Lost Until You (The Sorrentino Brothers Series Book 1)

by Grant, J. R.

  “What happened to me, though? The last I recall, the monitors were beeping and then it went black.”

  “You hyperventilated as soon as they pulled her out with the forceps. The doctor panicked, rushing to get the placenta out, then had a CT scan STAT.

  I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Did they find anything?”

  “No, thank God. They ran labs, had an internal medicine doctor come in, and then asked me a shit load of questions. Once I mentioned you had GAD, they understood why your body pulled you out.”

  Brax reached for my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the tips of my fingers.

  “You scared me half to death, baby. Don’t ever do that shit again.”

  A sob escaped my throat. I couldn’t hold it in. Albeit I felt bad for pushing myself into a deep panic attack, this was the happiest day of my life.

  My family.

  For the first time in my life, I finally had everything I had ever dreamed.

  **

  “Did you hear me, baby?”

  I heard Brax’s voice then felt something touch my leg. I turned my head toward the right and came face to face with my husband, and immediately noticed how defeated he looked. His eyes were red and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Something was wrong. It took a lot to make Brax cry.

  He turned over the palm of his hand and squeezed my leg. “Did you hear what Dr. Aimee said?”

  What was he talking about? I didn’t hear anything.

  I glanced around the room, spotting Dr. Aimee sitting directly across the table from me with Teto on one side and Anthony on the other. Amelia sat next to Anthony on the left, then me and then Brax.

  “Jazz, we’re ready to read the results of the test. Are you sure you’re okay to hear them? Do you need to step out for a moment?” Dr. Aimee asked concerned.

  I had to quit zoning out. Taking Xanax helped as a fast cure for when a panic attack came on, however the long term effects when I didn’t take one every four hours, forced me into daydreams at random times of the day. I needed to get control of my mind, and hopefully soon, I could finally go back off the medicine. I loathed taking it, anyway.

  “No.” I met Dr. Aimee’s eyes. “I’m ready to get this over with.”

  “Will do,” she replied and then held up a brown envelope.

  Dr. Aimee opened the seal, pulling out one sheet of paper.

  Amelia reached for my right hand while Brax still had a hold of my left. I squeezed both of their hands, as my legs bounced under the table uncontrollably.

  Oh, my God! This was it. My fate lied on that piece of paper.

  “The first one states: According to the lab and a guaranteed result of 99.9998% accuracy, Teto James Sorrentino is not your biological father.”

  My heart dropped in my chest. My pulse quickened to an erratic speed. I couldn’t believe my ears. What the fuck was happening?

  Amelia pulled her hand from mine then pushed her chair back. She stood to her feet, wrapping her arms around her stomach, doubling her chest over, releasing a loud, painful sob. I rushed to her side, not knowing what I should do. I couldn’t just let her go through this alone. Even though we knew the outcome now and it gutted me, I wasn’t that cruel of a person. I might have been a lot of things in my life, but I loved that woman dearly. She had been the only mother figure to ever take me in and care for me.

  The mood in the room shifted from straight nervousness to complete chaos. Everyone was crying except for Teto and Dr. Aimee.

  Once Amelia was able to calm down, I made my way over to the couch, needing space from everyone.

  I laid my head on the armrest, covering my face with my hair, completely breaking down. That was not how I expected things to go. All those days, all alone. God, what was I going to do?

  I left those I loved for a logically good reason. But that didn’t stop me from having high hopes of things turning out differently. And now…my life was officially over. This was my fate.

  Today, I didn’t just lose my husband—I lost my entire family.

  I lost everything.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Dr. Aimee’s voice broke through the barrier of chaos.

  She held up another brown envelope, waving it in the air. “I still have to read Anthony’s test results.”

  I couldn’t listen to anymore. I needed to get out of there. My mind couldn’t handle hearing those words spoken aloud. There was just no way.

  I grabbed my coat and purse before walking to the door into the waiting room.

