Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1)

by Grant, J. R.

  “Jasmine Flower. You remember her from Arundel?”

  Bianca thought about it a minute and then shook her head. “I don’t think so. What year did she graduate?”

  “Two thousand and nine. She graduated with my little brother, Brayden.”

  Bianca pinched her eyebrows together. “Oh, you mean, Jazz? The real pretty girl that was adopted or something?”

  “She was adopted, yeah,” I played it off coolly, trying not to get pissed off. I didn’t need Bianca getting all up in Jazz’s business. Jazz was a private girl and I was going to make sure she kept it that way.

  “That’s great. Albeit, I thought she would have married Brayden. I remember how super close they were our senior year. He used to walk Jazz to class, laughing throughout the hallway.”

  I didn’t remember any of that. Had I seen Jazz before their graduation, she would have been mine a long time ago.

  “You still live in Crofton?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

  I missed my wife, but I didn’t want to talk about her like we were still together. Besides, I wasn’t good at this conversation shit. I guess being with the same girl for five years would do that to you.

  Bianca shook her head. “No. I bought a house in Frankford a few years ago. I love it out there.”

  I took a pull from my glass. “That’s cool.”

  We talked for a little while longer before her friend walked over.

  “There you are.”

  Bianca grabbed her friend’s arm, pulling her between us.

  “Brax, this is my girl, Kerri. Kerri, this is Brax Sorrentino. We used to go to school together.”

  Kerri reached across Bianca and shook my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Brax.”

  Bianca bent down and grabbed her purse. “Excuse me for a minute. I need to use the ladies’ room.”

  I watched her walk off, leaving her friend behind. “Are you having a good time?” Kerri moved into Bianca’s seat, sitting down next to me.

  I lifted my glass and said, “Cheers.”

  She smiled, batting her eyelashes. This wasn’t good. I needed to put some space between us. Clearly, I was sexually frustrated, not being with my wife in three months. I had to move away from this girl.

  “You feeling good, bro?” Brayden swooped in saving the day.

  Fucking right.

  I stood up from the stool. “I’m good.”

  Brayden moved around me and started talking to Kerri. I picked up my glass, leaving the two of them alone.

  This wasn’t my scene. My heart belonged at home with my girls, not at a bar with some random chick looking to score an easy lay.

  I walked outside toward the pier. It was inching close to midnight and I was entirely too drunk. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and called the one person I knew who could make me feel better. I should have known better, but I missed her. Guilt was eating me alive from what I had seen in her journal. We needed to talk.

  The phone rang and rang until her voicemail finally picked up. Against my better judgment, I left a message. I needed Jazz to know I still loved her, regardless of how things had panned out.

  “It’s been three months, baby. Three fucking months since you left me. Why? Why can’t you call and let me know you’re okay? Why’d you do this? I could’ve helped you, Jazz. I could’ve helped us. I could be there holding you right now. Instead, I’m in a fucking bar hammered, feeling like hell. I need you, baby. I need my girl. I miss the fuck out of you.”

  The phone beeped and then hung up on me. I was pissed. There was no excuse for Jazz running off the way she did. I had done everything in my power to help our situation, but nothing was ever good enough. Nothing worked, because she left anyway.

  Savanah cried all the fucking time. I couldn’t blame her. It was hard for me, too. But having to drop her off with Ma every time I couldn’t handle shit was getting old. Our daughter didn’t deserve the wrath of my family’s destruction. She deserved to be happy, in our home, with our family together. I just had to convince Jazz to come home.

  <>Jazz<>

  As a part of my healing process, I finally reached out to Pat and Phyllis. They had tried to contact me on several occasions, but the timing hadn’t been right. I had too much going on, refusing to bring them into the middle of this mess, especially seeing how their daughter was the one who caused all of the issues.

  I parked my SUV in their driveway and headed straight to the front door. I didn’t have to knock since Phyllis and Landon were standing inside waiting for me.

