The Cowboy, The Cheat, His Ex-Wife & Her Vibrator

by C. C. Coburn

  “Tonight? I might have a problem getting a sitter,” she said.

  He picked up the phone on his desk and handed it to her. “See what you can do,” he urged. “I really think we could workshop your problem with JJ and come up with a solution.”

  Halfway through dialing, Beth put down the phone. “I’m sure getting a sitter won’t be a problem, Douglas. Thank you. Shall we say my place, at seven? We’ll go from there.”

  By dessert, Beth was seriously regretting her impetuousness in agreeing to have dinner with Douglas. He was so boring. Far from finding any solutions to JJ’s access rights to her children, he’d meandered on and on about what he’d been doing with his life since high school. Which apart from going to college, getting his law degree and marrying three times—“All to scheming, money–hungry bitches”—didn’t amount to much. He had no interests outside the law and had never, so far as she could tell, left the Denver metropolitan area in his life. It was just as well he’d never had children. Too awful to think of poor innocent kids being lumped with any of his genetic material. What was she thinking agreeing to have dinner with him? Oh, yeah, there was the free meal and possibility of free advice. But seriously, how dumb must those women have been who married him? Oh, yeah, they were all scheming, money–hungry bitches.

  Beth wasn’t sure if she felt sorrier for them, or for him. No amount of money could compensate for having to listen to Douglas droning on and on. On the other hand, what did they expect marrying a man after only knowing him a couple of weeks? She suppressed a yawn as he ordered coffee.

  “Not for me, thank you, Douglas. I won’t sleep if I drink coffee so close to bedtime,” she told him.

  “Sweetcakes, with what I’ve got planned for you for the rest of this evening, you won’t be worrying about sleep.”

  Sweetcakes? “Sorry, Douglas. I’m not up to staying out late tonight.”

  Douglas’s porcelain enameled teeth glowed in the candlelight. “Sweetie…”

  Beth tried to swallow the bile rising in her throat at the use of the endearment. She was liking Douglas less and less every passing moment and his presuming to call her something so intimate got on her nerves.

  “I didn’t say anything about staying out late. No, no, no, my sweet pet, I am going to take you home to my pad and make love to you until you scream.”

  Beth blinked. Her imagination was really getting out of control lately. Did she just hear Douglas called her sweet pet and say he was going to make love to her until she screamed? In his pad? Or was she hallucinating? Maybe she ought to have that coffee? Or another glass of wine…

  “I know you’ve been interested in me ever since you took me on as your lawyer,” he said and gave her another sickening grin.

  This time Beth imagined his canine teeth were quite a bit longer than his incisors. She squinted, just to check if she was seeing things as well as imagining them. Yep, they were definitely longer. Why hadn’t she noticed that before? Probably because he hadn’t smiled quite so widely before. He was grinning maniacally at her, awaiting her response to his offer.

  Visions of the big bad wolf came to mind. Or a vampire. Making love to her until she screamed? Eeeyew! Beth couldn’t get the horrid image out of her brain. The only thing she wanted to scream about was what he was suggesting. It was a nightmare! A horror flick, with a lot of bad pornography thrown in.

  She forced herself to remain calm. “Thank you, Douglas, but no,” she said, collecting her clutch bag from the table. “My only interest in you has been as my lawyer and that relationship ceases as of this moment. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home.”

  Douglas’s hand closed over hers. “I could come back to your place…” He left the suggestion hanging in the air.

  Beth stood up so abruptly that the table tipped a little. Douglas caught it but the last of his wine spilled into his lap. She was pleased about that. “Not in a million years, Douglas,” she said and turned away, heading to the door before he came up with any more sickening suggestions.

  “You bitch!” he screamed at her retreating back. “You’re just like all those other fucking bitches! And don’t think I’m giving you a lift home either!”

