Hidden Desire

by Amy Patrick

  “Well, you shouldn't have bothered,” I growl. “Everyone would have been better off.” What is the point? If I can’t be with Laney, I don’t want to be here at all.

  “Culley!” Ryann and Ava exclaim in unison. Ava continues, “That is not true, and you know it. We need you. We’ll never be able to end the S Scourge without your help. And what about Laney? Have you thought of what it would do to her if you died?”

  “She’d get over it,” I mutter.

  Ava glances at the others crowded into the small bedroom. “Could you guys give us a minute please?”

  With murmurs of assent, Asher, Lad, and Ryann move toward the door and leave the room.

  I already know what Ava’s going to say, and I don’t want to hear it. I roll my eyes toward the ceiling and prepare to refute all her claims of how there’s true love out there for me, if I’ll only open my heart and reach for the stars and rainbows and all that shit.

  Ava grabs my hand. “She won’t get over it. Not if she loves you, and according to Brenna, she definitely does. No one is that hurt by someone unless they’re very much in love. I know you weren't expecting it to happen this way, especially because Laney’s human. But look at me and Asher. I thought he was fully human, and I fell in love with him. There was no getting over that. Now we’re bond-mates.”

  My head jerks back. “You are?”

  She blushes. “Yes. We’re planning a wedding ceremony for June. And you have to be there—so I don’t want to hear any more nonsense about taking yourself out of the picture for everyone’s good. You have changed, Culley. The fact that you’re here right now proves it.”

  I sit in silence for a few moments, letting her words sink in. A few weeks ago, I would have been enraged to learn that she and Asher had bonded. Now I feel... strangely free. And well, I’m actually happy for them. It’s nice to see someone get their happily ever after. When you've been in love, you know how rare and wonderful a thing that is.

  Maybe that means I have changed. But not enough to be worthy of Laney. I can never be. She’s literally better off with anyone else, even that brainless gym rat I saw visiting her house. The best thing I can do for her is stay away.

  And the best thing I can do to repay Asher for saving my worthless life is to tell him about his father. Now that I know about Asher’s glamour, there is no more doubt in my mind he is Hakon’s son.

  I’m not sure why Hakon denied having a family. He’s probably afraid—and rightly so—of the penalties my father would exact on any member of his Court for bonding with a human. What he would do to the human woman and her half-breed offspring is even worse.

  “Could you call Asher back in here?” I ask Ava. “There’s something I need to tell him.”

  She must have called him mind to mind because seconds later Asher enters the room, walking to my bedside and looking like a younger, thinner version of the man I’ve been traveling with.

  “Are you feeling ill again?” he asks, his face filled with concern. A born healer. No wonder he had a hero complex.

  “No. You did a fine job bringing me back from the dead. I want to talk to you about something else. Your father.”

  He shrugs. “I wish I could help you. I don’t know much about him.”

  I can’t contain my grin. “But I do.”

  Asher practically falls into the chair beside the bed, gaping at me with open mouth and wide eyes.

  “At least I’m ninety-nine percent sure he’s your father. He has black hair and turquoise eyes, like yours. Sound familiar?”

  Asher nods, apparently unable to answer verbally.

  “I’ve actually spent a good deal of time with him lately. He’s a healer, like you,” I tell him. “He serves in the Dark Court.”

  Now Asher’s hopeful expression clouds over. “The one you’re traveling with? The one who’s been so instrumental in setting up the S factories around the country?”

  “Yes, but... no listen, before you jump to any conclusions, Hakon is practically a slave to my father. He has no choice about what he’s doing, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think he likes it.”

  “Hakon?” he repeats. “My dad’s name is “Hagen.”

  “Both of those names have the same meaning. Maybe he gave you and your mother the less common version of the name?”

  He frowns. “He doesn't want me to find him.”

  “If that’s the case, it’s only for your own protection. More likely, he doesn’t want my father to find you. It would not go well for you and your mother or Hakon if Father knew about you. Believe me, you want nothing to do with him or the Dark Court.”

