You stupid old fool, I snapped at myself. These past two days had been perfection. Relaxing, exploring the island, sex constantly, holding hands—how could I have thought any of that would last? How could I have been swept up in the idea that it could work out? I would never be able to have Holly for real. How could I? I didn’t deserve her anyway, not when I’d been so reckless, not when I’d behaved like this.
At last, after a time, my anger at myself calmed down. There was no more time for anger. This was the time to act. To prepare for the inevitable.
Matt was going to know. Everyone was going to know. Dawn was going to know. And they were going to be furious with me. I feared that they’d be unhappy with Holly too and I had to make sure that didn’t happen. This was on me. I was the older person and that made me responsible for this.
Okay, so I had to find Holly and I had to go and talk to Matt, or something. We had to do damage control so that Holly wouldn’t be unduly blamed. Matt would love being a grandfather, and Dawn would love to help out Holly with her pregnancy and her baby. I just had to take care of this quickly.
I looked at the clock. Shit. It had been an hour since Holly had left.
Where had she gone? I’d thought she was just taking a walk to work out her anger and emotions, just as I was working out mine. But where could she be?
First, I went looking around the resort. Maybe she had gotten a soda at the bar in the main hotel building, or was at the pool. I couldn’t find her anywhere. My next place to check was the beach, but she wasn’t there, either.
Finally, I sucked it up and went to the bar where the band was playing.
My timing was good—they were on a break. I approached Simon.
He didn’t look too pleased to see me, but that was his damn problem, not mine. “Have you seen Holly?”
Simon gave me an odd look. “No, I haven’t. She texted and asked if we could handle the last couple days on our own, I said no problem. She’s done a lot for us and we’re adults, we can survive without her for 48 hours. Why?”
I sighed. “We had a little argument and she left—I thought it was to take a walk, but it’s been over an hour. I can’t find her.”
Simon snorted. “You must’ve really fucked up majorly, then,” he said. “Because that girl loves you and would forgive you almost anything. You know while you were gone, basically ghosting her, she still wanted to be with you? I’ve tried so many times to get her to be with me and trust me, women do not turn me down—but no. She wants you.”
“Yeah, I get it, and you hate me.”
Simon rolled his eyes. “Nah. I don’t understand it. But it’s Holly’s choice. If she wants to be with you y’know, obviously I don’t like it, but I’m not gonna stop her.”
He squared his shoulders and glared at me. “But if you hurt her—if you cheated on her or if you said something—”
“It’s none of your goddamn business,” I snapped, my anger rising again. “But I would never cheat on her, for the record. And you don’t have to worry about Holly. I’m going to make it up to her.”
“You’d better,” Simon snapped right back at me, clearly not intimidated. “Because if you hurt her, you’ll have to answer to me. She’s an amazing woman. I don’t know if you know just how lucky you are to have her. I’ve never met anyone as driven or confident as she is. If you do anything other than treat her like the queen she is, then you don’t fucking deserve her.”
I didn’t have anything to say to that, honestly. I was glad, in a way, to know that Holly had such protective and loyal friends, friends who cared about her and stood up for her. And I couldn’t protest that I wouldn’t hurt Holly. Of course, I would never cheat on her, or abandon her, or anything like that. I would never consciously try to hurt her. But I feared that I’d already hurt her, and I didn’t know how to fix this if I couldn’t find her.
With nothing else to do, no other idea of where she was, I went back to my villa. Hopefully she would come back. But she didn’t.
I stayed up all night. Got next to no sleep. I tried texting her and calling her, but she never answered. I couldn’t believe how disappointed in myself I was. I had let her just walk out into the night without making sure she was okay, I had put my own anger in front of her, and now I was paying the price.
She was only twenty-one, she wasn’t married, her parents worshipped her and still saw her as a child, for God’s sake of course she had been worried when she’d found out she was pregnant. Of course, she had wondered what to do. I’d ghosted her! I’d fled! Hidden from her! Could I really blame her for taking some time to think about it?
I wished she’d told me. I still felt hurt that she hadn’t. But she also had a right to take her time. It was a messy, horrible situation. I didn’t know what to do.
There was one thing I did know, though. Holly had said she’d loved me. Simon had confirmed it. Hell, Simon had sounded like this was an obvious fact and I should’ve known it the entire time.
Holly had been so confident and open about her desire to have sex with me, I had thought that maybe it was casual. A pure sexual desire. And that it had become something more for her the way it was becoming with me. But the way she’d talked about her casual college boyfriends, never doing anything… her virginity… the fact that she’d said she loved me the entire time… Simon’s conviction…
Had she been in love with me and I had missed it? Had I been leaving her heart out to dry all these weeks?
I had been such a fool. I had only seen of Holly what I’d wanted to see. I’d seen only the girl that I wanted to, the girl it was easy to see: the sexpot. The girl who just wanted a fling. But I should have known, thanks to how Holly was with managing her band, that she wasn’t someone who just saw the shiny thing in front of her and wanted it. She thought long-term, she had ideas, she pursued longstanding, big goals.
And I was one of them.