  Beth paused at that last remark. Now why on earth did he imagine she’d ever get into an enclosed space with him again? She turned towards Douglas, aware that all eyes were on her, awaiting the next installment in this very public disagreement.

  “Douglas Fadden,” she said, so everyone would know his name, “Just why on earth do you think I’d want to go back to your den of iniquity, let alone allow you to make love to me until I screamed?”

  There was an audible murmur from her audience.

  “When the thought of you so much as touching me is utterly repugnant.”

  Douglas was seemingly unaware of their audience, their heads going backwards and forwards as though they were spectators at a tennis match.

  “You fucking bitch! You bitches are all the same. You only want me for my money!” he screamed at her back.

  Beth was tempted to retort, but Douglas Fadden wasn’t worth the effort. She closed the restaurant door behind her and swore off dating forever as she climbed into a waiting cab.

  Beth searched her pantry for anything containing chocolate. She finally came up with half a packet of chocolate chip cookies. She flopped down onto her sofa and stuffed one into her mouth. Going out on Nightmare Dates was murder on her waistline. She hadn’t even been remotely interested in the stuff during her Bad Blind Date period. On reflection, the blind dates had been quite respectable compared with her last two dinner dates. And she’d known Peter and Douglas before she’d gone out with them! How could she have made such shocking errors in judgment? Oh, yeah, she’d married JJ. Proof she was no judge of character.

  As Beth stuffed another cookie into her mouth, the phone rang. She snatched it up. If it was Douglas, she was gonna report him. He was one sick bunny!

  “Herro,” she said around the mouthful and decided she could cut down the calorie count by just picking the choc bits out of the cookie and eating it that way.

  “You’re eating again,” said Gabe in his breathtakingly masculine voice. What was it about the sound of this guy’s voice that it could sent shivers of excitement pulsing through her?

  Beth choked on her cookie, grabbed her glass of milk and took a mouthful, nearly choking on that as well. When she felt more able to talk, she said, “Yes.”

  “More chocolates?”

  “No, cookies. Choc chip.”

  “Your date gave you a packet of chocolate chip cookies?”

  Beth could hear the derision in his voice. “No, they were in the pantry. And he wasn’t a date, he was my lawyer. Emphasis on was. And how did you know I was out anyway?”

  “I rang earlier tonight and your sitter told me you’d gone out to dinner. Again.”

  Beth made a mental note to tell Jeannie to keep her big mouth shut when strange men rang wanting to know where she was. Jeannie was a great sitter, however, a mild dressing down in the morning might be a good idea. Plus, she didn’t care for Gabe’s again, remark.

  “Beth?”

  “I’m still here,” she said and chugged down the rest of her milk.

  “What’s that noise?”

  “Me, drinking milk.”

  “Not quite what I was imagining, darlin’,” he told her.

  “Hey, listen, I’m not getting into any more of that kinky phone–sex–with–food thing that you started last night. Especially the way it ended. Not satisfying,” she grumbled.

  Gabe wiped his hand over his face at the memory of how hot he’d been last night at the thought of Beth lying naked and wanting him in her bed. He’d wanted to go through with it, he really had. Thankfully he’d realized what she was up to with all the slurping and sucking sounds. He’d thought it best to leave her on a high note. But judging by the tone of her voice, tonight, that hadn’t been a good idea. Especially from her perspective. It hadn’t been fair to her and he
regretted it the moment he’d hung up the phone.

  “Do you want to try it again? Without the food?”

  “And without you hanging up.”

  “Beth, I can’t promise that. You don’t know how much willpower that took for me to do that.”

  “You don’t know how much willpower it took for me not to get in my car and drive up to your ranch, hog–tie you to your bedposts and have my way with you.”

  Gabe swallowed. The thought of being tied up by Beth and at her complete mercy did all sorts of thought–provoking things to his libido. As if just thinking about her as he went about his chores on the ranch didn’t have him hard with wanting. “I can’t promise you anything, darlin’,” he said again.

