How long she stayed like that, she didn’t know. Seth’s arms were the best things she’d ever felt in her life and she didn’t want to leave them. From time to time, she heard him whisper soft endearments, and he kissed her hair several times. For the most part, he just let her cry.
Finally, feeling like a freight train had been dropped from the sky on top of her, she pulled away. Seth produced several tissues, and Honor tried to set her face to rights.
Knowing she looked like the wrath of hell, she lifted her head and said, “I’m sorry.”
His smile achingly tender, he touched her cheek with his fingertip, catching a teardrop. “Is that the first time you’ve cried?”
She nodded. “I couldn’t let go before. I knew if I did, I’d never make it back.”
“My brave, beautiful Honor.”
She felt neither brave nor beautiful. Though the doctors had assured her that Seth would live, and each day, she saw that he was getting better and stronger, she hadn’t really trusted them. Not until she came in this morning and saw him so gloriously grumpy, obviously more than ready to leave this place, had she finally allowed herself to believe he would be all right.
“I never want to have to go through something like that again.”
He shrugged. “Not a lot of crazed maniacs on my little island in the Keys.”
Pain speared through her heart. He wanted to go back to his home in Florida. They hadn’t discussed the future. Hell, she’d just finally accepted that there could be one. But now that the future loomed before her, “lonely” and “empty” were the only two descriptions she could think of if Seth wasn’t there with her.
“So you’re going back to Florida?”
“It’s where I live.”
She knew he was eyeing her carefully. Suddenly, Honor didn’t care who said it first and maybe he would never say it, but they’d gone through too much for her to let pride or fear get in the way. If she had told him years ago, things might have been different then.
She straightened her shoulders and faced him with the truth: “I love you and I want a future with you.”
There, it was out there. Was he going to stomp on her heart all over again or tell her what she so desperately wanted to hear?
Seth, being Seth, surprised her again. Taking her hand, he held it to his mouth, pressed kisses all over it, then put it against his heart. “I loved you from the moment I saw you across the room at that party. That’s never changed … never will change, no matter what happens in the future.”
Honor didn’t know whether to be elated or brokenhearted. “What are you saying?”
“Just that the Seth Cavanaugh you fell in love with five years ago doesn’t exist anymore. I need you to know that.”
Confused, she shook her head. “What?”
“Those years, that experience, changed me. You said that you never stopped loving me. Well, that man you once loved doesn’t really exist any longer. I don’t think he ever will again. We’ve spent almost no time getting to know each other since we’ve been together again. I just think—”
Honor pulled her hand away and sat back against the couch. “You need to tell me what happened.”
Seth sighed. Hell, might as well. She needed to know not only how he’d changed, but why. Maybe talking would give him some kind of closure.
Refusing to look away from the possible judgment and disappointment he might see in her face, he held her gaze and said, “The things I had to do to keep my cover … the filth I was surrounded by daily—they changed me. Turned me into a man I no longer recognized.
“I tried to keep a distance from Clemmons’s raunchier side of life. Most times that worked, because Hector wanted me to maintain a semirespectable façade. Avoiding everything wasn’t possible, though.” Disgust filled him as he remembered some of the things he’d seen and done to keep his cover. “His weekend parties were notorious. Drugs, sex, women. I couldn’t not go. Not only because Clemmons insisted, but a lot of his business transactions took place then. I had to be around in case something came up I could use against him later.
“Close to the end, Hector became a desperate man. So many people had betrayed him, or he’d gotten pissed at people and found a way to ruin them. He had few friends left. I was still part of his inner circle but not exactly a part of it—still maintaining my halfway-legitimate businessman persona. He trusted me, but he didn’t trust me enough. Getting dirt on him was taking much longer than we’d expected. I had some things that would put him away for a few years, but nothing that was going to do away with him permanently, like we had planned.
“Even though we couldn’t pin anything serious on him that would stick, with my connections, I was able to provide intel the department needed to make it worth their while for me to stay undercover.” He shook his head. “I wanted out … God, how I wanted out. And then one day it all came to a head.”
The compassion and understanding he saw in her eyes almost shattered his control. How the hell had he gotten so lucky to have a woman like Honor love him?
She asked softly, “What happened?”
Breaking eye contact with her, he looked toward the window, but in his mind, he was hundreds of miles away, seeing the horror, the absolute carnage of Clemmons’s final fury.
“Have you heard of Kings Run?” Seth asked.
“I remember that it’s one of the most exclusive resorts in Texas. I went there once because of a case … had to interview one of the employees. Never went there for fun, though … it was a little above my lifestyle.”
“But the murders, you heard of them?”
“Yes … it was called the massacre at Kings Run. Some wealthy businessman rented the entire place to celebrate his birthday. Gunmen broke in and killed a bunch of people.”
Too often, when Seth closed his eyes, he still saw those lifeless bodies scattered around the resort. To his eyes, it had looked like hundreds. “Fourteen, to be exact. Women, men … five children. The gunmen planned to take out everyone.”
