I rise from my knees before him until I am standing. He follows me. I run my fingers over his head, removing the bandana and hat, letting them fall to the floor. “I want you, Sam. It isn’t how you dress or what you have accomplished in life. I have wanted you from the minute I saw you, but was too young to voice it. I wanted you then and I want you now.” I kiss his lips sweetly and breathe him in. “I want your smile and your sorrow. I want you, babe.”
“Mya…” he whispers my name, before taking my mouth, invading every crevice, until I can’t breathe from the force. “Take it, have all of it, and be with me. Pet, if you can accept me at my worst, I swear to God, you will love me at my best.”
I lift my shirt over my head. Having just been in yoga pants and a tank top for bed, I expose my breasts and stand bare from the waist up. I reach for the hem of his white tank and lift, exposing the tattoos that have been dormant from my sight until this moment. Pain strikes me in the heart at the angel face of a small child over his heart and the rainbow lettering beneath it.
“You are my favorite color…” I recite the words like they are new to me, as I trace each letter with my finger and gently kiss the lettering.
“She always will be my favorite color, Mya. I need you to understand that.”
I don’t know why he thinks I would ever think different other than my words before. I nod and kiss the words that mean everything to him. “I am so okay with that, but you are still mine.”
He nods and reaches for the band of my pants, tucking his hands in the back and over my ass, taking them down panties and all. Once free from clothing, he lifts me under the arms until I wrap my legs around his waist.
“I feel your pussy wet and hot against me, Pet. I won’t stop tonight. I need you like I have never needed anything.”
He sets me on the bed once we are in my room. I didn’t even know we were moving. When I am with Sam I lose myself completely.
I scoot back until I am leaning back on my arms. My eyes are glued to his body and watch the show of Sully undressing before me. He is more ink than skin and I want to read the story he placed on him forever.
The word ‘ALWAYS’ is displayed just under his belly button, curving from one hip to the other. “Nothing about you is generic. Do you know that?” I ask, watching with rapt attention as he drops his pants.
“I like to think I’m all original, Pet.” He climbs on the bed, his black boxer briefs still snug on his ass and I want to remove them with my teeth. His body falls over mine and the weight of him, the heat of his body, have me arching in need.
“I have wanted you for so long…” I kiss him because I must. I need to feel a part of him inside of me.
“I wanted you too, Pet. Even when I said I didn’t, I was lying to you.” His hands caress my skin. One cupping my breast before trailing between my legs and sliding through the slippery folds. “I almost fucked you senseless on my booth bed, the night I stayed with you, earlier on the roof, and that night in the room. I wanted to tear through you, ruin you for any other man, so you would always want me more.”
“Ruin me then. Please, Sam. I want this to be ours.” He knows I mean my virginity and I love seeing him close his eyes because I know he wants it.
“I need to get you ready…” he says, and slips low until his breath is on my cleft.
“I want it now, I can’t wait anymore…” I cry out, as the first lick from his tongue centers me to the moment.
“I get it, but we have all night and if I take you hard and tear you up, there won’t be all night.” He says this as he slips first one, then a second finger inside me. I tighten at the strange tightness, but within seconds, I only want more. His mouth is on my clit, his fingers inside of me. Curling, twisting, and it is unlike anything I could ever have given myself.
His fingers stroke on a nerve deep inside that sends jolts of pleasure to my toes. “Please, oh shit, more.”
I hear him chuckle all cocky and proud, and he gives me what I need. Pressing deep, in fast strokes, until I feel a wetness spread through me, followed by unimaginable pleasure. I cannot contain the scream that tears from my throat.
“There it is, Pet. Ride it. Ride my fucking hand and soak this bed for me!” Whether he is talking to me or himself, I don’t know, but his words spur me on with his commanding tone. “So, fucking good, look at you, fuck! So sexy… nothing sexier, Mya… fuck you are so wet and ready…”
He strokes me as the last waves leave me trembling on the bed, unable to hold still. He rises between my legs and I watch as those boxer briefs disappear. My eyes fall to the thick length he is stroking. I melt when I see the barbell on the crown. Shiny and wet from the pre-cum. “Want this, Pet?”
