Loose Possession

by Lily Roberts

  I made sure to keep a hand close to Sydney’s while we strolled across the sidewalk. To the observant passerby, we might’ve looked like a couple, and while part of me would’ve loved to entertain the thought, I convinced myself it was for the sake of her balance.

  “Damn,” Sydney suddenly lets out a whistle, staring up at the sky with the stars reflecting in her eyes. “It’s crazy pretty out tonight.”

  I followed her gaze, finding myself agreeing. Even for the middle of fall, the sky was surprisingly free of overcast, leaving a dazzling display for anyone who bothered looking upward. “Reminds me of back home,” I commented lightly. “You remember the outskirts of town? That hill everyone would hang out on?”

  “’Virgin’s Hill’?” Sydney let out a snort of laughter. “Yeah, no. I can’t say I frequented that spot.” She gave me a curious look, to which I quickly shook my head in response. “Really? The Scott Sawyer never took a girl to the illustrious hilltop hideaway?”

  Again, I shook my head. “Ugh, no. I’ve never even—!” The word slipped out faster than I could catch them; guess I wasn’t as sober as I thought.

  Sydney’s eyes got wide with surprise. I could’ve sworn she would’ve ragged on me mercilessly for the slip, but if anything, she seemed…relieved? “I thought…but, I saw you coming out of my dorm building?”

  Oh. That. “Uh, y-yeah,” I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, slowing feeling a warmth creep across my face. “I mean, I had a few girls ask me over, but nothing really happened. Guess they were expecting something different.”

  Yeah, like a total meathead willing to dote all over them all hours of the day. No thanks.

  “Oh.” Sydney tried kicking a stray pebble chipped off from the sidewalk, swinging way too wide as she stumbled forward. Thank God I was holding her hand; I managed to catch her, pulling a bit too hard as we suddenly end up a bit too close together for comfort. Her chest pressed up against my midsection, hands clumsily draping around my waist as we just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

  “Um…” Was all I could manage to get out. Those eyes; it couldn’t just be because of the booze. I’d just seriously never noticed how gorgeous those eyes of hers were.

  And Sydney just kept staring at me. “Wow, you’re a smooth talker,” then she said “I didn’t know you were the same,” she finally mumbled out, never once breaking eye contact with me.

  We just stood there, intertwined, like time itself had frozen us in place. Every fiber of my being wanted to lean in and kiss her, but some still-mostly-working part of my brain reasoned against this. In this case, third time would certainly not be the charm. Plus, it would feel really, really weird kissing her while she wasn’t all quite there. I felt certain she would make me regret this.

  Finally, we broke free from whatever spell had been cast over us. Some girls in an old SUV came driving past us, letting out a collection of, “oohs” and “aahs,” with one even teasingly calling out for us to get a room. That got me to push a bit away from Sydney, red in the face while I tried to explain myself.

  Sydney, meanwhile, perked up immediately as the car’s radio played passed us. “Oh, my God, is that…?” She immediately turned to follow after the car, leaving me to try and play catch-up. Again, not too hard with her stumbling here and there. She then pointed towards the shrinking SUV, grinning like a total spazz. “That’s the song you sang!”

  I gave her a quizzical look. “The what?”

  “No way; you have to remember.” Sydney then immediately plopped down on one of the nearby benches, legs stretching out to take up every inch of space as she started giggling. “You had a guitar and everything. The school wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks.”

  My brain was still trying to play catch-up; when the hell had I ever picked up a guitar in my life? Then, it hit me, and I couldn’t but laugh. “Ooh, wait. You’re talking about the middle school talent show, right?”

  Sydney clapped her hands excitedly. “Yes, that was it! But calling it a talent might be a bit much.”

  “I thought you said you remembered!” I laughed a bit harder, taking a seat on the ground right beside the bench.

  “I never said I remembered when it was,” Sydney claimed. “Just that it happened at some point during school. You kinda,” her head dipped my way, hands gesturing to try and insinuate a size difference. “Didn’t change too much. Until high school. So, everything in between is sort of blended.”

  “You know, I could say the same thing about you,” I retorted, pressing my palms against my chest. “But I at least have a little more decency than you right now.”