I wanted to be one of them. Damn it, I was in love with her. These past few days had been amazing, unlike anything I’d thought I could ever experience. I had been convinced, after Kelly, that I couldn’t really fall in love with anyone. That flings would be all that I could hope for, the fun and lightheartedness of it.
And then. Then.
God, I should’ve known that something was up when I had been so into Holly, when I’d desired her so badly it was all that I could think about. I should have known that this was more. I hadn’t ever wanted anyone sexually the way that I wanted Holly.
And then these past few days… fuck. This was love. This was what people kept talking about, in poems and books and movies, the overwhelming, drowning, fantastic emotion that took you to heights you’d never realized were even possible.
I was in love with Holly. I couldn’t fuck her out of my system. A few days with her wasn’t going to be enough to sate this. I wanted her not just for a week, not just for a fling, but for the rest of my life.
She was everything to me, and I was going to find a way to make this situation right.
24
Holly
I was back in Atlanta, having lunch with Dawn.
When Keith had said that all of this was a mistake… I’d left. I’d gone right on home. I’d texted Simon to make sure the band was okay, but that was it. Simon of course had said they were fine and able to handle things without me, which was a relief. It wasn’t that I’d wanted to avoid the band—although I had, at the moment, wanted to avoid everyone—it was more that I’d needed to get away from Keith, off the island, and if I’d stayed on Tybee, Keith would’ve inevitably found me.
We would have to talk about this eventually. I knew that. I wasn’t naïve or stupid, even though Keith seemed to think that after the revelation that I hadn’t told him about the pregnancy. But I couldn’t handle talking about it just yet.
I couldn’t believe that he still didn’t see how good we were for each other. For two days I had watched him staring at me happily, a dazed look in his eyes like he couldn’t fully believe I was there, li
ke he couldn’t get enough of me. I had basked in it. I had dared to believe that he was ready to accept us as a couple, to fight for the two of us together long-term.
You stupid, foolish girl.
Dawn was chatting on about her anatomy study and her hectic internship. I knew I should focus on what she was saying, and that I was being a bad friend by thinking only about my problems, when Dawn was so busy. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Keith and about the baby.
What was I going to do? How could I get through this without Keith by my side?
All I wanted was to be with him. That was all I’d wanted for years. And now it seemed like the universe was doing everything in its power to prevent that from happening and to punish me for trying.
Maybe I shouldn’t have tried, maybe I had been stupid and childish, maybe—
“Holly?”
Dawn waved her hand in front of my face. “Hey, what’s going on?”
I stared at her and realized that I had gotten so wrapped up in my thoughts, I’d stopped eating, and I’d completely stopped listening to Dawn. I was staring off into space like a moron.
“Nothing!” I forced a bright smile onto my face. “You were saying?”
Dawn frowned. “Holly, if you’ve heard a single word of what I’m saying, I’ll pay for your lunch.”
“Everything’s fine.”
“Yeah, sure it is. Talk to me, babe, c’mon.” Dawn looked into my eyes, all friendly sympathy. “You’ve been weird ever since you got back from Tybee. What’s wrong? Did you finally hook up with that cute singer?” She winked and smirked at me. “Because if not, I’ll take a swing at him.”
I tried to laugh, but the sound stuck in my throat. Dawn’s smirk faded. “Okay, seriously. Tell me what’s going on. I know you’re upset about something.”
Maybe it was stupid of me, but I couldn’t keep this all bottled up anymore. I had to tell someone. I burst into tears. “I’m pregnant.”
“What!?” Dawn’s hands flew to her mouth, her eyes going wide. She leaned in. “Is the baby… is it the singer’s?”
I shook my head. “Simon and I are just friends.”
“Have you been dating someone else? You haven’t, have you? You would’ve told me.”
I wiped at my eyes with my napkin and prayed that none of the other people in the restaurant were staring at us. I didn’t want to make a scene, and I feared one was about to happen. “Um, I have been sort of seeing someone. Not for long. It’s kind of an… on and off thing. We were never official. It’s complicated.”
“Okay, well, explain it to me. Why haven’t you mentioned this guy to me?”
“I didn’t know how.”
“I’m your best friend, babe, you can tell me anything.”
Well, I really hoped she was telling the truth, because I couldn’t hide it anymore. Not just emotionally but literally. Soon I’d be showing my baby bump, and there was only so long the truth of the father could be hidden, unless I wanted to construct an elaborate lie on the spot. And I wasn’t so good at that kind of thing.
Maybe if Keith and I had really decided to call it quits, if we’d talked about this, we could’ve come up with a suitable lie about who the father was, some one-night stand or something who’d run away or whose number I didn’t have. But Keith would never agree to such a deception and if I told a lie to Dawn now, that would only make it worse later when Keith told her the truth. I took a deep breath.
“I’ve been having a… sexual relationship with your father. I’d hoped it would be more than that, but I don’t know. He’s the father of my child. You’re… you’re going to have a half-sibling soon.”
Dawn stared at me for a second, then looked puzzled. “I mean, it’s not your best joke, Holly, but I appreciate the attempt.”
“I’m not joking, Dawn. I wouldn’t joke about something like this.”