  “And stop calling me darlin’” she said testily. “It does… things to me.”

  “What sort of things? ”

  “You know.”

  “Tell me.”

  “It makes me hot.”

  “Where?”

  “All over.”

  Gabe pushed down the thought of seeing Beth’s body flush with heat and longing. For him. He decided to change the subject.

  “So how did your date go?”

  “Excuse me?” He could hear the indignation in Beth’s voice. “We’ve gone from phone sex foreplay to asking how my date with another man went? I’m not into threesomes, you know!”

  “Neither am I, darlin’, so how about we get your date out of the room and then we can get back to what we like doing to each other. Just the two of us.”

  He fancied that he heard a sigh from Beth on the other end of the line. Whether it was of resignation or mounting sexual tension, he wasn’t sure.

  “So, how was it?” he asked, hoping it had gone as badly as the night before. He took heart in the fact that Beth had answered her phone and hadn’t gone home with the creep. Or that the creep wasn’t staying at Beth’s for the night.

  “It started off okay,” she said.

  “Oh, and how’s that?”

  “The portion sizes were a lot bigger.”

  Gabe laughed out loud. I love you, he wanted to yell down the phone. Gabe paused and wondered where that had come from. He’d never said that to another woman. Except Marina. Never felt those stirrings of a complete connection of heart and soul with another woman. He drew in a deep breath. He needed to tread carefully. It was enough that he enjoyed Beth’s company, enjoyed participating in their little game—not the one involving phone sex—the one where he wanted a relationship and she just wanted sex without any commitment. The game they were both determined to win. It was a dangerous tightrope to tread. Because if Beth was so determined on having sex without commitment, the fact that she was dating other men meant that potentially she might end up going to bed with one of them. The thought terrified him.

  “Gabe?”

  “Yes, sweetheart.”

  “Don’t call me that,” she snapped.

  “Why not?”

  “My creepy date started calling me Sweetcakes, tonight. And sweetheart sounds a bit too much like it.”

  Gabe breathed a silent sigh of relief. So her date was a creep, eh?

  “And then he told me he was going to take me back to his pad and make love to me until I screamed.”

  Gabe felt a poleaxe to his gut. Maybe he’d been wrong to take such a relaxed attitude to her dating other men? He wanted to make love to her till she screamed. He wanted it so much, it hurt. He forced his very obvious physical response to that thought, under control.

  “His pad, eh?” he said. Working on sounding light–hearted. Wanting to change the subject away from the screaming sex.

  “Yeah, can you believe it? And then he had the temerity to call me a bitch when I refused.”

  “No!” Yes! Beth wouldn’t have liked that at all. “And you refused such a generous offer I take it?”

  “It wasn’t hard. He was so boring. I thought I might fall asleep during the sex rather than scream.”

  He really needed to steer the conversation away from sex. Beth was too tempting and he could only take so much temptation. “Boring?”

  “Gabe? Your voice sounds all husky. Are you coming down with something?”

  “No. I… ah…” he coughed. “Just needed to clear my throat. So, he was boring you were saying,” he reminded her. “No spanking then?”

  Beth’s laughed tinkled down the line sending shudders of pleasure washing through him. He wasn’t sure he could wait until next weekend to see her.

  “Although it was far from boring at the end…”

  “Oh?”

  “He grabbed my hand and when I stood up the table tilted and his wine went all over the front of his pants. It was red wine,” she added. “And then I walked off and that’s when he called me a bitch in front of everyone in the restaurant.”

  “Bad move,” Gabe murmured but wanting to punch the air.

  “Really bad move,” Beth agreed. “I turned around and let everyone know exactly who was calling me a bitch in a fine dining restaurant and then I told him I wouldn’t go anywhere with him, and least of all back to his apartment so that he could make love to me until I screamed.”

  “Whoa! In front of the whole restaurant? You go, darlin’!”

