Talk Nerdy to Me

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  "I hope I am."

  Eve sighed. "We had the best time just now while I was working on her hair and makeup. Then I had her try a bunch of different jewelry. We were giggling together. That was the second time today, which is a miracle. We never giggle together."

  Charlie didn't know what to say. He'd love to be able to tell her that he'd changed his mind about Denise, but he hadn't. Denise was a complex woman, and having a giggle-fest with her sister didn't mean she wasn't planning to sabotage the hovercraft any way she could.

  "I've had a chance to think about this." Eve leaned against the workbench, close enough to talk but not close enough to touch.

  Charlie figured that was no accident. "And what do you think?"

  "Let's say we give ourselves through the weekend to get the hovercraft operational."

  Charlie nodded. "That's reasonable."

  "I could take it for a test flight either Saturday or Sunday night, depending on when we think it's ready."

  He decided not to argue with her about who would be going up in the hovercraft. "Okay."

  "You said you had some ideas about who I should market it to."

  "I do."

  "Do they have offices in New York?"

  "At least two of them. I can check on the others." He sensed a nervous energy arcing between them. This was what they'd talked about, the culmination of her dreams and the end of his participation in her project. Neither of them knew what would happen to their relationship after that. "Want me to call tomorrow and see if I can make a couple of appointments for Monday?"

  "Yes. Yes, I do." She was still frowning, but her blue eyes gleamed with determination.

  He smiled, wanting to lift the mood. "I think for the hell of it I'll identify myself as your secretary."

  "Just so you don't identify yourself as my boy toy." Her frown eased and she smiled back.

  "That would be okay with me, too."

  "I know it would. Temporarily." She gazed into his eyes. "Ah, Charlie..." Then she pushed herself away from the workbench and started pacing. "The appointments are the first thing I wanted to talk to you about. The second thing is—" She turned to face him. "I want to catch whoever's trying to sabotage this project."

  He should have seen this coming. She wouldn't be satisfied to foil the person's attempt. She'd want to know who was doing it, especially if it might be her sister. "I assume you've figured out a way to do that."

  "Yep." She clasped her hands in front of her.

  "Hit me." He tried not to think about the purple bra and panties she was wearing under that yellow sweat suit.

  'Tomorrow night, almost everybody in town will be at either the bachelor or the bachelorette party."

  "Wow, that's tomorrow night already?" Charlie had lost track of everything but Eve and the hovercraft.

  "Yes, and Denise and I are invited, along with all the women in town, including Eunice, I'm sure."

  "And all the guys are invited to the bachelor party." Charlie could see what she was getting at. "We'll leave the hovercraft as bait, and each of us monitors who disappears from either party."

  "Bingo." She balanced on the balls of her feet, as if she wanted to chase down the perps right this minute. "We'll keep in touch by cell phone. If either of us notices someone's been gone a long time, we call the other one and both of us will head back to the house. We'll catch them red-handed."

  "One thing. I'll do the confronting. You'll stay in the car."

  She waved that aside. "We're not dealing with some seasoned criminal. I'll have my pepper spray on me, if that would make you happier."

  "You have pepper spray?" He'd never pictured her aggressively facing down an attacker, but he could picture it now. She'd decided to take charge of this situation, and damned if he didn't find that sexy.

  "I only carry it when I go into the city, but this time I'll make an exception. I wouldn't use it on Denise, though. I can take her."

  "So you do think it might be Denise."

  "I don't. But I'm not sure. And that's why we have to do this. So you're up for it?"

  "You do have a way with words." As he gazed at her, he tried to concentrate on the plan. But the image of her yellow jacket unzipped to reveal the purple underwire bra, size 36B, wouldn't go away.

  "Stop looking at me like that, Charlie. It makes me want to jump your bones and I know you don't want that."

  "Oh, I do want that. I want that very much. But I'm going to be a grown-up and work on the hovercraft tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day—whatever it takes for us to get you ready for your appointments on Monday."

  "And I appreciate that," she said. "I really do. I'm impressed with your self-discipline. I want to be you when I grow up."

