Home For June

by Juliet Madison

  Scarlett’s new home, forever part of Iona.

  ***

  ‘We’ll come back with a nice morning tea for us all,’ Kathleen said, before getting in the car. ‘See you again soon, darling. Luca, you’re welcome to stay and join us.’

  ‘Thanks. I have to get to work in another hour though.’

  She nodded, taking her seat, Doug getting in the driver’s side. They drove off, a haze of dust from the ground following them as the tyres rolled down the driveway.

  ‘Is there anything else I can do for you,’ Luca asked, placing a hand on her arm. ‘Help with packing, sorting out Scarlett’s things?’

  Hannah’s chin quivered. ‘Yes. Better sooner rather than later. I’ll need to throw out her food and water bowls, and her dog bed, and any leftover medicines I’ll put in the car to take to the vet.’

  ‘Okay.’ He walked with her inside to the laundry, and gathered up some of her things. ‘So there’s nothing you want to keep?’

  ‘No. I have my photos. And the memories.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ll take these away for you.’ He left the room and returned, but by then the absence of all her things sent her legs buckling from underneath and she sat by the washing machine on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest, tears flowing again.

  He knelt beside her. ‘It’s okay. Cry if you need to. It hurts but it’ll help.’ The feeling of his hand rubbing her back gave some comfort and warmth in the cold, stark laundry room.

  ‘I don’t know what to do without her,’ she sobbed. ‘She was my best friend. Like a sister, a friend, and a child all in one.’

  She sobbed further on realising that maybe Scar had filled part of that gap that only becoming a mother could fill. Now the gap was gaping wide open, aching and raw.

  ‘I don’t know what to do... How can I move forwards... how can I leave, without her to come with me?’

  Luca’s rubbing stopped. He sat in front of her. ‘Hannah, what you do is completely up to you. If you want to go, go, but if you want to stay, stay.’

  She dabbed her eyes with her sleeve. ‘But I can’t, you’ve bought the place, it’s all settled, I’ve confirmed my new job and had the orientation. And besides, staying might just be as hard, without her here.’

  ‘I’ll be here. In town, if you want to take some extra time at least before moving out, I understand. Stay as long as you need.’

  Confusion swirled within. What did she really want? Was her new beginning still as exciting as it had seemed on the first of June?

  She thought of the past year, and how she had worked hard and done her best, moved on from Samuel only to be rejected by Nathan, and now Luca. Here, after all this time, but with no guarantee if he had really changed or could really stick with something and see it through. The uncertainty made her uncomfortable and she was done with waiting for things to be right. If she left and moved on, it would be in her own terms and she would feel in control. If she stayed and it didn’t work out, once again she would be heartbroken and have her chance at a fresh start delayed even more.

  No. She couldn’t risk it.

  She wiped her tears and held onto the washing machine to help her stand. Luca held onto her elbow. ‘I’m okay.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Yes. Scarlett dying is a sign. It’s time to go. It’s the end of an era and it’s time for me to start a new one that’s right for me.’

  She wiped her eyes again and walked out of the laundry room, Luca following.

  ‘Right. Okay, well, maybe it’s best if I leave you to get some time on your own and rest a bit before your parents get back,’ he spoke softly. He wandered to the front door. ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do. I’m always here for you, Hannah, I mean it.’

  He stepped through the door and off the porch, and the sight of him with his head lowered and hands in pockets made her heart lurch.

  He had been so good to her, with everything. And being here last night and today meant a lot.

  ‘Luca?’

  He turned.

  ‘I’m sorry. Thank you. For everything.’

  He nodded. ‘It’s nothing.’

  ‘It’s everything.’

  ‘Well, as I said, I’m here. You know where I am.’ He turned again, but Hannah followed him to his car.

  She held out her arms.

  His eyebrows rose, and for a moment looked at his car, then back at Hannah, and moved towards her with a slow exhalation as his arms embraced her.

  She pulled back after a while, and eyed him curiously. ‘Were you really going to ask me to the school formal?’

