“Jen and I will cruise over too,” Cal says, not asking. He is making a point. “Want me to call Mya?”
Guilt assails me when I realize I had forgotten she existed in all this. Last night feels like it was twenty years ago… but I nod knowing I need her. “She calms me,” I say, not giving too much away.
“We are coming, too,” My crew says, and I turn to see Asa, Otto, CD and Kellen.
I nod, grateful for the support, and praying to God that they won’t see me at my worst.
Mya
Cal: Hey call me when you can. Urgent.
I read the text from Cal and hit call on my phone, assuming he wants me to babysit. “Hey,” I say with a chipper tone when he answers.
“Hey kiddo. I need you to meet me over at, Sull’s,” His voice sounds rough, troubled maybe, and my heart sinks.
“Did you guys fight?” I ask, bitchier than I have ever been to him. “I swear. I am finally happy Calvin-”
“Mya, they might have someone in custody for Kace’s disappearance,” He interrupts me, shocking me to the core. Now, all I can think about is getting to Sam as fast as I can.
“How did you know …”
“He told me he talked to you last night and you guys are official or whatever. Besides the point, Mya. I am sending you his address now.”
I hear my iPhone ping and look at the screen after putting his call on speaker.
I dress as I ask a million questions.
As he gives me the rundown, I grab my keys and head to my car, connecting to Bluetooth as I punch in the address he sent me.
“Jesus… how is he holding up, Cal?”
My brother sighs and I can picture him running his hands over his head like he does when he is stressed. “Well, he’s in denial, I think. He is holding out hope this guy’s confession is bullshit.”
“I would be too,” I say, knowing I would never be able to stop hoping until the evidence was clear in front of me.
“It doesn’t look too good, Mya,” He states all father figurey.
“I don’t give a fuck, Cal. If he needs to hope, then we all will hope with him. If and only if, all hope is gone, will we embrace it and hold him up. Do you understand me?”
I know my voice is raising as I chew his ass out, but we need optimism here. For Kace and for Sam.
“I do, Mya. I just think it is healthy to acce-”
“Shut it, Cal. Do not fucking say it,” I snarl, his words interrupted. “Would you accept it without proof? If, God forbid, it was Ry or Axe?”
“No, My, I wouldn’t.”
“Then, look at it that way and only that way from here on out. We all follow his lead, feel me?”
“I do,” he says and I wish I could hug him.
“Are you there yet?”
“No, we gotta drop the kids off to Mom and Dad.”
I nod, knowing he doesn’t see me. “Does Carrie know yet?” I think about Noah’s sister Carrie and know she is almost as close to Sam as she is her own brother.
“Yeah. Noah called her. She and Chad are coming. Shame knows too. He and Cass are in the Bahamas, but they know.”
“Good. Okay,” I don’t know what else to say, but I keep him on the phone with me because I can’t have my thoughts all over the place. I need Cal to ground me. “I’m scared…” I tell my big brother, my voice soft.
“I know, My, me too.”
I make it to Sam’s not bothering to take in the beauty of his house right on the bay. All I want is him. To see him, to reassure him. I want nothing more than to make this man feel safe.
“Sam…” I say, when I enter the house and see like a million people here with him.
“Pet…” He whispers, and rushes to me before falling apart in my arms.
“I’m here, crow.”
It’s a quarter past three and neither of us have slept. We are laying face to face in his room, darkness all around us, and a calm silence. I trace the tattoos on his chin with my finger as he stops me here and there to kiss my fingers.
He looks so young here, so lost, as he awaits an answer that isn’t good regardless. The agent said they were trying to locate a body, something my sweet man refused to hear. Either way, this ends badly. If it isn’t her, then she is still gone and no answers to go on. Just more heartache and endless worry.
And if it is her?
Well, fuck.
Life will halt for a while I know that. If it is Kace, there might be peace in laying her to rest, but it is a lifetime without her from that moment on. It is why I understand the hope he has. Both answers are brutal realities for any person to have to face.
It is unfair. So fucking unfair.
“I’m so scared, Pet,” He breaks the silence. His voice like gravel.
“Me too,” I say and lean in to kiss him sweetly.
“Why are you scared?” His question isn’t meant rude. I understand why he asks me that.
“I am scared that either way, you’ll be sad forever baby.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, Sam.”
“Do you think that if she had a childhood disease, or was hit by a car, or some other fatal accident that I could move on easier than knowing if remains of hers are found? Then it means she was murdered. Murder means scared, alone, tortured even-”
I cut him off. “Don’t do that. Don’t think like that, it will make you crazy, Sam.”
He nods and looks at the ceiling. “Maybe, but it’s still true. I will either live with her gone forever and never found, never knowing if she is at peace, or I live forever knowing it was a brutal end for a precious baby girl.”
I roll until I am halfway on his chest and I make him look at me. “Either way, whatever the outcome, we will make sure you both have peace, Sam. You started planning it a few weeks ago, so no matter what, she will be at peace.”
“How do you know, though?”
“This is an easy answer for me, but you might not accept it,” I tell him, unsure of what he believes.
“Tell me anyway.”
