Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1)

by Grant, J. R.

  “Can’t do what? Tell us what’s going on. Please, Jazzy. We’re worried sick.”

  I cried harder, if that was remotely possible, and when I started to calm myself down, I tried taking a few deep breaths to get my emotions under control. Once I could speak, I explained to the girls how everything played out at the Lander’s. I told them what Anthony said tonight, shamefully sharing the big news. I could only imagine what they were both thinking.

  They both sat quiet while I let it all out. I was mortified, to say the least, utterly and completely humiliated. This wasn’t something I wanted them to know. I didn’t need them looking at me any different or letting our friendship go because of everything. These girls were my life. They had been with me for a long time. They stood by me during some of my darkest moments in life. I couldn’t afford to lose them, too.

  “Please…please don’t say anything. I can’t…I can’t handle much more.”

  “Oh, girl. We’d never tell a soul. You know better than that,” Kelly promised, pulling me in for a hug.

  I wrapped my arms around her waist and tried to keep my breathing at a steady pace. Tanya got up and squatted down in front of me, taking a hold of my hand.

  “I can’t imagine everything you’ve been through this week,” she said with a weak smile. “How about you let us take you home. You can lie down and get some rest. We’ll figure everything out in the morning.”

  “No,” I shook my head, pulling away from them both. “I can’t go home, I can’t go back there. Brax and I…I can’t see him. I can’t do it.”

  “Shhhh…” Kelly whispered, hugging me again. “You don’t have to go back there. I’ll take you to my house.”

  I sat there for a few minutes and contemplated on my options, when really, I had no other place to go. So, I nodded my head and followed her lead to the car, promising I would try and get some rest. That was Kelly’s only stipulation. That I lie down and close my eyes. I knew Tanya and Kelly were concerned about me—I was concerned for myself. This was an all-time low for anyone to reach.

  Tanya climbed in the back as I sat up front. Kelly got in the driver’s seat and drove us to her house. I heard Tanya talking to someone on the phone from the backseat. She told them I was okay, and she would call them later. It must have been Brix. I can’t imagine who else she would have been talking to.

  An hour later, we arrived at Kelly’s condo. She handed me a t-shirt, while I stood in her spare bedroom, unsure what to do.

  “Put this on. I’ll check with you in the morning. Get some sleep.”

  I hugged my best friend with the little bit of energy I had left, and then walked over to the bed. I changed into the t-shirt, and lay down, not bothering to get under the covers and cried myself to sleep.

  I would be lost without Kelly. She had been a big part of my life since I was fourteen. I can’t thank God enough for sending her to me, especially at a time like this. I just hoped God didn’t take her away from me anytime soon, too. Because honestly, losing one more person would send me over the edge. I couldn’t handle it. I had lost enough.

  **

  The sun set on the beach with perfect colors afloat in the sky. It was a beautiful night. As I walked around the corner to the hill, ready to meet my man, I couldn’t help but to feel nervous. I had never felt this much love before in all my life. Less than fifty feet away stood my future husband, waiting for me at the altar. Our friends and his family sat on each side of the aisle, smiling happily for the two of us to finally become one.

  Today was going to be a dream come true. I was finally getting my happily ever after.

  I’d never had a bunch of money or needed fancy things. They weren’t what was important to me. All I ever wanted was to be loved, to feel wanted and desired, and it was all happening in less than five minutes.

  I took each step with pride, even though my legs felt unsteady, and made it to the back of the aisle. The smile on Brax’s face lit up the beach and helped me remain focused. Brax was a beautiful man both inside and out. His outward appearance was mouthwatering, but his heart was full of gold. I loved that man more than anything in this world.

  The music changed to ‘More Than Words’ by Extreme, telling me it was time. Brax picked out this song when we first fell in love. I would never forget what Brax said to me the night he told me he loved me.

