5 Words: Paradox Ink Trilogy

by Melanie Walker

  I know that Cassa and Carrie did this. It is intimate, as it should be, but beautiful. The more candles, the more perfect the glow.

  Tayla, the bands manager and PR rep who happens to be one of my closest friends, takes the mic. “I never met Kace, but I had the distinct pleasure of befriending her dad over the years. My deepest condolences to you Sam, and you as well Deja and Cordell.” She lights a candle and places it on the stage before taking the mic again. “I would like to invite the band and closest friends to Sam, Thick as Thieves, to the stage for a dedication in Kace’s name.”

  There is an applause, but not like at a show. It’s like when someone gives a toast which tonight has been like.

  I watch as my closest friends take the stage. Mya to my left, and beside her surrounding the table is Deja, Cordell, Pop, Mark, Ben, Asa, Bright, Raleigh, Carrie, Cassa, Jen, Otto, CD and Kellen. All my people surrounding us as the band plays without the amps on. I love that they want to play acoustically, privately, because she mattered.

  There is a piano brought on the stage and three acoustic guitars as the guys take a seat. “Sam, we wanted to play something for you in honor of Kace,” Chad says, as he strums a few chords in between talking. “We can’t begin to know what you feel, but we are always here for you.”

  I raise my glass to the guys as they start the beginnings of Linkin Park’s, ‘One More Light’.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain

  Somehow, I’m still here to explain

  That the darkest hour never comes in the night

  You can sleep with a gun but when you gonna wake up and fight.

  Sully

  I wake early, too early, and take my time in the shower knowing I will see this sick son-of-a-bitch today. It is a preliminary hearing to address the court with his plea. I finally signed off on it and have yet to read the confession. I don’t know if I ever want to know the truth. I just want to have the choice.

  I get ready. Suit and tie it up with my Armani tuxedo jacket, tie and jeans. I won’t walk in this courtroom looking like some stuffy suit wearing father who is fine with the plea. My tats on my face, hands, head, and neck should be a warning to that monster that I don’t play nice.

  Mya is meeting me there, as are they guys from TAT and the Studio, my pop, the agents and police force.

  By the time I get inside the courtroom, I kiss Mya on the cheek before hugging Deja and shaking Cordell’s hand. “How are you? You okay? Get some sleep?” I ask Deja, seeing she looks at bone tired as I do.

  “Not really. I close my eyes and I see the nightmare.”

  I feel the same way and nod, squeezing her close one last time. “We got this. For Kace, we got this De.”

  She nods and hands me a small bag full of green ribbons with button pins with Kace’s smiling face on them. I see Deja’s family and friends from her studio wearing this and take one for Mya and myself before passing the bag down.

  By the time the bailiff asks us all to rise, there is a sea of green ribbons and support for Kace in the room.

  “You may all be seated,” The Judge says.

  The defense attorneys and prosecution go back and forth over law shit that sounds fucking Korean to me until I see two-armed officers herd Levi Tenpenner into the courtroom and the podium.

  Watching him stand there without a care in the world, not an ounce of remorse. I think about that movie ‘A Time to Kill’ and Samuel L Jackson shoots his daughters’ torturer. I wish I had hidden in a court closet to jump out guns blazing and kill this fucking waste of space.

  “Mr. Tenpenner, how do you plead to the charges against you?” The Judge asks, looking at him with a foulness I feel.

  “No contest, Your Honor,” Tenpenner says, and the gasps from everyone in the room is a loud force.

  I want to be calm. I want to not catch a case of contempt, but I can’t stop myself. I stand and yell to Chris the DA. “No contest? No fucking contest? You said the plea was guilty!”

  “Order in the court!” The Judge slams his gavel down as an officer makes his way to stand in front of me.

  “Order? Really?” I yell to the Judge. “He is violating the plea. He fucking swore to plead guilty for a light sentence. This ‘no contest’ shit is him denying it.” I look at Tenpenner as my dad, Noah, Asa, Mya and Cordell try to pull me back from the now two officers in front of me.

  “You killed my daughter you piece of shit scum!”