  “Well, I have no way of knowing if you’re right. I can’t contact my father. I only see him on the rare occasions he decides to drop in,” he snarls.

  “So you have not heard from him this weekend?”

  “No, why would I have?”

  “Well, he came with me—to Memphis. He’s only about an hour away.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Reunion

  Asher grips the armrest as we pull through the gates of the private airfield, his fingertips digging into the soft leather of my expensive rental car.

  “Don’t worry about those gouges,” I joke, nodding at his hand. “I sprang for the full liability coverage.”

  “Oh, sorry.” He lifts both his hands, cracking his knuckles nervously. “It’s... we have kind of a weird relationship. I only see him a couple times a year. It’s always just for a day or even one meal. He’ll hardly answer any questions about himself. I feel like I barely know him. I guess now I have some idea why.”

  “He was protecting you, mate. You and your mother.”

  I stop the car fifty yards from the private plane where Hakon waits for me and turn to Asher. “Listen, in case I’m wrong about Hakon—I think you should stay in the car and wait for my signal. If I get on board and discover he’s not who I thought he was, I don’t want him to see you or even know you’re here. I’ll text you “cancel,” and you’ll know to drive away. Take the car back to the rental office at the airport and have Ava come pick you up.”

  His forehead creases. “What about you? Won’t that put you at risk to tell him you've been hanging out with humans and Light Elves?”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m immortal, remember? I’m also one hell of a liar.”

  “I remember that,” he says with a grin. “Be careful.”

  “I will. Stay here. Don't let that hero complex make you do anything stupid,” I warn. “Hey, what’s your mum’s name?”

  “It’s Jenna. Why?”

  “No man can hide his reaction to the name of the woman he loves.” I should know.

  Leaving the car running, I walk across the tarmac and up the stairs of the Lear jet. Inside, Hakon lifts his head and gives me a weary greeting.

  “Culley, I was wondering when you’d show up. You must have been enjoying your R and R.”

  “Yeah. I did. How about you? Go anywhere interesting? See anyone you know?” I don’t want to come out and say it in case I am wrong about Hakon’s relationship to Asher. If he’s not his father, there’s no reason to believe Hakon is anything other than loyal to Audun. I need to make him admit something.

  His expression shutters, his tone turning wary. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, funny story. I drove down to North Mississippi, met a lovely woman named Jenna.”

  Hakon’s entire body tenses, his eyes filling with barely restrained violence. Aha. I knew it.

  “Oh?” He’s trying so hard to sound blasé.

  “Yeah. She has a son called Asher. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s Elven—at least partially. He looks remarkably like you.”

  Hakon sits frozen in one of the plane’s swiveling bucket seats, which is angled toward the door. He doesn’t say anything to confirm or deny, which of course is all the confirmation I need. I watch his eyes dart to the exit then come back to me. Poor guy. He probably thinks I’m spying for my father, and he’s abo
ut to be executed for treason or something.

  “Culley, I... I don’t know what you’re getting at,” the gentle healer stammers.

  “Relax, man. I’m on your side. Hell, I’m in love with a human girl myself, much good it does either of us.”

  He eyes me warily, clearly wanting to believe but not sure he should.

  You can trust me, I tell him mind to mind.

  How do I know that? he responds. I know what your father’s glamour is. You could have it, too.

  “But I don’t. You can trust me... because your son does.” I walk to the plane’s door, open it, and motion to Asher, who immediately gets out of the car and starts my way. Turning back to Hakon, I say, “Asher is my friend.... isn’t that right, mate?”

  Asher steps through the plane’s door with a wry smile. “‘Friend’ might be overstating it a bit, but yes, we’re allies. Hi Dad.”

  He eyes Hakon with an insecure glance, his body language that of a child hoping he’ll be allowed to join a group at the playground instead of being sent away or rejected.

  Hakon immediately leaves his chair. “Asher. Son. I can’t believe you're here. Are you sure it’s safe to reveal your identity to Culley?” He flashes an apologetic glance my way.

