Mending Heartstings

by Felicia Lynn

  He thankfully answers on the third ring and I’m so grateful. “Hey lady, what’s up.”? He asks with a chipper voice. Even though I want to fall apart, I don’t. I tell him where I am and what’s happened. He stays silent on the other end throughout my brief detail. When I finish he asks so simply, “so, how is he now? What’s the update, Whit?”

  “Um… well I haven’t gone in yet.” I say embarrassed. Max knows all about Jon. He’s been the topic of discussion many times. He knows about the first night on the dock and all the calls, texts and emails I dodged after that and he knows about all the Jon encounters in the last several months

  “Whitney, get your shit together and get in that hospital. You need to know what’s happening with that man. And regardless if you want him in your life or not, Alexis and Garrett need you. I’m not sure what’s happening in your head right now but… what the fuck, Whit?” He says, clearly frustrated with me, and it’s just the talk I needed. I suppose that’s why I called him.

  “I know. I know. I know. Thanks, Max. I guess I just needed you to kick my ass before I walked through that door.” I’m feeling a lot more courageous right now.

  “Listen, Whit. You really need to decide if you want this man in your life or not. You seem to be having this intense internal tug-o-war with your emotions and figuring that out sooner than later would be swell. Okay?” He quips in a tone laced with annoyance. He knows what I want. He knows that it’s hard to admit what I want. He knows that I’ll need to be broken to accept it, but I might just be broken now.

  “Thanks, I have to go. I’ll call you later.” Yep, I’m broken. I need to see him. I need to see him now. I abruptly end the call and find my pace at an almost run. I race to the information desk and they tell me what room he’s in. He’s in a room so that means he’s not dead. Things are looking better already.

  When I finally reach his room, the door is closed. I stand outside his door, digging deep for the strength to walk into the room. Ten breaths, I tell myself. You have ten breaths to get your shit together and open that door. One… I hope he’s okay. Two… I can help him get better. Three… I can make some soup, maybe. Four… what happens if he’s not okay? Five… I should have accepted his offers. Six… I really do love hanging out with him. Seven… we have a connection. Eight… I like Jon an awful lot. Nine… I’m scared at what it means but I do want him in my life. Ten… I might actually love him.

  I feel the tears stinging my eyes but I push that away. I can’t do that now and with that, I open the door and walk in.

  Jon

  I’ve got some good road rash, lots of bumps and bruises and a concussion but I’m going to be okay. They’re about to release me from the hospital; I’m just sitting here waiting on the paperwork. Garrett, Dave and Kelly are talking and killing time trying to distract me from the pain, thoughts of what happened and what could have happened. I’m lucky and I know it.

  I’m not really even sure how I’m alive at all, but I am. To be honest, I’m really shaken up by it all but I’m trying to just act normal. I’m trying to pretend that I’m not about to lose it. Thank God that truck came by and noticed my mangled bike in the road and decided to stop and check things out. Thank God he found me on the shoulder of the road in the dark, unconscious and called paramedics. Thank God that I woke up with almost no major injuries.

  Once I got to the hospital, I held it together enough to tell them not to give me anything for the pain. I mean I’m sore as shit and don’t feel great but I’m fucking alive. I can’t risk any shit in my system screwing everything else up. I’ll heal.

  The door opens and Alexis runs into the room. As soon as she sees me she bursts into tears and runs to my bed just looking at me trying to figure out if she can hug me. I reach out for her embrace.

  She’s become a great friend over the last year and she’s certainly one of my favorite people. It warms my heart to see that she cares but I can’t have her crying.

  “Hey you. Sorry to crash in on your girls weekend.” I say into her hair as I hug her gently since my muscles aren’t really on board for deep squeezes.

  They all update her on my condition and tell her that we’re just waiting on the discharge papers. She sighs a relief and then looks at me saying,

  “I hope you realize you’ll be coming home with us.”

  And as much as I appreciate the sentiment, that’s not happening, I need some quiet and some alone time but I’m not debating her. I just say quietly but with sureness.

  “No Lex, thanks… but I need to go to my home. I just need a minute to recover and then I’ll come hang out with you guys.”

  She’s standing there staring at me trying to decide if she’s going to argue or let me do this my way when Garrett places his hand on her forearm and smiles, that was his own way of letting her know that I’ll be okay.

  When the door opens again, I get excited because I’m sure that’s my discharge papers. But then I feel her. She came? She came to check on me? She’s here. What’s happening? Wait… she probably just came with Lex.

  She walks around the others and comes toward the bed. I see a sparkle in her eye that looks a little different. When she sees me awake and sitting up in the bed, she almost lunges toward me and I have no time to brace myself for her embrace. Every muscle in my body feels her hug and I don’t even care. She’s places a few kisses on the side of my face and head before apologizing for hugging me too strongly while everyone else laughs and jokes about her trying to kill me for surviving.

  Her cheeks get pink they way they usually do and she looks at me sadly. I smile at her and give her a little wink not hiding the fact that her being here and that reaction just made the whole accident worth it. I mean not that shit again, just for a big hug and few pecks on the cheek and head, but shit… she’s here.