  “Bailiff, please remove this man,” The Judge orders, pissing me off even more.

  “I’m not the threat here, Judge. That piece of shit and his plea is.” I fight the two officers who try to hold me back until they have me pinned to the ground, arms behind my back and one of them kneeling on my spine.

  “God, dammit, Samuel!” My father roars. “Stay down!”

  A few minutes pass as hushed whispers and my deep breathing finally settle down.

  “Mr. Sullivan, are you calmed down now?” The Judge asks me as the officer that was holding me to the ground, helps me stand.

  “Yes, Your Honor,” I say, knowing it isn’t true, but I have to be or end up in jail.

  “Can I have a moment with you?” He asks me, shocking me.

  I nod and he looks out over the crowd. “Is the descendant’s mother present?”

  Deja stands, tears in her eyes. “Yes, Your Honor.”

  The Judge motions for Deja to follow and the officer releases me to stand before the Judge in private.

  “I am fully aware of the absolute horror your child suffered. I understand it is hard to breathe the same air with Mr. Tenpenner in the room. No contest on his plea is moot. The court has been given his confession. The confession matters, Mr. Sullivan.”

  The Judge, damn the dude is a nice guy, but that shit infuriates me. “I only agreed to the plea so I could hear him admit it,” I snarl, and look over my shoulder to the filth that is Levi Tenpenner.

  The officer who held me down, stands and moves to the side of him, protecting him…

  And I snap.

  “Are you protecting this piece of shit?” I roar and charge Tenpenner, knocking him to the ground with my fist on his throat. “Admit you are guilty!” I roar, and slam my fist to the side of his head.

  Tenpenner can’t fight for the whole ten seconds this lasted. Officers charge me, but sure as shit Asa, Noah, CD, and Otto all jump into the melee trying to assist, and I say that word nicely.

  Cordell rushes in to pull Deja out of the way as fists are thrown at the officers who try and protect Tenpenner.

  The Judge demands for the courtroom to empty as more officer’s rush in. I have his throat between my fingers, and I squeeze with all my might, seeing nothing but her face and hearing nothing but her sweet voice before I am laid out on the floor with shocks shooting through my body.

  Chapter Eighteen

  See you quiver like the dogs on the street

  Looking down on you as I beat you

  Sully

  ‘What’s your favorite color, Daddy?’ I sit up, panting and sweating and I swore I heard her voice. I look around and see Noah, Asa, Otto, Cordell, and CD all in the same cell as I am. There is one other guy I don’t know. The cell is like a cage with three bunk beds lining the wall.

  It is loud as fuck and I know there must be more of these cages beyond the cinderblock wall.

  “I take it we got contempt of court?” I ask the guys, all nodding.

  “Why the fuck did you guys jump in?” I ask, annoyed they are going to catch charges because of my temper.

  “You go, we go,” Asa says, and they all laugh like this isn’t a shit storm.

  Before I can tell them that they are jackasses, Officer Donner, yes, Donner like the party, comes and calls for them all accept me.

  “You’re out,” he says to the guys, but Noah stops him. “What about Sullivan, I guarantee his bail was paid.”

  Officer Donner looks at me. “Sam, you aren’t eligible for bail.
You need to see The Judge tomorrow. You did a number on Tenpenner.”

  I don’t feel an ounce of guilt at that, but remain composed. “What they charging me with?”

  He whistles low and shakes his head. “Right now? Aggravated assault with extreme prejudice, contempt of court on four counts, accessory of contempt on five counts, for your friends here.”

  I nod in understand even though the whole thing is bullshit. They only want me on the assault charge. “Why extreme prejudice?”

  “Look,” Donner says and steps closer to the now empty cell, and I realize the sixth guy was a friend of Cordell’s. “This could change drastically, Sam. I need you to be remorseful as fuck right now.”

  I laugh at that. “Not going to happen.”

  “You crushed his windpipe, broke four ribs, and shattered his jaw. He is eating and breathing through a tube right now, Sam. If he dies, it’s murder. Aggravated manslaughter at best.”