  Landon opened the door, immediately pulling me into his arms.

  “It’s good to see you again, niece,” he joked, forcing a giggle out of me.

  That wasn’t something I had done in a while. Maybe this would be a good visit after all.

  I stepped inside the house and took off my coat, handing it to Landon.

  “Come here, sweets, and give me a hug. I’ve missed you,” Phyllis moved around Landon, wrapping her arms around my back.

  “I’ve missed you, too,” I replied, hoping it sounded appropriate. I wasn’t really sure what to say. The last time we met, there had been a lot of tension. We were good when I left, but I hadn’t spoken to them since.

  Phyllis led me into the kitchen, taking a seat at the dining room table.

  “Can I get you anything?” she asked, as I stood there admiring the décor throughout the room.

  “No, thank you. I’m okay.”

  It was absolutely beautiful in there.

  The theme they used was of the ocean. The walls were painted in a light colored blue with seashell wallpaper at the top. The trim around the middle was in white, making the colors of the wallpaper stand out beautifully.

  They had light brown shelves stationed on all four walls, three on each row, with picture frames of their children on each shelf, surrounded by multiple seashells.

  I remembered their house having a homey feeling the last time I was here, but now, I felt more at peace.

  Landon fixed his mom a cup of coffee then took a seat next to her. I sat down in front of them, praying this talk did me some good.

  “Sorry. I’ve had a bit of a cold these last few weeks, and for whatever reason, I can’t seem to get it under control.”

  “It’s the weather change, Mom. It goes from hot-to-cold-to-rain-to-warm-to-snow.”

  I admired Landon. He had a funny personality just like Brax. He was definitely comfortable to be around.

  “So. How are you?” Phyllis took a sip of her coffee, holding the mug close to her lips.

  “I’m okay,” I said hesitantly. “Hanging in there.”

  Landon must have known something was up, because he didn’t seem to believe me. He gave me a look that said ‘bullshitter’.

  “No, Jazz. You’re not okay,” Landon said, clearly knowing something was wrong.

  I glanced down, unsure of what to say. I wanted nothing more than to open up to these people, but I barely knew them. I guess I needed to find my place first.

  “Landon Patrick Lander. Don’t you dare interrogate her,” Phyllis shouted at her son. “She’ll come around, just give her some time. Right, sweets?”

  I nodded my head then gave Landon an apologetic smile. I knew he was just trying to get me to lean on them, but I didn’t mean to get him in trouble.

  “Whatever’s going on, I want you to know we’re your family. No matter what. If you don’t feel like you can talk to us now, when you do, we’ll always be here.”

  “Thank you. I’m sorry for being standoffish. I feel comfortable around you guys, I do. It’s still just a little weird. I want to be able to tell you both everything, but I have to be honest, with the things that have happened, you’re probably better off not knowing.”

  Phyllis and Landon stared at me attentively. I could tell Landon was a great judge of character and Phyllis had just been concerned, but that wasn’t all I saw. For the first time in almost four months, besides with Dr. Aimee, I witnessed two people who worri
ed about me. They might not know me the way they should, but they were fretful and wanted me to feel comfortable.

  “That’s where you’re wrong, niece,” Landon said, keeping his eyes trained on my face. “We want to know everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. Whatever you’ve got going on, we’re here for you, Jazz. We’re your family.”

  I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I had done enough for an army these last couple of months. Today, I had wanted to be strong. I needed to show the Lander’s I could take care of myself so they weren’t concerned for my well-being.

  “Thanks,” I bowed my head then lifted my hand to my right eye, pushing the tear away.

  “It’s been a long three months, and I still have a lot to deal with. I really just came by to say I hadn’t forgotten about you all and to let you know that I was okay. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  Phyllis sat her mug down, not taking her eyes off me. “We’ll always worry about you, sweets. Always. You’re our granddaughter. I wish we could have gotten to you a whole lot sooner, but we can’t go back. As much as we’d like to, we can’t. All we can do is move forward. But I have to tell you, we know more than you think we do and we’re not here to judge you or anyone else.”

