by J. S. Cooper
“I had a good day today.” She changed the subject and slid down closer to me. “I’m glad I came over.”
“I’m sorry we left the plate of cookies in the car.”
“Ha, ha, ha. I don’t care.”
“It was nice of you to bring them over.”
“I wanted to see you.” She grinned sheepishly. “I told myself I would try one last time, and if you still hated me, I would just forget about it.”
“I never hated you.” I shook my head, staring at her in disbelief. “You can’t have thought that? I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time I saw you.”
“When I jumped into your car?”
“No,” I laughed. “When you were running away from the cops.”
“Really?” She looked surprised, but her eyes lit up.
“Yes, really.” I grabbed her hand and held it in mine and we sat in silence waiting for the bus to come. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but I just didn’t have the words. My heart wanted to tell her about my newly discovered feelings, but my head knew that was foolish. This was nothing more than a summer romance, and it would just hurt both of us if I were to pretend otherwise.
“Here’s the bus.” Maddie stood up and we walked to the curb.
“I’m sorry you have to ride the bus with me.”
“Hey, I’m not a princess, I’ll live.”
“Your dad would be pissed if he knew you were on the bus though, I bet.”
“My dad can be a snob at times.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s fine. Like I said, I’m not a princess, no one is looking to kidnap me or do anything bad to me.”
“I guess he’s just worried about his little girl.” I could have laughed at the fact that I was sticking up for the mayor. Today really was a day of firsts.
“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“Yes, I suppose you are.” I paid for our bus tickets and then we found a seat towards the back of the bus. I let her have the window because I noticed a few guys looking at her a bit too closely, and I didn’t want them trying to cop a feel as they walked past us.
“So tell me more about Vincent and Jared.” Maddie gazed up at me longingly.
“Why are you so interested in them?”
“I don’t know. I like hearing about people’s siblings. I guess it comes from being an only child. And I want to get to know you better.”
“Okay.” I leaned back and Maddie rested her head on my shoulder. I could tell she was tired because her eyes were drooping as I played with her long hair with my fingers. “I’ll tell you a story from when we were kids, and you can relax.”
“I’d like that.” She smiled up at me sleepily and lovingly, and my heart melted for a moment as I realized that I had her heart and her trust completely.
“So you know my mom died of cancer. It was pretty quick and swift. Within a few weeks of her being diagnosed, she was gone.” My breath caught and Maddie looked up at me with saddened eyes. “We were all pretty young, but we all knew that she was dying, and we were all devastated, but we didn’t really talk about it. Around that time was when my dad made the turn to complete alcoholism. Please don’t be sad for me.” I frowned down at her, not wanting her sympathy. “His drinking had already been a problem, along with his gambling and paranoia, but we had all hoped it would get better. And me and the guys hadn’t realized just how bad it was. Only my mom really knew, and there wasn’t really much she could do about it. She loved my father, and she was his world, but he was so bitter and angry over things that had happened to him, that he never really got over it. He instilled that bitterness in me and Jared, but for some reason, Vincent never became as jaded as the two of us.”
“Do you know why?” Maddie questioned me softly, and this time I noticed her eyes were completely alert.
“He was always a bit softer and a bit more sensitive than Jared and me.” I laughed. “And I don’t mean he’s gay, though I wouldn’t care if he was.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.” She smiled briefly. I laughed.
“Yeah, so anyway Vinny, well, he’s always looked at things on the more positive side. When Dad told us stuff, me and Jared got mad and wanted to get even. With Vinny, it was different; he wanted to think of solutions and ways to fix the problem.” I could see that Maddie wanted to ask me what stuff my dad used to talk about, but I wasn’t willing to go down that road with her yet. I didn’t want her to know how evil her dad was. I had a feeling it would break her heart and I didn’t want to be the one to do that to her. “Anyway, that’s why he wants to become a lawyer.”
“He wants to become a lawyer?” She looked surprised.
I nodded. “He thinks that if he can become a part of the system, he can advocate for those who have been let down by it.”
“He wants to be a defense attorney?”
“No, though we tease him about that all the time. He wants to become a constitutional lawyer. He wants to take on cases that will help shape the way we construe the laws of the land.”
“Wow.” Her eyes widened. “That’s pretty big.”
“Yeah.” I smiled down at her. “I tell him that one day, he’ll become a Supreme Court Judge, and then for sure everyone in the country will know the Martelli name.”
“Logan Martelli, car thief and brother to Supreme Court Justice.” Maddie grinned. “It does have a certain ring to it.”
“Yeah, it does.” I felt sad for a moment as we spoke, and the reality of everything hit me once again. It all seemed like such a pipe dream. If something didn’t change soon, there was no way Vincent would even get his AA degree, let alone make it to law school. I sighed as I remembered my mother’s last words to me. “You can change your destiny, Logan. You must take care of Vincent, Jared, and your dad. You have to be there for them, Logan. Promise me that you’ll be the man I know you are.”
