Accidental Nazi

by Ward Wagher

  “He listens to me,” Hess replied. “However, he very much makes up his own mind about things.”

  “Ah. I am sorry to interrupt your dinner,” Hannover said.

  “Come off it, Lyrius. You look like somebody ran over your dog. Let me speak with the Partieleiter. I cannot make promises, though.”

  “I suppose that is all I can ask.”

  “You are absolutely correct,” Hess said. “It is all you can ask. But, I will approach Schloss about this.”

  “Thank you very much, Herr Deputy-Fuhrer.”

  With that, Lyrius Hannover, II stood up and left the restaurant.

  I will speak to Herr Schloss about Lyrius. But it is because I agree he would make a good Gauleiter. Now perhaps I can enjoy my dinner.

  # # #

  July 28, 1941; 9 AM

  Reich Chancellery, Berlin

  “We have two items on our agenda today,” Hess said. “First of all we need to review the Mediterranean strategy, and then the Final Solution.”

  Hess manages a complete non-expression as he speaks in here, Schloss thought to himself. I truly wish he had the intelligence and common sense to match his speaking abilities.

  “What is it you have cooked up for the Mediterranean, Herr Schloss?” Himmler asked.

  “This is a part of our strategy to keep the Americans from entering the war until we are fully able to beat them.” Which will be never as far as I'm concerned.

  “I once again fail to see why you are so fearful of the Americans. They are not pure racially. They are untermenschen. They breed wildly and have filled up an entire continent.”

  “It's bad enough that they supply arms to England,” Goering said. “If they ever decide to come in on their own, we would be in serious trouble.”

  “And I think we have a bunch of old women in the government,” Himmler retorted acidly. “The Fuhrer did not get as far as he did by being timid. So what do you have in mind, Schloss?”

  “We are going to surge most of our Atlantic submarine fleet into the Mediterranean. The goal is to turn it into a German lake. With that accomplished, we can move a truly powerful land army into North Africa,” Schloss said. “It will also cover our flank for our move into Iraq.”

  Himmler rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “I just do not understand you people.”

  And that is going to get worse, Schloss thought. We are going to have to stop his plans for the final solution and I may cause the SS to go to war against the party.

  Himmler looked around the room again. “Okay, then would somebody tell me what this does to our Atlantic strategy?”

  “I suppose the nugget of the idea is that we simply ignore England”, Goering explained. “We cannot do what we really need to do without the Americans eventually coming into the war on the side of the English.”

  “Have you been drinking from Schloss's magic elixir, Hermann?” Himmler asked. The caustic tone of his voice was apparent to everyone in the room.

  “We do not have the ability to close the Atlantic,” Schloss said.

  “That is not what Doenitz and Rader told us,” Himmler said.

  “If we were going to succeed in closing the Atlantic, we would have succeeded by now,” Schloss said.

  “You are so defeatest!” Himmler yelled.

  Schloss swung his head from side to side. “Isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same thing over and over, hoping for a different result? If you change plans because something doesn't work, it's not defeatest. It's just being smart.”

  Himmler snarled at him in incoherent rage. Schloss found himself hoping the other man would have a stroke or a heart attack. On the other hand, if he allowed a civil war to erupt at this table, Germany would surely lose anyway.

  “Calmly, calmly, mein herren,” Schloss said. “The purpose of this council is to allow free debate before reaching a consensus.”

  “That is apparently untrue,” Himmler said. “You have already decided what we are going to do, and you are simply rolling over us to get it done.”

  “You are not listening to the Partieleiter,” Goering said. “He is being very clear-headed about this. We need to consider very carefully what he is saying. I have spoken with the armed forces and they are in agreement with the direction.”

  Himmler snorted. “The armed forces will tell you anything you want to hear, Hermann. And then they go ahead to do whatever they want.”

  Goebbels, who was sitting next to Himmler, laid a hand on his arm. Himmler whirled on Goebbels.