I nod and rest my cheek to his chest. “Because God protects the innocent. This happening… it creates so many questions. So many. Where was God when she was taken? Right?”
“Exactly!” He snarls, and I can feel his chest rising and his heart beats faster.
“Well, I think He was with her. I don’t think He left her side, Sam. I don’t know why this happened. Why this evil shit happens without divine intervention? All I know is there’s an answer for us all in the end. Maybe, God felt selfish and wanted her perfect presence with Him. Maybe, He needed her so there was someone watching over you and Deja. Maybe, it was nothing more than this Levi dick-wad being given a final chance at redemption. I don’t have the answers, Sam, but I do have faith,” I look at him, see the tears filling his eyes. “God isn’t evil, babe. God didn’t do this, Levi did.”
He blinks and his tears fall, breaking my heart. I hope I didn’t offend him with what I believe. I was raised in a God-fearing home and it instilled a spiritual belief in me at a young age.
“I hope you are right, Pet. I hope he was with her,” he looks at me, a sad smile.
I nod, desperate to reassure him. “I have no doubt in that, Sam.”
He cries. Soft sobs rack his body as he holds me tight to his chest. I can’t help but cry with him, for him…for her.
“Don’t let me push you away, Mya,” he cries, and I am thrown by his words. “Stay as pushy and defiant as you always are. Don’t let me push you away.
“Sssh,” I soothe him, and place a kiss to his chest. “I promise.”
“I think I am falling in love with you, Mya,” he whispers, and I squeeze my eyes shut as more tears fall.
“I feel the same way for you, Sam. I won’t let you chuck me to the side, I promise.”
He kisses the top of my head and holds me close to him as he cries. I lay there on his chest until his tears stop and his breathing evens out. I lift to see he has finally fallen asleep. I
sit up to pull the blankets over us both before leaning in and kissing him as gentle as ever.
“I won’t let you destroy us,” I whisper, before curling into his side and falling asleep.
Chapter Eleven
Stay with me, don’t let me go
Because there’s nothing left at all
Stay with me, don’t let me go
Until the ashes of Eden fall
Sully
I make my way downstairs to get coffee after checking the clock. Just passed seven a.m. and I have no idea when I crashed last night. I can hear the news faintly as I enter the empty kitchen
“…human remains found in a shallow grave near Alki Island,” the news anchor says. I faintly hear the gasping from my crew, but I refuse to believe I heard it right. My sweet baby was not found in a shallow fucking grave.
“Turn it up,” I croak, and reach for my phone which I left upstairs. They are all looking at me, frozen in place. “I need my phone.”
Asa jumps up and rushes to get it as I find the fucking remote myself, and blast the TV.
“There is no word yet who the remains might belong to as police continue to investigate this tragic find. KCNT will be following this story throughout the investigation. In other news…”
I hit mute and feel the bile rise in my throat as Asa returns with my phone. I have no missed calls from my Pop, or Agent Sorell, or Frye.
I call my pop, but the call goes straight to his voicemail, right as my fucking doorbell rings.
“I got it,” Asa says, and walks to my front door, letting my dad and the two agents in. My initial reaction is furry that the fucking news knows before me.
I am not insane or even partially stupid. I know why they are fucking here.
“Samuel…” My pop says, and I fall to my knees.
“We believe it is her, Sam,” Mark says, and shows me two items that wreck my entire world as Deja screams.
“There’s no way it is her. It’s been almost ten years, Mark. There is no way you could know…” I close my eyes seeing her panda bear costume and her little ballerina bear that she had with her that night.
“We don’t have definitive results back yet, but based on the evidence recovered from inside the site, we believe it is Kaces’ remains,” He steps forward, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Sam, I am so sorry.”
My pop is holding Deja, who is screaming at the top of her lungs.
“No. Fuck you. No!” I yell, as Noah kneels beside me. The exertion of my voice took what strength had held me up and it was in that one precious moment that I realized I did have hope. In all the time I told myself I knew she was gone and never coming home, deep down I still had hope she was alive and happy.
Words garbled and filled with sorrow left my throat, but there was no understanding of them. I couldn’t make sense of what I felt in that moment. I wanted her, my sweet baby. I wanted her in my arms, squishing my cheeks, and asking me to say my favorite color…
A wave of pain so profound forced me to scream her name, my painful roars bouncing off the walls. “I had hope. God, dammit, Noah!” I cry, and look to my closest friend. Hold me up, don’t let me fall apart now…. My eyes spoke volumes on my pain because tears swam in his eyes as he nodded.
“I know you did, bro… I know you did. I’m so sorry, Sam,” he said, but his words were beyond me hearing them as I roar.
Mya
I step from the shower to screams from Sam and most likely Deja, and I know. I grab a robe and twist my hair in a towel before I rush down the stairs stopping at the sight. Sam is on his knees on the floor screaming, tears in his eyes, as he tries to hold onto Noah and Cal.
“Sam…” I cry, knowing he cannot hear me. I am frozen in place unable to move as my brother comes to my side. His eyes are red from tears and he is visibly shaken as he places his arms on my shoulders.
“Look, I need you to get your shit together, Mya,” he says, and looks over his shoulder to Jen. She places Sully’s arm in the care of Asa, who is now helping hold him up as he continues to roar and fight them.
