Talk Nerdy to Me

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  He hadn't come over to her house so he could imagine having sex with her. Why had he come? Oh, yeah. The hovercraft. Just in time, he'd remembered. The fog had cleared from his brain long enough for him to notice something besides the touchable silk all around him. In the comer stood her converter. The converter had become his life preserver in a sea of sexual currents.

  "Reminds me of a smaller version of what I've seen in a microbrewery," Rick said.

  "That's actually where I got the idea," Eve said. "But don't try to drink anything that comes out of there. It'll corrode your insides."

  Charlie studied the dials on the converter. They were fascinating, but not as fascinating as the purple bra dangling six inches from his face. The tag was right there, available for him to read her specs. He should ignore it. Nothing good could come from reading that tag.

  But he was an engineer, and engineers focused on measurements. She wore a 36B underwire. Despite claiming not to care about the size of a woman's breasts, he'd always been partial to the elegant proportions of a 36B.

  The converter. He needed to say something about it. "You could patent this, to go along with the hovercraft. They could come as a package." And speaking of packages, his was growing exponentially as he contemplated the structural wonder of that underwire gently lifting Eve's breasts, thereby producing nuzzle-worthy cleavage.

  "I'd like that," Eve said. "In fact, that would be part of my ultimate goal, so that people would see how easy alternative fuel could be. And I'd really hate to see anyone using petrochemicals to operate something that's just for fun."

  "You mean gas?" Rick said.

  "She means gas." Charlie remembered having to coach Rick through chemistry, and even at that he'd only pulled a D. Rick wasn't dumb, but no one would ever accuse him of being a scholar.

  "I get it," Rick said. "A green toy to promote green living. I can see it catching on in Southern California, no problem."

  Manny shifted his weight impatiently. "Is the garage through that door?"

  "Yes," Eve said, "but I'd rather wait until we're all ready to—"

  "Let's take a look at that hovercraft." As Charlie stood, he hoped his erection had subsided sufficiently to make it unnoticeable.

  He needed to get out of this kitchen full of Eve's underwear, and she obviously didn't want to let two guys she didn't know wander around in the garage without her. Charlie was beginning to feel rather protective of this project himself.

  Because he'd been over in the corner, everyone else filed through the door ahead of him. That gave him one precious opportunity to test the silky fabric of the bra between his thumb and forefinger. Pure tactile pleasure.

  Out in the garage, Rick whistled in surprise, and Charlie reluctantly let go of the bra. Manny and Kyle had said nothing, but maybe they'd been struck dumb by the sight of the hovercraft. Probably not, though. Charlie had an idea nothing fazed these two, not even dainty purple underwear.

  Compared with Rick's out-there personality they seemed almost stoic. Maybe he'd hired them to balance his carefree attitude. That was the only explanation Charlie could come up with, because they sure didn't seem to fit into Rick's happy-go-lucky lifestyle.

  Then Charlie caught his first glimpse of Eve's hovercraft, and his jaw dropped. He'd expected it to be interesting. He hadn't expected it to be the same gorgeous shade of purple as her bra and panties.

  It sat on the floor of her garage like something right out of The Jetsons. He half expected George Jetson to open the Plexiglas dome covering the cockpit and climb out wearing his space suit. Charlie was vaguely aware that the workspace was a mess, but after all, she'd just had an engine explode. Her workbench had a big hole in the center of it and there was debris everywhere.

  He itched to clean it up and get this project back on track, but that wasn't his place. So instead he stepped over pieces of metal as he circled the craft and took note of the design elements she'd incorporated to give the necessary lift to the fuselage. When he was finished, he sent Eve a glance of silent admiration.

  She stopped chewing on her fingernail and took a deep breath. "So, Charlie, what do you think?"

  Apparently his opinion on this subject meant a lot. That thought warmed him. "It's brilliant."

  Her shoulders relaxed and a wavering smile appeared. "I wouldn't go that far."

  "I would," Rick said. "How about it, Manny? Kyle? Can't you see these cruising up and down the beach at Malibu?"

  Manny nodded. "I can already think of a couple of guys who would love one of these. Maybe not in purple."