  "No you don't." He thought of all the joyous, spontaneous, and creative facets of her personality, all those things that he loved about her. "Don't ever grow up, Eve. If you do, you'll stop inventing purple hovercrafts."

  "But I might be able to work in this garage with you and not want to strip you naked and run another test on the compatibility of our equipment."

  He fought the urge to walk over there and let that happen. "I have a short-term solution for that problem."

  "You're going to weld the zipper shut on your jeans?"

  "No, but almost as good. I'm going to call my mother and Aunt Myrtle and ask if they'll bring us dinner."

  Aside from having unlimited sex with Charlie, Eve couldn't have dreamed up a more fun time than eating the wonderful food that Rose and Myrtle brought over and hearing their plans for the bakery.

  They ate Yankee pot roast, homemade rosemary bread shaped like a pair of breasts, and a salad better than anything Eve had ever made for herself, and she knew her salads. They sat at Eve's kitchen table and discussed whether the bakery needed repainting to match the new line of items being offered. Or rather, Eve, Rose, and Myrtle discussed. Charlie concentrated on his food.

  After the meal, Rose and Myrtle went out to admire the hovercraft and tell Eve what a brilliant young woman she was. By the time they left, she was floating on a cloud of loving acceptance and never wanted to come down.

  "Thank you for inviting them," she told Charlie. "They make me feel as if what I'm doing is worth something."

  "It is." Charlie watched her from the opposite side of the hovercraft, as if keeping that between them would insure that nothing sexual would happen now that the chaperones were gone. "If my mom and Aunt Myrtle help you believe it, then you should spend more time with them."

  "I was thinking about that tonight." She hesitated, unsure if he'd think she was presumptuous in imagining she could in any way fill his shoes. "But if you went out to Nevada, I could... sort of... stay in touch with them. I couldn't repair things, but Gus could do that. If they needed anything else, I could help out. It wouldn't be the same as if you were here, of course," she added quickly. "I wouldn't want you to think—"

  "You're looking for ways to help me leave." He said it wonderingly, as if he couldn't quite believe she'd do that.

  "I know how you feel about them. I wondered if you were at all uneasy about leaving. Not that you should be." She hoped she hadn't opened up a can of worms. "They're very resourceful, but I saw an expression on your face tonight that made me wonder if you were a little worried about that."

  He sighed. "I tell myself not to be, but... yeah, Nevada's quite a distance away, and with Rick out in California, that leaves no relatives close by."

  "Well, for what it's worth, I could check on them now and then."

  "That's ... that's quite a gift you're offering, considering how you could just as easily ask me to stay."

  She shook her head. "No. No, I couldn't. I know what it's like to feel as if you're not doing what you were meant to do."

  "Yeah, I guess you do." He swallowed. "I'm staying over in this part of the garage, because I'm afraid if I walk around this hovercraft, I'll start kissing you and never stop."

  She quivered. "I don't know how we're supposed to act like
adults, now, Charlie. Unless it's X-rated adults."

  "Oh, hell." He started around the hovercraft. "What's another—"

  "I'm back!" Denise waltzed into the garage, a dreamy expression softening her sharp features. "Manny's turning his portfolio over to me. Can you imagine?"

  'That's serious staff," Charlie said. He glanced at Eve and winked. "It's not often a woman gets to see a guy's portfolio."

  "That is so true!" Denise twirled in place. "Most men would rather get naked than reveal the contents of their portfolio. It indicates such a degree of trust."

  "So the evening went well?" Eve didn't have to ask. She just liked seeing her sister in this gaga condition and wanted to pump it for all it was worth.

  "Let's put it this way. We agreed that the bakery should change its name to Hot Buns and become a franchise. If that happens, we will go into business together." She announced it with the same flourish as if they were engaged to be married.

  "Hot Buns?" Charlie cleared his throat. "Have you mentioned that to my mom and Aunt Myrtle?"

  "Actually, Manny called them on his cell. They loved the name."

  "Wonderful," Charlie said.

