by LM Brown
“Not once,” Caspian replied, still sober and regretting his godhood. “I like being in control. I need to be in control.”
“Maybe Marin does too,” Jake suggested. “I can’t say I would blame him if he did, especially after being murdered. Who wouldn’t be reluctant to give up control in those circumstances?”
“I never thought about it like that. Do you really think what happened to him in his past life could have such an effect on this one?”
“I don’t know. Until this afternoon, I never really thought about reincarnation at all. It was just one of many afterlife theories I’d heard about and not given much thought to—kind of like gods and mermen. Until you’re face-to-face with the reality, you don’t really consider it.”
“We’ve thrown a lot at you these last few years, haven’t we?”
“Oh, yeah. But I get Kyle and Finn out of it, so I’m definitely not complaining.”
Caspian chuckled. “You’re really happy with them, aren’t you?”
“More than I ever thought I could be with any man,” Jake replied. “I don’t know how I ever lived without them.”
“I’d like that too.” Caspian sighed. “I nearly had it once, and it slipped through my fingers. It was my own damn fault, and I’ve cursed myself every single day for failing to protect him.”
“Phoebus is why you now protect the mer who come to land, isn’t he?” Jake guessed with his usual astuteness.
“Yes.”
The sound of a door opening made Caspian jump. A moment later Kyle and Finn appeared in the doorway, laughing and tussling with each other, at least until they saw Caspian and jumped apart, startled.
“Not more trouble?” Finn said in lieu of a greeting.
Caspian frowned. Do I really only come here when there’s a problem? He thought back and realized he did. Maybe he should make an effort to rectify that.
“Nothing for you to worry about,” Caspian assured him. “I just came here to get some advice from Jake about mermen and mating triggers.”
Finn laughed. “If you want advice on those, why ask the human instead of the mermen?”
Caspian shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I wasn’t sure whether it would be considered rude to talk about mating triggers with a merman. Such things are rather personal, aren’t they?”
Finn flushed bright red and Caspian found himself wondering what Finn’s trigger was. He bit his tongue rather than ask.
“Most mer are pretty open about their triggers,” Kyle said as he sat down in the large chair opposite the sofa. Finn flopped down onto his lap with a contented sigh. “Hell, most of them have sex on the beach out there, in full view of everyone. They aren’t all lucky enough to have a house like this with a nice comfortable bed in it.”
“What did you want to ask about triggers?” Finn asked.
“I was wondering if you knew of anyone whose trigger changed during the course of their life?”
Both mermen frowned, thought about his question for a few moments then shook their heads in response.
“Why do you ask?” Kyle questioned.
“I was just curious.”
The mermen gave him twin glances of open skepticism, but it was Jake who spoke.
“You’re wondering if Marin’s trigger might change in time?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve never heard of such a thing,” Kyle said. “My trigger has never changed and I’ve not known another’s to either. Admittedly, I haven’t had that many lovers, so I could be wrong, but I suspect that Marin’s trigger will remain what it is now for the rest of his life.”
“I thought that might be the case, but I wanted to ask. If there’s any chance it might change, I’d like to know. Before I…”
“Before you what?” Finn asked. “Are you and Marin fucking?”
Caspian shot him a glare and Finn blanched and shrank into Kyle’s side. Caspian immediately regretted his temper and tried to school his features into something less forbidding. He didn’t want Finn to be scared of him. “I’m sorry, Finn. I’m still rather—what do they call it these days?—socially inept. No, Marin and I aren’t fucking. He’s only just beginning to get over Calder. I’m not sure it isn’t too soon for him to be thinking about a relationship with anyone. But tonight is the solstice and the subject of mating fevers and triggers came up.”
Finn seemed to ease a little. “We talked about inviting Marin to join us on the solstice to break his fever but he refused our offer. He said he wanted to remain abstinent in honor of Calder.”
“Yes, he told me the same thing last solstice,” Caspian said.
“Don’t push him if he’s not ready,” Jake warned. “It may take years for him to truly lay Calder’s memory to rest. You, of all people, should know how hard it is to let go of someone you love.”
Kyle and Finn stared at him curiously, but Caspian couldn’t bear to tell his story again. He would leave it for Jake to fill them in after he had left.
“I know,” Caspian said quietly. “I just had the feeling tonight that he might have been close. If not for a relationship, at least for some relief during the solstice. I was prepared for it to just be sex, meaning more to me than it did to him. I just wasn’t expecting his trigger to be what it was.”
Kyle gave him a knowing glance, and Caspian didn’t need to ask to know that Kyle was well aware of Marin’s trigger. He suspected Kyle had easily put two and two together and figured out what he was struggling to say.
Finn, a little slower on the uptake, made a sound of astonishment. “You mean you’ve never…?”
Caspian shook his head. He supposed it was better that they all knew his secret now. That way he wouldn’t have to wonder if Jake had told them after he’d left.
Jake patted his arm. “The way I see it, Marin’s trigger is set for life. He needs someone who’s willing to let him fuck them each solstice. If you can’t do that, perhaps you need to let him go.”
