Forgive Me

by Melanie Walker

  Not wanting to break the moment with unanswered questions followed by silent answers, I rolled until she was beneath me. I crawled up her body before leaning back on my knees palming them open with my eyes still locked on hers. That split second of guilt had cost me more than I thought. When I was looking at the ceiling, I was her focus and desire. I forgot that my Sassy was in there buried beneath some fucktards abuse. I was with Cassa Rae right now and I could see her insecurity even through her need.

  I took her delicate hand in mine and brought her fingers to my lips, kissing each tip individually before linking our fingers and tracing the crease of her thigh. The small sigh that escaped her red lips made my stomach drop in excitement.

  It was my turn to sigh next when she took the lead and guided our fingers closer to the slit of soft petal skin between her legs. This had been my heaven, my safe place for years and I walked away from it like a fucking idiot. I couldn’t help the hope blooming in my chest that maybe I still had that glimmer of hope that meant we had a shot.

  Her fingers still linked with mine, parted her lips and then she was stroking against her core and I swear I saw God. I let her set the pace, let her pull me along on this amazing ride where we rediscovered her body together. I placed my hand over hers and stroked at her clit, swollen and hard; puckered with need. I used my other hand and entered her with a finger then two. She was burning alive hot and wet.

  I couldn’t take it, she was killing me. The most soft and delicate place on her body and she was letting me in all while her eyes never left mine. I could see the need, see that it wasn’t enough. I knew that this was about testing our belief in one another, knowing what we both needed other than forgiveness and that was trust. She was trusting me to please her and take her to that place I knew fucking damn well only I could take her too.

  It made me feel like a champ knowing I was that guy. She didn’t tell me so, she didn’t have to. I see it every time I look at her, I feel it with every touch. I’m that fucking guy for her, the one.

  It.

  All.

  Forever.

  I would not it up this time.

  I unlinked our hands and knew that for her to trust me I had to remind her of how deeply I could love her as well as I could fuck her. I skimmed down the end of the bed, hooking my hands around her hips and brought her to my face and breathed in the sight and smell of my girl.

  And all control shattered.

  The silence between us vanished and I lost the ability to be smooth and sweet. I had been so desperate and hell bent on showing her what we could have. Where my mind and heart were now is the true blue feelings I have for her. They are raw, they are vital and they are tearing me apart.

  “I'm gonna' eat your pussy Sass, and I'm raw right now. I get too rough you tell me agreed?” I watched her, seeing her face flushed and her body writhing against her fingers I knew she was lost to the passion I was. My voice was greed and want. I was hell bent serious on driving her to understand how far she had taken me.

  “Look at me Cassa.” I demanded. Her eyes were bright and beautiful when she met my stare understanding now how raw I really was. “You tell me if I go too far or too hard.”

  Cassa moaned her excitement and need before she nodded yes. I fell to my knees and hiked her legs over my shoulders and then spread her for my taking. I nuzzled my face between her thighs, my mouth pressed tight into her as I licked and nibbled, touching every square inch of her pleasure that I could taste. “Your pussy is fucking heaven Cassa, nothing compares to the taste of you.” I poked my tongue deep and flexed as her wetness pooled on my tongue. “I can’t get enough of it.”

  She gripped at my skull, her nails digging against me as she tried pulling me deeper and harder against her. She rolled her hips against my greedy tongue and I could feel her pulsing against me. She arched her back and cried out. “I’m gonna come Shame.”

  It hit like a massive eruption, fucking Mt. Reiner have gone off and I wouldn’t have known. Cassa was panting and screaming ‘Oh God Shamus’ as I sucked and nibbled and bit at her thrashing pussy, She came back down, her body in the midst of the aftershocks to see me using my shirt to clean her up. It was erotic to watch her watching me, knowing what I was wiping away. I couldn’t tell you why that revved me up or why it even mattered… it just did.