  Beth smiled, immensely proud of herself and of Gabe’s reaction. “Yep. And I noticed the Denver Post’s food critic was there, so that should make good copy in the morning’s papers.”

  Gabe laughed and Beth luxuriated in the deep timbre of it. He really was a delicious man and so easy to talk to. Never boring. Never verbally abusive. Not a fetishist. Not a jerk like JJ. In fact, if he wasn’t so hell–bent on having a relationship before they had sex, he’d be perfect.

  Beth enjoyed making Gabe laugh. She had a feeling he hadn’t laughed too much in the past year or so. She felt bad about that. He was a man who deserved every happiness that life had to give. Of course, he’d be very happy if they had sex…

  Gabe almost groaned at the memory of Beth’s lap–dancing the other night. If they’d been naked…

  “Darlin’?” he said, unable to keep the huskiness from his voice. “Can we leave that guy out of the conversation from now on? I’m not comfortable hearing about what you did or didn’t do with him, okay?”

  “Well… sure. But you’re the one who asked me how my date went,” she reminded him.

  “And next time I ask, do me a favor and don’t answer, okay?”

  “O… kay,” she agreed. “But does that mean you’ll stop calling me?”

  “No. I’ll always call you.”

  “But, we mightn’t have anything to talk about if I don’t tell you about my appalling dates.”

  Gabe doubted it. With Beth, there’d always be something to talk about. “How are the kids?” he asked.

  Beth curled her feet up under her. “They’re great. Molly went back to daycare today. She’s so much better. And Mikey got chosen as his class leader for the week. Everyone takes it in turns, so it’s not like he did anything outstanding to get elected or anything,” she hastened to add, hating to sound like some sort of alpha mother always pushing her children and their achievements forward.

  “All your kids are outstanding, Beth. You should be proud of them.”

  A warm glow of pleasure and satisfaction flowed through Beth at his words. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Your high opinion means a lot to me.”

  “Nobody’s ever said that to me before,” he confessed.

  “I’m surprised. I guess, until you have children of your own you don’t realize how much it means to you to have someone genuinely like them and to say so.”

  There was an awkward silence from the other end of the line. Beth wondered if she shouldn’t have brought up the fact that he didn’t have children. Maybe it reminded him of just how much he’d lost?

  “Gabe?”

  “I’m right here, darlin’.”

  Beth didn’t know what to say to ease his pain.

  “I’m right here too,” she said softly.
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  There was more silence. Finally she heard a gravelly, “Thanks.”

  Beth didn’t know what else to say. Maybe she should change the subject? Maybe she should just confront him. Get it out in the open.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not right now,” he said. “Can I take a rain check?”

  “Sure.”

  More silence. This was awkward. They never had silences. She was sorry she’d opened her big mouth about the kids. “Tell me what you did today,” she said.

  Gabe’s voice held incredulity. “You really want to know?”

  “Yes, I really want to know.” And I care. Care a lot. She bit her lip. Should she confess that? “I care about you,” she declared. “A lot.”

  There was another silence, but this time when Gabe spoke, she could hear the smile in his voice.

  Chris is impotent,” Tilly confessed over coffee the next morning.

  Beth carefully put down her mug and said, “I’m glad you didn’t wait a nanosecond more to share that with me, or I’d have ruined another silk blouse.”

  “Sorry. I’ve been bottling it up inside for so long that I couldn’t wait a moment longer. What do you suggest I should do?”

  “About Chris’s impotence or your impatience?”

  Tilly’s face fell. “It’s not funny. I’m desperate for release.”

  “Tell me about it!” Beth told her.

  “Are you serious? You and Gabe haven’t done the horizontal tango yet?”

  “We’re talking about your cousin here, remember? He’s taking the moral high ground. Wants ‘commitment’ before we get down and dirty.”

  Tilly looked pensive. “Who would have thought my lovely virile cousin was such a tease?”

  “It’s caused a few tense moments between us, I can tell you.”