“What if I can’t?” Caspian asked. Losing Phoebus had torn him apart. If he lost Marin too, he didn’t think he’d be able to stand the pain.
Jake took his hand and squeezed it. “If you love Marin as much as you loved Phoebus, you’ll give him what he needs.”
Caspian wanted to, he really did, but could he actually give up control to someone, not just once but on a regular basis?
If the alternative was losing Marin, he thought perhaps he could.
He supposed there was only one way to find out. It was time to face his fears, if Marin would let him.
Back at his apartment, the place was in darkness. He couldn’t hear Marin in his room, but he doubted the merman was sleeping. The pain from the solstice was always at its height at this time and Marin would be having a very restless night.
Caspian knocked on Marin’s door, waiting for the invitation to enter.
Marin’s call of ‘come in’ was barely audible, but Caspian, as a god, could hear it without difficulty and he let himself in, closing the door behind him.
The merman sat on his bed, a pillow against his chest and a painful grimace on his face.
“What is it?” Marin asked. “Is something wrong?”
“You could say that,” Caspian replied as he unbuttoned his shirt. “I find it very wrong that there’s a merman in great pain in my home, especially when there’s something I can do about it.”
Marin stared at him and Caspian knew he wasn't imagining the naked lust in his gaze.
“You wouldn’t…” Marin whispered. “You said yourself, you never give up control.”
Caspian tossed his shirt onto the floor and unzipped his trousers. “Until tonight.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, I am.” Caspian stepped out of his clothes and stood naked before another man for the first time in centuries. “Do you want to break your fever? If you’d rather honor Calder’s memory by staying untouched again, I’ll leave you in peace. You only have to say the word.”
Marin shook his head and move
d across the bed, making room for Caspian to join him.
Caspian sat down next to him and took hold of Marin’s hand. “I know you don’t love me, and I don’t ask that from you. I’ll not push for more, and if tonight is all we have, I will accept that.”
Marin flashed him a quick smile. “The solstice comes around every six months.”
Caspian chuckled. “So it does.”
“I remember Phoebus’ love for you,” Marin said. “Perhaps one day I’ll learn to love again and come to care for you as well.” Marin shook his head. “No, I already care for you. I’m not sure when it happened, but I do. And if I can care, maybe one day I’ll love.”
Caspian raised Marin’s hand and kissed his palm. “That’s enough for me.”
Marin eased Caspian onto his back and ran his hands over his chest and abdomen. “I’ll try to treat you with the same gentleness that you once showed Phoebus.”
“Phoebus wasn’t untouched,” Caspian reminded him.
Marin snorted. “As good as.”
Caspian didn’t argue the point. It wasn’t as if it mattered. The past was over and done with. He let Marin open his legs and slip his fingers between his thighs.
“Do you have anything to ease my entrance?” Marin asked.
Caspian shook his head, before remembering he could summon lube with a thought. He managed to concentrate long enough to produce some and pass it over. “This is what humans use.”
“Is it any good?” Marin questioned as he opened it and sniffed at the contents.
“Well, it certainly helps with easing the pressure,” Caspian replied, moving his hand in a timeless gesture to illustrate his meaning. “I presume it works well enough for fucking as well.”
Marin shrugged and poured some of the lube into his hand. “I guess we’ll soon find out.”
Caspian closed his eyes as Marin prepared him, teasing him as much as his fingers stretched him.
Marin clearly knew what he was doing, and Caspian pushed the thought from his mind that Marin had done this with Calder many times during their years together. Jealousy had no place in his heart tonight.
He moaned as Marin took hold of his balls and squeezed them. His cock hardened and his eyes flew open when he felt a damp swipe along its length.
Marin gave him a wicked grin as he used his tongue to lick at his tip. “You taste nice.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Caspian replied. “Perhaps you’ll let me return the favor sometime.”
The moment the words left his mouth, he realized what he had said and cringed. Marin needed to fuck him and he wouldn’t be able to come until he did. No amount of sucking and licking on Caspian’s part would bring Marin pleasure tonight. His words, spoken without much thought, hinted that he wanted more than the solstice. Even though he had promised not to push him, he was already breaking his word.
Marin seemed to understand his discomfort and smiled at him from his spot between his legs. “It’s all right, Caspian. I think I might like that too.”
“No pressure,” Caspian assured him.
“I know.”
For a second, Caspian thought Marin might kiss him, but then the moment passed. Marin licked at his balls as he continued to move his fingers inside him, each press a little deeper, stretching him and readying him for Marin’s cock.
He closed his eyes, only opening them again when Marin removed his fingers and replaced them with the blunt head of his cock.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Marin asked. “You can still back out and change your mind.”
“I’m sure,” Caspian replied. He clutched at the sheets and braced himself.
“Try to relax,” Marin said. “It’ll go easier if you do.”
“Easy for you to say,” Caspian muttered.
Marin chuckled. “I’m a lot smaller than you. If I can take you—and you remember that I did—then surely you can manage me.”
Caspian glanced down at Marin’s cock. “You seem bigger now than when you were Phoebus.”
Marin frowned down as he prepared himself with lube. “You think so?”