  Sydney snorted again, her head settling against the nook of the bench’s arm rest. “Oh my God, but do you remember playing that song?”

  I cringed inwardly. “Yeah, I do, now.”

  “You were so bad,” Sydney went on, her fingers futzing with a strand of her loose hair. “So, soooo bad.”

  “Hey, singing and playing the guitar is a lot harder than you think,” I defended.

  “Why’d you even do it in the first place, anyway?” Sydney asked, head rolling so we were looking eye-to-eye once more. “Like, I was shocked when I saw your name on sign-ups. You, who took great lengths to insist anyone who sang or dance were total pansies.”

  Oh, God, she wasn’t going to let this go. I could totally lie to her, just say one of the jocks dared me to and I, a small-child idiot, didn’t want to be proven a chicken. But a part of me…genuinely wanted her to know the truth. “I wanted to one-up you,” I mumbled under my breath.

  A snicker slipped out of Sydney’s mouth. “Nooo, you so totally failed.”

  “I saw you’d signed up for the same song and I was still in that, ‘one-upping’ phase,” Well, I was quickly regretting opening my mouth. Maybe, if I’m lucky, she’ll forget about this whole conversation in the morning. “I figured I had to do something more than just sing, so, I played the guitar.”

  “Could you actually play, though?” Sydney asked through giggles. “I mean, were you taking lessons?”

  I let a chuckle slip out of me. “Honestly, I thought it was the same as Guitar Master’s.”

  “The video game?” Sydney’s practically breathless at this point, she was laughing so hard. “O-Oh, my God, Scott—I never realized how much I pissed you off back then.”

  “I wouldn’t say, ‘pissed off,’ I shot back. “More like…pushed me to be my best.”

  That gave Sydney pause. Her laughter faded away, herself wiping a few stray tears that had popped out during her giggle fit. She propped her elbows up against the seat of the bench, really looking at me, now. “Did I really?”

  I gave her a befuddled look. “You still do, Squid. If I’m being honest,” I scooted a bit closer to her face, totally getting lost in those wide, beautiful eyes of hers. “I…was really happy when you suggested we played kickball. Even if I ended up nailing you in the face,” I added sheepishly afterwards. “I had a lot of fun. It felt…right? Does that make sense?” Jesus, I was asking a drunk person if she reciprocated my abstract feelings. I was rambling way too much; it was time to get her back onto her feet and get to the girl’s dorm. “Ah, never mind. It’s getting late; let’s get walking before I have to—!”

  Before I can speak another word, Sydney Burton leaned forward and kissed me on the lips.

  Holy crap.

  Never had I want to remove my brain from my own head, but after last night, I was seriously considering it. It’s not like I was an alcohol virgin, mind you, but I hadn’t exactly been building up my tolerance. And so, I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and an aversion to sunlight.

  Thank God it was the weekend.

  “Oh my god…” I went to sit up, surprised to find myself tucked into bed. Usually, my covers and sheets are pulled out and all over the place, maybe even crumpled up on the floor. I shrugged it off, just lying in bed for a good ten minutes while my brain tried to play catch-up. Vague snippets of the party floate
d in and out of my memory, from the drive over to the sorority house to chatting with Dinesh. I couldn’t honestly remember any topics we covered, but, maybe that was for the best. “Guy’s not exactly my type, anyway.”

  “Who’s not your type?” Denise asked as she came into the dorm. She looked like she just came back from an early morning—err, after-lunch—jog, causing me to reach for my phone and check the time. “Yeah, I was shocked when I couldn’t get you up to run with me. You must’ve seriously needed to sleep off that booze.”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me.” My head flopped back onto my pillow, a heavy sigh escaping my lips. “I didn’t do anything stupid last night, did I?”

  “Aside from talking with Dinesh?” Denise teased. “I’m guessing that’s the guy you were talking about.”

  I let out a snort. “Yeah, no. It’s cute that he thinks he’s so smooth, though.” Even drunk, I distinctly remembered how thick the air was with his confidence. “Glad to hear I didn’t, like, jump up and dance on the table, though.”

