Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1)

by Grant, J. R.

  All of my life I laid in a stranger’s bed or in a group home, wondering who my parents were, what they looked like, or if I took after them in any way. I’ve had so many unanswered questions, so many things I wanted to say, but never had the chance.

  Even though my mom was gone, getting close to her parents would mean the world to me. I was scared to death, nonetheless. Fearful Phyllis and Pat would hate me. Fearful they would reject me when I approached them. What if I brought up too many memories of Peyton? What if I looked just like her and they couldn’t handle it? Then what? Would they decide they didn’t want me in their lives? Would they say it was too much? I didn’t think I could live with myself if that were to happen. There was no way I could handle that kind of rejection.

  For years, I had no one to turn to. No one to ask questions about my family’s medical history. I didn’t have a dad to teach me how to play softball or tuck me in at night. He never had a chance to hold me or give me away at my wedding or even see his granddaughter.

  I never got to feel my mom’s touch, to get to know her. I never had a chance to look in her eyes and hear her say ‘I love you’. Instead, I was shifted from house to house, group home to group home. I never had the kind of stability a normal family had. I never experienced love from a mom or a dad. I didn’t know what saying the words, ‘grandma’ or ‘grandpa’ felt like. I was a lost soul, traveling in a big world, searching for someone to want me.

  I yearned to be loved, to be taken care of, to be wanted and needed. But I guessed some people weren’t worthy of everything their heart desired. Because if I were, there would have been no way my father would have left me at the hospital all by myself, never coming back. The thought of it playing out in my mind literally made me sick. What if I was hurt or if something had happened after he took off? He would have never known if I was dead or alive. He didn’t care if I ever saw the light of day.

  The only family I ever had was the Sorrentino’s, but they weren’t my blood. I was beyond thankful for each and every one of them, don’t get me wrong. They had been a true blessing; however, it wasn’t the same as knowing your own family. It wasn’t the same as having your biological mom and dad be there for you.

  Even though I had major doubts running through my mind, I needed to know where I came from. I needed to know who my parents were even if it was through pictures. I needed to know which one I looked like. I needed to know something, anything. I had lived in the what-ifs for too long. It was time I stood strong and pieced this puzzle together once and for all. I didn’t just long to find my family, more than anything, I deserved this.

  Unsure how long Stone had held me in his arms, allowing me to sob against his chest, I was suddenly pulled away. I didn’t have to uncover my face to know my husband was the one who had lifted me in his arms, tucking me against his body. Stone must have called Brax before he got here to put him on standby. If anyone knew how I would react to this news, it would be Brax. He knew me inside and out, sometimes better than I knew myself. Brax carried me to the back of the studio and set me down on the counter, positioning himself between my legs.

  “You okay, beautiful?”

  I let him know by nodding my head; the words were lodged in my throat. I didn’t think I could talk right now if I wanted to. This was a lot to take in, but Stone was right. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to try to be strong; for me, for Savanah, and for my husband. They needed to be able to count on me, knowing I would survive if this didn’t go as planned.

  But would I?

  The front door chimed again and more voices filled the studio.

  “Good,” Brax pulled back and kissed my lips, “Kelly and Tanya are taking you out to lunch while Stone, Brix, and I head back to their office to discuss what’s next. You sure you’re okay?”

  He pushed his thumb against my cheeks, wiping away my tears.

  I shrugged my shoulders, still unsure. “No. But I will be.” Leaning in, I gave my husband a kiss and fluffed the top of his hair. “Thanks for coming. I wasn’t expecting to get all this information so soon, but I’ll be fine. Everything just has to sink in first.”

  Sliding down the counter, I walked into the bathroom and cleaned up my face. Brax followed behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He leaned his head against the back of my shoulders and kissed my neck.

  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, baby.”

  I wet a paper towel and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to worry about me. I’ll be okay. I promise.”