  "It's my favorite color," Eve said. "But you could have one in any color."

  "I was thinking camouflage," Manny said.

  Kyle rubbed his chin. "That would be cool. But you'd need a name for it. Gotta have a name so people know what to call it."

  "I, um, call it the Skimmer." Eve offered the name tentatively.

  Charlie was ready to support whatever she suggested, just because she looked so unsure of herself. She'd done something amazing with this hovercraft, but she didn't seem to have great confidence in her creative abilities.

  "That works," he said. And the more he thought about it, the better he liked the name. "It's simple, easy to spell, and describes exactly what this does."

  "Or what I hope it will do."

  Rick stepped forward. "If you need a test pilot, you're looking at him." -

  "Thank you, Rick," Eve said. "That's brave of you, but I wouldn't consider letting anyone ride in it the first time except me."

  That scared the shit out of Charlie. She definitely needed him as her consultant. For one thing, he had a private pilot's license. For another, he could get a few tips from some aerospace types he knew. He'd cover his tracks by telling them he was building a remote-controlled model.

  "Hello, out there!" A woman's voice drifted from the interior of the house. "Eve, I saw your light on and your front door was unlocked." A short, curvy blonde came into the garage. "Oh, hello." Her gaze traveled around the group.

  "What can I do for you, Eunice?"

  Eunice's gaze made another circuit as she talked. "I'm cooking up the most sinful fudge. It tastes almost as good as sex feels. But I need to borrow a cup of sugar."

  The sudden intrusion startled Charlie, but Eve seemed to take it in stride.

  "Sure, help yourself," she said. "But first let me introduce you. Everyone, this is Eunice Piven, my next-door neighbor."

  "I thought you had visitors when I saw the Subaru parked outside." Eunice wore a tight black jumpsuit and carried her parka over one arm.

  The jumpsuit didn't look like the kind of thing Charlie's mother baked in. He also thought Eunice had deliberately removed the parka once she got in the door so she could show off her figure. He pictured her at her window watching four men traipsing into Eve's house and being consumed by curiosity.

  Eunice Piven was legendary in Middlesex, although Charlie hadn't realized that she lived on Elm Street, right next door to Eve, it turned out. But he definitely knew all the stories about Eunice.

  Not many people believed that she'd been carried off by aliens and taught unusual sexual techniques, but something must have happened to her. She'd come to town about five years ago as a conservative, churchgoing woman, sort of on the frumpy side. Then she'd disappeared for a couple of weeks, and on her return she'd been mysteriously transformed into one hot female.

  Eve introduced the guys, and Eunice gave each man a dazzling smile that hinted at the possibilities she could offer. Except for Charlie, of course.

  "Oh, Charlie." She waved a hand in his direction. "Of course I know you. You're the one who keeps this town humming like a Swedish vibrator." She winked at Rick. "Although some people don't need wires and transformers to generate a charge. Tell me, Rick, are you into electricity?"

  "I sure know a live wire when I see one," Rick said.

  Charlie stifled a groan. Not only was that a corny line, but Eunice grinned as if she thought it was the cutest, most original c
omment she'd ever heard. Charlie glanced at Eve to get her reaction to this nonsense.

  She met his gaze and rolled her eyes. He winked back. And there it was again—the intimate connection that was pulling him deeper into an attraction that was doomed. His goal was to leave town, and soon.

  "So, Eve." Eunice swept an arm to encompass the people gathered in the garage. "Does this tempting array of manhood mean you're ready to go public with your spacecraft?"

  "Hovercraft," Eve said. "And not quite yet."

  "It's my fault," Rick said. "I asked her about it this afternoon, not knowing the project was top secret. Charlie got kind of excited about seeing it, so here we are. Manny and Kyle just came along for the ride."

  Eunice frowned. "You asked her about it? Don't tell me you're gorgeous and psychic."

  "Nope." Rick looked pleased with the compliment. "She talked about this machine years ago, before she'd started building it."

  "Rick and I worked together for a week in L.A.," Eve said. "We had a shooting delay so I had some wine and ended up spilling my guts to Rick. I didn't think he'd remember." She shrugged. "He did."

