Dear God, how was she going to live without him? Sobs built in her chest; her breath hitched. How could she live without this heroic, wonderful, loving man who’d done nothing to deserve what had happened to him?
Unable to be even this far away from him, Honor got to her feet and stood at the side of the bed. Though wires were attached to him, they were on the other side. She grasped his hand and held it to her mouth. Once his family arrived, she might not have this chance to be alone with him again.
Lowering the railing at the side, she eased down onto the bed and curled up next to him. Careful not to touch any wires or tubes, she placed her cheek against his and held him lightly, tenderly. If these were the last moments she would have to be close to him, he needed to hear all the things she’d held back. All the things she could have told him five years ago. And all the things she should have said in the last few weeks.
“Seth, I need you to know how much I love you. You’re the finest man I know. I blamed you for breaking us up years ago, but I never told you how heroic and wonderful I think you are. You did what most people wouldn’t have been able to do. You’ve got more honor and integrity in your pinkie than most people have in their entire body.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you this before. My stubborn pride …” Pressing her forehead against his shoulder, she whispered, “Please forgive me.”
Swallowing hard, the painful lump in her throat ever present, she whispered one more plea, praying that if he heard anything she said, this one would get through. “Please, please, don’t leave me alone. I’m begging you, darling. Please don’t leave me again.”
“Honor?” a soft female voice whispered.
She lifted her head, her eyes so blurred with exhaustion and tears, she could barely make out the woman standing at the door. Older, with grayish-blond hair and a grief-ravaged expression on her face. Seth’s mother.
Releasing a shaky, resigned breath, Honor pressed a kiss to Seth’s cheek and whispered in his ear, “You will always be the only man I’ll ever love, Seth Cavanaugh.”
She sat up and put her feet back on the floor. “I needed to say goodbye.”
Mrs. Cavanaugh’s mouth trembled uncontrollably for a moment, then she said, “He never stopped loving you.”
“How do you know that?”
“When he came to tell us the truth about his undercover work, we were all shocked. Even though I’d never believed most of the things people were saying about him, I can’t deny that I’d almost given up on him. Months would go by without me even hearing from him. When he did call, he just wasn’t my Seth anymore. And when I found out what he had been doing and why he’d pushed us out of his life, I was stunned. We all were.” Her wrinkled throat worked as she swallowed. “Some of the family didn’t want to give up their anger. I should have put my foot down harder, called them out for being so stubborn and childish.” She shook her head. “We just didn’t really consider what Seth endured all those years.”
She gave a small, apologetic smile, as if she realized she’d gotten off track. “Anyway, I asked him if he was going back to you, now that it was over. He said that you had gotten on with your life. But I saw the deep pain in his eyes. He still loved you.”
Standing on shaky legs, Honor turned to put the bed’s rail back up. Unable to look at Seth’s mother without losing complete control, she gazed down at Seth. “I never stopped loving him, either. I never will.”
She gave one last fleeting caress to his hand and then focused on the door behind Ruth Cavanaugh. His family deserved to have time alone with him to say goodbye. “I’ll be just outside.” She cleared her throat and added huskily, “If it looks like he’s letting go, would you call me back in? Please.”
Mrs. Cavanaugh opened her arms, and Honor flew into them. Though unable to shed the tears that filled her eyes, she held Seth’s mother, who sobbed out her grief. At some point, Honor knew, she would need to let go of the emotions that swamped her, but not yet. Letting go meant giving up, and she resolutely refused to do that.
Steeling her spine once more, she gently disengaged herself from Ruth Cavanaugh’s arms and stepped back. “Is the rest of your family outside?”
“Yes, all of his brothers and sisters are here. And our priest, Father Dawkins. I asked them to give me a few minutes before they came in.”
Before leaving, Honor turned to see the older woman bend over Seth and gently kiss his forehead. Unable to watch the tender goodbye between mother and son, she went out the door.
* * *
“Honor?”
Her head jerked up. Noah stood at the entrance to the waiting room. They’d talked very little since Seth’s surgery. She knew he’d been in discussions with the doctors several times a day. She knew he had offered anything and everything to help.
“How are you doing?”
Unable to form words past the giant lump residing in her throat, she lifted her tired shoulders in a helpless shrug. What could she say, anyway? She wasn’t doing well at all and doubted she ever would again—that fact would not change.
His expression grave, he nodded his understanding. “The nurse told me his family was in with him. Thought, if you’re interested, I’d catch you up on what’s been going on with the case.”
Focusing on something other than losing Seth sounded like a small reprieve from hell. She managed a husky “Yes.”
Noah dropped into a chair across from her. “The FBI took over the case. They raided the community and gathered everyone they could find. The women and children have been separated from the men. Don’t really know what’s going to happen to the men. Just from general discussion, sounds like Pike might have brainwashed some of them, too.”
“He abducted men, too?”
“Don’t know yet, but from the sound of it, looks like he convinced them to join and then coerced them to stay.”
“Does anyone know who Pike was? Where he came from?”