  Brax waited until I finished cleaning my face then turned me around, keeping me in his arms, and kissed my lips. I opened my mouth, allowing his tongue inside, my body immediately squirming from his touch.

  I didn’t know what I would have done without this man by my side. Brax saved me from the shell I had become. I never thought I was worthy of love until he found me. There was no way I could ever let him go.

  I pulled back and searched his eyes, needing him to take me, to make all this pent-up frustration go away.

  Brax shook his head, giving me a weak smile. “Not now, baby. Go out with the girls and let me get everything in order.” His hand traveled between my legs, cupping my heated spot. “When we get home, I’m going to take care of you. Ma’s got the baby, so we have all night.”

  I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck, and kissed him again. “I love you, B. Thanks again for being here.”

  “I love you too, Jazzy. I’ll never leave you. You’re stuck with me forever.”

  I used the bathroom and washed my hands. Brax waited for me at the door and together we walked back up front.

  “Hey, Mama. You doing okay?” Tanya met me in the middle of the studio and pulled me in for a hug.

  “No. I think I just need some time to take everything in.”

  She leaned back and searched my face. “Well, then, I’m glad I came.”

  Looping her arm through mine, Tanya walked me up to the front desk so I could gather my belongings.

  Stone made his way behind the counter, coming up beside me. “You sure you’re good?”

  I grabbed my purse and keys and then turned around and gave him a hug. “I will be. I promise,” I reassured him. “Thank you for everything.”

  “Anytime. Let me kn—”

  “Come on, baby,” Brax pushed Stone out of the way and took a hold of my hand. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

  My man. Always trying to prove he was in control whenever the guys tried to help me.

  We made our way across the parking lot, stopping beside my SUV. Brax pulled me against his chest, keeping a firm hold around me. “Text me when you’re heading back, and I’ll meet you at the house.” He gave me another kiss then walked back inside.

  I turned and faced Tanya. She was leaning against my SUV smiling.

  “Girl. Your man is vicious. He doesn’t want anybody touching his girl.” I shook my head and laughed. There was nothing I could say. She was right. Brax and his possessiveness tended to be hysterical at times.

  “You hungry?”

  I nodded my head. “Starved.”

  “Good.” Tanya smiled, and then pulled out her keys. “I’ll meet you at The Crab Cake Factory.”

  I agreed, following behind her down Coastal Highway.

  I didn’t know what the future had in store for me, and I loathed the unknown. I wasn’t a patient person to begin with. Not knowing how to prepare for the coming days was driving me insane.

  As a child, my counselor used to say; “You can’t give up living unless you’ve learned how to live.”

  I might not have understood that saying when I was younger, but the older I got, the more those eleven words became reality for me. Therefore, starting today, I was going to learn to live through all of these new changes and not give up any hope, even if it killed me.

  **

  Tanya and I were seated at the restaurant, waiting for Kelly to grace us with her presence. I knew I was always late for everything, bu
t Kelly beat me by a landslide.

  “What are you going to get?” Tanya asked, looking over the menu.

  “Probably the usual; crab cake, salad, and coleslaw.”

  “Mmhmmm…that sounds good. I was thinking about getting the steak, but the crab meat is so divine. I don’t know if I can watch you eat it and not be jealous,” she laughed.

  I shook my head, laughing at her silliness. The girl was a fruitcake. You could always count on Tanya’s high-strung personality to cheer you up, especially when you were down.

  “Are we going to wait for dingbat to get here, or go ahead and order? I’m hungry.”

  “I say you snooze, you lose. We’ll just order for her.”

  The waitress walked over and introduced herself. “Hi, welcome to The Crab Cake Factory. My name is Rachel. I’ll be your server today. Can I start you ladies off with something to drink?”

  I scanned the menu, unsure if I wanted a Coke or a Blue Moon.

  Decisions, decisions.

  I wanted to have a beer, but the carbonation of a Coke sounded delightful right now.