“Yes. Or maybe I’m just thinking you are because you’re about to shove it into me.”
Marin laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
Caspian smiled at the sound of Marin’s joy. “Go for it.”
Marin took him at his word and slowly pushed his way inside. Caspian tried to relax, he really did, but still he tensed at the intrusion. He took a deep breath and forced his muscles to relax again.
“That’s it,” Marin encouraged. “Let me in.”
Caspian used his powers to take away the pain of Marin’s entrance, even as he mentally chided himself for cheating. He raised himself up to meet Marin’s thrust and moaned as the merman slid inside.
He reached around and grabbed Marin’s buttocks, pulling him nearer.
“Are you okay?” Marin asked. “I’m not hurting you?”
Caspian shook his head. “I used my powers to ease the pain.”
Marin halted his thrust and stared down at him. “All this time you’ve had the power to erase your own pain and you still refused to let anyone fuck you?”
“It was never about the pain,” Caspian replied. “It was about the control. I like being in charge.”
Marin nodded and with one hard thrust he buried himself in Caspian’s arse. “So do I.”
Caspian gasped and moaned as his body adjusted to the feel of Marin inside him. His erection had subsided, but when Marin moved within him with short, barely there jerks of his hips, the friction sent vibrations through his entire body and it rose once more.
“Move,” Caspian said. “Please, please, move!”
Marin didn’t hesitate. He fucked him with an expertise that only came from experience and Caspian shouted his encouragement as he met his thrusts with an enthusiasm that he never thought he would have.
It was the night of the solstice and Marin didn’t last long. All it took was a few minutes before he came, the heat of his release filling Caspian, even as the mating fever abated and Marin’s temperature returned to normal.
Marin collapsed across his chest with a groan. “Fuck.”
Caspian wasn’t sure how to answer that comment, so he held his tongue.
After a short time Marin rolled off him, pulling out of him as he did.
“You didn’t come,” Marin said.
Caspian gave a half-hearted shrug. “It’s fine. You’ve broken your fever, and that’s what’s important.”
“Calder always came when I fucked him,” Marin said. “He enjoyed it.”
Caspian rolled onto his side. “I enjoyed it too.”
“But you didn’t come.”
“No, but I think if we’d carried on a minute longer, I would have. You know as well as I do that on the solstice it’s harder for a merman to hold back and make things last.”
“I suppose so.”
Caspian sat up and stretched his arms over his head. “I’ll leave you to get some sleep.”
He had gathered up his clothes and was halfway to the door when Marin spoke.
“Don’t you want me to take care of that for you?”
Caspian smiled and shook his head. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Are you sure?” Marin asked, though even Caspian could tell he was only asking out of politeness.
“I’m sure,” Caspian replied. “Goodnight, Marin.”
He closed the door behind him and headed into his own room. Secure in the knowledge that he was alone, he settled himself on the bed and took himself in hand.
No stranger to the fine art of self-pleasure, Caspian slowly stroked his length and cupped his balls.
He closed his eyes and tried to conjure up the image of the merman who had haunted his dreams for centuries. For the first time he failed and instead of Phoebus, he saw Marin, his face captured in the bliss of his orgasm. Two mermen, so similar in looks, and yet also so different. Both had striking mismatc
hed eyes, but the fire he saw in Marin’s was something he had never spotted in Phoebus’—the glint of wickedness, the desire to dominate and the teasing confidence of a man who knew how to please a lover. Marin had those in abundance.
“Marin,” he whispered, cautious in case his guest heard him.
He wanted Marin as much as he had ever wanted Phoebus. More, he realized. He liked the fire that burned within Marin. It drew him like a moth to the flame. He could only hope that it didn’t consume him.
“Oh, Marin,” he moaned as he increased his speed. “Marin, my Marin.” No, not my Marin. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Still, it didn’t stop him from imagining that the merman in the other bedroom might one day touch him like this.
He came hard, spilling across his abdomen and chest. He panted and gasped with the force of his climax. As a god, he didn’t need to breathe to survive, but still, he always felt short of breath when the orgasm hit him.
Sticky, yet sated, Caspian idly stroked his chest with one hand while exploring his arse with the other.
He squeezed his nipples as he fingered himself. Marin hadn’t found his prostate earlier, and now he found himself curious as to what it would be like to feel a touch there.
Exploring slowly, he slid a second finger inside with ease.
He wondered why he hadn’t done that centuries ago.
Sighing deeply, he fucked himself with his fingers. His cock rose again and he gripped the base to stave off a second orgasm.
When he found the spot he was searching for, his hips bucked involuntarily.
“Oh fuck.” He touched it again, sending shockwaves of pleasure through his body. “Marin, fuck!”
A knock on the door startled him from his work.
“Caspian, did you call me?”
“No. You go back to bed.” Caspian did his best to sound normal.
“Are you okay in there?” Marin asked.
“Yes. I’m fine.” He choked out the words as he removed his fingers from his arse, the movement brushing his prostate one final time.
“Are you sure?”
Caspian cleaned himself with a thought and pulled on a robe. Once he was certain he was presentable, he opened the door. Marin stood outside, a concerned frown on his face.