  I froze in my seat. What did they know?

  Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no…They knew about Brax and Anthony?

  “Hey…hey…” Landon moved around the table, pulling out a chair next to me. He sat down, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and gave it a squeeze.

  “It’s okay. I promise,” he said with reassurance.

  I shook my head, unable to grasp at what was happening.

  “It’s not okay, Landon. None of this is,” I feared, wanting to leave and never show my face around here again.

  “My life…I’ve been through hell. I’ve lost my family, my friends. I’ve lost everyone because of Peyton and Anthony.”

  I bowed my head, covering my face, and sobbed into my hands.

  Two arms engulfed around me, pulling me close to Landon’s chest.

  He gave me a few minutes to calm myself down. Then I was able to pull back away.

  “Look, sweets. I know this has been hard on you. It’s been hard on all of us. Peyton was my daughter, my precious little girl. Imagine how Pat and I feel, having to hear what she had done.”

  I felt so embarrassed. My fears were nothing compared to what Phyllis and Pat must have been feeling. But Phyllis was right, Peyton left herself a bad name and now her parents had to pick up the slack.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it that way. Brax and his family have been my only family for years. Brax is my life. We’ve spent every single day together. But the thought of being his half-sister is killing me. It’s wrong and disgusting, and at times, I don’t even want to live. I’m so grossed out by the thought of it all, it literally makes me sick.”

  “I understand how you’re feeling, Jazz. I get it,” Landon spoke softly. “But that’s no reason to run. You have so many people who love you, so many people who want you in their lives; you have to think about the positive instead of focusing on the negative while going through this. It’s not like you had any idea Peyton and T.J. had a secret affair. You had no clue, and neither did Brax or any one of us for that matter. It was a surprise to us all. Believe me. My parents were speechless when Brax said his last name was Sorrentino, you can only imagine, especially with Teto and Anthony both having the nickname, T.J. But don’t ever doubt our love for you. Sure, you might have been close with Brax and his family and I believe you when you say you’re hurt. I understand. But you have a family who’s been dying to get to know you. We want you in our lives. We want to have a relationship with you and celebrate our future together and reminisce about the past with Peyton. Don’t push us away when all we want is the best for you and your daughter.”

  I was speechless. I wanted to believe they cared about me, but I didn’t think so much this soon. All those years, all the time spent crying, wanting to die, wanting to leave this world because I thought no one genuinely cared about me. And yet all along, they were waiting here with open arms. All I had to do was open myself up and I would have had everything I ever dreamed and wanted.

  “When Brax stopped by a few weeks ago, the poor guy looked like death. He’s miserable without you,” Phyllis said. “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for my daughter’s behavior. What she and T.J. did was wrong, especially with T.J. being married. But Landon’s right. Let us in, let us help you and be here for you. We want you in our lives more than you’ll ever know. You just need to open your heart up.”

  “But don’t you guys find that gross? I mean, I know I was raised in some screwed-up houses, but I vowed to never be like any of those people when I got to be older. And so far, I think I have done a decent job. Just imagine how this hit me. If my father-in-law, Anthony, is, in fact, my biological father, it’s morally wrong. That’s incest. I can’t be with Brax then. I can’t be married to someone who has my blood and expect to have more kids with him. That’s too dangerous. That’s to—”

  “See,” Landon touched my arm. “You’re doing that again.”

  I shifted around, facing him confused. “Doing what?”

  He smiled, showing off his pearly white teeth.

  “Letting your emotions get the best of you. Just stop. Take a deep breath and focus on one thing at a time. Because all of this worrying is going to pull you out of this world faster than you can imagine.”

  Phyllis stood to her feet and made her way over toward me, sitting down in the other chair next to me. I was in the middle of two people who were my real family by blood and they wanted to love me.

  While Landon kept his hand on my arm, Phyllis grabbed a hold of my hand.