Dawn stared at me for a moment more, as if to really make sure—and then her face darkened. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
She stood up. “You slept with my father?”
Just as I’d feared, other diners were now staring at us. Dawn didn’t seem to care—after all, why would she? She wasn’t the one feeling ashamed.
“I can’t believe you would betray me like this!” Dawn’s voice reached a dangerously high pitch. I’d never seen her so upset, her face flushed and eyes wet. “I can’t believe you went behind my back like that. How long as this been going on, huh? You went and slept with my father—you said it was on and off so that means you fucked him several times—and you never once told me. You never once asked if I would be okay with it? What, were you going to keep it a secret forever until you got bored with him like you got bored with all your other boytoys from college, and then just hope I never found out? I bet the pregnancy ruined all your plans for that, huh?”
Dawn threw her napkin down onto the table. “God, Holly, I knew you could be selfish and spoiled but this takes the fucking cake. Fuck you.”
She stormed out, leaving me with a bunch of judgmental diners glaring and laughing at me, and the check for our lunch.
I buried my face in my hands. Why couldn’t I get my happily ever after moment? Maybe Keith was right all along. Maybe our families would never understand.
Maybe I never should have tried to have him in the first place.
25
Keith
This was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.
It was time to tell Matt what was going on. It was time to come clean to him about my involvement with Holly.
After coming back from Tybee Island, I knew that I had to set things right with Matt and Dawn before I went to Holly. I could go to Holly and profess my love to her all that I wanted, but until I proved it to her, until I made things right with our families, how would she believe me? I had dug in my heels about the two of us every time and the moment things had gotten rough for us on Tybee I had gotten upset, I’d as good as cut and run, I’d all but chased her out.
No, I had to show her that I was really committed to this, to us. And we would have to tell Dawn and Matt sooner or later, so might as well do it now, before I went to Holly. Then I could take the brunt of the anger and the blame, I could try and work things out, and hopefully that way I’d protect Holly from any fighting. She was pregnant, she was young, she was upset. And I wanted to take care of her. This was a way I could do that.
Matt, I figured, was going to be the tougher sell. And also the one least likely to call Holly while he was upset, as opposed to Dawn who would have no problem calling her best friend to demand her side of things before Dawn had calmed down. So I went to Matt first.
I found him in his den, where we’d scheduled time to watch the baseball game together. I decided not to start right away with ‘we need to talk’, that would just get him alarmed immediately. I would ease into it.
The game started, we chatted, I kept things light. I was trying to find just the right opportunity to introduce the subject, when Matt did it for me.
“You look good,” Matt said. “That trip you took was clearly a great idea, it did well for you. Where were you staying that got you so tan?”
“I was out on Tybee Island for a little rest and relaxation,” I replied.
“Must’ve done you good, you’re practically glowing.” Matt waggled his eyebrows. “Did you meet a girl down there?”
I had never been the type of guy to brag about my flings and conquests. But I hadn’t hidden my activities, either, so of course Matt knew about them. I considered it only polite to protect the more sordid details, since I wouldn’t want my flings to talk about me that way, so why would I do that to them? But when Matt had asked how Brenda or Eliza or Monique was doing, I’d imply how things were going (great) until the time came for us to part ways.
So, I knew exactly what Matt was thinking—that I’d found a woman and had a fling with her while I was down there. If only he knew… well. He was about to know.
“I did meet a girl,” I said.
“Actually, it was someone I already knew. She was working on the island and we ran into each other.”
Matt raised his eyebrows. “Small world.” He paused. “That’s funny, because Holly was also working on Tybee Island last…”
He trailed off and froze, and I could see the realization hitting him.
I nodded. “I met up with Holly there. One thing led to another.”
Matt didn’t say anything. He was frozen. I figured… in for a penny, in for a pound.
“Actually, we’d started seeing each other in Atlanta, after Holly’s graduation party.”
Matt bolted up out of his chair. I did the same, hands up, ready to placate and explain further, but before I could, Matt decked me right across the jaw.
Well, I couldn’t blame him. “I deserved that.”
“You deserve worse.” Matt swung for me again. I didn’t fight back, but I did duck this time.
“I understand why you’re angry, Matt, of course I do. But you need to know that I’m in love with Holly. I would never do anything to hurt her.” I took a deep breath. “And what’s more, she’s pregnant with my child. She’s going to have my baby.”
Matt was literally shaking with fury, his face the color of curdled milk. “Get out.” He practically spat the words.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. That was my concern through all of this. But I couldn’t help it—I’m in love with Holly and we’re going to be together. I hope you’ll accept me into your family, in time. I know you need to calm down, so I’ll get out, but I’m always available if you want to talk.”
“Get out before I make you regret it even more!” Matt roared.
I hurried out. Sandra stared as I went. “Keith? Is everything all right?”
Hoo boy, Sandra. She wouldn’t be happy about this, either. “I’ll explain later. Matt will tell you what’s up, I’m sure. You might want to speak to Holly as well. But Matt’s upset with me and I don’t want to—I want to respect his wishes. I hope to see you soon, Sandra.”
My Best Friend's Daddy (Forbidden Temptations) Page 15