  “Oh, no. You just couch-surfed and started a full-blown food fight.” Denise laughed as my face screwed up in panic. “Kidding, I’m kidding! Honestly, I sorta lost track of you after a few hours. Might’ve been a bit…distracted.”

  I arched my brow slightly. “Cooper’s really got you by the nose, huh?”

  Denise zipped her jacket off with a heavenly sigh. “He’s such a stud, Syd. And there’s an actual brain in that skull; did you know he’s getting a bachelor’s in biochemistry?”

  “Huh.” I sat up a bit more, scooting over so Denise could plop down on the edge of the bed and pop her shoes off. “So he’s the complete package, huh?”

  “We seriously hit it off last night,” Denise explained. “Lots of beers, lots of dancing, a stroll around the house’s yard—I think we ended up at a nearby park at some point.”

  “Aah, that’s so cute!” I squealed excitedly. “Damn, I wish I had that awesome of an evening. My brain’s seriously just a haze.”

  “Well, you’re the one who wanted to pre-game,” Denise snickered, giving me a shove against the shoulder. “I’m gonna shower off real quick, but I’m down to hit the cafeteria if you wanna get a pick-me-up?”

  “Ugh,” I let out a groan, arms wrapped around my stomach. “I don’t want anything in my stomach.”

  Denise pokes her head out from the bathroom, pointing a finger my way. “You should get something in your stomach, though. I promise you’ll feel better.” With that, the bathroom door clicked shut, water gurgling through the pipes as the shower kicked on.

  ---

  I felt like an absolute zombie walking through campus. The sun was way too bright, my legs didn’t want to work properly, and every few seconds, I was hit with a wave of nausea.

  Ugh.

  I probably wouldn’t have left my room today at all if Denise wasn’t walking with me. She made sure to keep me on track to the cafeteria, chatting away about how she spent the night with Cooper. Which, honestly, was fine with me, given how I didn’t remember jack-shit to share.

  “You seriously don’t remember anything about last night?” Denise asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Not really? Well, nothing noteworthy, I mean. Scott’s face pops in now and then, but,”

  “That’s just your murder boner talking,” Denise finished with a smirk.

  Face bright red, I give her a hard shove, sending her stumbling off the sidewalk and onto the grass. Luckily, Denise catches her balance, meaning I don’t have to feel as bad for, “assaulting” her like I did.

  “What? You’re the one who said you hate him,” Denise said innocently. “Or is it because I included the, “b” word in there?”

  “No, I just,” I paused, sentence trailing off in the air. “No” what? No, I didn’t hate him? No, I didn’t like the including of that word? With a start, I realized that, “hate” didn’t apply to Scott Sawyer anymore. It just didn’t feel right…it was too…harsh. He annoyed the hell out of me, sure, and he sure knew which of my buttons to push to piss me off, but “hate” wasn’t a word I could attach to him anymore. Not after our impromptu kickball tournament. Not after driving me to the party, or walking me--!

  “Oh, my God,” I gasped, hand going to slap my forehead. That was an action I immediately regretted afterward, grimacing as a new wave of pain bloomed across my head. “O-ow…”

  “Girl, what are you slapping yourself for?” Denise asked. “What’s up?”

  “He walked me home,” I explained. “Scott, I mean. I have, like, the vaguest memory of us walking down the sidewalk towards the dorms.”

  “Oooh, spicy.” Denise grinned, dancing around to my other side with a skip in her step. “Well, don’t hold back! What did you two do on this jaunt?”

  I screwed up my brow, trying to remember any key details without much success. “I…feel like a car drove past us.”

  Denise’s entire face deadpanned. “Dude, that’s so boring. We need to get you food and a cup of coffee, ASAP.”

  She was right, of course. As nauseous as I felt, some part of my stomach was gnawing for sustenance. I put up with Denise’s teasing and probing, honestly wishing I could answer her questions. I couldn’t believe Scott walked me back to the dorms. I couldn’t believe I let him, but then again…

  “God, that’s the last time I pre-game.” I groaned.

  Denise pats my shoulder, then gently turns me off to the side. “Soooo, if you were curious about what happened last night…?”