  “I’ll have a Blue Moon and a Coke, please,” I said, deciding to go with both. Knowing me, I would drink the two of them plus some.

  “I’ll have the same,” Tanya ordered and then threw up her hand. “Wait, no. Make that two. We’re waiting on our friend to arrive. Apparently she doesn’t know how to tell time.”

  Rachel chuckled, searching both of our faces. “Are you ready to order then? Or do you want to wait for your friend?”

  Tanya wasted no time in giving Rachel her and Kelly’s orders, before she directed her attention to me.

  “How about you?” Rachel asked. “What would you like to order?”

  I scanned the menu one more time, even though I knew it by heart. The Crab Cake Factory was one of my favorite places to eat on the shore.

  “I’ll have the crab cake platter with a side salad, ranch dressing, and boiled, please. And can I have a side of mayo as well?”

  “Absolutely.” Rachel wrote my order down then took our menus, putting our order in the computer.

  “She was nice, yeah?”

  “B and I have had her a couple of times before. She’s a sweet girl.”

  Rachel brought our drinks over and set them down on the table. When she walked away, Tanya looked across the table at me.

  “All right, talk to me. I got that Stone found the deets on your mom and your maternal grandparents, but that was all before I came to the studio. Brix was being a cumquat this morning. We’ve been arguing all day.”

  I took a sip of my beer, trying not to laugh.

  “Cumquat? Really, T?”

  Tanya shrugged her shoulders as if it weren’t a big deal. “I’m just stating the truth, chicka. Love the guy, but damn he gets on my last nerve.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just left it alone. Some things with Tanya and Brix were better left unsaid anyway.

  “Okay, so…my mom’s name was Peyton Lander. She grew up in Crofton with her birth parents, Phyllis and Pat Lander, and she died three minutes after giving birth to me from some type of aneurysm.”

  Tanya’s eyes bugged out of her head as I continued. “Phyllis and Pat live in Milford, and from what I gather, it’s not too far from Dover. B said we would talk more about it when I get home and figure out my next approach.”

  “What are you going to do? I mean, if I were you, I would just show up and knock on their door, not giving them any time to prepare. They would be less likely not to shun you away, don’t you think.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. Wouldn’t that be strange just showing up and demanding ans—”

  “I’m so sorry I’m late,” Kelly interrupted our conversation, squeezing in the booth next to Tanya.

  “Yeah, yeah, bitch. It’s about time.” Tanya bumped Kelly’s shoulder.

  “Shut the hell up, hooker.” She nudged Tanya back. “Okay. This is so disgusting. The last patient I had, oh, my God! What a weirdo. He wouldn’t shut up about his gout. It was so gross. Seriously, did he really think I needed to know all the details AFTER the doctor discharged him? Gah…he told me like ten times, going into full detail about how his foot turned green and pus came out everywhere. Yuck,” she covered her mouth. “It was so sordid I about threw up.”

  Kelly grabbed the beer sitting in front of her and chugged it back. “Did you guys order already? I’m flipping starved,” she asked, coming up for a breath.

  Tanya turned to the side and gave Kelly her famous “bitch” look. “Yeah, hoe! We ordered and left your sorry ass out. Now shut up, Jazz was in the middle of talking until you rudely cut her off.”

  Kelly looked defeated. “Seriously? That’s mean, T. I wouldn’t do that you.”

  Tanya and I looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” Kelly glanced between the both of us, as she continued chugging her beer.

  “Nothing, girl. Not a damn thing.”

  Rachel walked over with our food, setting the tray on the table behind us. Dividing up each order, she placed our plates in front of us, and asked if we needed anything else. The three of us had declined before she walked away, moving on to the next group of people two booths down.

  “You’re shitty, you know that?”

  Tanya picked up a fry and held it between her teeth, laughing in Kelly’s face. The girl was ruthless. I had to remind myself not to get on her bad side in the future.