“Real name was Leonard Sykes. Years ago, he served three years in a California prison for rape. Found religion while he was there … or at least his self-made, twisted version. Got out for good behavior and started collecting people. Not sure how he hooked up with his first followers. He fell off the grid after his parole was up. The land in Wyoming once belonged to one of his members. Apparently, that member mysteriously disappeared.
“So far, they’ve identified eight other women as missing persons. There’s one woman who’s been missing for over twelve years. Thank God for police and FBI records, because getting any of the victims to open up has been almost impossible. It’s going to be slow going figuring out what happened to each of them.”
“What about Drenda or Karen … has anyone seen either of them?”
“Yeah, they’re both there. Both married.” Noah sighed and added, “And both pregnant.”
Honor closed her eyes. The horror these girls had gone through was something she could barely comprehend. “And Kelli, Anna, and Missy—how are they doing?”
“They’re all back with their families, but they’re going to need extensive counseling.”
Honor nodded. She knew that Joel had flown in with his family, but Beth, Kelli’s mother, had stayed in Texas with their daughter.
“I’m assuming the girls were subjected to what I went through, only more?”
“More and much worse.” Noah’s mouth tightened. “Sadistic son of a bitch alternately drugged and starved them. I’m surprised they’re in as good health as they are.”
“Sounds like they’re strong women.”
Noah nodded. “Oh … and we found a body, cut up into pieces, in the trunk of one of Pike’s vehicles.”
“Do you know who?”
“Pretty sure it was his son.”
“He killed his own son?”
Noah shook his head. “Coroner doesn’t think so. Thinks the daughter did it. She had blood under her nails and in her hair that matched her brother’s.”
Honor swallowed. She knew she shouldn’t be shocke
d. These people were the sickest of the sick. Still …
“We found an underground tunnel … that’s apparently where the daughter came from. And how Aidan missed her.”
Honor nodded. Blaming Aidan, or anyone else, for Tabitha’s crime would be ridiculous. If anyone was at fault, she blamed herself. After witnessing the girl’s cruelty firsthand and seeing her insane devotion to her father, she should have known to be on the lookout.
“So what now? What happens to all those people?”
“That’s up to the authorities. We rescued the girls. They’ll take care of the arrests and prosecutions. And they’ll find and notify the relatives of the other women who were abducted. Our job is done.”
Yes, that was good. A case solved, victims rescued. A successful mission was complete. With only one hitch: a very good man had given his life.
“I don’t suppose it’d do any good to tell you that you need to get some rest.”
“I can’t leave him … I just can’t.”
“Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get you?”
“No, I’m just going to stay in here until his family is through visiting. Then I’ll go back in and sit with him.”
A warm hand touched her cold ones, gripped together in her lap. “I’ll check in with you a little later. Call me if you need me.”
Honor nodded tiredly, and vaguely sensed Noah leave the room. Her head pressed back against the wall, she closed her eyes and drifted in limbo, waiting for either Seth’s family to leave or for that dreaded moment when the doctors and nurses would rush to his room once more and Seth would be gone for good.
Allowing her memories to comfort her, she returned to one of the sweetest in recent memory. She and Seth in the bedroom at her mom’s house, naked-dancing to sappy old love songs. Gliding around the room, getting lost in the music and each other’s arms. Had it only been days ago? It seemed like forever since she’d felt his lips moving over hers, felt his warm, hard body against her, or heard that beautiful husky voice of his whispering softly.
She had lived for five years without him and cursed herself for not seeking him out and discovering the truth. They had lost all that time together because she’d been too angry and hurt to find him.
“Honor!”
Her eyes popped open. One of Seth’s brothers stood at the entrance to the waiting room. She couldn’t place his name. Tears pouring down his face, he waved at her to follow, then turned and disappeared before she could speak.
Every instinct inside her told her to run the other way. She didn’t want to say goodbye. If she followed him, she would face a finality she wasn’t sure she could handle.
As if she were walking through molasses, her feet shuffled slowly down the hallway, toward Seth’s room. She stopped at the door … heard sobbing. Pressing her forehead against the doorjamb, she whispered a short, silent prayer for courage.
She pushed open the door, then stopped abruptly. The room was filled with people. All of Seth’s family was there. Her eyes darted to the still figure on the bed. Two doctors stood beside him. She moved closer. She could do this … she had to do this.
As she drew nearer, a movement caught her attention. Her heart raced. Had Seth moved? What was going on?
Dr. Benson, Seth’s surgeon—the one who’d told her to pray—looked up at her, his face wreathed in smiles. “Look who’s awake.”
She dropped her gaze to the man on the bed. Though his eyes were dull and glazed, she saw life there. Something she never thought she’d see again. Almost too afraid to hear the answer, Honor looked at the doctor and asked, “What does this mean?”
“It means he’s out of the woods, my dear. That miracle I told you to pray for actually happened.”
thirty-two
Eighteen days later
The hospital door swung open. Seth looked up in relief, only to curse under his breath at the sight of yet another nurse. Honor hadn’t come by today, and it was getting close to lunchtime. Where the hell was she?
“Don’t you look cheerful?” the nurse chirped.
He glared. “You get poked and prodded at all hours of the day and night and see how cheerful you feel.”