  "It is wonderful." Eve sent a warning glance in Charlie's direction. The name of the bakery was the least of the problems. Eve didn't want her sister to come crashing to earth when she discovered Manny wouldn't leave California. "Assuming the franchise works out, where would you and Manny locate your first bakery?"

  Denise's eyes sparkled. "In the nation's breadbasket, of course."

  "You'd move to the Midwest?" Eve couldn't have been more shocked if Denise had said she was piercing her navel. That could be coming next, for all she knew.

  "Heavens, no. I would only visit. And Manny would visit. We'd time our visits to coincide, while we checked on our franchise." She gazed off into space, as if imagining those visits as becoming exceedingly conjugal.

  "Oh." Eve was trying to picture this arrangement, with Denise managing from the East Coast and Manny from the West Coast, with periodic "meetings" in the middle. Denise obviously had high hopes for these meetings.

  "If an X-rated bakery does so well in a town like Middlesex," Denise continued, "then it should make money hand over fist in a small town where the most exciting thing is a potluck at the Grange Hall and bingo in the church basement. Manny and I will introduce them to Booby Buns and Bawdy Breadsticks. The money will pour in."

  "Sounds like a plan." Eve wondered what the folks at Yale would think about this little sideline. Yikes.

  "It could work," Charlie said grudgingly. "I'm no marketing whiz, but you may be onto something."

  "Oh, we are." Denise stretched her arms over her head. "And I am a marketing whiz. We have a bright future. Well, it's been a long day. I'm off to bed."

  Charlie watched her go. "That might take care of everything."

  "What do you mean?"

  He glanced at her. "Now she has her own exciting new project. She might not be so jealous of yours."

  "That's assuming she's the saboteur." Eve still wanted it to be someone else, preferably someone she didn't know. Although it was illogical, a bushy-haired stranger would work fine with her.

  "In any event, I need to get this damned engine to work right." He moved toward the workbench and put on his goggles.

  "Charlie, you sound tired." Exhaustion was creeping up on her, too. Neither of them had gotten much sleep last night, and they'd been going full throttle all day. "Why don't you go home and get some rest?"

  Charlie turned toward her. "You have to be as tired as lam."

  "So, I'll get some sleep, too. We'll tackle this first thing in the morning."

  He glanced around the garage. "That's not going to work."

  "Why not?"

  "Because while I'm gone and you're asleep, someone could booby-trap the hovercraft."

  She must be really tired, because she'd forgotten that the house wasn't secure. Not only that, if Denise happened to be the culprit, she was already in residence and could sabotage at her leisure.

  "I'll sleep out here tonight," Charlie said.

  "Alone?"

  "Yeah." He didn't look happy about it. "I don't know who we're dealing with, or how desperate they might be."

  "Then I'm definitely staying out here with you! We've already established that you're no Chuck Norris."

  "And you are?" He smiled at her.

  "No, but it would be two against one."

  "Unless there are two of them. Seriously, I'd be a nervous wreck if I thought I had to protect both you and the hovercraft. I wouldn't be able to sleep at all."

  That was the only argument that made sense to her. "Okay, I'll take the cushions off the couch and get you fixed up. Because you need sleep now. Your eyes are half-closed."

  "Does that mean I have bedroom eyes? I always wanted bedroom eyes."

  "Charlie, you most certainly have bedroom eyes. You're, all about the bedroom. When you kiss me, you have bedroom lips. When you touch me, you have bedroom hands. Everything about you screams bedroom, especially your very sizable—" The sound of the doorbell prevented her from mentioning the most bedroom thing about him, the part that she'd be dreaming about tonight while she slept all alone in her round bed.

  "Let me get that," she said. "Then I'll bring your cushions and some bedding out to you. You just relax."

  "Sorry, but we're getting that together." Charlie followed her into the kitchen. "Although I have to say I'm encouraged whenever someone rings the doorbell instead of using a key."

  Eve groaned as a piece of logic hit her between the eyes. "Charlie, why didn't we just have the locks changed today?" She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it.

  "Because we're exhausted and not thinking straight. Don't feel bad. We couldn't even manage to cancel the exterminator appointment, let alone think about changing the locks. No wonder I can't break the combination on that rotary engine. My brain is fried."