  We had taken a trip to Bethany Beach for the weekend. It was a surprise gift from Brax for our one-month anniversary. We were lying in the bed of his truck, looking at the stars, talking about life and what we wanted to do with our future. Brax shared his stories and I shared mine, and then he leaned up on his elbows, rolling to the side, pulling my body toward him, needing to see my face.

  Brax looked directly at me, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

  “I never thought I would get to this place, but since we first started dating, I have fallen more for you than anyone in my entire life.”

  My mouth felt dry, and a part of me wanted to run, until Brax reached out and placed his hands on both sides of my cheeks and whispered, “I love you, Jazzy. I love you so fucking much it hurts. When we’re not together, you are on my mind. When you’re with me, I can’t keep my hands off you. I have never felt like this before in my life. Your eyes capture my soul and melt my heart. And your smile is so bright, it’s contagious. I need more of you, baby, I need all of you.”

  He leaned in and kissed my lips, sending shivers down my spine. I was stunned, to say the least, and wanted to say the words back to him. But out of fear, I let him continue, hoping I would find enough courage to tell him how I really felt.

  “Have you heard this song before?” He pulled back and hit play on his iPhone.

  ‘More Than Words’ by Extreme came on, and my cheeks felt flushed. I had heard the song a few times before, so I nodded.

  Brax sat up, lifting me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “Every lyric, every line. That’s me, Jazzy. Those are my words to you. No matter how near or far you are, you will always own my heart. You’re it for me, baby. Always and forever.”

  I wiped the tears from my eyes, remembering that night, and then exhaled slowly. Stone squeezed my elbow, asking if I was ready. I smiled up at him, wanting to hurry up and get to my man.

  Stone walked me down the aisle at a slow but steady pace. My focus remained on Brax the entire time. He was wearing khaki shorts with a white button-down shirt. His dark brown hair was combed to the side in perfection. He was breathtaking.

  Since we chose the beach, our favorite place, to have a wedding, it made the view that much more spectacular. Brax stood on one side with Kelly on the other, while the preacher stood in the middle.

  When we reached the end of the carpet, the music stopped and the preacher began speaking.

  “Who gives this woman away this evening?”

  Stone spoke up and said, “I do,” and then released my arm. He pulled me in for a hug and kissed my cheek.

  “I’m so proud of you, girl.”

  I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, thanking him for all he had done.

  “Thank you…thank you for everything,” I murmured. “I love you.”

  He smiled down out me and replied, “Love you too, babe.”

  He waited for me to walk forward and get settled before he walked around the front, standing next to Brax.

  The preacher went through the service, as we dedicated our hearts to God and to one another. When it was time to say our vows, I knew Brax was going to get the best of me. The man had been known to bring me to my knees with the things he said.

  Thankfully, I was first to share my vows with Brax. I reached behind me for Kelly to hand me the ring, and then turned back around to face my husband.

  As I placed the ring on Brax’s finger, I said, “I didn’t know what love was until you walked into my life. I hated everything about the word to be honest. But you changed that.” I smiled, looking into his eyes. “You changed me. With all
I had been through, I swore I wasn’t worthy to be accepted, to be cherished, but when we met, you proved that theory wrong. There aren’t enough words that can possibly express how I truly feel, because my love for you is indescribable. You mean more than the world to me, Brax, and I can’t thank my lucky stars enough for placing you in my life.”

  I grabbed both of his hands and continued. “Thank you for loving me, for showing me there was more to life than what I thought there was. Thank you for not only being my best friend, but for being everything I had ever dreamed, everything I ever needed. I promise to love you, honor, and worship you, and take care of you, until I am no longer breathing. I love you, Brax. I will love you always and forever.”

  A sob escaped my throat as I finished the last of my vows. Tears ran down Brax’s cheek and I lifted my hand, wiping them away, wanting to hurry and kiss him. He was the man of my dreams and tonight, I was going to show him.

  Brax turned around and grabbed the ring from Stone, and then reached out for my hand. I tried to smile, but all I could do was cry happy tears. It was inevitable. I had been waiting for this day all of my life.