  “Tell us what to do. We want to help you get your family back and help you to be whole again.”

  This all seemed surreal. Everything. I lost my husband, friends, and the only people I had ever grown close to. But now I was gaining three people who didn’t know me from Adam, confessing their love to me, wanting to help me overcome everything I had been facing.

  The words lodged in my throat and a soft sob escaped my lips. For the life of me, I couldn’t keep myself together.

  “Shhh…we’re here for you, Jazz. Open your heart and let us in,” Phyllis begged, as she and Landon held on to me for dear life.

  **

  “This was when she was a baby, maybe around a year and a half old.”

  I took a hold of the picture, unsure why I hadn’t asked to view these before. Peyton and Savanah look so much alike, it was remarkable. Peyton’s brown hair sat on her shoulders, dangling with natural curls. She had brown eyes, just like Savanah. It was insane. She was standing next to a rocker, smiling at whoever took the picture.

  “I can’t believe how much Savanah looks like her. It’s remarkable,” I said in awe.

  “Oh, wait,” I stopped Phyllis from showing me the next picture and reached for my purse off the couch, pulling my keys out.

  “I have a scrapbook in the truck. I’ve been working on it in the apartment over the last month, trying to get it organized for Savanah.”

  I ran outside, grabbing the box of pictures and scrapbook that was half finished, bringing it back in to show off my little girl. When I sat back down on the living room floor with Phyllis and Landon, I went through each picture, realizing how much I needed to see my daughter.

  It was just enough of the push I needed. Watching them coo and awe over my baby girl made my heart swell. I couldn’t wait to hold Savanah in my arms again.

  “This one right here,” I flipped the seventh page in the scrapbook. “Savanah and I out back at our new house. Brax and Stone made me a garden and I wanted to plant cucumber seeds,” I chuckled. “I think she wanted to eat the seeds more than help me plant them, but the experience was fun. I definitely won’t be forgetting this moment anytime soon.”

  “Is that your house?” Phyllis moved the scrapb
ook onto her lap, viewing the picture.

  “Yes. We bought it as a foreclosure across from the water. The view is breathtaking.”

  I watched how Phyllis studied the picture and it made my heart swell. I was proud of all the work Brax had done. It took quite a bit of time to finish, but when he did, I never wanted to leave home. I was in love with every detail, every room, and every inch of the yard.

  “I have to say that husband of yours is a smart man. The outside alone is gorgeous; I can’t imagine what the inside looks like.”

  “Let me see that,” Landon snatched the scrapbook off his mom’s lap. “I bet Brax isn’t as good as I am,” he joked, trying to stir up an argument.

  No one could compete with my husband when it came to redesigning a house. It takes a good eye and attention to detail in order to do the job right. And Brax had it all plus more. He was a genius.

  “Oh, stop that,” Phyllis, swatted at her son. “Leave this poor girl alone. Don’t you have something better to do, by the way?”

  I got a kick out of how funny these people were. They reminded me a lot of myself. Besides the obvious, with how much Brax and Landon were alike, I had to admit, this turned out to be better than I ever would have expected.

  Landon gave me a hug, saying he had somewhere he had to go, making me promise I would keep in touch. I agreed, thanking him for everything, and then continued going through the scrapbook with Phyllis.

  After we had gone through every one of the pictures, I put everything back in the box and gathered my belongings. Phyllis walked me to the front door, seeing me out.

  “Pat’s sorry he couldn’t get home to see you. There was an emergency at one of the out of town offices he had to tend do.”

  “It’s okay. Maybe next time.” I slid on my coat.

  When I had it on, Phyllis reached over and gave me a hug.

  “Thanks again for today. I’m sorry the beginning wasn’t under better circumstances, but I’m glad we got everything resolved.”

  She placed her hands on each of my arms and replied, “Well, I’m glad you came. It’s been a long time coming. I hope you come back more often. I can’t wait to meet that adorable little girl.”