“Yes!” I say without shame. My need for him is obvious.
“You on anything or do I need a rubber?”
I nod. “I’m on birth control.”
He strokes his cock before me, giving me the show of my life. “I’m gonna go slow, Pet. No way this won’t hurt, but it will get easier every stroke.”
I nod and can’t help but tighten in fear when the cold of the barbell circles the tight hole of my pussy. “You want me inside you? Then, let me in.”
Holy fuck, his words slay me. “I’m trying, just nerves I think,” I try to explain, as he lowers his chest to me and kisses me.
“You want it to be me right, Mya?” He asks, his cock is stroking against my clit, eliminating the fear from seconds before.
“Yes. Only you, Sam.”
“That’s right, only me. This is mine, Pet. Tonight or some other night, it’s still mine. So, tell me what you want and I will give it to you.”
There was no hesitation, no thought. “Tonight, now, I want you here and now. My nerves, your sorrow… this is us, only us. Give me all of you.”
He says nothing. He just watches me as his hips pull back as we lay chest to chest on my bed and in one swift second, he was inside of me until the last thing keeping us apart was torn away.
I cry out from the sensation of pain and passion, and fear, overload of it all. “Shhh, you’re okay, Pet. I have you and I will take the pain away.”
He pulls back, sliding effortlessly back inside of me until I am pulling my legs higher, desperate to feel him deeper. “Roll with me, Pet.” He says. I tuck my feet under his knees, rolling until I am above him.
“Do your worst, Mya. I’m yours to command here. You want me deeper? Sit up and ride it. You’ll feel me everywhere.”
I do as he asks and any fear that I wouldn’t know what to do or where to begin, is gone. I can literally do anything that feels good and he loves it. I feel powerful, beautiful, and wanted in this moment, and it only spurs me on.
“That’s it. Take that dick, Mya. Own it baby. You own it, you own me.” His hands stroke along my cheeks as he says it and his voice shoots through me with the emotion in his tone.
I grab his hands and bring them to my breasts, needing to feel him touch me. “I want you closer, Sam. I can’t get enough.”
He grabs my hips and sits up until his back is against my headboard. I grip his shoulders and rock, even deeper, ever harder. Every muscle in my body feels him. I arch, stretch, roll my neck, and I feel him… and I am so close to explosion that I want to chase it down and detonate.
His hands go to my hips, guiding me, helping me. “You’re so close, Pet. You are gonna drench me and the bed. I need to see you cum for me, Mya. Come for me.”
His words were the cue and I explode, digging my nails in his shoulders. Everything got tighter, wetter, and hotter when he started thrusting up into me, holding my hips, thrusting wildly.
“Those fucking sexy eyes. Look at me, Pet. Watch your man cum for you.”
I watched every breath. Every thump seen from his chest. I watched as sweat beaded against his skin… I took it all in and relished in the beauty of us together. There could never be a more perfect moment in my life than the one I am in now.
There was no question in my mind, not a single doubt, that he is m
eant to be mine.
Sully
I lay beside Mya, my thoughts on the emotions running through me. I will always feel the profound loss of Kace, but here and now, I feel Mya. I care for her. Fuck, I do. I can’t deny it anymore and for the first time in ten years I am holding someone precious to me. I am overcome by the emotion that being with her builds in me. There is something about Mya that undoes me … like she sees the broken pieces of my heart and doesn’t try to fix me or the broken heart in my chest. I want to give her everything, all of me. I want to heal with Mya at my side and I want to smile again.
God help me, but she is saving me.
Chapter Ten
Silence, just silence
Sully
I walk into PIT, probably looking fresh fucked, and finally feeling the peace. I was taking Mya out tonight. First dates had me feeling like a teenager, but fuck this girl was it for me. Period. I fought her age, her brother, the bullshit in my world, and she took it like a forty year old who had lived a hard life. It is endearing to see someone so full of life. It’s an impulse I can’t deny. I just need her.