I’d nodded and cried, but her words had always stuck with me. My life was dedicated to making sure that Vincent and Jared weren’t trapped in the same life I was. And that was why I had never left River Valley or left my dad to fend for himself. Even though some days all I wanted to do was run away and start a new life.
“You okay, Logan?” Maddie caressed my face. “You look deep in thought.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I grabbed her knee and squeezed. “So anyway, before my mom died, Vincent came up with this idea that we should perform a skit for my mom.”
“A skit?”
“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes. “Have you ever seen The Sound of Music?”
“The movie?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Do you remember the lonely goatherd scene?”
“Hmm?”
“High on a hill was a lonely…” I started singing, and Maddie burst out laughing.
“I do remember that.”
“So we performed that song for my mom in the hospital,” I groaned.
“With puppets?”
“No.” I laughed. “With GI Joes, and socks, and pieces of string.”
“Wow, I would have loved to have seen that.”
“It was pretty funny. None of us really knew the song, but it was one of my mom’s favorite movies, so we tried.” I laughed as I remembered her huge smile as she watched us messing up the song and dancing around her hospital room. “And then Jared decided that we should do the can-can, and we flung our legs up and down like a bunch of Vegas showgirls.”
“While singing the lonely goatherd song.”
“Oh, no, we had moved on to do re mi by that point.”
“Oh, wow,” she giggled. “I would have paid good money to have seen that.”
“I’m sure you would have.” I shook my head in mock embarrassment and shuddered. “Holy hell, we must have been a sight to have seen.”
“I bet your mom loved it, though.”
“Yes, yes she did.” I looked out the window and pictured my mother’s face. “That’s the only reason the nurses let us continue. My mom was overjoyed to see us
all together singing and dancing. I think at that moment, she realized that we were three brothers who would let nothing part us. She was able to die knowing that while she was leaving us, we would always have each other and we would always be there for each other.”
“You really love your brothers, don’t you?”
“I’d die for them.” I stared into her eyes earnestly. “I would do anything for them. They are everything to me, and my goal in life is to see them succeed.”
“That’s a pretty important goal.”
“It’s one I’ve dedicated my whole life to,” I said seriously.
“At the cost of your own?”
“I don’t know.” I turned away from her, upset at myself for my answer. I was upset because things had changed now. I knew she would want to be my world if we became serious, but I knew that I could not give her that promise until I knew Vincent and Jared had their lives in order. I was mad at myself for wishing that it could be different, and that I could put myself and Maddie first.
***
“I had a nice day.” Maddie leaned up and kissed me as we stood next to her car door. It was close to ten p.m. and we were finally back at my house and her car.
“So did I.” I combed her hair away from her face. “I had a really nice day.”
“Though I wish we had Bonnie and Clyde’d it for a week or so.” She smiled wistfully. “That would have been awesome.”
“Not so awesome if you didn’t have your birth control,” I joked lightly, not wanting to know how big a part that small fact would have played in our trip.
“Oh, yeah, oops.” She slapped her hand against her mouth. “I totally forgot about that, I’m such a ditz.”
“Good thing I remembered.”
“You’re my hero.” She kissed me again.
“I wouldn’t say that exactly.” I shook my head, feeling uncomfortable at her words. I already felt ashamed of myself for even thinking about going along with Jared’s plan.
“Logan Martelli, you never let me say anything good about you.”
“When there is something good to say, I will let you.”
“I hate that you don’t see how great you are.” Maddie looked sad. “Forget the fact that you’re a car thief, which isn’t really all that bad. You’re a good person.”
“A car thief isn’t as bad as a murderer maybe, but it’s still bad, Maddie. I could go to jail. It’s not like I’m borrowing flowers from the park or something.”
“You don’t have to be a car thief.” She pursed her lips. “I’m not going to say it again after this, but my dad could …”
My blood boiled as she mentioned her father again. It was getting harder and harder for me to listen to her go on about her dad being this great guy, especially when she talked about him helping me. All it did was add salt to the wound. And I sure didn’t want to start thinking about how much I hated her father right now.
“Let’s not talk about it tonight.” I kissed her hard. “Don’t you worry your sweet head about anything.”
“Logan, no man is an island.”
“And no woman can fix a man. I am who I am.”
“Do you want to come over tonight?” She looked at me hopefully. I shook my head. “Can I stay over?” I froze at her words; there was no way I wanted her to come inside of my house. I was embarrassed at how shitty the house looked inside, and I was scared for her to meet my father, and I didn’t really want her around Jared, either. There were just so many things that could go wrong if she came inside. “I guess your silence is a no.” She pulled away from me. “Fine, call me when you want to see me.”
“Don’t be like that, Maddie.” I grabbed her shoulder and she shook my hand off.
“Whatever, I’m going home.” She yawned. “I’m tired, I need to go to bed.”
“I wish I could be in that bed with you,” I said softly and gave her a half-smile. She looked at me dismissively and got into her car.
“I’ll see you whenever.” She closed the door and started the engine with me standing there, staring with my mouth slightly agape. I wasn’t used to Maddie treating me like this. I knocked on the window and she rolled it down slowly.