  “Wait,” Heidi, Dr. Aimee’s assistant, stopped me as I passed the reception desk.

  I shook my head, unable to talk. I made it to the main door when Heidi grabbed the back of my arm, forcing me to turn around.

  “Jazz,” she said reluctantly. “Don’t go. Please. Hear Dr. Aimee out.”

  “I…I can’t,” I responded as I tried to catch my breath.

  I was two seconds away from going into a full-blown panic attack. She needed to let me leave.

  I paced down the hall, skipping the elevator, running down the stairs instead. As I stepped out front, the realization of my world crashing sent me into hyperventilation mode.

  I scrambled to unzip my purse. My hands were shaky and clammy, making it hard to keep a grip on anything.

  When I found my bottle of Xanax, I pried it open, shoving one in my mouth. As I placed the pill bottle back inside my purse, I rushed to open the water I had with me. My hands…they wouldn’t stop. It was becoming too much. The flight response of the anxiety attack hit me like a ton of bricks, bringing me to my knees.

  I bent down on the sidewalk, rocking my body back from heel to toe, soundlessly singing “Because I’m Happy”. It was the only song that came to mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried focusing on my breathing, but nothing was helping make this go away.

  “Jazz…stop…please…” Dr. Aimee rushed out the door, squatting down on the ground beside me.

  “Talk to me, sweetie. Is it another attack?”

  I couldn’t answer her question, so I nodded my head.

  Dr. Aimee grabbed the water bottle, bringing it to my lips and helped me take a drink.

  “Here. Breathe, sweetie. I’m right here with you.”

  I took another sip as I tried to get my breathing under control.

  Panic attacks were no joke. They made you feel like you were dying. With mine, every time they came on, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was gasping for air. My heart would race and my body would feel hot. I wasn’t able to sit still. It was the worst feeling in the world.

  “That’s it. Just like that.” Dr. Aimee rubbed my back.

  It was a small gesture but when you were trying to dig yourself out of what felt like a hole just to breathe normal again, it helped soothe your mind. At least for me, anyway.

  I was finally able to stand to my feet. I felt so embarrassed. Dr. Aimee had seen the worst in me almost every time she was around. I hoped one day she would see me smile, but now we knew that day would never come.

  Why? Why was I being punished for my mom’s mistakes?

  “Will you come back inside? We need to go over the final results.”

  I couldn’t force myself back in there. “I can’t,” I said. “I’m sorry. This is all too much. Clearly we know our answer by now, it’s better off I don’t hear it spoken out loud.”

  “I can’t say for certain whether Anthony is your father, sweetie, but you have to find out. It’s my job to make you aware.”

  Why wouldn’t she let me be? Was there some kind of marking on my forehead that said, “Fuck with Jasmine Sorrentino’s mind. She lives and breathes for people to ruin her life.” Seriously. It was making me furious.

  I stumbled as I moved around her, making myself go back inside the room. I didn’t want to do this. In fact, I would try to do everything I could to block the words she spoke out of my mind. Right now, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to go back to my nine hundred square foot apartmen
t and die. Was that too much to ask for?

  Brax sat on the couch with Amelia while Anthony was sitting in the same spot from earlier. Teto was leaning against Dr. Aimee’s desk and when he saw me come in, he gave me a sad smile.

  I took three steps inside Dr. Aimee’s office, stopping next to the door. I wasn’t going in any further. I wanted to get this done and over with so I could leave. And this time, no one was going to stop me.

  Dr. Aimee made her way over to her desk, grabbing another brown envelope. She pulled it open without saying a word, and then read it out loud.

  I tipped my chin and closed my eyes, inhaling the air in my lungs.

  “According to the same lab and a guaranteed result of 99.9998% accuracy, Anthony James Sorrentino is not your biological father.”

  Brax jumped up from the couch, rushing over to me.

  “Did she? Did…” I threw my hand over my mouth, unable to get out my words.

