by LM Brown
Phoebus had loved Caspian. He had fallen for him completely and had been prepared to give up his fins to spend eternity with him. Marin couldn’t imagine loving anyone that much. He wouldn’t have given up the sea, even for Calder, not that a fellow merman would ever have asked for such a sacrifice.
Thoughts of Calder made him ache even more as he recalled their last time together. His strong and powerful lover had never hesitated to give Marin what he needed, opening to him without question from their first night together to their last.
An image flashed across his mind as he thought about taking Caspian in the same manner. For once he knew that the image wasn’t one of Phoebus’ memories. Caspian’s refusal to allow Phoebus—or any man—to penetrate him meant that Marin only had his imagination in this regard.
Marin hadn’t bothered to enlighten Caspian as to the trigger to break his mating fever. Caspian had assumed his trigger was sucking cocks because that had been Phoebus’ trigger, but when Marin had corrected him, he hadn’t bothered to ask for clarification, merely jumping to the next conclusion, that Marin needed someone to fuck him.
The annoyance at Caspian’s assumption returned again and he picked up a stone from the beach and threw it forcefully into the sea.
Bloody arrogant god!
He picked up another rock and pulled back his arm to throw, only to find someone standing right in front of him.
“Hello, Marin,” Cari said. “I thought I’d see how you were doing.”
“I’m fine.”
“Hmm.” The goddess didn’t sound as if she believed him, but he didn’t care whether she did or not.
“Did you want something?” Marin snapped.
“No, I just thought I’d take a little stroll on the beach.”
“And you just happened to pick this one?”
Cari smiled. “I thought you’d be spending tonight with Caspian.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
“Well, as you can see, I prefer to spend the night alone. I’m honoring Calder’s memory.”
“Rubbish,” Cari replied. “You’re hiding from Caspian and being needlessly stubborn.”
“What would you know about it?” Marin glared at the goddess. “Many mer honor their deceased mate by remaining abstinent.”
“Yes, they do,” Cari agreed. “And until this mating season you were doing that too. But tonight we both know that this is not the case.”
“How dare you?”
“How dare you,” Cari retorted. “Do you have any idea how long Caspian has been waiting for you?”
“He’s been waiting for Phoebus,” Marin replied. “I’m not him. I’m Marin, and Caspian needs to understand that.”
“My brother can be blind in some matters but he isn’t stupid. He is well aware of who you are. He knew you for his love reborn from the first time he saw you.”
“He recognized my face and fins. That doesn’t mean he knows me.”
“That’s why he wants to get to know you—to learn who you are and discover how much of Phoebus lives within you.”
“Not much,” Marin muttered.
“That’s not true,” Cari said. “Even I can see the similarities in your personalities.”
Marin frowned. He hadn’t thought himself much like Phoebus at all. “What do you mean?”
Cari shrugged. “You both fall in love very quickly. Phoebus gave his heart to my brother the first time he met him. You were the same with Calder, weren’t you?”
Marin gave a slow nod. He had been with Calder since his first mating season, and he had loved him from that night.
“You are both loyal and honest and brave to the point of being foolhardy.”
“That’s not true.”
“You still insist on facing Urion yourself. That is the height of foolishness.”
“So you all keep telling me, but Phoebus didn’t take risks like that.”
“No, but he didn’t tell Caspian as soon as the jealous priests were becoming problematic. He remained silent, thinking he could handle them himself, and we both know how that ended.”
“That wasn’t bravery.”
“Then what was it? Why didn’t you tell Caspian and ask him to deal with them?”
“Caspian did know.”
“Eventually, but you could have told him sooner.”
“It wouldn’t have made any difference. Caspian made it clear that he wouldn’t dismiss the priests from his service, that I had to learn to live with them.”
“Had Caspian known what would happen, he would never have let you remain in danger.”
“Well, he didn’t know, did he? For some reason, the Goddess of Prophecy failed to see my murder before it happened.”
Cari shook her head. “Unfortunately, the power that enables me to see into the future cannot show me anything that takes place in the temple of another god. Had Rafe attacked you anywhere else, I would certainly have seen his actions in time. To my eternal regret, I was unable to save you.”
“I didn’t realize that.”
“No god or goddess likes to broadcast their weaknesses,” Cari said. “I am truly sorry I wasn’t able to stop him.”
“It wasn’t your fault any more than it was Caspian’s.”
“Then you know he feels guilt for what happened?”
“Yes, of course I know that. Anyone with eyes in their head can see he does.”
“Actually, very few do see that. Until Phoebus, my brother was carefree and open about his feelings, the good and the bad. He hid nothing, even when he tried to. His love for Phoebus was obvious to everyone except Caspian himself. I had never seen him happier than he was when he was with Phoebus. Then he lost him and closed himself off from the world. He has been a shadow of his former self for centuries. I thought when he found you, after all this time, he could finally be happy again.”
Marin shook his head. “Maybe if I was more like Phoebus it would be possible, but we’re just too different.”