  I climbed into the bed next to Cassa. The rain had rolled in and now it was blasting against the window pain in a melody the musician in me could hear. I had Sassy tucked in tight against my chest. I looked down and kissed her softly. I was aching to fuck her, deep and hard and finish what we started. My balls throbbing I shifted to the side facing her in a desperate attempt to hide my once again hard, hard on.

  “Why are we laying here?” Cassa asked facing me so we now lay belly to belly and nose to nose. I stroked the curve of her hip with my fingertips, tracing the tree branches Noah had inked. I could feel the rippled skin and tried to black out images of her lying there bleeding…bleeding for loving me even after I had left.

  She shivered maybe from the cold, or from my touch. It didn’t matter but it gave me an excuse. Pulling her close and kissing her nose, I tucked the sheet tighter around us. “Because it’s cold outside.” I knew it was a lame answer but I wasn’t known for making excuses to get out of sex. Sex that would be life changing, earth shattering, soul stealing sex.

  Cassa lifted the sheet and looked down at my cock as it nudged the space between hip and stomach. “Shamus, you’re hard and I’m wet. Why aren’t you inside of me?” She traced her hand over my chest until she reached my shoulder and gripped it, sliding her body against mine.

  Fuck! I want her so bad…maybe if I pull out?….Fuuuuuuuck!

  I cringed at the contact and my own inner turmoil. I wanted her, deep and hard. Animalistic. But I was fresh out of condoms and totally pissed off. So I would suffer in silence, a sweat breaking over my brow I groaned as her belly made contact with the head of my dick.

  “What’s wrong?” She asked her voice immediately accusing. She pulled back and pulled the sheet up to her chin. Shame and anger replacing the satisfied and loving beauty she was radiating only moments before. I could see her insecurities crash into our moment as her brain started looking for reasons that didn’t exist. Reasons that said she no longer matched up. Reasons that were bullshit. “Honest to God Shame what’s the deal?” She looked like any second tears would fall and that I would never cause again.

  “I am out of condoms Sassy.” I waited for her to sigh but she made no sound.

  “And?” she asked.

  “And I don’t want to go in not sheathed, it’s irresponsible.” I tried to smile and nudge her with my nose making light of the situation. It wasn’t my greatest moment. I watched as her face went from serious to hurt in a flash.

  “You can’t get me pregnant Shamus.” She whispered her voice frail. She rolled away from me and sat up, covering her perfect body from me with the sheet.

  I rolled in tight to her body not giving her the time to run away from me. I should have thought of how she would perceive it. Of course she would take it that way.

  Fuck me and my stupid mouth. "That’s not what I meant Sassy. I swear to God baby, I would never try and hurt you like that." I pulled the hair back from her shoulder and placed a kiss against her neck. "I would never be that callused. It’s because I have a whole new sexual past now Sassy. There is a dark side to the music world and there have been more than my fare share of sex and there have been… a lot of women." I nuzzled in closer kissing her ear, completely prepared to head to 7-11and get enough protection to last a lifetime.

  "What type of experiences?' She asked, shifting and pressing against me. Fuck! Clearly I didn’t think the response through well either. I had to go with the truth because I had hurt her enough over the last two years that she deserved to know the truth of the scumbag I was. I knew I didn’t deserve her but I was stealing her heart back anyway.

  "Enough women to fulfill me for a lifetime, but th
ey were nowhere close to making me feel what you do." It was the biggest most shameful truth of my life.

  "How long has it been for you, I mean since you were with someone else?"

  Fuck it was like a car crash with dead bloody bodies. You knew damn well looking would fuck you up for life but you went and looked anyway. Answering this would taste bitter and nasty and I already regret the truth, but like before she deserved to know all of me, the new me since I walked away from her. I knew I was twisted, but if she wanted me then she deserved all of me. "The night I got here, with Brittany." I closed my eyes to big a pussy to see her face as I dropped that bomb. Hoping to soothe the slap from that confession I continued making myself sound even worse. "Before you get mad let me first say I told the truth so that’s a point in my favor and I didn’t even know if I was going to see you, I never did before when I came home, so that’s another point."