  “Fucking right, baby,” Brax howled and then scooped me in his arms, crashing his mouth against mine.

  For the first time in one hundred and six days, I was finally able to kiss my husband and not have to worry about our lives being destroyed.

  Amelia walked over, pulling Brax off me and then gave me a hug. When she tried to control her emotions, Anthony moved her out of the way and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.

  “I told you, honey,” Anthony said and it made me feel bad for ever doubting him. “I expect to see you over at the house tonight..”

  I wiped my eyes, and gave him a weak smile. “I’ll be there, I swear. I’m coming home.”

  Anthony’s mouth closed while he stood in front of me and cried. “Good,” was all he could say before my husband had had enough.

  Brax moved around his father and picked me up, pulling my legs around his waist. He lifted his hand without looking back and said, “Thank you, Dr. Aimee,” then carried me to the elevator.

  I stood on my feet, refusing to let go of my husband’s hand, eager to get out of there. When the elevator door opened, we walked outside to my SUV and climbed inside the back. Brax pulled me in his arms and kissed me hard. His tongue swiped inside my mouth, encouraging a moan to escape from my lips. We stayed glued to one another, not wanting to come up for air. Until Brax pulled back and grabbed my face, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

  “Never again, baby.” He watched me closely. “I mean it. If you even think about walking away from me, I will hunt your ass down and tie you to the bed.”

  I rolled my eyes and giggled, unable to contain my laughter. I couldn’t help it. I was excited, yet nervous and still freaking the hell out. However, I would take laughter over tears anytime of the day. I’d done enough of that for Brax and me put together. I was ready to smile again.

  “Not funny, Jazzy. I was near the end. Had my dad not come over and told me about him taking the test, I probably would have done something stupid.”

  I stayed focused on his eyes and I apologized. “I’m sorry. I…I never meant to hurt you.”

  Brax grabbed a hold of my chin. “I understood why you left. I probably would have freaked out, too. But I can’t go through that again. I refuse to lose you a second time. What just happened was more than enough. You own my heart, Jazzy. You own my soul. You’re my life. My world stops when you’re away from me. I’m dead without you in my life.”

  I needed to be close to my husband. I felt awful, not considering his feelings through all of this. I didn’t care that my biological father was out there. As long as it wasn’t Anthony, I would finally live.

  Don’t get me wrong, I missed Brax like crazy. At times, I wanted to run back home and beg him to let me in, but I needed to get through this alone. I had to. Preparing myself for the worst was better than being hit all at once. It was a lonely ride, but it was finally over.

  I was finally going to see my daughter again. Once Savanah was in my arms again, I would never let her go. That was a promise. I had a lot of time to make up for, but I wouldn’t let up until she forgave me.

  For the first time in a long time, I felt love surrounding me. It was the best but most intense feeling in the world.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Brax

  I followed Jazz to the house so we could drop off her SUV. I wasn’t going another hour without her next to me. This had been the most fucked-up day in my life. What looked to be the absolute worst, shifted in a matter of seconds.

  When Dr. Aimee read Uncle Teto’s results, I knew that was it. I had finally lost the only girl I had ever loved. My heart was broken before, but at that moment, I died a slow, painful death.

  For a while, I questioned if God was on my side as I held on to hope. I knew I hadn’t been an overly religious person but losing your wife would make you fall on your knees. At least it did for me anyway.

  Jazz pulled in the driveway and got out of the Land Rover. She reached inside and grabbed her purse before making her way over to my truck.

  “You got everything?” I asked as she climbed inside, scooting over beside me.

  “No, but I can’t wait any longer. I need to see Savanah.”

  She was right. Savanah needed to see her mom, too.

  We drove to my parents, catching up about what had gone on. Jazz told me where she had been staying and shared some of the things she had to go through alone. It pissed me off more than anything, but I refused to let anything come between us anymore. It was time we moved forward as one, leaving the bullshit behind.