  Brax placed the ring on my finger and said, “I promised myself years ago that I would never fall in love. I made fun of my brothers for the things they had done and couldn’t stand to watch my parents get all syrupy. But then you walked in my life and my world completely shifted. And the first time I looked into your eyes, I knew you were the one. There was something about your smile that captivated me. And when I kissed your sweet lips, I knew I needed more.” He wiped at his cheek, pushing his tears away. “You were right when you said there were no words that could be spoken about our love, Jazzy, because every time I tried to describe how I felt about you, I was left speechless. But it means more than words, because you saved me. You stole my heart and loved me at times I wasn’t loveable. You put up with my bullshit and didn’t care what anyone thought. You gave me life; you gave me hope and a bright future to look forward to. I love you with everything in this world and I promise I will worship you until the day that I die. You have my heart, my soul, my love. You’re my world, baby. I love you so fucking much.”

  Without waiting to hear the preacher’s final words, Brax grabbed my neck, pulling me into his embrace, and kissed me with so much passion, so much love, that I almost felt faint. Everyone stood up and cheered, and laughter filled the air.

  When the preacher laughed and welcomed us as one, Brax scooped me up in his arms and walked me back up the aisle. We made it over to the hill, when he set me down and kissed me again.

  “Thank you.” He kissed my lips. “Thank you so fucking much.” Squeezing me in his arms, our family and friends hooted and hollered, while we made out in front of everyone.

  Brax was mine, all mine.

  Always and forever.

  **

  “Jazzy, wake up.” I tossed to the side, unable to get warm enough.

  “Get up, baby. It was just a dream. I’ve got you.”

  I rolled over, pulling the pillow over my head, and hugged my body in a fetal position.

  My eyes flickered open, telling me that I was dreaming. It was all just a dream, but everything else was real. Everything we shared, all of the love we had—it was gone, really gone.

  “No…” I screamed and grabbed at my legs, punching and hitting myself.

  Don’t do this, God. Please. I can’t deal with any more pain. My heart hurts so much, I feel like I’m going to die.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Brax

  She left. No one could find her anywhere. We searched my parents neighborhood, but she was nowhere to be found. Two and a half hours later, Tanya called Brix, letting him know she had Jazz with her and that she was safe. I tried to grab the phone out of his hands, but Brayden held me back.

  “Step back, B. She’s fine. The girls have her. That’s the best we’ve got so far.” Brayden pinned me against the side of the house.

  “Fuck off, Bray,” I snarled, needing to get to my wife. Jazz couldn’t run from me. I wouldn’t let her.

  “You’re acting like a dick tonight, you know that?”

  Brix shoved his phone in his pocket, giving me an excuse to push my little brother out of my way.

  “Where are they at?” I pleaded with him for some kind of headway. I had to know something. I couldn’t just stand here, twiddling my fingers while my girl was out there hurting. I had to get to her.

  Brix shoved his phone in his front pocket, then crossed his arms over his chest. “She’s fine, cuz. Kelly’s driving them back to her condo.”

  “Good,” I said, pulling out the keys to my truck. “Let’s go, then.”

  Brayden stepped in front of me, blocking my view. “Not so fast, B.”

  I looked at him muddled. “I’m going to my wife, Bray. No one can stop me.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, man.” Brix grabbed a hold of my arm. “She doesn’t want you there.”

  I leered over at him, pushing his arm off me. “You think I give a fuck, Brix? I’m going whether Jazz wants to see me or not. I can’t lose my fucking wife.”

  “Look—” He rubbed his hand over his face. “She’s fine. T said she would call as soon as they got Jazz settled. Give her a little bit and I’ll call you. Once I know everything’s good, I’ll see what I can do about getting you over there.”

  “Did T say where Jazz ran to?”

  Brix shook his head like he didn’t want to say it. “The park.”

  What in the hell was she thinking? The park was at least a mile from my parents house. It was dark as shit up there.

  “She’s good, man. Just let her be.”