A sly look crossed her face. “I saw that pretty little freckle-faced woman who makes goo-goo eyes at you coming down the hall. Guess I’ll just have to tell her you’re too grumpy for visitors today.”
“Like hell.”
When she didn’t change her expression, Seth gave in and sighed. “I’ll be good.”
Chuckling, she said, “That’s better. You’re getting out of here tomorrow. One would think you’d be in a better mood.”
Yeah, one would if one knew where the hell one stood with a certain beautiful freckle-faced woman.
Honor spent hours with him each day. They read newspapers, talked about current events, watched television, read books, and chatted about the weather. It was like they’d been married for about eighty years. Either that, or they now had a platonic relationship.
Every time she left for the night, he kept expecting her to kiss his forehead, the way his mother used to, or kiss his cheek like a sister. Hell, she never even got that close. She probably knew better, since he’d pull her into his arms if she did.
Death had come so close that his mother had tearfully described the last rites Father Dawkins had been in the process of giving him when Seth had suddenly opened his eyes. He remembered very little of the shooting. One minute he’d been reassuring Kelli that she was safe. He remembered someone screaming, a sudden searing, paralyzing pain, and then nothing more.
Waking up to see his entire family standing at his bedside, along with the priest who had heard every confession from him until he’d stopped going to confession, had been a shock.
Then Honor had been there. Her eyes bloodshot, her face ash white. He’d been drugged and in pain, but one thing he knew for sure: he never wanted to see that look on her face again. Seeing her like that had hurt him a hell of a lot more than three bullets. Though those had hurt like a bitch, for sure.
His family had stayed for a couple of days, but he hadn’t talked with them much. It’d taken six days before he could speak with any coherency. By that time, they were gone. Though each of his brothers and sisters had come by, one by one, and said goodbye, Seth still felt like a stranger with them.
His mother had wanted to stay, but he had insisted that she leave with the rest of the family. She had looked so worn out and worried, he’d been more concerned about her health than his own. Seth had promised to come home for a long visit as soon as he was able.
Tomorrow he was being released. He was still as weak as water, had several weeks of physical therapy to get through, and couldn’t work for at least two months. Not that he had a job to go to. In fact, he wasn’t sure where he was headed. His doctors had told him he could do his PT anywhere.
The door opened and Honor came into the room. Would he ever get to the point where his heart didn’t skip beats when he saw her? He knew the answer to that. Problem was, he still wasn’t sure what her thoughts were. Right now, it seemed as if they had a nice friendship going and nothing more. Damned if friendly was what he felt.
“Good morning. How are you feeling?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
She grinned, not one bit put off by his bad mood. “Well, let’s see. For starters, you have three extra holes in you that you weren’t born with and you look like something the cat gnawed on and then dragged home. Other than that, I’m not sure.”
Seth held out his hand to her. “Come over here and put me in a better mood.”
Instead of coming to him, she settled on the couch by the window. Seth almost growled at her again, but the sunlight on her face gave him pause. Though she looked a hell of a lot better than she had three weeks ago, he noticed that she was paler than she should be and her mouth looked tense and taut.
“Are you ready to talk about it?” he asked.
“Talk about what?”
“What that bastard put you through. Every time I’ve brought it up, you’ve tried to tell me you’re fine. You don’t look fine.”
She shook her head. “I won’t deny an occasional nightmare or the incredible anger I still have against the creep, but I’ve had no real residual aftereffects.”
“Come on, sweetheart. This is me you’re talking to. I heard the shit you had to go through.”
Her lips trembled as if she was trying to keep from crying. Unable to watch that without holding her, Seth put his feet on the floor.
Her eyes wide, she held out her hand to stop him. “You shouldn’t be out of bed.”
He snorted. “I’m getting out of the hospital tomorrow. I damn well better be able to walk a few steps.” Despite his cocky self-assurance, when he reached the couch, he felt like he’d run a marathon. Damned weakness.
Sitting beside her, he said softly, “Talk to me.”
She swung her face toward him and Seth lost his breath. Tears glistened in her eyes, her pretty mouth twisted with emotion, and her breath hitched in an effort to hold back her sobs.
“Honor … sweetheart. Tell me, please.”
“Do you honestly think that what I went through with Alden Pike is what’s bothering me?”
“Then what?”
“Seth, you almost died.”
He shook his head, still confused. “But I didn’t.”
Honor swallowed, trying to articulate something Seth couldn’t seem to comprehend. How could she tell him that he might be well on the road to recovery, but she wasn’t? The nightmares she had weren’t of her experience with Pike. They were of Seth getting shot. Seth dying. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face, ghost white and still as death. She couldn’t get the image out of her head.
“Come here.”
With infinite gentleness, Seth pulled her into his arms. She knew he was still sore, so she tried not to lean into him too much, but when he bent his head toward her and whispered gruffly, “Let go, sweetheart,” she could no longer hold back.
With her face buried against his chest, sobs ripped through her body with the force of a tornado. Anguish, fear, grief, and every other emotion she hadn’t allowed herself to express for almost three weeks erupted from her like a geyser.
Sweet Justice Page 31