I was nervous she would resent me for not telling her sooner, but I believed she would understand. This shit that suffocates me is real and the wound is deep. Her heart bleeds with me out of love, I believe it.
Cal walks in right on time as I check to ensure there are witnesses if this shit goes south. The shop is full. Noah, CD, Asa, Jen, and Otto all have clients. Kellen was busy doing the month end audit and swiping right on grinder in his spare time. I wanted to tell him myself that I was committing to Mya, that I had told her about Kace, and begged her to forgive me.
I was in a good spot with Cal these days and didn’t want to tarnish it. Everything inside of me told me Mya was it for me. I am drawn to her like a moth to a flame, or a crow to a butterfly, if that’s even a real thing.
Cal walks into my booth and his hand is up in my face and I can’t help but chuckle. “I have no desire to hear any more. Mya told me you guys are all Facebook official and shit, that’s plenty for me.”
“No brotherly advice?” I ask laughing at what I can assume was a TMI session between him and Mya earlier. Gotta love that my girl ain’t shy.
“Yeah. Tell her to stop talking to me about her relationships. That’s what Jen and Lex are for.”
I nod, “Done.”
“I am happy for you though, both of you. You seem more content.” He speaks kindly but without coddling me.
“Yeah, I don’t know what it is about her, but she calms me down. She didn’t always, but once I stopped fighting my attraction to her, I felt like I could breathe.”
“I get it. Once I accepted I wanted Jen and always had, it was easier for me to feel shit.”
I say nothing to that, knowing after Tayla had cheated on him he was determined to fuck fangirls forever. Jen saved him and I am pretty sure Mya is saving me.
“Hey, Sam…” Noah looks at me from the entry to my booth, pale as a ghost. His voice a grave tone in the room. “Uh, Agent Sorell is here with some guy I haven’t met.”
I look to Cal. “Give me a minute…?” I don’t know if I asked him or told him, but I took my gloves off and stepped out immediately. “Mark,” I say, and hold my hand out unsure of the visits purpose. There has been so many over the years that I don’t get sick every time he comes to meet with me anymore. “Come to check out the new digs finally?”
I take a seat on the arm of the couch in the center of the PIT and fold my arms. He seems different, concerned maybe, and that is the only thing that gives me pause. Suddenly, I don’t want to know why he is here.
Anything, but why…
God, please don’t do this. Please. Not now. Not tonight…Not when I finally have my shit in order.
“Sam, do you have somewhere private we can speak?” he asks me. I feel the bile rise in my throat when my pop and Deja walk in the studio.
I shake my head no. No to talking. No to whatever shit he is about to tell me. It is then, I see another Agent with him who looks as sick as I do. Refusing to accept what is about to happen, I stand, and extend my hand to the other gentleman. “I’m Sam,” I say, as he takes my hand.
“Agent Ben Frye. Nice to meet you, Mr. Sullivan,” He says, and looks at the room and everyone gathering around me.
“Get back to work. Nosey bunch of shitheads,” I say, and laugh uncomfortably.
“Sam…” Agent Sorrell says, but I shake my head no.
I feel Noah and Cal step in close beside me and I folded my arms. “Mark, you know Noah. This is Cal Dorian…” I look over my shoulder at my staff standing firm in place. “That’s Asa, CD, Otto. Behind you is Kellen, our shop manager and…” I pause, looking for Jen who is standing beside her husband now. “And that’s Jen.”
Mark acknowledges everyone with a sad smile and nods.
“Samuel. I think we should talk in private...” My pop says, and I just shake my head no.
“Sam-” Deja tries.
“No. This is as close as family present for this shit, so let’s hear it,” I demand, and keep my arms folded, stoic in place for whatever he is about to tell me.
I know what he will say. I have wanted it for years, almost ten to be exact. For the first time since the day she was taken, I can’t fathom the thought.
“Where is everyone’s clients?” Noah asks, but I don’t hear the responses when he tells the clients he will cover the price on the tattoos that need to be rescheduled. My guys all finish with their clients as my pop and Deja try to get me to go somewhere private.
“Samuel, let’s go to the roof or the back office.”