“You’re the same person.”
“No, we’re not, and that is what none of you seem to understand. I don’t doubt that Caspian loved Phoebus, but that doesn’t mean he could ever love me.”
Cari hooked her arm through his and steered him casually down the beach. “Please give him a chance. My grandfather gave you the memories of your past life so you would remember your love for Caspian. Please don’t forget it again.”
The goddess vanished mid-step, though Marin felt her hand on his arm for a second or two longer before it too disappeared.
Perhaps he should go talk to Caspian. They certainly couldn’t continue on like this. It wasn’t fair on either of them.
Marin found Caspian in his apartment, right where he had left him earlier in the evening.
Caspian turned off the television and tossed the remote onto the coffee table.
“You didn’t have to do that if you were watching something,” Marin said.
“Just a documentary on the rising of Atlantis. No new theories, just the same old nonsense they’ve been reporting all along. Did you want something to eat?”
Marin shook his head. “I’m not hungry. I think we should probably talk.”
“If you like,” Caspian said. “About anything in particular?”
Marin sat down on the sofa and pulled up his legs, tucking his feet under him. “I’m not Phoebus.”
“I know that.”
“I’m not sure that you do. I keep telling you, but I think there’s still a part of you that sees him every time you look at me.”
“I can’t help that you share his image.”
“I know. I just…”
“What?”
Marin stared out of the window at the lights of the city. “Why wouldn’t you let Phoebus fuck you?”
“Where did that come from?”
“The one time he—I—brought it up, you refused. You suggested we invite another into our bed if I wanted to fuck someone.”
“I’ve never let any o
f my lovers take control in that manner. It wasn’t any reflection on you.”
“Even after all these years, you still haven’t let someone top you?”
“No… I…”
Marin turned back to Caspian to see him staring at his hands. “What is it?”
Caspian rubbed his nose and wouldn’t meet his eyes. “There hasn’t been anyone since you,” he finally said.
“But it’s been centuries!”
“I know.” Caspian grimaced. “I’m just thankful gods don’t get mating fevers.”
“You’ve really been celibate all these years?”
Caspian shrugged. “I swore to you that no other man would know my touch for as long as you lived.”
“Um, I was dead, though. I wouldn’t have expected you to remain faithful all this time.”
“I couldn’t face being with another man. Goodness knows my sister tried her best to set me up with any number of men, but while I dated, I never took any of them into my bed.”
“Oh.”
“You believe me?” Caspian asked. “Most men would doubt my word.”
“You’ve never lied to me, even when you’ve told me things I would probably rather not hear. If you say you’ve been faithful to me since the day I died, I believe you.”
Caspian gave him a smile. “Just don’t tell anyone.”
“You’re worried about your reputation?” Marin stared at him incredulously.
“No, I’ve never been concerned about such things. It’s just rather embarrassing.”
Marin smiled. “I don’t think you should be embarrassed at all. I like that you waited for me, even though I think perhaps you shouldn’t have.”
“I’ll wait for you forever,” Caspian said. “You’re it for me. Don’t you know that by now?”
The intensity of Caspian’s gaze was more than he could stand. Marin turned away.
“Marin, what is it?” Caspian asked. “What did I say?”
“I think you should consider letting Phoebus go,” Marin replied, his voice barely more than a whisper. “He and I are just too different.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t see it.”
Marin gave Caspian a sharp stare. “You wouldn’t let Phoebus fuck you. What about me? Would you let me—Marin—fuck you?”
“I told you… I don’t let anyone do that.”
“Then you need to find someone else to spend eternity with.”
“What? I don’t want anyone else. I want you. I need you.”
Marin stood and walked to the door of the guest room. He hesitated, but he had to at least tell Caspian why he couldn’t be with him. “I need someone else,” he finally said. “The only way to break my fever during the mating season is for me to fuck another man.”
Caspian didn’t know what to say, but Marin didn’t wait for him to respond. He disappeared into his room, closing the door softly behind him.
How could I have been such a fool? Marin had said himself that his trigger wasn’t the same as Phoebus’, and he had just assumed that Marin needed to be taken and overpowered to break his fever. He hadn’t even considered that he might need to be the one in charge.
What in the world am I going to do?
Closing his eyes, he leaned back on the sofa and tried to process what he had just heard.
Phoebus had never been happier than when he was on his knees, giving pleasure to him. He had let Caspian take him and had only once raised the possibility of them changing places. When Caspian had refused, Phoebus hadn’t mentioned it again.
Now Marin hadn’t just brought up the subject. He’d made it clear that he needed what Caspian had always refused to give anyone.
Can I give that to Marin?
Caspian didn’t know. He felt the unfamiliar need to talk to someone about this, but his choices were rather limited. His family was out of the question, and he wasn’t exactly surrounded by friends. Before Phoebus, he’d had lovers but not friends, and since he’d lost him, he’d had no one. For the first time, he felt lonely and isolated.