  “Don't tell me you agree with this nonsense, Joseph.”

  “The ideas have merit.”

  Himmler glared at the other men at the table, one by one. “I feel like this entire group is descending into insanity. Am I the only sane man here?”

  The other men at the table glanced at one-another. They had already drawn the alternate conclusion and were frightened.

  Finally, Himmler sighed. “Very well. Do what you are going to do anyway. It is obvious no one else wants to stop you, Schloss.”

  The room grew still as everyone digested the previous argument. Then Hess cleared his throat.

  “So... the next item on the agenda is the Reichsprotektor's proposal for the Jewish problem.” He nodded to Himmler.

  Himmler nodded to his adjutant, Reinhard Heydrich, who sat to his left. The man slid his chair back and then walked around the table distributing folders to each attendee. The folders were sealed in red tape, indicating top secret information.

  “I must insist you return the folders to me at the conclusion of this presentation,” Himmler said. “If this got into the wrong hands it could be misunderstood.”

  No, Schloss thought, if the English saw this they would understand all too well.

  Around the table the men used their pen knives to slit open the folders and pulled out the bound material inside. Schloss opened his and his blood chilled when he read the title: The Final Solution to the Jewish Problem – at the Direction of the German Supreme Council.

  Himmler spent an hour reviewing the plan. Schloss admitted to himself that the plan was well written, and reflected considerable thought on the part of its authors. And history told him it would be effective. It amazed him that the Germans could apply such Teutonic efficiency to the murder of millions of people, yet execute such an inept strategy to a war that eventually brought them down. And this plan was a cancer eating at the heart of the Fatherland.

  Schloss's stomach began churning when Heydrich distributed the plans. It grew worse. He felt like a volcano had erupted in his gut. He felt as though, when he looked at the plan, he was staring into the depths of hell. How could rational Germans concoct such a monstrous evil?

  “Now that we have reviewed the plan,” Himmler said in his thin, reedy voice, “do you have any questions or comments?”

  Once again the room was very quiet. Schloss glanced around the table, as did Himmler. Everyone else kept their eyes on the document. Finally, Ribbentrop spoke. He had remained quiet during the first part of the meeting.

  “This certainly seems to go about it in the most efficient way possible.”

  No one else spoke. Himmler looked around and drummed his fingers on the table.

  “Very well, if there are no further questions or comments, I propose we proceed with the plan.”

  “And you believe this will be successful?” Goering asked.

  “It must be,” Himmler replied. “The Jews were the cause of this war. If it were not for them, we would still be at peace. If we do not destroy them, they will destroy us. It is that simple.”

  “What will the world think of this?” Hess asked.

  Himmler's response indicated what he thought of the rest of the world.

  This whole nation has gone mad! Schloss thought. How can I stop this?

  “I suggest we table discussion for today, and then take a fresh look at it next week,” Schloss said. “This is a very serious project.”

  “Just like that?” Himmler
hissed. “You have taken months, no, years of work and treated it as casually as that?”

  He shook his finger across the table at Schloss. “You will regret this, Herr Schloss. I will not allow you to stand in the way of the German destiny.”

  Schloss leaned back and folded his arms. “Is anyone else in the room with you on this, Heinrich?” he asked quietly. “You need our support to succeed.”

  Heydrich leaned over and whispered to Himmler. He glanced around the table.

  “Very well. We wait. For now.”

  The group seemed subdued as they made their way out of the Fuhrer’s Meeting Room. Schloss lagged behind as did Hess.

  “What are your intentions towards Himmler’s plan, Herr Partieleiter?” Hess asked quietly.

  “Why do you ask, Rudolf?”

  “You seemed very reluctant to embrace the plan.”

  Schloss glanced at Rainer and looked back at Hess. “We have been successful in taking a measured approach over the past month since the Fuhrer’s death. There is nothing that is forcing us to move ahead on this just yet.”

  Hess gave him a careful look. “Very well. Herr Himmler was not happy with you, or with all of us for that matter.”