  “Yes. In fact, I knew the truth of his nature long before I knew yours. Or mine,” he adds. “Why did you not tell me I’m half Elven? Why did Mom never tell me?”

  Hakon shakes his head, tears filling his sea blue eyes. “I wanted to. So many times. I was afraid for you—for her. Even she doesn’t know the whole truth. My world is dangerous. I have a very powerful—and merciless—master.”

  Again, he gives me the I’m sorry look.

  “No, you’re right,” I say. “He’s telling the truth about my father. But I’m not him.” The certainty of it strikes me as the words leave my mouth. I don’t hate the humans—not anymore anyway, now that I actually know some. And I don’t blame Hakon for falling in love with a human. I’d be a major hypocrite if I did.

  “Why did you leave us?” Asher asks in a bruised tone. “Why didn’t you leave the Dark Court and live with us?”

  Clearly this reunion isn't going to instantaneously heal old hurts. But at least they’re together in one place, and they’re talking. It’s a start.

  “I was afraid to,” Hakon answers. “Audun was with me the first time I ever saw Jenna—when she was only a child. We were with a group, walking through your grandfather’s lands, and she was playing in the yard. I was taken with the beauty and innocence of the child. I stopped to watch her, and Audun teased me about it. We resumed walking and came upon your grandfather clearing timberland at the back of the property. Mr. McCord actually got into an argument with Audun. I had to intervene, to suggest a gentleman’s agreement before Audun did something drastic to the man. All I could think of was that little girl’s face if she came upon her dead father. Of course at the time, I had no idea I’d fall in love with her ten years later when she became a woman.”

  He passes a hand over his face and lets out a long breath. “I’d actually forgotten all about her until the next Assemblage, when I traveled the ancient routes to Altum again. This time I was alone. I would never have ventured onto the farmer’s land. I could tell he’d laid an iron barrier along the borderlines—smart man. But she was walking in the woods outside the border, digging up wild ferns to transplant into the flowerbeds near the house. She was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen with the sweetest smile. You’ve got her smile,” he says to his son, who blushes deeply.

  “We talked that day, and I went back every day during the Assemblage to see her. By the end of that two weeks, I’d fallen in love with her. I knew better—I knew better—but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. We bonded. I thought that would be the end of it. I couldn't bring her back to the Dark Court, much as I wanted to. I knew what I’d done would mean I could never marry or have a child, but I told myself she’d get over me and move on. I didn’t even know about you until the next Assemblage. You were nine by that time.”

  Asher nods. “When I was little and asked who my father was, Mom told me I didn’t have one. She said the wood fairies made me. My granddaddy used to tell stories of the Fae folk. I didn’t believe it, of course. I wanted a real father so badly. Kids teased me at school about being a bastard. Mom wouldn’t even date anyone, much less marry someone so I’d have a stepfather. Granddaddy was amazing—he was always here for me. But still, he wasn’t my father. You can imagine I was pretty angry when you showed up in my life all those years later claiming that role.”

  “Yes. I remember. You were a stubborn little boy. You were determined to hate me. But I think you also were curious about me.”

  “Of course I was. And then when I realized we looked alike—it was... well, it was big for me. Even though I only saw you a couple times a year, at least I knew you existed—I had a father out there somewhere. I started planning to move out of Deep River as soon as I was old enough and go on the road like you. I think maybe deep inside I harbored this fantasy of going on the road with you.”

  Hakon wears a warm gaze tinted with sadness. “You wouldn’t have wanted to join me, son. I’ve had to do some pretty terrible things for my masters.”

  “Like the drugs?” Asher asks.

  “Yes,” Hakon admits, darting a glance over at me to check my reaction. He still doesn’t trust me fully. “I will never outlive the guilt over all the lives I’ve taken.”

  Finally, I step forward, intruding on their father-son moment. “You weren’t in it alone, old man. If you’re looking to assign blame, most of it is mine. But we’re going to make it right—if you’re interested in helping.”