  As we dug into our meal, Tanya filled Kelly in on everything Stone retrieved about my birth family.

  “Oh, my God! I didn’t realize he found out all of that,” Kelly said in shock, and then looked at me. “What are you going to do?”

  I wished everyone would stop asking me that. I knew they were concerned, but I hadn’t had time to process anything. All of the information Stone shared earlier was still too fresh in my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for their concern. I was, I just needed to go over everything with my husband first. Brax was my rock, my support no matter what. And whatever he thought I should do, then I would do it. I was just unsure how I should approach the Lander’s. I had way too many bad thoughts playing out in my mind.

  “B’s with the guys right now, talking about my next step,” I replied. “I’ll talk to him tonight and see what he thinks first.”

  “Well, you know, if you need us to go with you, we’re there,” Tanya promised. “You’re not alone, girl.”

  We finished our lunch and talked some more before I left the girls and headed home. I gave them both a hug, thanking them for being here for me and then paid my part of the tab. I sent Brax a text, letting him know I was on my way home, and headed out the door.

  I didn’t know what tomorrow had in store for me, but I was going to get through it. I had to, no matter what my mind continued to say.

  Chapter Nine

  Brax

  “How long ‘til we get there? You know I hate surprises,” Jazz complained from the front seat. I knew that once she saw what we were doing she would be happy.

  “Give me five more minutes, baby. We’ll be there soon.” I winked hoping it would be enough to calm her down.

  For some time, Jazz had talked about getting a tattoo. We agreed on something that would symbolize our love for one another, something that would hold meaning.

  After work, I met with Jay, the tattoo artist at Wingman’s Tattoo, and I was finally able to get mine done. I knew if I waited until Jazz picked out the sketch she wanted, we would run out of time. So I went ahead and scheduled an appointment for her tonight at seven. Kelly relieved Ma from watching Savanah, agreeing to keep an eye on her until we got back. Of course, I had to fill her in on my little secret. The girl was a pushover. Nothing got past her, no matter how slick I tried to be.

  As we entered Millsboro, I pulled into the shopping center and shut off the engine. Jazz looked around, unsure why we were parked in a dark alley.

  “Ummm…what’s
going on?” she asked nervously.

  You could tell she was having another one of her freak-out moments. My girl. Always skeptical, trying something new. I got out of the truck and ran around to her door. I pulled on the handle, opened the door, and then reached for my wife’s hand.

  “Come on. We’re going to be late,” I said as I walked her through the parking lot.

  Jazz was wearing her favorite dark skinny jeans and one of those short sweater things that made the ‘V’ around her breasts look hot. She had two-inch fuck-me heels which made it hard for her to keep up.

  Her brown hair was in a loose braid to the side with small curls dangling around her face. My girl was breathtaking. When we got home, I planned to take her every which way I could.

  As I ushered Jazz inside the parlor, the guy behind the counter looked up from his cell phone, closely eyeing my wife.

  “Can I help you?”

  His hair was spiked in three different colors—red, blue, and green—and his nose, lip, and eyebrows were pierced. He had tattoos covering both arms and running around the side of his neck.

  Jazz squeezed my hand, letting me know she was scared of him, and I couldn’t help but to laugh. She would worry about everything if I let her.

  “We have an appointment at seven with Jay?”

  The guy looked through the schedule book, then called Jay from the back. Jazz whipped her head toward me and whispered, “B? What are we doing here?”

  I leaned my head down and kissed the side of her head. “You’ll see.”

  Jay walked up front and greeted us, reaching out to shake my hand.

  “Brax. Good to see you, man. Come on back.”

  I followed behind him, pulling Jazz along with me, even though she was trying to plant her heels in the carpet. I hoped she wasn’t going to back out once I showed her all I had done.

  Jay pushed open the curtain then patted the table in front of him. “Have a seat. I need to get something done real quick. I’ll be back in about five minutes.”

  “No rush,” I told him. “We’ll be here.”