  Holy crap. I hadn’t even realized we were walking past the football field. There they were—the entirety of the football team—doing drills even during the weekend. I caught Cooper and Dinesh jogging past us, Cooper turning to wave Denise’s way before catching sight of me. He slowed to a walk and shook Dinesh, who similarly turned our way and grinned from ear to ear.

  “Oh, God,” I moaned. “What does that face mean?”

  “Only one way to find out!” Denise replied chipperly as she pulled me towards the boys. God, the pair of them were absolutely beaming as we approached, Denise quickly slipping under Cooper’s arm to plant a kiss on his sweaty, gross cheek.

  “So, you finally roused the party animal, then?” Cooper chuckled.

  I could feel my face start to burn. “Please don’t tell me I was a total nuisance?”

  “Nah, don’t worry about it, Syd!” Dinesh went to put an arm around my shoulder, but, no. I ducked underneath him, faking a need to fix my shoe and then I straightened up outside of his reach. “You and I had a great time last night.”

  Cooper must’ve caught the look on my face, because he quickly added, “Talking. You two were very chatty last night.”

  Thank God. “Oh,” I let out a laugh, relief flooding me from tip to toe. “Sorry about that, Dinesh. I get a bit, uh, talkative, when I’ve had a bit. I didn’t trap you for the whole night, did I?”

  “Not until Scott slipped in and stole you away,” Dinesh teasingly bemoaned.

  Ah. So that part was true, at least.

  “I guess he got you to your dorm all right in the end,” Cooper added. “He came back to let us know and immediately bounced.”

  “He did?” I asked, curiosity peaked.

  “Yeah. Was totally stumbling over his own feet.” Dinesh crossed his arms over his chest, chuckling. “Poor guy probably had one too many; I knew I should’ve walked you back.”

  Ugh. No.

  “So, you two don’t know what happened after Sydney left, either?” Denise asked, sounding incredibly disappointed.

  Both guys shrugged. “If something did happen, Scott’s not spillin’,” Dinesh said. “Which means nothing happened cause guys always spill.”

  “Not that it’s our business,” Cooper added with a jab to Dinesh’s rib cage. “But I can say for certain that nothing…extra…happened.”

  “Yeah, guy looked like he got slapped across the face,” Dinesh laughed.

  Slapped across the face, huh? I’ve only done that for one reason
…

  “Well, we’ll just ask Scott after you guys’ practice, then.” With one more kiss on Cooper’s cheek, Denise slid out from under his arms and grabbed me once more, skipping off to the cafeteria. “See yah later, babe! Text me when you’re done with practice and have showered!”

  I followed hopelessly behind, mind reeling with what little information I had to work with. God damn it all, if Scott seriously made a move on me again, and while I was drunk?

  That was going to be worth way more than one slap.

  Oh, thank God the two of them were leaving.

  I practically busted a lung with the mad dash I made to the back of the bleachers. Sydney and Denise came out of nowhere, immediately chatting it up with Cooper and the douchebag known as Dinesh. As much as it burned me up to see Syd talking to him, it gave me the time I needed to retreat and reassess.

  AKA, run and hide like an absolute bitch.

  But what the hell was I supposed to do? Walk up to Sydney like she didn’t kiss me last night? I’d be lucky if she didn’t remember doing it, but God, if one of them had seen us, were telling her about it…

  I let out a groan, sinking down to the ground while cradling my head. College was supposed to be my chance to become something new, not worry about old ghosts. Sydney would never believe she willingly kissed me. And, to make it all the worse, it killed me inside that she wouldn’t. My feelings waffled more than a breakfast house, but one thing was becoming more and more clear with each passing day; I had feelings for Sydney Burton.

  Taking another peek around the bleachers, I watched Denise drag Sydney by the arm, probably on their way to eat lunch at the cafeteria. With a sigh of relief, I cautiously crawled out from the bleachers and back onto my feet, doing my best to re-integrate myself into the fold. It worked at first; I managed to make my way to one of the pre-set water coolers (the snack bar was closed during the weekend), only for a heavy hand to slam down against my shoulder.