  A small smile grew on his lips. ‘Of course. As I said, I saw you with Matthew and assumed you were into him, so the next day I asked Tracy,’ he explained. ‘We didn’t get to finish discussing this on the phone last night when you went to help Scar... but what were you about to say?’

  ‘The next day after Matthew kissed me, I was going to ask you to the formal. Before Matthew could ask me. I wanted to go with you. But when I finally worked up the courage, I saw Tracy with her arm around you, and I figured you’d be going with her.’

  ‘Oh man, really?’ Luca ran a hand through his hair.

  She nodded. ‘Luca, you have no idea...’

  ‘No idea what?’

  She bit her lip, then scratched her cheek. ‘How much I liked you. How much I wanted you. We were great friends, but I always felt something more for you.’ She lowered her head a moment then looked up and into his eyes. ‘I assumed you considered me only a friend, as one of the guys. So after my one attempt to ask you out failed, I gave up. I thought if you liked me in that way, you would have asked me.’ She pointed her hand to her chest.

  ‘And yet I was going to.’

  ‘Which I didn’t know.’

  ‘And I didn’t know you were going to ask me.’ Luca shook his head. ‘And then the formal happened and Dad died, and we left. And we didn’t get to say goodbye.’

  ‘I know. I was so upset, mostly for you and your family. But I always felt a sense of loss at having missed out on something with you.’ She crossed her arms and rubbed her elbows.

  ‘Hannah, I would have loved to have something with you. I think part of me was scared because I didn’t want to affect our friendship. I knew our bond was deeper than others. I may have had my fair share of girlfriends but they were never you.’

  He brushed his hand against her cheek, but she turned her face away slightly as the touch threatened to unravel her emotions again. ‘Well, at least it’s now all out in the open. Thanks for being honest. I feel like I can move on now.’

  ‘You don’t have to,’ he said. ‘We can still work something out, see what’s possible.’

  She took a deep breath and said, ‘I think I just need to stick with my plans.’

  Luca sighed. ‘Okay. I only want you to be happy.’ He glanced up at the sky and twisted his lips to one side. ‘But can I ask you something?’

  ‘Sure.’

  He held her hand up. ‘Hannah Delaney, will you come to the formal with me?’

  She laughed, a stark contrast to the emotions of before. ‘What?’

  ‘Will you come to the formal with me?’

  ‘But Luca, we’re not in high school anymore.’

  ‘I know. So I’m going to do what I should have done back then, and give you a night to remember.’

  Her cheeks warmed. ‘Luca, we kinda already had one of those, if you recall.’

  ‘Yes, we did indeed. But I’m not asking for the same thing. I’m simply asking you to our formal. Tonight. A nice dinner at home, we can get all dressed up, I’ll bring you a corsage, we’ll play daggy music from twenty years ago and slow dance in the living room. What do you say?’

  Her mouth gaped open. ‘But you do so much cooking, surely you don’t want to prepare another special meal tonight on your night off?’

  ‘I’ll bring takeaway pizza then.’ He shrugged.

  She tried to hold back a smile. ‘Tonight huh? Pizza? Dag
gy music? Okay then, you’re on.’

  ‘Yes! Finally, after all these years, I get to take my perfect date to the formal. Be all dressed up and ready at six-thirty, I’ll do the rest.’

  ‘And Luca, you know it’s just to make up for lost time, right? That’s all?’

  ‘I know. We’ll keep it simple. I have no expectations, I just want you to have a beautiful night. We can even light a candle in honour of Scarlett.’

  ‘Thanks. It’ll be a good chance to properly say...’

  ‘Goodbye,’ they said in unison.

  ***

  Luca arrived at six-thirty sharp, and while waiting at the door he smoothed down his gelled hair to take a few stray strands off his forehead.

  The door opened. She stood there in the same black dress she’d worn to the launch, her hair pinned back into an elegant bun at the nape of her neck, and wearing simple circular earrings. ‘It’s all I had that wasn’t packed away,’ she said, her voice soft and worn-out from crying but beautiful as ever.

  ‘You look even more beautiful than the night of the launch.’

  ‘I hope my face isn’t too red.’