  "I'm not mad Shamus, pussy is pussy to a man and I get that." Sure that’s what she said but inside she was ready to rip Brits hair from her head. I would damn well guarantee it.

  I reached over her hip and rolled her until she was beneath me again and I could claim her mouth. That caused a whole bunch of rubbing and touching.

  Not my best idea.

  "I will go to the store right now Cassa, I will buy a lifetime supply, hell I will buy stock in fucking Trojan. never think that I wouldn’t be inside you right now had I been more careful with myself." I pressed against her selfish as it was, her skin against my cock was like a branding iron and contact was contact. I slipped my hand between her legs spreading her to feel her clit and she was as I left her, wet and ready. I couldn’t deny how bad I wished it was my come that had her soaked, wished like hell I could drench her pussy in me, mark her for life. Call me a dirty bastard but I don’t give a fuck. Any man in my position would be thinking the same damn thing. I’ll own being a dirty freak in the sheets any day. I admit it because she fucking loves it. "I will take care of you though, all night Sassy."

  She stretched against me making me hiss and pull back. "Okay I am going to get condoms." I went to leave the bed when she clamped down on my hand between her thighs and tugged my arm.

  "No Shame, don’t go. I want this; I want you inside me naked."

  Fuck!

  What to do….what to do…

  “God baby, I want in you so bad.” I groaned and thrust against the soft skin against me.

  “Then take me Shame, I want your skin on my skin.”

  Fuck!

  “Tell me you’re sure baby.” I was grinding against her, my fingers working her, feeling her slicken further. “Tell me you’re certain because I want inside, I want to feel how hot and slick you are.”

  I felt her fluids drip from inside her and her moan of delight and torture had me shaking with need. “Fuck baby, I need to feel you clamp down and flex on my dick as you come.”

  “I’m close already Shame, get in me please. I need to feel you come for me too.” She looked up at me, her passion filled eyes determined to make me see she was serious. “We need this Shame. We need this to reconnect once and for all.”

  I didn’t wait for a written invitation; I drew my hips back and…there she was. Wet. Hot. Slick and tight, fuck she was tight. I pressed into the hilt of her and lifted her leg over mine taking me to the full hilt inside of her. I couldn’t think, but only feel. I had never had Cassa or anyone bare before. Being in Sassy and feeling her wet heat surround me….it overwhelmed me.

  "I have waited forever to be in you like this." I choked on my words. I had never in my life felt more connected to another soul as I did right then with Cassa.

  This was home.

  *

  Cassa

  I moaned at the invasion, from this position he was far deeper than I had ever imagined a man could be. I moaned as he started to thrust into me, his cock so hard and warm, his skin silky smooth. He was perfect above me, nothing at all like remembered him. Shamus was a man too busy blaming himself about leaving he refuses to see the side of forgiveness.

  “I have never… fuck Sassy…I’ve never felt this…so good baby.” I knew he was getting the point across but there was so much more to what he was saying. This was a first for him and it was me that received the gift. His life in the spotlight would forever rob him of moments like this if he would just open his eyes and see the gift he was giving me. I gave him my first time and I never regretted it. To Shamus, no condom was as virginal as he had ever been with me. This was my gift from him. “Fuck baby, I’m deep and your wet…I’m dying here Cassa.”

  With every thrust I couldn’t hold back. My nails down his back, my teeth digging into his bottom lip. He would just pull me tighter and press into me harder. He was reckless above me, completely beyond grasping his control but it was everything that making love with Shamus was, only this time it was more….nothing between us. Our secrets were laid bare as our bodies were now. The thought of being so complete with him sent me flying.

  "Shame!" I cried out feeling my orgasm crest, just seconds from that shattering moment that would make my head spin.

  "I have waited forever to feel you bare baby, I need to see your face when I fill you up." Shamus pushed inside of me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His chest wet with sweat he pumped hard and fast rocking the bed against the wall. Shamus came back on his heels, grabbing me by my hips lifting me from the mattress and up over his thighs so I was straddling him. “Come for me Sass.”