  “I understand,” Schloss said. “But thank you for your concern.”

  Hess nodded, then stepped past Schloss and walked out of the room.

  “Did you notice the look on Heydrich’s face?” Rainer asked.

  “No. I was focused on the Reichsprotektor.”

  “Heydrich is perhaps even more dangerous than Himmler. He wrote most of the plan.”

  “And nobody likes to be told they have an ugly baby,” Schloss commented.

  “Precisely.”

  “I’m trusting you, Karl, to stay aware of any threats.”

  “And that is why I mentioned this to you, Herr Partieleiter.”

  “All right. Let’s go.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  July 29, 1941; 9AM

  Nazi Party Headquarters, Berlin

  “The Foreign Minister, Herr Partieleiter,” Rainer said.

  Schloss picked up the phone. “Good morning, Joachim. What can I do for you today?”

  “Very kind of you to speak with me, Herr Partieleiter. I believe we have a breakthrough with the Americans.”

  “Wait one,” Schloss said. He changed hands on the phone receiver and slid a notepad in front of him, then grabbed a pencil. “Very well. Go ahead.”

  “The Americans would like to meet with us in Lisbon to discuss our general differences.”

  “Which American? When?” Schloss barked.

  “They would like it to be soon – within the next couple of weeks. I am given to understand it would be one of the permanent under-secretaries in the American Department of State.”

  Schloss scribbled notes on the pad, and motioned Rainer over to the desk to read them. He looked at the notes and raised his eyebrows at Schloss.

  “I thought perhaps we could send your brother-in-law,” Ribbentrop continued. “I would of course accompany him and would be able to make decisions. I obviously could not sit in the meetings, personally.”

  “In other words, the Americans want deniability,” Schloss replied. “Do you have any idea whether or not Roosevelt even knows about it?”

  “Oh, I think he probably does. And you are very right about deniability. The chargé d'affaires indicated they want this kept quiet as the grave. If the Englanders caught wind of it, the Americans would be embarrassed.”

  And I think it's even money Roosevelt knows nothing about this, Schloss thought. It sounds more like one of the State Department mandarins who doesn't want the Americans to go to war with us.

  “Who else have you told?” Schloss asked.

  “I called you first, Herr Partieleiter.”

  And it looks like the histories were correct about you, you bootlicking swine. “Very well. Go ahead and call everyone, then ask Hess to schedule a meeting. We are going to have to talk about this.”

  He could almost hear Ribbentrop come to attention over the phone. “I shall do so, Herr Partielieter.”

  “And I thank you for your hard work, Herr Foreign Minister.” Schloss hung up the phone. “You illegitimate offspring of a pig!”

  Schloss pointed to Rainer. “Sit, Karl.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really do not want to face that crew again so soon! I am tempted to use every last one of them to defenestrate the Reich Chancellery. I've got Ribbentrop licking my boots, now. I think he was the primary reason our relationship with the English got so screwed up.”

  “He convinced the Fuhrer the English would not go to war with us,” Rainer said.

  “Exactly. Unfortunately, our friend Joachim has delusions of competency.”

  “And he wants to send your brother-in-law to Lisbon?”

  “I don't know if that is because Peter has been doing all the work on this project, or because he is trying to suck up to me.”

  “May I suggest, Herr Partieleiter, that it is both.” Rainer said.

  “Talk to me, Karl,” Schloss said. “How do we need to handle this?”

  “Me, Herr Partieleiter?” Rainer looked surprised.

  “Listen Karl, you are practically running the party for me, and we both know it. What do your instincts say about this?”

  Rainer looked down at the desk as he thought. After a few moments he raised his eyes and looked at Schloss. “We absolutely cannot send the Foreign Minister. He will insist on a formal welcome at the airport in Lisbon, then he will proceed to our embassy there and throw his weight around. The English will find out about it just about as soon as somebody can locate a telegraph key.”