  I laugh again. “Are you a lawyer now? You have no idea what I can face, but showing remorse won’t happen. I feel nothing but hopeful.”

  Officer Donner shakes his head and makes notes on some chart. “Inmate SULL45978 for Pierce County Corrections shows considerable remorse when confronted on the victims state.”

  “Whatever, Donner,” I laugh knowing he is trying to help me, but I am fine telling a judge I don’t fucking care. I look to Noah who is waiting with the guys to get out. “Remember what I asked, Noah. Buy me out of PIT and get me a lawyer.”

  He nods, no hesitation. “Already on it, man.”

  “Look, your girl is here to see you. Your dad pulled some strings and you have ten minutes,” Donner says, cuffing me before he lets me out of what I now know is a holding cell.

  I follow him into a long hallway with windows everywhere until I see Mya through four-inch glass. “Hey, butterfly,” I say, and feel the first signs of guilt at her swollen puffy face that tells me she has been crying for hours.

  She leans forward to the small ring of holes in the glass and sniffles. “Hey, crow.”

  “Why you crying, Pet?”

  She laughs without humor and rolls her eyes at me. “What were you thinking?”

  I shrug my shoulders and sigh deep. “I wasn’t, Mya. I snapped when the guards defended him and he gets the joy of never admitting his guilt. No contest means he can forever claim innocence without proof. That isn’t acceptable to me. Where did I get the choice to accept the suffering for losing my daughter at his hands? Why does he get a choice? I think the whole thing is a fucking joke at my baby’s expense.”

  “And if he dies? You could face charges for murder.”

  “Or unintentional manslaughter,” I respond snidely, and watch the hurt from my words penetrate.

  “Can you be serious?” She cries, a small white tissue catching her tears.

  “Can they?”

  “Sam-”

  “Mya…”

  “Crow…” She says quietly, a sadness I can feel from her tone alone.

  “Butterfly…” I whisper, and touch my hand to the glass.

  “I understand why you are angry, even why you snapped, I just need for you to do what your lawyers tell you, too.”

  I nod, saying nothing because, well, I may be good and fucked. If he dies? Do I care? Not about him dying, no. I would only care that I would be left in a prison for whatever time the state deems necessary. No more kisses of Mya’s, no more wet pussy, or flirtation that makes my dick hard. There would be no Mya.

  “I gotta wait and see who Noah retains for me. If he does his job right it won’t be bad. I won’t take a plea, Mya. I am fucking guilty where Tenpenner’s injuries and ass whooping is concerned.”

  “You have four lawyers, all from the same firm that TAT uses. Cal had Tay retain them the minute you all were arrested in contempt.”

  I smile at that, loving that insane attention to detail Cal will always have, knowing Noah was smart enough to tell Cal to do it.

  “See, already ahead of this,” I tell her, trying to ease her fears knowing I am bullshitting my way through it.

  “I am so scared, Sam. I have the worst feeling.”

  “Sssh,” I say, and try to soothe her wishing I could hold her. “Trust me here, Mya. Please. If I owe a debt to society, I will pay it, even if he dies, but don’t freak out until we know more, Pet. Don’t make me a lifer without a charge.”

  She nods and sniffles again.

  “Sullivan, times up,” The guard announces, and I pucker my lips and wink.

  “I will get money on a card for you to call on.”

  “I’ll go through my lawyer. I don’t have anyone’s number but the PIT,” I say, and the guard, good old Donner pulls me from the window.

  “Your attorneys are here,” He says, and guides me to a room where I sit at a table, handcuff free. No guards or cameras. Attorney client privilege has a bonus, good to know.

  Not five minutes later does my cut throat attorney walk in looking like the fiercest bitch in town. “Mr. Sullivan, I am Poet Degrassi Grey, and I am here to save your ass.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Wake me up, when this is over

  I’m tired of living life like it’s a dream

  Please wake me up, when it’s all over

  I’m tired of living right here in between

  I refuse

  Sully

  “I have bail set up for you and Noah is working on it now, so you should be released within the hour.”

  “That was fast. What did the judge set it at?”

  “Fifteen thousand. Court is scheduled for two weeks from today, but we need to discuss the charges and what could be pending.”