  The position, his words and his mouth against my neck as he pressed me up tight so he was deep…I did as he asked.

  “Fuck I feel you baby, every inch of me inside you, fucking you. Damn baby I feel you. Now, give me it Cassa, come baby.”

  I screamed his name and cursed as I came, each of his thrusts shooting my orgasm to newer and greater heights. I was begging incoherently when he started praising me for how tight I got.

  He lay me back down against the mattress and straitened one of my legs between his and the other he wrapped around his hip. He pushed in deep and held himself there when he looked down to me savoring the feel of his cock deep inside. I bit my lower lip as he came at my mouth devouring my tongue and lips as he thrust fast in short strides, his body tensed and then… "oh God Cassa." He erupted in a frenzy of emotion, his cock spilling inside of me, marking me.

  Shamus draped his body over mine once we had our fill, both of us wet with sweat and sex; exhausted by the mind blowing sex that broke us both wide open and healed the hurt.

  His breath was ragged as he nuzzled his face to my neck before moving his lips along my jaw and lips whispering faint as he went…"I’m still in love with you Cassa."

  Looking up from underneath

  Fractured moonlight on the sea

  Reflections still look the same to me

  As before I went under

  Florence + the Machine

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cassa

  I stepped into the shower where Shamus was waiting. He stood before me naked, his body a blessed gift. He was lean and tall but so defined. I watched as he lathered the soap over his chest and then down down down…gloriously down. Lord the man had me ready to go again. He had officially ended my dry spell with last nights unbelievable sex. It wasn’t just sex though, that was more than anything we have ever shared before. The silence, then the pleading. God, the look in his eyes when he told me he was raw… I could see the rawness in him still. He had exposed everything to me last night…confessedeverything. Jerry's wake was in a little over an hour and I had to get ready but I wouldn’t be brushing his late night confession under the rug. There could be no more secrets, even small ones, between Shame and I. He turned his body to the spray as the suds rinsed down the drain and once again I lost my train of thought while staring down every single bead of water lucky enough to touch him.

  Unable to control the beast inside me that he had awoken, I sidled up close to his body, pressing my breasts into his back I reached around and clasped my h
ands on his stomach. I placed a gentle kiss between his shoulder blades before resting my cheek to his skin. Fuck he smelled good and the water on his skin tasted like ambrosia. Suddenly I had no fear, no rules I felt like we needed to follow. The Cassa that Shamus remembered would say what was on her mind. I am still that girl, I still want to say things I just stop myself out of fear. I had no fear right now though. This is Shamus and even though he left me, I know now for whatever reason he did it because he loved me.

  Twisted I know, but he had yet to explain his reasons. He was dealing with enough right now and my need to know something else was jumping to the head of the “I’ll ask Shame later” list.

  "Love me ha?" I said knowing he would smile. I let my fingers tickle along the arch that I knew was above his belly button and waited for his reply.

  "Yeah I always have though. I just realized that it needed to be said."

  "Well I don’t think there is much speculation here but just in case, I love you too. I never stopped." I felt the need to explain myself to him. I was married for the longest year of my life and he deserved to know it was him I was trying to forget.

  "I know it seems like I stopped loving you Shame but really I was trying to move on, I did the best I could have in my situation. I swear not a single day went by that I didn’t long to hear your voice or pray you would come save me. I knew the chances were next to impossible but it doesn’t change how I longed for you." He had turned to face me when I said I loved him and the small sad smile on his lips told me everything I didn’t say he knew anyway. “I lost myself in the process of trying to hang on to you. What I went through…” I bit my lip and turned my face ashamed of what he would see in my eyes. His fingers grasped my wet chin as he lifted my face. I kept my eyes closed trying to keep my tears in. “Stop…” I whispered on a cry before I felt his lips drop a sweet kiss to each closed lid.