  "Oo." Eunice wiggled her shoulders. "Does that mean we're all sworn to secrecy? What happens in this garage stays in this garage? I love intrigue."

  Charlie decided to take charge. "I can't speak for Eve, so feel free to contradict me if you want, but I think we're looking at a potentially valuable patent, so we should keep this to ourselves."

  "I don't know." Eve looked skeptical. "I just blew up an engine. The biofuel concept is important to me, so I'm afraid I'm not that close to a working model."

  "Charlie can fix anything so it works right," Rick said. "I'll help too for that matter."

  Charlie didn't think that would be a plus, but he couldn't shoot Rick down in front of his assistants. "Are you going to hang around Middlesex for a while, then?"

  "Oh, I hope so." Eunice put her hand to her heart.

  "The schedule's fairly loose." Rick glanced at Manny and Kyle. "We haven't booked a return flight yet."

  "Not yet." Manny crossed his arms over his chest. "We had to see how things would go first."

  "Exactly." Rick cleared his throat. "I need to find the perfect location for this shoot. I dunno. Ten days?"

  Manny looked over at Kyle. "You think ten days is okay?"

  Kyle shrugged. "It's cutting it close, but if everything works out here, ten days should be okay."

  Charlie listened in wonder. Apparently Rick really had turned his calendar over to his assistants. "Then let's see what we can get accomplished. We have the evenings, and next weekend." He decided not to mention that he was leaving for a job interview the week after that.

  "I'm taking the train into New York in the morning for a photo shoot," Eve said. "I won't be back until Wednesday about five. But that gives me time to order a new engine and have it express shipped to the house." She looked at Charlie. "If you and Rick would be willing to come over and bring pizza around six, we could get started."

  "Sounds good," Charlie said.

  Rick turned to Manny and Kyle. "Will you guys be okay if I spend a few nights over here helping out?"

  Manny nodded. "Just don't forget to take your cell, in case something comes up."

  "I always have my cell," Rick said.

  "Then it's settled." Charlie took one last look at the hovercraft. "Wednesday night we'll start getting this baby ready to test."

  And the sooner the better. The longer Charlie hung around Middlesex with Eve, the more he was liable to question whether he should leave at all. But he had to leave. He'd dreamed of working at a major hydroelectric plant for years. Eve might be delicious, but he had to pursue his dream or live with regret forever.

  Chapter Four

  Eunice stayed until the guys left, which didn't surprise Eve. That whole cup of sugar thing had been bogus and they both knew it. Eunice couldn't tell one end of a potholder from the other, just like Eve.

  "So that's Charlie Shepherd's cousin." Eunice peered out the peephole in Eve's front door as the men headed toward their car. "He even looks good distorted."

  "That excuse about a cup of sugar was lame, Eunice."

  "I know, but it's not every day a hunkmobile pulls up in front of your house. I had to quickly finish up my phone-sex client and come over to investigate."

  "I hope you didn't leave the poor guy hanging." Eve figured she was the only one in town who knew that Eunice moonlighted as a phone-sex girl. Eunice's day job as the receptionist for Patriots Independent Insurance Agency didn't pay enough to keep her in designer accessories, so she supplemented her income by giving phone sex on nights and weekends. She considered it a stress-free way to make extra money now that she'd been relieved of all sexual inhibitions by her alien abductors.

  "Nan, I wouldn't end a call before the guy gets his jollies. I'm not that mean." Eunice pressed her face to the door. "Ah, will you look at the fluid way the Rickster climbs behind the wheel? Yum."

  "I can't look. You're hogging the peephole." Eve wouldn't have been interested in watching Rick, though. She only had eyes for Charlie, the guy who liked her hovercraft. His body movement was fine, but she was especially drawn to the fluidity of his mind.

  "Well, they're pulling away, so you couldn't see anything, anyway. But if the Subaru designers offered Rick as an optional accessory, they'd sell a ton of cars." With a dramatic sigh she turned back to Eve. "Thank you for introducing me to such a fine specimen of manhood. Even if it doesn't work out, I have someone new to use as my fantasy guy during phone sex."

  "You picture a fantasy guy?" Eve hadn't ever thought of it from Eunice's perspective.