  Then she thought of something even more damning. "Why didn't Denise suggest it?" She turned and looked at Charlie, her chest tight with fear. "Denise thinks of everything."

  "Maybe not everything," he said gently.

  She blew out a breath. "Well, at least we can still set the trap." Now she absolutely had to catch the intruder. If they didn't find out who was doing this, she'd always suspect her sister, which would affect their relationship forever.

  When she got to the door she checked the peephole. "It's Rick."

  "Is he wearing antennae?"

  "No, but his hair looks kind of wild and there's a hickey on his neck." Eve opened the door. Because Rick's seduction attempt had actually improved Denise's mood,Eve felt more kindly toward him. "Come in," she said. "I thought you'd still be with Eunice."

  This time Rick was trying to imitate an alien although he sounded more like a chipmunk. "Greetings, earth-lings! I am visiting your quaint dwelling to inquire if you have any extra C batteries! Ours seem to be deceased!"

  "Bummer." Charlie coughed and cleared his throat, as if he'd been about to laugh. "Take my advice. Use alkaline next time."

  "Dude, I don't care what kind they are, just so they keep the vibrator going. We are in desperate circumstances over there. Eunice tore her place apart looking for spare batteries. Man, was she fuming. She was this close when the thing up and died."

  "TMI, Rick." Eve grinned as she walked back toward the garage. "I'll see what I can find. I think the ones in my flashlight work."

  "I hope so," Rick said. "I offered to go down on her, but she said the vibrator would make her climax more intense."

  Charlie shook his head. "Modern science is ruining us for the simple things of life."

  Eve wanted to say that it hadn't ruined her, but she wasn't quite as willing to share the details of her sex life as Rick seemed to be. She found the flashlight under the workbench and switched it on. "Works fine."

  "That's great," Rick said. "The point is, we can't do the actual thing yet, because she has some plans for me. I thin
k they involve that vibrator, so the batteries are critical to the operation. And you know, everything shuts down at nine in this town except the Rack and Balls, which doesn't carry batteries. I called to check."

  This time Charlie did laugh. "I'll bet Archie got a kick out of that."

  "Yeah, he thought it was pretty funny. It took him a while to answer, because he couldn't catch his breath from laughing so hard."

  Eve emptied the batteries out of the flashlight and handed them to Rick. "Bon appetit."

  "Thanks." Rick hesitated. "Um, is it okay if I talk about... the investigation?"

  Eve's good humor vanished as she remembered what Rick had said to Charlie earlier today. "I understand you think my sister might be guilty."

  "She might be," Rick said, "but to be fair, Eunice could be, too."

  "What makes you think so?" As much as Eve didn't enjoy the conversation, she had to admit that Rick might get information from Eunice that no one else would.

  "She doesn't think it's fair that you got to be so tall."

  Eve stared at him. "So what, she's going to cut me down to size?" She was so sick of all the jealousy apparently aimed at her. "Sheesh. I can't help that I'm tall! I can't help that I seem to be what the fashion designers want!"

  "I know that," Rick said. "It's not your fault, and Eunice was doing okay with it, but now you might make a bunch more money with the hovercraft. She wasn't worried about that before, but after Charlie said it was a good thing, she ... well, she just thinks you have it all, and it's not fair."

  "Damn it." Eve began to pace. "Why can't people be happy for others? Why can't they be grateful for who they are instead of wishing they could be somebody else? And besides, my life isn't perfect. I can't seem to find the right person to share my—" She stopped abruptly as she realized with horror what she'd been about to say. Exhaustion was a dangerous thing.

  She didn't dare look at Charlie. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, I guess. I'm going ahead with this project no matter who gets bent about it."

  "Yes, you sure are," Charlie said quietly.

  "Okay, then." Rick cleared his throat. "I'll bid you two kids good night. Thanks for the batteries."

  After he left. Eve went into the living room and started pulling cushions off the couch. She was using more force than necessary because she was tired, frustrated, and disillusioned.