  The guys are making fun of me now since my attitude changed when she walked into the room, and when I look over at them I see a sadness in Kelly’s eyes that makes me feel like shit. I look from Dave to her and notice that Dave sees it too. He’s on top of it. I can’t worry about that.

  Last night I really thought maybe I needed to just settle for what’s here now instead of waiting for the right thing. I thought that Kelly would make me happy enough but I was wrong, and after the accident I’ve decided I can’t settle. I can’t accept less than pure happiness. I’ve done that too many times before and I’ve had to drown the regret and pain in booze and drugs. I vowed not to do that to myself, and that means not doing the things that cause the pain to start with.

  I know Whitney is the girl that makes my heart feel full and if this relationship isn’t for her, I’ll just wait until I meet another girl that gives me those feelings. I think to myself.

  In my quiet contemplation the room is still mostly full of laughter, smiles and conversation. Whitney walks back over to my bed side and stands there looking at me before reaching for my hand. She stands there holding my hand watching me with the cute half smile that she masters. That gesture speaks volumes. It’s like a million conversations started and finished and I understand them all.

  The nurse walks in with my discharge papers and I expect that Whitney will release my hand and move off to the side, but she doesn’t. She moves over a little closer to me and listens attentively to what the nurse is saying and all of my post release instructions and follow-up information. I on the other hand have heard nothing the nurse is saying, because I’m in utter shock of Whitney’s actions right now. I really hope that shit is written down.

  The nurse instructs that I can’t be left alone for a few days because of the bump on my head and the concussion. I expect for Alexis to step in and demand I go home with them but before she can, Whitney tells the nurse that she’ll be taking me home with her and will be handling all my care. She didn’t ask if that was okay with me and I’m not sure she would have cared but I suppose she already knew I’d agree.

  Dave and Kelly say their goodbyes and I feel a little bad for her but know that Dave has
it handled. They both tell me they’ll check up on me this week and to let them know if I need anything.

  Whitney and Alexis are talking in the corner and Garrett is quietly overseeing. Garrett and Alexis are leaving together and I’m going to be discharged to Whitney’s care. It feels a little weird but I’m excited about getting to spend some time with her. I wonder how many days I can milk out of this?

  Whitney

  I probably should have asked if he wanted to come to my house to recover or go to Garrett and Alexis’ but I just reacted. I think he’s okay with it. He didn’t object. He seems content with the plan so I’m proceeding with arrangements. Alexis is annoyed because she thinks this is a mistake. But I’m a grown up as is Jon and we will do what we want, and she’ll either support it or won’t but I’m pretty sure she’ll get onboard once she’s over the shock. She just is not much of a fan for surprises.

  I haven’t actually admitted anything other than my willingness to take care of Jon as he recovers. I’m not really sure why she’s flipping out. I’m not really even sure what will happen.

  I get all of Jon’s things together with his release instructions. He changes into the clothes that Garrett brought him to go home in and agrees to shower when he’s home. The road rash has an antibiotic ointment that I’ll need a prescription for, and I’m just supposed to rest and follow up with a doctor in a few days.

  The nurse has given me the concussion protocol treatment form that includes waking him up every three hours at night for the next two nights and asking him a series of questions about how he’s feeling. Apparently they don’t suspect his head injury is serious, but we need to closely follow these rules just in case it manifests into something more serious.

  Jon feels bad and keeps offering to go home and hire a real nurse to take care of that so that I’m not inconvenienced. He obviously doesn’t understand how seriously I’m taking this job of nursing him back to health. I wouldn’t let Alexis take care of him. If he thinks I’m going to let some complete stranger he’s insane. I got this.

  I ask the nurse for the prescription for pain medication, clearly he needs something for that too and she looks from him to me and back to him when she responds telling me that he’s declined pain management medications. I look him in the eye and tell him this is no strongest man competition and he needs to get something for that pain.

  The look in his eye when he responds rejecting my request and concerns tells me there’s much more to that story, and this is not up for discussion so I quickly shut my mouth and do not press the issue.

  The nurse tells me they will be bringing Jon down in a wheelchair due to hospital restrictions and where I am to meet them. I nod my acceptance still fully confused as to why Jon would reject the medications that would make him feel a little better.

  I was so sure about bringing Jon home with me. I was so confident and now the realization and fear has set it. I gather the things to bring down to the car and put on my “suck it up, buttercup” face. I want him close to me to have the chance to make up for all that’s happened between us, but I also have feelings that I’m really not ready to reveal. Keeping my feelings under wraps may prove to be more challenging than it should be.

  I pull up to the patient pick-up/loading zone and Jon and his nurse are standing there waiting for me. When he smiles, he has the cutest dimple on his right cheek and his big brown eyes light up. God… I can get used to him looking at me like that.

  As soon as I stop the car he hops out of the wheelchair and opens my car door telling me he’s fine and not to get out. He is moving around ok but I can tell he’s sore and in a little more pain than I’m comfortable with, but I’ll trust his judgment. The nurse waves goodbye and reminds us to call the doctor right away with any questions or concerns.