“Thanks for spending the day with me.” I leaned in to kiss her cheek, and she turned to me with eyes flashing.
“I’m mad at you, Logan Martelli.”
“I don’t know what I …”
“Oh, shut up, of course you know why I’m mad. You don’t trust me. You won’t tell me why you hate my dad, you won’t let my dad help you, even though I can tell you don’t love being a thief, and it doesn’t seem to be paying you that well. You won’t let me meet your brothers. Maybe you’re ashamed to be dating me? Or maybe you don’t want to bring me into your small microcosm because you don’t really like me that much. Maybe you just like having kinky sex with me, but you don’t really want to date-me date me.”
“That’s not true, Maddie,” I sighed as she glared at me.
“Well, why don’t you think about it and decide what you want to do. Because this limbo isn’t going to work for me.”
“Wait, what?” I frowned, confused. Why was it getting so difficult already?
“I’ll be seeing you, Logan.” She reversed out of the driveway and I watched as she pulled into the street and left. My heart was pounding and I realized that I didn’t have her phone number. Shit! I rolled my eyes as I walked into the house, I would just have to wait for Maddie to contact me. She’d likely call me in a few days anyway, once she realized that I didn’t have her phone number. She couldn’t stay away from me. I laughed as I opened the door and walked past the living room without thinking about my dad. I was about to walk up the stairs when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Whoa, Logan. What are you doing?” Jared slapped my shoulder and his eyes were burning into mine. “I thought you weren’t coming home tonight? What happened with Maddison?”
“I changed my mind, and Maddie went home.”
“What? You let her go home? Fuck it.” He shook his head. “Tell me what happened, man. What’s the plan?”
“There is no plan, Jared,” I answered him wearily.
“What?” His eyes narrowed. “I know you’re not going to let this opportunity go.”
“There is no opportunity, Jared,” I hissed at him angrily. “Maddie has nothing to do with this.”
“Dad had a fit tonight.” Jared placed his hand on the wall. “He hit Vincent.”
“What?” My heart started pounding. “Why?”
“He told him to get some beer. There is no beer, and we have no money.”
“Fuck, is he okay?”
“He’s fine. He didn’t even hit Dad back.” Jared’s face looked violent. “If he ever tries that shit with me, I’ll punch him the fuck out. I don’t give a shit.”
“Where’s Vinny?” I sighed, worried.
“In the kitchen. We’ve been talking about you.” He looked down. “We’re kinda hungry.” His voice was low and his heated animation was gone.
“Why didn’t you buy any food?” I frowned as we walked to the kitchen.
“I gave you all my money.”
“What?” I bit my lip.
“I gave you all the money I won on the races, and Vinny threw in his last hundred as well. We knew you didn’t have the rent money.”
“How did you know?” I was mad at myself for not having hid it better.
“We just knew.” Jared looked at me with concern in his eyes. “We’re worried about you, bro.”
“Why … oh, shit.” I walked into the kitchen and saw Vincent’s black eye. “You okay?” I stopped short of running up to him and checking it.
“I’m fine. He can still sock a man hard.” Vincent made a joke, and I half-smiled back at him. My blood was boiling as I stared at my brother, and all I wanted to do was go into the living room and shout at my father.
“We need to talk, guys.” Jared’s voice was loud, and I turned to look at him. He looked like a man. I realized that his b
oyish charm was gone and he was now a hardened man. I felt disappointment seep through my body. I had failed my mother. Everything was shit. I had done nothing to improve our situation.
“What’s up?” I frowned at him. I wasn’t happy that he was now trying to take control of family situations.
“I want everyone to know that I can’t live like this anymore.” Jared looked at Vinny and me with a hard look in his eyes. “This is shit. Dad is a fucking drunk who thinks he can say and do what he wants, and we never have enough money for anything. We can’t get jobs in this godforsaken town and Logan won’t even make the man responsible for it pay. This is a joke.” He shook his head and looked at me. “I love you, man, and I know you’re trying, and I know you made a promise to Mom to look after us, but you need some help.”
I stared at him silently, not sure what to say. I was upset that I hadn’t been able to fulfill my mom’s last wishes. She had trusted and believed in me and I was failing her. I looked over at Vincent to see what he had to say. He looked at me sadly and nodded slightly before speaking.
“We need to do something big.” He stared down at the textbook in front of him. “And I don’t mean calculus big, either.”
“What are you guys thinking?” I asked pointedly. I knew better than to just assume they were just thinking about this for the first time. They had probably been plotting for a long time.
“Jared has an idea.” Vincent nodded towards his brother, and I looked over to Jared, who was staring at me with a defensive look.
“Don’t shoot me down right away.” His eyes bore into mine. “Listen before you say no.”
“Why do I feel like I already want to say no?” I groaned.
“I was hanging out with Joey, and he …”
“NO.” My face turned red as I shouted. “Hell NO.”
“Logan,” Jared sighed. “Just listen.”
“Joey is bad news.”
“Let him talk, Logan,” Vincent spoke up. “I don’t particularly care for Joey either, but this sounds like a pretty good idea.”