same time as he'd made Rich start wanting more.

  Speak of the devil. Rich checked his phone just as it buzzed in his back pocket. He smiled at the b there soon message and figured he didn't have to text back anything, since Matthew was already on his way.

  He turned with a grin on his face and looked straight into Jonah Chevalier's gaze. Shit. Well, didn't that just put a damper on his feelings? Speak of the other devil.

  Rich nodded to the other man before turning on the spot and walking back behind the bar.

  Unfortunately, Jonah decided to follow him. Rich was instantly reminded of the last time they'd been here. It was the night of Jonah's mom’s funeral and the guy had been more than a little drunk.

  Rich had been working late, unpacking some shit that had been delivered when he'd looked up and seen Jonah outside. He'd opened the door and one thing had led to another. He'd had Jonah pressed up against this very bar with most of his clothes strewn on the floor when Neil Brogan had barged in.

  Neil let out a sound like a bull moose and stared both of them down. “Get dressed, Jonah.”

  Rich froze. What the fuck was Neil doing here? And why did he care what Rich and Jonah did together? They were just friends, weren’t they? Neil couldn’t tell Jonah what to do. Shit, he wouldn’t say anything, would he? What was up with their fucking luck? The last time he’d done anything with Jonah they’d been caught by Jonah’s dad, and now they were caught by Jonah’s best friend? Next time he was fucking locking the door.

  Throwing out an arm, Neil pointed at Rich. “We will talk later.”

  Rich snorted and turned to Jonah to see what the other man had to say.

  “Hey, don’t you look at him!” Neil shouted before moving to put himself between Rich and Jonah. “Jonah, get your fucking clothes on, now!”

  In silence, Jonah pulled on his dress shirt. Rich was still fully dressed, so he just stood there, uncertain what to say in the awkwardness.

  “Jonah!” Neil yelled.

  “I’m coming!” Jonah cried out.

  Neil picked up Jonah’s suit jacket and tie and was heading for the front door. Jonah turned to follow him.

  “Jonah?” Rich asked quie
tly. He still wasn’t sure what to say, but he felt like he had to do something. This wasn’t how it was going to end, was it? Jonah was leaving, he’d never get another chance with him. But, did he want one? He wasn’t sure what he wanted.

  Jonah looked at him for a moment, looking about as uncertain as Rich was. “I—”

  “Rich, I swear to fucking God, I will kick your ass if you say another word. Jonah, we’re leaving now!”

  Neil left, with a frantic Jonah chasing after him.

  Rich had been left standing there, alone. Aching for something more.

  “Hi, Rich.” Jonah said. If he was aware of the direction of Rich's thoughts he didn't say anything.

  “Jonah. Long time no see. Merry Christmas and all that.”

  “Yeah, you too. I meant to say hi last night but you were all over the place. Obviously busy, and I didn't want to interrupt.”

  Rich grunted.

  “So, how are things?” Jonah asked.

  “Good. You?”

  “Really good. I'm not sure if you know, but Neil and I are living together now. We're really happy. It's strange being back here, though. My first Christmas in the Tri-Towns since I left all those years ago.”

  “Hmm. That's good. That you're happy.” What the fuck was he supposed to say?

  “I am. Neil's really good for me. I love him.” Jonah shrugged a shoulder.

  “You want a beer or something?” Rich figured he had to say something to change the subject.

  “Yeah, I'd love that. Whatever you have on draft that you'd suggest. I'm easy. Actually, pour two, okay? Neil should be here soon. He was just dropping in to the station to say hi to the guys here. I think he misses the OPP, even though he never worked in Temiskaming.”

  Rich grunted again. “Food?”

  “An appetizer platter would be great. By the time it comes out Neil should be here.”

  Rich nodded, handing Jonah his beer and turning around to give the order to the kitchen. He breathed in and out before shaking his head and coming back to the bar.

  “So, what's new with you?” Jonah asked.

  “Not much. Same old. You know how things are here.”