Gamble on Engagement

by Rachel Astor

  “You don’t know that,” I said, suddenly finding myself rooting for her. “If you just told him…”

  She chuckled humorlessly. “You think I’ve been pining after him for this long and haven’t tried talking to him? Getting through to him? It’s just that… I can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried a million times. Gone over it in my head so many times it almost seems real. Dreamed about it even.”

  I nodded.

  “But I just… can’t.” Her sadness increased visibly. “But,” she said, perking up slightly. “I think at least I may have a solution to our immediate problem and then we can both just get on with our lives.”

  I crinkled my brow. “Our immediate problem?”

  “The book.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “So, how much do you have done?”

  I chewed my lip. “Like, maybe a hundred pages.”

  “And it’s all recent stuff?”

  I nodded sheepishly, knowing she’d known all along that I didn’t get the research done that I needed to.

  “Okay. Because I have about a hundred and fifty that I’ve been putting together over the past five years. I’ve been to visit his schools, his old house, his grandparents…” She pulled a thick pile of manuscript pages out of her bag and slammed it down on the table.

  “You have?” I asked, my eyes wide. “So… why didn’t you just say you’d write the book?”

  “It’s kind of hard to tell the man you love that you’ve become so obsessed with him that you’ve just gone ahead and written a comprehensive biography on him, you know, just for fun.” She looked at me, sarcasm dripping from her.

  I actually let out a little giggle. A first for our relationship. “Um, yeah. I can see where that might be a bit of a… sticky situation.”

  She laughed, shaking her head.

  And then we were both laughing, like uncontrollable giggles laughing. It was kind of ridiculous, actually. But you would not believe how much better it made me feel.

  And that’s also exactly the moment that Leo chose to walk in.

  And his eyes were glued to Miranda, his head cocked, his brow furrowed.

  The giggles stopped abruptly.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh like that before,” he said, confused, like it couldn’t really be the case.

  “Oh, yeah, uh… sorry,” Miranda said, suddenly regaining the super rigid posture I’d gotten so used to seeing.

  I understood then that it was more her defenses creeping up than what I’d first thought, that she was just totally mean and uptight.

  “You look… different.” He said, looking a little dumbstruck.

  Miranda loosened her posture the teensiest bit.

  Leo hadn’t taken his eyes off Miranda since he walked into the room. And she really did look different in her cutoff jean shorts and cami-tank. But it was her hair really, and the fact that she didn’t have her glasses on that made the real difference. It seemed bizarre that in all this time, Leo had never seen her like this, but knowing Miranda, she probably made sure of that.

  “I didn’t think you’d be home today,” she said.

  “I just…” It was so cute, it was like he was having trouble making sentences. “I was looking for Josie,” he said, pointing briefly in my direction like he had a vague recollection that I was in the room but wasn’t really sure.

  Miranda took a deep breath. “Um, Leo I think I have to quit.”

  My mouth gaped. But not as much as Leo’s, which then turned quickly to a look of panic.

  “You can’t quit. I need you.”

  She smiled, expecting it. “I know. But you can’t have me like this anymore. I need… more in my life.”

  He nodded, a million thoughts seeming to pass over his face while he scrambled for something to say. Finally, his face went calm. “Okay. You can quit being my assistant. But you can’t quit my life, okay?” He moved toward her, tentative, like a teenager finally finding the nerve to approach his five-year crush.

  It was so exciting. For a second, that is. And then it became like, super awkward, you know, for me. I glanced around the room, wondering what I should do. It was like elevator music should be playing in the background to pass the time or something. I couldn’t just sit there and watch them make out, could I? God, but I couldn’t just walk out without saying anything.

  I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling like I had waited too long and now looked like some sort of creepy peeping Tom or something. “Well, uh… I’m just going to uh, go,” I said, pointing in the direction of the door, as if they would have cared where I was going. “I’ll just uh, send you my book stuff over email, Miranda.”

  She gave me a thumbs-up and tried to say something, but was way too caught up in the kiss to actually stop and acknowledge me properly.

  But I didn’t care. I was just happy to get the heck out of there as quickly as possible.

  ~ 19 ~

  I was happy for Miranda, I really was. And goodness knows she waited a long time to finally land her Prince Charming, but still, it’s hard to be too ecstatic when you know your own Prince Charming has ridden away into the sunset without you.

  I packed my things, and let’s face it, a whole lot of things that weren’t really mine. I figured I had lost my guy all because of Leo (and okay, maybe I had a little to do with it), so I wasn’t really all that concerned with leaving him with all Melania’s stuff. Especially the shoes.

  And it’s not like Miranda would ever touch any of it. She’d been around for those Melania days, I’m sure she wouldn’t be too into wearing some ex-girlfriend’s clothes. I certainly wouldn’t be. Maybe I was just trying to make myself feel better.

  And I had to admit, shopping in a supermodel’s closet, is actually pretty good therapy.

  At least for a while.

  But after I said my quick goodbyes to Miranda and Leo, the drive back to London had all the dark gloomy feelings sinking right back in.