Honor gasped, and he could see that she’d finally caught the connection. “My God, how could I have forgotten? That’s what brought Clemmons down. Three men were found tied and gagged in the middle of the hotel lobby. The survivors claimed that a masked man attacked the gunmen and single-handedly took down all three of them. They were contract killers and testified that it was Clemmons who hired them.” She paused to stare at him and then whispered, “You were that masked man, weren’t you? You saved all those people.”
Seth swallowed the bitterness at her words. Saved all those people? No, he had saved some … but not all of them.
Rubbing his wounded shoulder, which was beginning to ache, he said, “Clemmons wasn’t one to do his own dirty work, even in hiring people for a kill. This job was different for him—personal. I knew something big was going down, but I didn’t know what or where. I overheard some whispers and managed to catch the word ‘King.’ ” His mouth twisted. “You know how many places in Houston start with ‘King’?
“I told my handler what I could. The only thing the department could do was cover as many King places as we could.”
“And then it turned out not to be in Houston,” Honor murmured.
“Yeah. We had ten different locations in Houston staked out. The ones we thought would be the most likely. Instead, he went about thirty miles outside the city.”
“How did you find out?”
“Dumb luck. I remembered that Herman Oakes, the man who was celebrating his birthday, had been in one of my restaurants the week before and had mentioned that he was having a big birthday bash out at Kings Run. Oakes and Clemmons had done some business deals but had parted ways, seemingly amicably, the year before.
“I had nothing to go on but a hunch. I went out there expecting nothing, really. The instant I drove into the parking lot, I heard the shots. Before I got out of the car, just as an afterthought, I grabbed a ski mask I had stuck in my console from a skiing trip a few weeks before.”
> “What happened?”
“Hell happened. I walked into a massacre in progress. The men didn’t care who they shot. Their orders were to murder everyone … leave no witnesses.” He closed his eyes as the most heartbreaking image came to his mind. “A young mother ran toward me, holding her four-year-old daughter.” He still remembered the hope and desperate horror in the woman’s eyes. “Before I could get to them, they were both killed.”
“And you think all of this was your fault?”
He turned to glare at her. “Do you know how many times I could have killed the bastard? I spent years watching shit happen and allowing it to happen because we wanted him permanently … not just for a short run. But if I’d had the balls to take him out years before, do you know how many lives I could have saved?”
“Seth … listen.” She took his hand and held it tight. “Do you know how many people I’ve seen walk out of a courtroom, free and ready to go out and kill or rape again whenever they pleased? And days later, that’s exactly what they did.
“Every time that happened, I was furious, and part of me wanted to hunt the bastard down and take justice into my own hands.”
She shook her head. “Injustice like that sickens me, too, but we don’t get to choose who lives or dies. All we can do is do our jobs to the best of our abilities. Killing one man to save many may seem like an easy answer for some, but that’s not the right thing and you know it.”
Yeah, he did know it wasn’t the right thing, but that didn’t change his regrets. How many times could he have put a bullet through Clemmons’s head in those six years? His only consolation was that the bastard had finally received his just deserts. And though it’d taken more of him than he’d been prepared to give, Seth finally allowed himself to feel peace in knowing that he had been instrumental in the man’s downfall.
“I think about those years … what I wasted.” He kissed the hand that held his. “We could have been married during that time. Had a couple of kids by now.”
Her mouth trembled with the beginnings of a smile. “That’s in the past. It does no good to dwell on what might have been. One of my dad’s favorite sayings was ‘Dwelling on the past is a sure way to ruin the future.’ ” She turned over the hand she held and pressed a kiss to his palm. “Don’t give Clemmons that kind of power.”
Honor was right. He’d been a fool once. And letting the past taint him forever was not only self-indulgent, it was pointless.
Taking the hand that held his, he put it to his chest once more. He might not be the man he’d been when they’d first met, but damned if he’d let her go again. “Marry me, Honor.”
The smile he hadn’t seen in five years brightened her face into an ethereal beauty. With his heart in his throat, he waited what seemed like a lifetime for her answer.
“Yes,” she whispered. “A thousand, million times yes.”
Pulling her back into his arms, Seth claimed Honor’s lips, much the way she had claimed his heart years ago.
epilogue
One month later
Houston, Texas
Honor released a silent, satisfied sigh as Seth rolled the SUV to a stop in front of his mother’s house. The crowded driveway and the cars lining both sides of the street were an indication that the gang was all here—just as Ruth Cavanaugh had promised.
His body tense, his jaw granite hard, Seth stared at the large, white two-story house where he’d grown up and then shot her a small, wry smile. “You’re sure you want to go in with me?”
Honor rolled her eyes. The man was more nervous about this than he’d been about getting shot. “They’re not going to eat you, Seth.”
He gave a short bark of laughter. “You’ve never seen my brothers eat.”
“You did tell them you were coming, didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“So you’re planning to just spring this on them?”
“Calling and telling my family I’m coming for Sunday dinner was never a requirement before.”