Deja has tears as she holds my dad’s arm tight. “This is why you have to just peel it like a band aid. He isn’t going to budge. I told you that.”
At Deja’s words I know. Fuck, I know.
The clients file out without complaint when Noah turns the sign to closed and locks the door. Noah looks at me, knowing as do, I what is about to happen.
“Sam…” Agent Sorrell says again, and I feel my eyes burn seconds before tears escape.
I am still shaking my head no as I repeat the word over and over. “No. No. No. No.. No… No….No!”
Images of her smile flash through my mind and I feel like I might choke. I feel the strength of never knowing the truth fade from my mind second by second. I am waiting for him to tell me I am wrong, but he stands before me looking me in the eye.
“Sam, we were notified this morning of a confession about Kace’s disappearance. The DA is with him now trying to cut a deal to locate her. There is no proof the confession isn’t false. He has to give us something, but he knows a lot and we believe he is telling us the truth.”
A false hope takes over me and I refuse to see the tears in pop and Deja’s eyes, but I ask anyway. “Where is she? Is she alive?”
Agent Sorell looks at me with true sadness. “According to the confession, I am sorry, but no she isn’t.”
I try to remain calm, full denial keeping me alive right now. I look at Deja and pull her into a hug. “He’s lying. No way someone would confess now, all random and shit. We gotta hold out hope De`.”
“Sam?” I look to my pop and see the tears in his eyes. “Sammy, the guy who confessed is Levi Tenpenner. He is registered in all fifty states with multiple counts of child sexual assault, kidnapping, and destroying evidence. Having made a life in and out of prison. He was recently on parole and was caught in the act with two children, three in his basement, dead. He lives in California and the three strikes puts him in forever, but he is facing capital punishment.”
“He’s bargaining…” I say the words, knowing that this mother fucker might know where my daughter is and is using her to protect his own putrid ass.
“I need to take this.” Agent Sorell says, and places his phone to his ear. I didn’t even hear it ring.
“What are you thinking, Pop?” I ask, knowing he is far more schooled in this shit than I am. I draw and ink skin, run payroll, al
l the mundane shit. I don’t protect or save lives by catching the bad guy. I need him to tell me what to think.
“I think we are finally going to be able to put her to rest, Sam.”
His words annihilate me and I want to choke him for giving up hope. “So, that’s it? You give up because some pile of shit wants to save his own ass by telling any story he can?”
“We have a location.” Agent Sorell says as he comes back in the room. “We need to leave now,” he says to Agent Frye.
“I’m coming with you,” I say and stand, all my guys having my back. If I go, they’ll go.
“No. This is an open investigation Sam and it will take time to verify everything,” Mark says, pissing me off like I give a fuck.
“Then, let my dad?” I plead, needing someone from our court in this.
Mark looks to my pop as I do, pleading with my eyes for him to go.
He grasps my hand in his and squeezes. “I will go, son. I am retired, but I can assist, if the FBI doesn’t mind.” My dad looks to Mark for permission maybe?
“We are fine with that, Detective Sullivan.”
My pop nods and stands to hug Deja and I before looking to Noah. “You stay by his side Beckett,” he demands, but his tone is kind. He loves Carrie and Noah like they are his own, still holding guilt for what they endured, without his ever knowing.
“I will, Samuel,” he says to my pop, who I am named after.
My pop looks to me. “I will come back when I have more. For now, stay in touch and don’t go far, Deja.”
“I can stay here.” She says to my dad, but looks at me. “Cordell is with the kids and I can sleep here. I’m sure you have a spare spot?
“You can come to my place,” Noah says. “Both of you. We have the room. We are close and we can meet there in the event…”
He doesn’t say what we all know.
“I want to go to my house. I need to be there.” I say and look at Deja. “You can come there, you are welcome, but if you want to get a room or go to Noah’s…”
“I’ll come with you, Sam. We are in this together,” she says, and I am reminded that once I loved her fiercely. She will always be Kaces’ mom, and in the end, she is the only person on earth who has a fucking clue what I am feeling.
5 Words: Paradox Ink Trilogy Page 8