  His face brightens, his entire body straightening. “Yes. Yes, what do you have in mind?”

  Asher and I fill him in about our tentative plan to destroy the existing S supply and sabotage the new batches by adding iron.

  “Yes,” he says, his voice gaining a note of excitement. “That could work. Plus, it’ll have the added benefit of making the S factory workers too ill to come in. It won’t take long for Audun to figure out what’s happened, but hopefully by then the damage will be done.”

  “So you think it’s worth trying?” I ask.

  “I think it’s worth dying for,” he says.

  While Asher and his father catch up, I go and speak with the captain about our flight plans. Hakon and I will need to get back to “work” soon so as not to alert Audun to our new co-conspirator status.

  Emerging from the cockpit, I run into Asher. He’s smiling.

  “I want to thank you,” he says. “And I take back what I said earlier. You are a friend—a good one.”

  He extends a hand, and I shake it, suddenly embarrassed. “It’s nothing.”

  “No. It’s something. This is major for me. I feel like my life is, like, all coming together at once. I finally know my father. And I know that he truly loved my mom and didn’t just ditch her—and me—because he didn’t care.”

  “That must be nice,” I mutter.

  “I finally know who I am,” Asher continues. “And I’m learning to use my healing skills. I have an amazing fiancée who loves me. I owe most of it to you.”

  “Well, I’m happy for you, mate.” Jealous as hell, but happy. “I really am.”

  “Now we need to work on your happy reunion,” Asher says. “With a certain pretty little human.”

  My heart squeezes painfully. “Nah. I’ve decided to let that go. It’s for the best.”

  “Really?” Asher says. “’Cause I’m not so sure. Did she ever tell you about Brandon?”

  The small hairs on the back of my neck stand up at the mention of her old boyfriend. “She did. He dumped her when she lost her sight, the dipstick.”

  Asher laughs at the Aussie term. “Yes, ‘dipstick’ fits him perfectly. She’s back with him, you know.”

  “I didn’t.” Was that who I saw her in town with, the guy who didn’t bother opening her car door for her? Was that who left
her with a kiss on the front porch?

  “Yeah. He told all the guys at school that she’d begged him to ‘do her’ when they were breaking up. If Joseph had been around, he would have pounded Brandon’s ass for talking about his sister like that. I almost did it myself.”

  He lifts one brow and the corner of his mouth quirks with disgust. “When Laney came back to town from L.A., Brandon said he’d already screwed all the other girls at school, so he didn't mind taking her on as a pity—”

  “Stop talking.” I interrupt, pushing the words through my clenched teeth. “Where can I find this dead man?”

  Asher gives me a wide smile, nodding in satisfaction. “You wanna drive or should I?”

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Not Enough

  After dropping my two passengers off at Altum, I drive into Deep River, intending to go straight to Laney’s house. I convinced Asher it was the best plan of action. I’ll speak to Laney first and give her the opportunity to dump that stupid bastard Brandon.

  This time, I’m actually hoping he’ll be there. Boy is he in for a surprise. I only hope she hasn’t already given him the precious gift he has so little regard and respect for. My fingers grip the steering wheel tighter just thinking about it. No matter. Even if she has slept with him, she won’t be doing it again after tonight. He doesn't realize it yet, but he’s out of her life for good, one way or another. If I can’t make her see reason, I’ll ask Ava to remove all his memories of her—whatever it takes, he’s gone.

  There’s no one at her house, or at least no one answers the door. I’m not quite sure of my next move. I suppose I could climb the porch again and use the window—assuming it’s not nailed shut by now—and wait until she returns.

  Deciding I don't have the necessary patience for that option, I get back into my car and drive through town. My pulse jumps when I spot a familiar Dodge Charger parked at the Sonic. Laney’s future ex-boyfriend. She’s probably with him. Slamming on the brakes, I back up on Main Street and take a left into the drive-in’s entrance.