  Once we are driving away from the hospital I tell Jon that I’ll take him back to my place and get him settled before I go to the pharmacy to get his prescriptions and the grocery store to get us food. He sweetly takes my hand in his and tells me he’d really like to do those things with me, moving around helps keep his muscles from tightening up and walking a little might help. I’m convinced he’s lying about almost all of that but I kinda like the idea of him coming along if for no other reason than I can make sure I get him all the things he likes.

  We decide to also stop at his condo to pick up some clothes and toiletries since he’ll probably be with me for a few days. Thankfully, I always bring work home with me so I have everything I need to work from home for the next few days and Mr. Bellow would never question that.

  We pull into the garage space for his condo, and he invites me in. The building is great. I never imagined Jon for the condo type but I guess it makes sense since he’s not here all the time.

  He tells me to make myself comfortable and look around while he packs a bag. So I do exactly that. The kitchen is typical, dark granite, stainless appliances, dark wood cabinets, and subway tile backsplash. Sleek contemporary feel overall. It’s clear he upgraded most of those things.

  The condo itself is pretty basic; he likely walked into furniture showroom and bought whatever they had displayed exactly as it was. It’s clean and I suspect he’s a neat freak. There’s not much personalization except for his guitar wall and a couple sports illustrated magazines on the table. He must have 10 guitars hung on what would be the dining room wall but he’s made a little music area and it actually adds a really cool design element. I like it a lot. I wonder if he’d ever consider letting me personalize this space a little better.

  I don’t want to appear too nosey even though he did give me permission to snoop, so I don’t venture down the hall to the bedrooms. In the eight minutes I’ve been in the room I’ve already completely redesigned the main room in my head. He could do a lot with this place. I look out at the patio area and it overlooks a pond and on the other side of that is wetlands, and preserve area.

  “I bet there are alligators in that pond”, I say to myself.

  “Yeah, there are a few big boys out there. I like to watch them.” Jon says, coming up behind me and looking over my shoulder into the outdoors. He’s so close to me that I have to restrain myself from leaning back into his arms which is what I really want right now but I control my impulses and smile up at him and ask if he’s ready to go.

  He smiles that panty melting smile, “Yes, sunshine. Let’s hit the road.” He says as we walk toward the door and I attempt to grab his bag but he refuses my offer.

  When we get in the car I’m concerned that maybe all this running around is too much. Maybe I should just take him home and then run out.

  “Listen sweets, are you sure you’re okay to do all these errands? I’d be glad to take you back to my house and get you settled in for a nap before I go and get food.”

  I say hopeful that he’ll rest.

  “Listen, sunshine, apparently we’re in this together. Let’s get us some food and this medicine and then I’d suggest we both go back to your place for a little rest. How about we veg out on the couch with movies and order Chinese food”

  I love that idea, I’ve never wanted to veg on the couch watching movies more than I do right now. I’m actually exhausted already from this day and it’s only 11:30. I smile my acceptance and he returns the gesture.

  The other errands are handled quickly and efficiently. He of course scowls every time I’ve attempted to pay the bills. I’ve quickly learned that Jon is a ‘do it my fucking way’ kinda guy especially when it comes to manly things like opening doors, carrying bags and most of all paying the check.

  I am pretty self sufficient and I really don’t like the idea of others paying my way so this is somewhat odd for me, but I also am not interested in being all alpha female. I was taught that strong women sometimes let strong men love them. My big brothers are perfect examples of that.

  Jon

  I’m exhausted and I can see she is as well. I’m not sure anyone could get her to admit it though. She’s strong willed as hell. Convincin
g her to do movies and take out came pretty easily, thankfully. I’ll try and come up with a take out craving again tomorrow too. I don’t want her working to take care of me. I’d rather use this time getting to know her better.

  It was nice having her in my condo. I wasn’t really sure what she’d think of it. It’s a plain bachelor pad really. Although I don’t do the random chic thing so that probably makes it less of a bachelor pad.

  When we finally get to Whitney’s I’m so exhausted, I don’t even feel like eating the Chinese food but I’ll do whatever she asks at this point. She’s my nurse and the only one I want.

  Her townhouse in Carrollwood Village suits her perfectly. I take as many of the bags as I can handle knowing this tough girl will try to be a She-Ra or some shit and do it all herself. She puts everything away while I watch.

  I’m trying very hard not to be grumpy but I’m sore as hell and so ready to just lie down. I put the grocery bags on the counter next to the food take out bags and start to go back out to the car to get my bag but just as I’m about to hit the threshold I hear,

  “Don’t even think about it, sir. You’ve done far too much already. The orders say rest. Let me get your bags and then I’ll show you to your quarters.”

  She says with the feisty tone that makes me feel all wild and shit.

  “Hmmm… and if I don’t listen to you, what would happen?”

  I look back and ask, intrigued by her current state of bossiness. I think mostly bossy and in charge is her typical personality type and it’s mine too, so this should be interesting.

  She marches over to where I am standing in the doorway and looks up at me.

  “Listen hot stuff, you are injured and I am tired. I really would hate to have to kick your ass in your current state. You’d be sad about getting your ass kicked by a girl with very little energy.”