  "Only if I want to really get into it. Sometimes I fake everything, but sometimes I actually go for it. An image of Rick would definitely inspire me to go for it."

  "Yeah, I guess he's pretty cute." But Eve had lost interest in the subject of Rick. She'd even lost interest in the subject of phone sex.

  Instead she was remembering that precious moment after Charlie had made his circuit of the hovercraft. He'd looked at her then, his brown eyes shining with admiration. She could live a long time on the memory of that warm gaze.

  He'd given her the geek stamp of approval, and that meant more than he could ever know. If someone like Charlie-—someone with an engineering degree and smarts coming out his ears—if a person like that admired her invention, then she'd done something special.

  "You guess he's pretty cute?" Eunice stared at Eve in the dim light of the hallway. "You guess! You need your prescription changed in those glasses, dearie. I'm just praying he's not gay."

  "Oh, he's not." Charlie was one hundred percent het-ero. Eve had worked with a fair number of gay models, and she'd become good at picking up on the vibes. Acknowledging that Charlie was all-male gave her a sexual thrill, which probably meant she was into him whether that was a good idea or not.

  Eunice looked heavenward. "Thank you, God." Then she glanced at Eve. "Are you sure? I mean, what's with the two male assistants?"

  Eve blinked, disoriented. Oh, right. She might be daydreaming about Charlie, but Eunice was talking about her crush du jour, Rick Bannister. Eve didn't think Rick was gay, though. "A guy can hire another guy without being gay"

  "Yeah, but they are all California beach-bum gorgeous. I see three pieces of male eye candy traveling together, I figure either they're headed to a Chippendale's convention or they're gay."

  Eve laughed. "You're making unnecessary problems for yourself. Unless Rick's changed his sexual orientation since I last saw him, he's straight. I can't speak for the other two, but I doubt—"

  "The other two don't concern me. Rick's my wiggle-the-wiener candidate, and I would hate it if he swings the other way. Or maybe he's bi." Eunice's expression brightened. "I could handle that."

  "I'm sure." Eve wished she could treat sex like a pastime, the way Eunice did. Eunice could probably have sex with a guy and stay friends with him if it didn't work out. Eve was sure that if she eve
r ended up in bed with Charlie—which she might not, but saying she did—if they broke up, then the friendship would go down the drain at the same time.

  Eunice reached for the jacket she'd hung on the hooks Eve had installed next to the front door. "Just so I don't have to beat off Manny and Kyle to get a shot. They could have a menage a trois going for all I know. Don't forget they're from L.A. The rules are lax out there."

  "Ugh. I don't even want to think about a male threesome, thank you very much." She just wanted to think about Charlie. Maybe Charlie with her? The concept kept inserting itself in her brain like a new equation begging to be solved.

  "I'm just sayin'." Eunice pushed both arms into the sleeves of the coat and hiked it up on her shoulders with a flap of nylon. "L.A. people aren't like Yankees."

  "All I can tell you is that when I first met Rick he flirted with all the models like crazy. I'm thinking he got involved with one of them. It sure looked like it from the way they both acted."

  "Good news." Eunice zipped her jacket. "Can I come over Wednesday night?"

  "Why not?" At first Eve had been excited about the prospect of working with Charlie, but then Rick had become part of the mix. Eve would rather have had Charlie all to herself. With Eunice around to distract Rick, Eve might get that quality time alone with Charlie, after all.

  "Cool." Eunice opened the door. "Do you think I should leave my phone off for that night?"

  Eve grinned at her. "Maybe you should put it on vibrate."

  "Come on, I'm serious. I could leave it off and just forget about the extra income for the evening, but maybe Rick would get turned on by listening to me take 900 calls, so I could accomplish two goals at once. What do you think?"

  "I have no idea. You have to decide that one." Eve couldn't even imagine such a scenario. "Tell you what, though. If you bring your phone, take the calls in the house, not in the garage. I don't want to listen to 900 calls while Charlie and I are working on the hovercraft. We're dealing with volatile stuff."

  Eunice winked. "Gotcha. The way I look at it, we're both dealing with volatile staff."