  Mattie’s words, “What the hell have you been doing over there?” kept repeating over and over in my head. And honestly, I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I had been thinking. It all seemed so innocent at the time, and everything really had been innocent, even necessary for the book, but now, thinking back, I realized I’d known on some level that going out on date after date—because let’s face it, that’s pretty much what it was even though none of it was ever official—had probably been a bad idea.

  But I couldn’t say I totally hated having all that attention from a Prince. God, I hated myself for even thinking it, but it was true, it was nice. Especially when you’re missing your boyfriend. Especially when you know that boyfriend could never last anyway, because who actually gets to date a movie star and have something lasting with him?

  Well, according to Mattie, apparently me.

  Except not anymore. I had sufficiently and efficiently ruined everything.

  Again.

  Dear Disaster Diary,

  Life is like a box of chocolates…

  Oh, who am I kidding?

  The story of my life can pretty much be summed up in one of my embarrassing moments. Not that it’s nearly the most embarrassing of my life or anything, but I’d say it’s rather befitting of this ‘life that has been flushed down the crapper yet again’ moment.

  One hot summer day, I decided to sit out on the front steps to enjoy the weather and do a little people watching. Except, you know, I was actually watching for my super hot mailman to come by so I could accidentally-on-purpose drop something in front of him and maybe even start up a conversation.

  Everything was going great, I’d just gotten a fabulous mani-pedi the day before, so I was showing off the Strawberry Kiss polish on my bare feet. Even I was thinking my feet were looking sexy, when the mailman turned the corner and started making his way toward me.

  Well, perhaps I should have been paying closer attention to the people watching I was supposed to be doing, instead of my feet.

  No, strike that, what I
really should have been doing was dog watching. Because it was the large Doberman which led to what was perhaps the finest display of ‘Barefoot Dog Poo Skating’ the world has ever seen.

  Seriously, I slid what felt like halfway down the block, right into the arms of said mailman. Of course, I didn’t exactly land in his arms so much as I bowled him over, sending letters sailing through the skies.

  It was impossible to hide the steaming mess still squishing through my toes as I helped him pick up the last few letters, some of which actually had offending bits of you know what on them.

  Needless to say, I never waited on my front stoop for that mailman ever again.

  I kind of wanted to read through some of my entries while Lance drove me into the city, but I knew they’d just make me feel worse. That’s the thing about embarrassing moments, sometimes they made you laugh, but sometimes, if you’re already feeling down, they just might make you feel that original shame all over again. Of course, I thought I probably deserved to feel all the shame all over again, but I really, really didn’t want to cry in front of Lance after he’d been so nice to me and everything.

  Jennifer and I decided to fly back to the States together. Things were still pretty shaky with her and Dave, although he seemed to be starting to come around, showing up at her doorstep in tears, carrying flowers, some onesies, ice cream and pickles. The last two were a bit over-the-top, but I guess he’d wanted to make a grand gesture or whatever.

  Jennifer wasn’t going to let him off that easy, of course, but I could tell she would totally let him in again once she thought he’d suffered sufficiently. I couldn’t decide if I agreed with the whole mental torture thing or not, but since I had the world’s worst track record in making decisions, especially romantic ones, I decided to leave her methods alone and not throw in my two cents.

  Jennifer had taken the chocolate and ice cream and sent the pickles and onesies (just to keep him thinking about the baby, I supposed) back with him, not giving him any sort of indication whether she would forgive him or not—even after he cried.

  Seriously, it was like she was made of stone or something.

  I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a little bit envious of her strength and badass-ery. Dave would likely never forget it either, and probably treat her like gold from here on in.

  In the end, I was mostly just thankful that, even though I knew they would make up, I didn’t have to witness it the way I’d witnessed Leo and Miranda’s love fest. I didn’t think I could take something like that all over again.

  I was so ready for the lengthy flight and sleeping as long as I could—I felt like I could sleep for days—and then maybe sneaking in an in-flight movie or two. Although I was certainly not in the mood for any romances. Or anything starring Jake Hall, of course.

  Maybe a nice horror would be the way to go.

  We had just settled into our seats when I saw a sight that I swore I never wanted to see again. “You have got to be kidding me.”

  “What?” Jennifer said, looking around.

  I pointed to the problem. “Meet Missy.”

  “Are you shitting me?!” she said. “What are the chances?”

  I slunk into my seat as far as I could.

  “Do you want me to get her kicked off?”

  “And how do you suppose you’ll do that?”

  She shrugged. “I’m sure there are ways,” she said, smiling with a faraway look in her eye that I wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

  But it still made me giggle. “It’s fine. Just don’t let her see me.”

  But of course, it was too late. She had stopped right beside me, since, as luck would have it, her seat was right across the aisle from me.

  When she saw me though, it was her who froze. She knew exactly what she’d done to me, and obviously thought she’d never run into me again.

  “Get a nice little check from the tabloids?” I asked.

  I mean, I knew I should just leave it alone, and maybe my rage was partly due to the fact that I’d never had the chance to confront my former best friend Calla when she’d thrown me under the tabloid bus, but I just couldn’t help myself.

  “I uh… uh…” she said, her face growing redder and redder. Eventually she straightened up a bit, as if to compose herself. “I’m just going to find another seat.”