  “And what game are the Americans playing?”

  Rainer grimaced and shook his head. “Hard to say. They clearly want deniability. I seriously wonder whether the American president even knows about this.”

  “That was my thought,” Schloss murmured. “He would probably be as surprised as Churchill would be.”

  “I do not see a downside for us, though.”

  “Let's think about that, Karl. Could the Americans be playing us for fools? I mean, it is clear that Roosevelt has been looking for a casus belli.”

  “Something to justify a declaration of war?” Rainer asked. “The man has a reputation for being Machiavellian. Still, though, I do not see how this could hurt us if it becomes public. The risk is all on their side without the attendant benefits.”

  “I see it the same way. I wonder if we are missing something.”

  The room grew quiet as both men stared at the piece of note paper lying on the desk blotter. Both tried to look at all the facets of the engagement. One of the women tapped on the door.

  “The Deputy Fuhrer is on the phone, Herr Partieleiter.”

  “Thank you, Margrethe,” Schloss said as he picked up the phone.

  “How are you, Rudoph?”

  “Fine, Herr Partieleiter. The Foreign Minister called me. The Americans are requesting a secret meeting in Lisbon. I thought we should gather the group and decide who to send.”

  “That's interesting news,” Schloss replied. “And I agree we should meet.”

  “I would suggest two o'clock,” Hess said. “Everyone is usually finished with their lunch appointments by then.”

  “That would work for me.”

  “Very well, Herr Partieleiter. What are your feelings about this?”

  “I cannot say without knowing more,” Schloss replied. “But, in general, I view it as an opportunity to reach some kind of an understanding with them.”

  “I would hope that would be the case,” Hess said. “Until this afternoon, I guess.”

  Schloss hung up the phone and looked at Rainer. “I suppose that will take care of our afternoon.”

  “I suppose I do not look forward to it any more than you do, Herr Partieleiter.”

  “We could send you to Lisbon along with Peter,” Schloss said.

  “I would not have the auth
ority to make decisions,” He replied.

  “I suspect whoever the Americans send will not either.”

  “If you want me to go, I will be very happy to,” Rainer said.

  “I'll just bet you would,” Schloss said with a smile. “A chance to catch up on your shopping?”

  “Of course not, Herr Partielieter. I simply wish to do my duty to the Reich.”

  Schloss laughed. “You've got that sincere act working well for you, Karl. My thought is that either you should go, or I.”

  “If you could manage to stay unrecognized, it would give the benefit of having someone close to the talks who could make decisions. On the other hand, that is a neutral country. If the motive of the Americans is to stir up trouble, you might be in danger.”

  “I had not thought of that. It would be interesting to find out if Canaris has any intelligence on what's going on... and if he were willing to share it.”

  Rainer appeared deep in thought. He then spoke. “I will begin planning for one of us to make the trip to Lisbon.”

  “It is probably going to have to be you, Karl. I am going to have to make a trip up to the shipyards to review the new U-Boat designs. They sounded excited about what they had come up with. If it is significant, I do not want to delay that either.”

  “Shall I make those arrangements, Sir?” Rainer asked.

  Schloss leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. He looked up at the ceiling as he thought. “Yes, I suppose you should. Make them tentative. I have no idea what may pop up in the meeting this afternoon. Now, you'd better let me get back to work.”

  “Of course, Herr Partieleiter,” Rainer said. He quickly stood up and marched out of the room.

  Rainer is very competent, Schloss thought. I wonder what he really thinks of me. Does he think me insane? Am I insane? I do know I could not function without him.

  Schloss managed the rest of the morning to limit his activities to routine work. Rainer efficiently diverted a large portion of the ebb and flow through the office, but even the smaller percentage that landed on Schloss's desk was massive. The Reich was a top-down organization, and far too many routine decisions were kicked all the way to the top. Schloss decided that it was not a bad thing in this case. It seemed that when Germans took the initiative to make decisions, the result was not good.