He searched his mind for someone who might understand. There was Jake, a human who was very familiar with mermen and mating triggers. With two lovers with fevers to break, he was surely an authority on the subject. Unfortunately, it was the night of the solstice, which meant any discussion would have to wait, because he would have his hands full with his mermen tonight.
Or maybe not.
Caspian glanced at the clock and belatedly remembered the time difference. Jake and his family were on the other side of the world. Perhaps he would have time for a quick chat after all.
He transported himself to Jake’s island before he could think it through too much.
He found Jake working in his vegetable patch. His efforts to be as self-sufficient as possible seemed to be going quite well. Treacle, the family dog, barked at him and left off helping Jake to run and greet him.
Caspian had never really understood the concept of keeping animals as pets, but he was quite fond of Treacle. “Hello, boy,” he said as the dog jumped up at him, leaving muddy paw prints on his trousers.
Jake, alerted by Treacle, put down his spade and came to greet him. “Caspian, what brings you here? Hopefully not more trouble in Atlantis?”
“No, the island is crawling with scientists, but nothing new to report in that regard. I’m here on a different matter. Do you have a few minutes?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
Caspian looked at the house. “Where are Kyle and Finn?”
“They’re in New Atlantis at the moment. I expect them back later. Did you need to see them?”
“No, but I didn’t want to intrude on your time, especially with it being the solstice.”
“It’s fine. They broke their fevers before dawn this morning.”
“Ah, good. Um, that’s what I wanted to speak to you about, actually.”
“What? Mating fevers?”
“Yes.” Caspian gestured to the house and Jake led him along the path, calling Treacle to come to heel before he got into more mischief.
“Do you want a drink?” Jake asked once they were inside.
“Sure. I think I need one.”
Jake poured them each a large whisky and they sat in the living room.
Caspian took a swallow of his drink as he tried to think where to begin.
“How’s Marin?” Jake asked, before he had gathered his thoughts.
“Better than he was,” Caspian replied.
“Is he still determined to track down Urion?”
“He’s prepared to wait until the high priest returns to human form, but I suspect his patience will run out sooner or later. He has other things on his mind at the moment, though.”
Jake cringed in sympathy. “How much can one merman be expected to handle?”
Caspian shook his head sadly. “Unfortunately, the additional burden he has to bear is my fault.”
Jake waited for him to say more, not prompting or encouraging him in any way. Caspian rather wished he would, though he suspected he might know why he didn’t.
“Jake, do you consider me a friend?” he asked.
“Um, I guess…maybe. You’ve been very good to me and my guys. You know we can never repay your generosity.”
Caspian shook his head. “I’m not talking about that. I mean…am I someone you would talk to, confide in?”
“Er…”
“I see that I’m not,” Caspian concluded for himself. “I know I’m not really approachable. I haven’t been for a long time.” He gave a bitter laugh. “I didn’t used to be like this. I would throw parties that were the envy of the entire pantheon. I fucked more men in a week than most humans would in a lifetime. Then I met Phoebus and everything changed.”
Jake refilled their glasses and sat back without a word.
Caspian hadn’t realized how much he needed to talk about what had happened all those years ago. The words poured from him as they never had before. Jake listened to it all.
They got through an entire bottle of whiskey—or he had, Caspian thought ruefully. He would have to buy Jake a bottle to replenish his stock.
Finally he reached the end of Phoebus’ tale and swallowed the last of his drink in a silent toast to his lost love.
“I had no idea,” Jake said quietly. “I’m so sorry.”
Caspian acknowledged his sympathy with a nod. “Marin is Phoebus reincarnated.”
Jake gaped at him. “Marin? Calder’s Marin?”
“Yes.”
“Wow.”
“He is exactly like Phoebus in appearance, even his mismatched eyes and two-toned fins.”
“I’m sensing a but here.”
“Phoebus and Marin have different triggers when it comes to the mating season.”
“So?”
Caspian looked at Jake out of the corner of his eye. “Phoebus needed to suck off another man. Marin needs to fuck one.”
Jake shrugged. “I’m not seeing the problem here. I know there have been a few problems with the mer who have incompatible triggers, but you’re not mer.”
“What do you mean about incompatible triggers?” Caspian asked. He hadn’t heard of such a thing, though he had to admit his knowledge of mermen sex was somewhat limited.
“Kyle and Finn have mentioned some mer who have had issues of that nature. There were a couple of mermen who both needed to be fucked, to feel the heat of release inside them, but neither could come in the other until they had broken their fevers by having someone come in them. I understand that in those circumstances another steps in to assist. The mer are always willing to help out others in that regard.”
Caspian nodded. “I see what you mean. I suppose I hadn’t really thought about that possibility.”
“I can’t say I had until they mentioned it. I still don’t see what your problem is, though.”
Caspian guessed he had to say it out loud, even though he had told no one except Marin of his anal virginity. “I’ve never let anyone fuck me.”
“You mean to tell me that in all these orgies you used to host, you never once let a man near your arse?” Jake snickered and Caspian reflected that perhaps they should forgo any more refills.