  “You do that,” I said, not even feeling the least bit bad about my snark.

  But still, I couldn’t relax, knowing that that… person was breathing the same air as me. I did nothing wrong and she made it out for the whole world that I was some sort of tramp who stalked famous people or something.

  And she made money off the story. That was the sickest part really, I mean, the tabloids probably wouldn’t have given her the time of day if I hadn’t allowed her to take that picture with me in the first place.

  And maybe the saddest part of it all was that I could literally feel myself getting more jaded every day.

  Maybe this was all for the best.

  Maybe I wasn’t cut out for a life in the spotlight.

  I kept trying to sleep, but no matter how hard I tried, my mind just raced faster and faster. I tried to come up with ways to fix things with Jake. Then I realized it was probably hopeless, and for the best anyway. Then thoughts of what the hell I was supposed to do with my life now whizzed through there. And then a baby started crying at the back of the plane and I marveled at how absurd it was that I was jealous of it, both for its simple life, and the fact that it was allowed to just break down and have a fit whenever it wanted.

  Because seriously, I could have really used a good fit.

  But I was a grown woman, not that I felt like one most of the time, but still, there was at least a tiny bit of self-control left in me and I somehow made it through the entire flight, though I didn’t sleep for a second and I hadn’t bothered to watch a movie either.

  It all just seemed so… pointless.

  The second we stepped off the plane, Jennifer’s cell started going off like crazy. She was getting calls and texts and emails like there was no tomorrow.

  She looked at me, guilty. “Sorry, Dave is kind of feeling bad. Do you mind?” she asked, pointing to her phone and walking to a more private area.

  “Oh sure, fine. Don’t worry about me,” I muttered under my breath as I started for the baggage area, dragging my sorry butt as I went.

  Good for her, I tried to tell myself, it’s super nice, you know, for her, that she has a lovely guy who, although he may falter every once in a while, seems to truly adore her. Yes, good for her, I tried to force myself to say over and over. But I just couldn’t bring myself to feel it all that sincerely.

  I knew in my head that it was good for Jennifer, but my heart had not caught up yet.

  I stood, numb, with my large metal cart, waiting for all my luggage to arrive. I had never wanted to just get home worse than I did right then. So much so that I almost regretted packing so much of Melania’s stuff and giving myself all those extra bags to wait for and tote home.

  “I’ve got to head over to Dave’s apartment,” Jennifer said, strolling up. Of course her one suitcase just happened to be rolling by us just as she got there and she quickly grabbed it, ready to leave. “His neighbor thinks he smelled gas coming from his place.”

  “And you’re just going over there?” I asked. I mean, I know I hadn’t known Jennifer that long, but I could not imagine just heading on in to an apartment that might have gas leaking. What would a person even do if there was gas? “Do you think that’s a good idea with the baby and everything?” Plus, you know, she was just going to leave me alone in my time of need?

  She just shrugged. “It’ll be fine. His neighbor is apparently just really nosy, and Dave doesn’t think anything is probably up, I’m just checking in for a sec, just in case. Go ahead and take the car I booked, I’ll just grab a cab.”

  I sighed, not even caring if she got ticked off or whatever. Seriously, she had to have known I didn’t want to be by myself.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked, hopefully.

  The look on her face… well, all I can say is it faltered a bit, but she brightened almost immediately. “Oh no, that’s okay. Thanks though. I’ll just be like, ten minutes behind you. You can get settled at home and maybe start unpacking and before you know it, I’ll be there.”

  I did my best not to look too annoyed. It was becoming more and more obvious that she wanted to be alone or whatever. I guess she probably wanted some more time to think about everything. Of course, the thought that she just needed to get away from my whiny ass did cross my mind too. “Okay, well, see you at home, I guess.”

  “Great! See you then,” she said, too enthusiastically.

  I waited another ten minutes before my last, small case came pathetically down the conveyor belt. Everyone else had already cleared out. One look told me what had taken so long. The hard-backed case had obviously popped open, its latch apparently busting to pieces. Clothes spilled out the sides of the case, and the case itself was duct taped into oblivion.

  Of course, what else was I supposed to expect?

  I piled it on top of the rest, so beyond even caring if people saw my lacy undies sticking out or not. I found the driver Jennifer had booked—not so difficult a task considering there was pretty much only one guy standing in the arrivals section anymore, and, you know, he was holding Jennifer’s name up.

  “Hi, I’m Josie,” I said. “Jennifer’s roommate. She said I’m supposed to catch a ride with you.”

  “Of course,” he said, taking charge of my overstuffed luggage cart, and not even glancing at the disaster that was the case on top. “She let me know all about it on her way out to the cab line, Miss McMaster.”

  Well, at least she didn’t leave me totally hanging, looking like I was trying to steal somebody’s ride or something, and at that moment, I was willing to take even the smallest of victories.

  Normally I would at least offer to help with the luggage, but all I could do was flop into the back of the car and hope that it got me home quickly. I was exhausted, almost to the point where I just couldn’t take the tedious parts of life anymore. I was going to go home and not unpack as Jennifer suggested, but pass out instead. It had been too long since I’d slept in my own bed.