“Go. I got this,” Jen says to Cal, who leaves me on the stairs with her.
“What the hell?” I ask, tears in my eyes as I watch the man I love fall to pieces over some unknown force.
“Breathe, Mya, he needs you. They found Kace. She is gone,” Jen is crying as she speaks, cringing to the echo of my man’s wails.
There is no processing this right now, there just isn’t. I feel shock, sorrow, and disappointment in myself for not being there when they arrived. I have so many questions, but I won’t ask for answers right now. Love will supersede the desire to know in a situation as foul as this.
“Okay, questions later,” I say, and sweep past her and everyone’s gaze, as I fall to my knees before him, taking his face in my hands.
“I’m here, babe. I have you,” I say, tears rushing down my cheeks as I kiss him on the head.
“She’s gone…” He croaks and curls into me, shielding himself from everyone but Asa and Noah.
I look up to everyone. “Can we have a minute please?” I look to my brother and Jen. “Take Deja to the other room and someone call Cordell so he can come be with her.”
Cal agrees. He and Jen help Deja from the room while CD goes through her purse looking for her phone.
I grab for Noah and Asa’s hands. “You two, stay.”
Noah and Asa both nod and stand stoic, unmoving as Sam tries to gather his bearings.
I see the items in the agent’s hands. They are filthy and tattered, almost unrecognizable. “Are you certain? Absolutely certain?” I ask with fire in my tone. I am in protection mode and willing to kill for this man in my arms.
Sam Senior looks at me with tears on his cheeks. “Yes, it’s Kace. These belong to her. We will be doing dental comparisons, but I believe with all my heart it is my granddaughter,” he looks to Sam as he squats in front of him. “I just know son, knew the minute I saw the grave.”
Sam nods, before standing slowly. His tears have stopped and I can see the change in him immediately. He has gone from devastated to wrath in a matter of seconds.
“Where the fuck is this Levi mother fucker?” he asks through tight thin lips. His breathing is rapid and I know he is pure anger right now. Noah tugs the back of my robe to pull me to him and Asa. I look over my shoulder with a fuck no, but his eyes tell me yes, or he will make me.
I willingly step back as Noah and Asa place me between them.
The doorbell rings and we all look at each other, none of us moving, until Samuel Senior goes to answer it.
“He is in confinement right now. We need the lab results to formally charge him.”
I watch Sam flex his fists. “And then?”
Samuel comes in with another man and a woman both dressed in suits with briefcases. “Sam, this is District Attorney, Christopher Kennel and Assistant District Attorney, Margaret Landry,” his dad states, as they both shake Sully’s hand.
“I am so sorry for your loss, Mr. Sullivan,” the DA says.
Sam barely shakes his hard. His movements are stiff as the assistant leaves to go talk with Deja. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
“Please, call me, Chris.”
“So? What do we do? How do we get this guy, Chris?” Sam has an edge in his voice that says if the DA doesn’t give the right answer, Sam might break his face.
“Well, your dad has some big connections with the force and the respect of the FBI. Mark and Ben have taken this case personal, as has the state of Washington. We can have definitive results within twenty-four hours and with that,” he looks to Sam a vengeful glint in his eyes, “Then, we get this son-of-a-bitch.”
Chapter Twelve
Leaving flowers on your grave
To show that I still care
But black roses and hail Mary’s
Can’t bring back what’s taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade,
I would
Sully
I don’t remember much from yesterday. I got plowed after the DA, Agents, and my pop left. I don’t think I said a word. I went to my room and sat on the bed guzzling a bottle of Jack Daniels until I passed out.
It’s just past six a.m. I have showered and brushed my teeth before I kiss Mya on the head as she sleeps sound in my bed. “Mya?” I say softly, and gently stroke her arm until I see her eyes flutter open. “Leaving to the PD. I will text you later.”
She sits up and rubs her eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me? I can go with you.”
I shake my head no. “I want to go alone.”
She looks at me, cocking her head to the side. “You made me promise not to let you push me away, Sam.”
I nod and smile sweetly at her. “I’m not pushing you away. I don’t know what to expect or what shit we will see today, and I don’t want this shit plaguing you, butterfly.”
She places her hand on mine and squeezes. “I hate knowing you’ll be there alone.”
I squeeze her hand back. “My pop will be with me and I trust the guys he has in the PD.”
She nods, biting her lip and I wish I could rewind to that night in DC and let myself fall for her then. I feel like we didn’t have the time to be happy. I am grateful that Kace is no longer alone, fucking thankful. I just know that it will poison our beginning now and I can’t change that. “I’ll be at my studio, so call the main number if I don’t answer my cell,” she says, and gets from the bed to hug me.
“I will, Pet.”
She places her hands on my cheeks and looks at me. “I will be waiting for you, crow. I will have Patron and no time limit. I don’t have classes starting for another month while I choreograph. You come to me after. Promise?”
I smile. “I promise.”
She kisses me sweetly then hugs me close. “I am here for you. Be mad, sad, vengeful…I am here, and I will take it.”
5 Words: Paradox Ink Trilogy Page 9