  ‘So what if it is? Red’s my favourite colour.’ He winked, then looked at her dress. ‘Oh, and black.’

  ‘I’m sure it is,’ she said, welcoming him in. ‘Smells yummy, now I’m hungry.’

  ‘Two delicious pizzas await.’ He plonked them on the island bench.

  ‘Two? I’m not sure I can eat a whole one.’

  ‘Then I’ll eat one and a half.’ He grinned. ‘Now, I have something for you.’ He took the corsage from a bag and held it up. ‘It’s jasmine and some other flowery dangly thing.’

  She chuckled. ‘Flowery dangly things are my favourite.’

  ‘Oh good.’ He pinned it to her dress. ‘There you go. Now for a photo?’

  He held up his phone and she stood near the dining table, one hand leaning on it, smile on her face. Click! ‘Lovely.’

  ‘Now you.’ She took his phone.

  ‘Don’t need one of me.’

  ‘Of course we do. One of each of us, and then together. It’s what we would have done at the real formal.’

  ‘True. Okay then.’ He stood by the table with one leg crossed over his ankle, and flashed a goofy grin.

  ‘So natural in front of the camera.’ She laughed as she took a couple of photos. ‘And now, a selfie I guess. Since there are no doting parents to embarrass us and... Oh, Luca, I’m sorry. It just slipped out.’

  ‘It’s okay.’ He had barely had time to process what she’d said before she’d apologised, and he was surprised to find it didn’t make him sad. Somehow, opening the restaurant had laid a lot of things to rest, cleared a lot of built-up emotion, and given him a way to channel his emotions into something positive. ‘My mum would have probably insisted on making your dress,’ he added. ‘And if not, she would have studied every inch of whichever one you wore and analysed it... how it was made, where the fabrics may have come from, the types of stitching used.’

  ‘I would have been perfectly fine with either option.’ She smiled.

  His mum would have liked her. They had met, but she would have liked her even more now as a grown woman. Her persistence, her independence, her determination and her values.

  She’s a lot like her, in a way.

  ‘And nice suit, by the way.’ She did a quick scan of his outfit and nodded her approval. ‘Very snazzy.’

  ‘Snazzy?’

  ‘What my mum would have called it back then.’

  ‘Oh,’ he laughed.

  ‘She’d be proud of you, your mum. And your dad,’ Hannah said. ‘Even if you hadn’t set up the restaurant, they’d still be proud of you, for the person that you are.’

  She always managed to speak right to his heart. ‘Thank you, means a lot. And I know your parents are proud of you. Staying on the farm or not staying on the farm, they’re just as proud either way. They only want you to be happy and do what’s right for you.’

  ‘Thanks. I know that now. I don’t feel as guilty anymore.’

  ‘You shouldn’t.’ He opened his bag. ‘Oh, I have to put these up, hang on.’ He untangled the fairy lights and attached them to the curtain rods.’

  ‘Ohh, how nice,’ she said.

  Then he opened the pizza boxes and steam rose up. ‘Oh man, this smells jump-on-the-couch worthy,’ he said, remembering doing that as a teenager.

  ‘Like when you discovered that new flavour of potato chips?’

  ‘Yes! You remember?’

  ‘I remember absolutely everything,’ she said with a knowing smile, then glanced at the couch. ‘Shall we?’

  His eyes bulged. ‘Jump on the couch? Now? I’m a bit heavier than I was back then!’

  ‘Me too. It’s okay, I’m not keeping the couch, it’s a bit old and I won’t need it at Karen’s.’

  ‘In that case...’ He kicked off his shoes and held her elbow steady as she got out of her heels.

  They got up on the squishy seat cushions and her delightful giggle made his day. This was how he wanted her to be, to feel. Whatever she wanted to do to feel that feeling and laugh that giggle, he wanted that for her.

  ‘Ready?’ he said, holding her arms and her holding his.

  She nodded.

  ‘And... jump!’

  They bounced and bounced, laughed and laughed, she almost toppled over and he caught her, he almost toppled over and she caught him. Her hair came undone from her bun and she didn’t seem to care, she flicked it around her face like a woman at a heavy metal concert. His hair loosened from the hold of the gel and he flicked his around too.