  When we got to the light in Bridgeville, I decided to tell her I knew about Stone. I couldn’t keep it a secret and I sure as shit wasn’t about to let her hear one side of the story from someone else and fuck everything up.

  “I have to be honest, baby. When I couldn’t find you, I went fucking ballistic. I searched everywhere, not thinking to look at the apartments above the strip. That was dumb on my part.”

  “I’m sorry, B. No words can justify how bad I feel for running off the way I did.”

  “It’s done, it’s over with. I’m just glad to have you back in my arms.” I leaned to the side and kissed her head.

  This was the closest we could get in my truck. I couldn’t wait until we got home so I could really show her how much I had missed her.

  “I had enough one day and went to the studio. The heat was off, nothing looked like it had been touched, and I panicked. After I had gotten it warmed up, I logged onto your email to see if there was anything recent that could lead me to you. Then I found your online journal and I read it.”

  I took a deep breath and looked out the window, hoping she wouldn’t be too pissed off. The thought of her holding any grudges against me scared me shitless.

  Jazz wrapped her arm around the front of my stomach, nuzzling against me. “It’s okay,” she said shockingly. “I forgive you.”

  I moved her back with my shoulder so I could search her eyes. Even though Jazz and I rarely fought, it still surprised me how calm she was acting.

  “You’re okay with it? Going through your personal shit?”

  She giggled, helping me to relax and sat up straight.

  “If you would have left me, I probably would have done the same. You were desperate to reach out to me. I get it. It’s fine.”

  I pulled into my parents neighborhood, gunning the gas until we reached the front of their house. I threw my truck in park, pulled Jazz on top of my lap, and then crashed my mouth against hers.

  When our make-out session ended, I had no other choice than to tell her. I knew she had been excited to see Savanah. Therefore I needed to just spit it out.

  “One more thing,” I said as she reached for the handle on the door.

  She shifted around and raised her eyebrow. “What’s that?”

  “I know about Stone and I wanted to let you know I took care of it. That I kicked his ass. He won’t ever touch you again, baby.”

  Jazz’s eyes got big as she covered her mouth, unsure what to say.

  “Are
you mad at me?” I asked, hoping like hell she would say no.

  She shook her head, surprising me again, and then muttered, “I’m so sorry, B. I didn’t mean to lead him on. I was drinking and I was so hurt about everything with your dad, I needed to feel numb. I wanted—”

  “Shhh.” I pressed my finger against her lips. “It’s a new day, Jazzy. A fresh start to a new life. Just let it go.”

  Jazz got out of the truck, meeting me on the street, and then jumped in my arms. I could get used to this. I missed my girl more than anything.

  I carried her up the driveway and to the front porch before setting her feet on the ground. As I leaned in to give her one more kiss, the door swung open and Brayden took over.

  It was a good day at the Sorrentino’s.

  **

  “How you holding up, bro?” Brody leaned against the rail.

  I stood on the side of the porch, watching Jazz, Ma, and Savanah together through the living room window.

  “Couldn’t be better.”

  “For what it’s worth, it’s good to see you happy again. You had me worried for a while.”

  I couldn’t fault him for feeling that way. I’d be the first to admit, I was in bad shape. No one could stop the self-destruction I had caused myself. I was pissed at my dad, pissed at Peyton, and pissed at the world for putting this shit on my family.

  “All is good, man. As long as Jazz is by my side, I’ll be fine.”

  Brody crossed his arms over his chest and laughed.

  “What?” I lifted my chin.

  He shook his head and smiled. “Nothing, dude. Nothing at all. It’s good to have you back.”

  It was good to be back.

  Since I was nineteen years old, Jazz had owned me. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for that girl. I vowed years ago to love her with all my might and to stand by her side until my dying day.

  No matter what happened in the past or what lay in the hands of our future, one thing was certain; Jazz and Savanah would never go without. They would wake up every morning and know how much they were loved, and go to bed at night feeling complete.

  Those girls meant everything to me, and no matter what, I would worship the ground they walked on.