  “He is still alive?” I ask, curious even though I could care less.

  “For now, yes, but his condition could change at any minute. You need to practice the ‘I feel awful’ sentiment and make it believable,” She raises an eyebrow at me as she says it knowing I don’t feel shit.

  “I’m supposed to show remorse and you all are insane if you think I would swallow my pride for that. I never had an intention of fatally harming anyone, but if he dies, he dies.”

  “I don’t feel for Mr. Tenpenner. I am a defense attorney, but those I defend make me sick. I don’t pretend to be a martyr, I do this for the money. I sleep perfectly fine with that. All of that having been said, I find it refreshing to defend you than another Tenpenner.”

  Her words make me sick. She is made from the same cloth of the putrid baby killers like Tenpenner. I sit the remainder of the meeting, which helps nothing. I have nothing to say to her and I just want out to find representation that wants to defend my actions, not excuse them.

  Noah is standing beside my truck with Mya, who runs to me and pulls me close. “Breathe, Pet. It was just one day.”

  It felt like forever in such short time. It makes me wonder how the hell I am supposed to live without her for possibly fifteen years. It’s terrifying if I look at it that way.

  The ride to her house was mostly quiet as she held my hand, her thumb stroking the top. I get inside and all I can think of is a shower. Jail is disgusting.

  “I need to shower, Pet.”

  “Okay, you know where it is,” She says softly, looking lost. I try not to push her. She is working something out, maybe how to tell me goodbye. I won’t push though. I let the water fall over me trying to wash away the nightmare, but it won’t.

  “Sam?” She calls to me softly and she sounds like she’s crying. I open the shower door to see her crying, but the look in her eyes says fear. She’s not leaving me.

  “Come here,” I say, and pull her close letting the water fall between us even though she is fully clothed.

  “I am so scared Sam,” she bites her lips as I peel her shirt from soaked skin.

  “Of what?”

  “What if he dies?” she says, what I want to pretend I didn’t hear. The last thing I need right now is thoughts of him.

  “So be it.” I cup her face in my hands and pl
ead with her to understand. “I understand you want to move on and have everything go perfectly according to the law. What I did, was the best thing for the world. He is evil and it will never change. A split second of thinking should I really be attacking him never once entered my head.”

  She takes a step back and looks at me with pure shock. “You want him to die.” It isn’t a question. She knows she is right.

  I turn the shower off and reach for a towel, but say nothing. Hearing me say it won’t make it any less true. I do hope he dies. I haven’t come to terms with that and I honestly don’t care if I ever do.

  “So, he dies, and you get sent prison. Sounds worth it.” She smacks her hands on her wet jeans in anger. “We finally have a shot at being together and you fucking kill a man!”

  I turn on her and am in her face, too far for even my comfort as I spit my words out. “He isn’t a man, he is a pedophilic serial killer. He destroyed my life and Deja’s, let alone a future for Kace, and all the others he killed. He is pure evil and not worthy of your concern for his next breath,” I step back but, my angry eyes remain locked to hers. “Want the truth, Pet? I hope he fucking chokes slowly on his last breath. I hope he is terrified knowing he cannot breathe and that it is my face he sees before he dies. That is the fucking truth!”

  “Sam…”

  “No. I won’t sit here and listen to you beg for a fiend’s life. Get the fuck out of my house if that is how you feel. There are two sides here, Mya, Mine and his. Pick wisely.”

  She rushes towards me and holds me close. “Yours, always your side babe. I just don’t want to lose you.”

  I stroke my fingers down her back maybe to comfort her, maybe to soothe me. “If he dies then I will pay the consequence for it. There is no other way to look at it. They know I did it and if I have to pay, I gladly will. Every minute in a cell will be worth it.” I lean back to see her face because she is still holding me tightly. “He took her from me, Mya. I am left knowing she most likely cried as she called for me or Deja and she was alone. He was with her, enjoying it. That is something I will never forget. If there is a heaven, Pet, my apologies at the pearly gates will be to Kace for not protecting her. I won’t apologize for Tenpenner.”