  That was all I needed to know. I had been worried sick, not knowing where Jazz had run off to. I knew everything hit her all at once, but I wished she would have just stayed back and talked to me. We were in this together. Jazz wasn’t by herself. Fuck, I needed my girl. I needed to hold her in my arms and tell her I loved her. I needed to feel her lips pressed against mine and promise her I would never let her go, no matter what.

  Ma came out front after the baby fell asleep and talked a few minutes. She agreed to keep Savanah for the night so I could calm my shit down. I had to come up with a plan. I needed to know the truth. But first, I wanted to see my wife.

  Everyone left my parents except for Brix. He sat and talked with Ma and me for a while, until she said she needed to get some rest. I tucked the baby in the portable crib we kept at her house, and turned on the monitor. Handing it to Ma, she gave me a kiss and said, “Please get some rest, B. It’s been a long day. I’ll call you first thing in the morning.”

  “I’ll try,” I said, and told her goodbye, then locked up the house, following my cousin down the driveway. I hopped in the truck, not knowing where I needed to clear my head.

  “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but if I were you, I would need to be with my girl. Fuck, man.” He looked down at the ground. “This is some messed up shit.”

  “You ain’t kidding.” I stared at the front of the house, trying not to lose my cool. I had blown up so many times tonight, I didn’t know which direction I was coming or going.

  “Well, look,” Brix swung his keys between his fingers. “I’m headed over to pick T up. I’ll check on Jazz and give you a call. You’ll be good in the meantime, right?”

  I shook my head. “Yeah, man. I’m probably just going to drive around for a while.”

  “It’s after eleven, man. Go home and get some rest.”

  “Ha!” I laughed. “If it were that simple, Brix, I’d be fine with it, but I can’t sleep without my girl.”

  My cousin nodded his head, understanding how I felt. This was one fucked-up situation.

  “All right, man. I’ll get with you. Keep your phone on and don’t drink and drive.” He got in his truck and pulled off.

  I followed behind him, turning off before he pulled into Kelly’s condo complex. I knew if I just showed up, the girls were going to be pissed. Jazz came be
fore I did with them, so it was best if I just waited it out. As much as I wanted to say fuck it and barge through Kelly’s door, I wasn’t a fool. I knew better than to do anything stupid. Kelly would have my ass.

  I drove over to the local pub and went inside to have a few beers. The bar was packed from the Raven’s game earlier tonight, while everyone sat around, mingling amongst one another. I saw a guy from one of the plumbing companies I had used in the past. We talked a few times here and there when we ran into each other.

  Denny and I drank a few beers and talked for a little over an hour when my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and hit send, without bothering to check and see who it was.

  “You around?”

  “Yeah. She all right?” I asked Brix. If he said no, I didn’t know what I would do.

  “Just come by, dude, but be quiet. T said the first peep you make, you’re leaving.”

  I hung up the phone and dug in my pocket, throwing a twenty on the table. Grabbing my jacket, I told Denny that I had to run. I only had three beers and probably shouldn’t have been driving but nothing could stop me. Not when I needed to be with my wife.

  I drove around the corner to Kelly’s condo and walked up to the door. When I lifted my hand to knock, the door swung open. Tanya grabbed me by the shirt, yanking me inside the condo.

  “Shhh…” she said and then led me into the kitchen.

  Kelly, Brix, and Stone were sitting around the table. They all looked up when I walked in, evidently surprised to see me.

  “What the fu—” Kelly started to yell, until Brix cut her off.

  “It was me,” he told her. “I called him.”

  She whipped her head around and glared at my cousin. “She asked for some damn privacy, y’all. This isn’t right.”

  My blood was boiling. I knew Kelly was Jazz’s best friend, but for fuck’s sake, Jazz was my wife.

  “Whether you want me here or not, I’m not leaving.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I know it’s been a long night and I promise I won’t cause any trouble. I just want to make sure she’s all right and then I’ll let her be.”