She heard the hurt behind the words, and her heart ached for him. Though Seth’s entire family had come to Wyoming when he’d been shot, things were still not easy between them. There was still an awkwardness between family members—a division Seth blamed himself for. But now it was time to put all of that behind them.
His mother was his biggest supporter, but she had admitted to Honor that she hadn’t made her position known as loudly and clearly as she should have. That was about to change.
And Honor was ready for the battle, too. If even one of them made the slightest rude or disparaging remark, she had her plan of attack all set. Seth had suffered more than any man should. He’d brought down Clemmons, an evil man who’d ruined many lives, protected his family even when they’d practically disowned him; then he’d saved his niece from a sick, twisted pervert, and had almost died because of it. Damned if she would allow anyone to say anything against him.
“Uh-oh. You’ve got that look on your face.”
She tilted her head, confused. “What look?”
The grin she so loved brightened his expression. “The ‘mama bear defending her cub’ look. Between you and my mom, I’m well protected.”
“I just don’t want them to hurt you anymore.”
“And that’s one of the reasons I love you so much.”
“Because I’m protective?”
“Because you forgave me and you think everyone else should, too.”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure there was anything to forgive you for.”
“Why would you say that?”
She blew out a sigh and looked at the house. Was that drapery being moved aside? Turning back to him, she admitted, “After I almost lost you, I finally got it.”
“Got what?”
“Since I was a little girl, I’ve understood all about the need to protect and defend. What I didn’t understand, until you were shot, was what it felt like to have the need to protect someone you love.” She whispered fiercely, “I would have done anything, and I mean anything, to keep you from being hurt. And it made me realize that that’s what you felt back then. You gave me up to protect me.”
Tears glazed her eyes, blurring the beautiful man in front of her. The man she would literally die for, if she had to. “I’m sorry it took you almost dying for me to understand that.”
“Come here.”
Tugging her over to him, Seth lowered his head and kissed her as if it had been days since she’d been in his arms. They were lost to everything but each other, until a tap on the driver’s side window broke them apart.
They turned to see a little boy of about six grinning at them.
“Who’s that?” Honor asked.
“My nephew Andrew.”
Seth pushed a button for the window to come down. “What’s up, Drew?”
“Grammy told me to tell you that you need to stop kissing and come inside before all the turkey’s gone.”
“Well then, we’d better get going.” Seth turned to Honor. “You ready?”
She nodded and watched as Seth got out and grabbed his nephew into his arms, whirling him around.
She checked her makeup in the mirror once more, then reached for the door, but Seth was there already, opening it and helping her out. She wondered if, at some point, she’d ever take Seth’s manners for granted. The answer came immediately: there was nothing about Seth she would ever take for granted.
Still holding his nephew with one arm, he took Honor’s hand and said, “No matter what, we’ll always have each other. Right?”
“Always.” Squeezing his hand lightly, she matched her steps to his as they headed to the house. No matter what they faced in the future, whether it was Seth’s stubborn family or another dark moment, Honor knew they would face it together.
Seth stood at the threshold of his mother’s front door. He’d walked through this door a thousand times before, but this time, he had to stop and stare in wonder at what was waiting for him. Da
mned if he would cry. He shot a questioning glance at Honor.
She shrugged and said, “I might’ve mentioned to your mom that we were stopping by.”
Since they’d flown from Florida to Texas this morning with the singular intent of seeing his family, he sincerely doubted the “might be stopping by” part of her statement.
Leaning down, he pressed a quick kiss to her smiling mouth, then looked around, more overwhelmed than he’d ever been in his life. Every member of his family, all forty-seven of them, was in the living room; they were crowded together under a giant sign that proclaimed, WELCOME HOME, SETH! WE LOVE YOU!
Realizing that Drew was squirming to get out of his arms, Seth stooped low to let him down. Everyone stood still, silent and waiting. Seth barely knew what to say. He sure as hell wasn’t much for speeches, and the clogging of his throat told him he’d make a garbled mess if he tried.
Drew took off like a rocket toward his daddy, his shrill voice echoing through the room: “Uncle Seth was kissing that pretty lady and I made him stop!”
The entire room exploded in laughter. The tension and silence disappeared, and Seth and Honor were suddenly swamped with hugs, kisses, and “When’s the wedding?” questions.
In the midst of the madness, Seth looked up to see his mother standing several feet away, tears pouring from her eyes. Mouthing the words “I love you,” Seth watched as her face took on a beautiful glow. And at that moment he knew that whatever had happened in the past between him and everyone he loved was all truly in the past.
Lying beside Seth in his old bedroom, Honor snuggled closer to him, relishing this long-awaited quiet time with the man she loved. The last few weeks had been so crazy busy, she and Seth had barely had the chance to hold each other, much less discuss the future.
Much to her delight, as well as her mother’s, Seth had agreed to stay with Beverly Stone while he went through his physical therapy. Not only was her mom a former nurse, but Honor had known nothing would delight her more than to take care of the man who’d saved her daughter. And though Seth had grumbled good-naturedly, she could tell he thoroughly enjoyed the attention.
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