  ‘Oh, my belly!’ Hannah laughed and cried out. ‘My abs!’

  ‘Mine too! And I didn’t know I had any!’

  They belly-laughed for ages, jumping until they could no more, then toppled onto the couch together, entangled in each other’s arms and legs.

  Hannah scrambled up, smoothing down her dress. ‘Now I’m really hungry, let’s eat.’

  He put the pizza on the dining table and lit a candle in the centre, then dimmed the room lights. ‘Oh,’ he remembered, ’Music.’ He switched on his nineties playlist and Hannah’s eyes widened at recognition.

  ‘I remember this!’

  They ate and reminisced, laughed and chatted, ate and drank some more.

  When they were finished, he flicked through a few different songs to a love ballad, then stood and held out his hand. ‘May I have this dance?’

  ‘You may,’ she smiled, her face dewy and rosy.

  He carefully kicked a few boxes out of the way, making an impromptu dance floor. ‘I wanted to find a mirror ball, but it was too short notice, sorry,’ he confessed.

  ‘The candlelight is just fine.’

  He slid his hands around her waist, and hers found his shoulders, then she hung them gently around his neck. Together they swayed, back and forth, to the music, and Luca sang along to the lyrics. ‘You’re the most beautiful girl in the room,’ he said.

  ‘Oh shucks. You’re just saying that.’

  ‘No, I really mean it. I really, really do.’

  ‘Well, thank you kindly. And you’re the handsomest man, I mean boy, in the room.’

  ‘You think? Aw geez.’

  He drank in her smile with his eyes, memorising it so he’d have something to hold onto when he needed it.

  The dance and music continued, and he knew it was coming to an end, so he simply kept his focus on her eyes, wanting to memorise them too. His entire being wanted to gather her up in his arms and never let her go, but he had to remain strong. What was best for Hannah was what was important, not what his desires were.

  She never took her eyes off him either. Perhaps she was doing the same.

  Their breath merged as one and swirled about their faces, and intoxicating him with its sweetness, its life. As soon as the song ended, before he could change his mind, he let go of her waist and stepped back. ‘Hannah, my dear,’ he forced himself to say, ‘it has
been a delightful evening, but I must go and let you get home at a decent hour. Or get home at a decent hour myself, more like it.’

  ‘Like a gentleman.’

  ‘Of course.’ He gave a bow, then smiled, and took the rubbish to the bin and cleaned up the table. Then he made his way to the door. He had to leave quickly before he couldn’t. Before he did something to ruin everything and make this day more upsetting for her. ‘Thank you for going to the formal with me.’

  ‘No, thank you for asking. Even if it was twenty years later.’ She winked. ‘And it helped, doing this tonight, after what happened with Scar. Thank you.’

  ‘My pleasure. Goodnight Hannah, and...’ he inhaled deeply, scared the words would hurt his throat as they passed through into the air between them, ‘goodbye.’

  ‘Goodbye,’ she said, her chest rising quickly with a breath and then falling with a sigh.

  He gave her a smile, breathed in, then turned and exhaled, stepping out the door. He got in his car as she waited on the porch.

  This was it. The time had come. He turned the key and the engine growled to life.

  She gave a wave, but then her smile turned downward.

  Oh no.

  He wanted to leave her with a smile on her face. He didn’t want to remember her like this. Didn’t want her to feel like this.

  He furrowed his brows, eyeing her to check if she was okay.

  But then she dashed off the porch and came running towards his car.

  What?’

  He opened the door and got out. ‘Hannah, what is it?’

  She leapt towards him and flung her arms around him. ‘I don’t want to say goodbye! I thought I did, but I don’t. I can’t!’ She held him tight and he couldn’t help but mirror her embrace.

  ‘Oh, Hannah. What are you saying?’

  She pulled back to look in his eyes, her hands on his cheeks. ‘I want a fresh start, of course I do, but the thing is, I’ve realised, despite the risk and the uncertainty... I want it with you.’

  His heart leapt from his rib cage and he tried to find the right words. ‘Oh my God, Hannah, what...’