Stepbrother: The Game He Plays

by Lucy Ivey

  He looked like he already knew something was wrong. I couldn’t tell him. It would change everything in every way.

  “No.”

  The lie came out before I could stop it.

  And then, a thought of Joe.

  Justin wanted to believe me. He traced his fingers down my leg and back up against the streaming water between my thighs.

  “So, you’re okay?”

  “Yes.”

  Another lie.

  Another thought of Joe.

  A boyish grin began to form across his lips.

  “And you still want to be with me?”

  Yes.

  “Yes.”

  The truth.

  Joe.

  I felt his fingers go inside me.

  “Forever?”

  He moved them around gently in a slow circular motion as he moved his tongue in a similar motion next to his fingers.

  “Yes,” I quietly moaned.

  Another truth … and then, another thought of Joe.

  Chapter 15

  Loyalty

  “I like the smell of your shampoo.” Justin breathed in the scent of my wet hair holding a strand of it between his fingers. “What is it?”

  “I’m not sure. Something my mom bought for me from the salon when I got my hair done. Peach something, maybe apricot—”

  “I liked your dark hair better,” he interrupted.

  Sounds, not words, were all I heard from him. Joe was all I could think about. I wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking about me and if he would tell his brother what happened between us last night, or if I should tell Justin what happened between us? But I didn’t want to lose him. If I told him, I would. I was so torn over my feelings. I needed to talk to someone. Marissa would be the only one who would even remotely understand my struggle, but she was out of the country with her family for a few more days. If I tried calling her, I wouldn’t reach her. I brought myself back to this moment and realized he’d said something about my hair.

  “What?”

  “I mean, I like the blond, too.” He was still staring at my hair. “But I’ve always preferred brunettes.”

  “Do you want me to dye it back?”

  “Would you?”

  I raised my body up to see his eyes.

  “Yes. If you wanted me to, I would.”

  The thin line between his lips stretched in a satisfied direction as he brought my hair up to his nose again.

  “Do you want me to dye it back?”

  “No. Keep it this way. It’ll be different for me.”

  I laid my head back on his chest. I liked that I was different from the other girls in his life. Whatever that meant. I almost smiled at the thought of his wanting me the way he did until thoughts of last night raced through my head again. Guilt consumed me.

  “Justin, can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat before meeting his curious blue stare.

  “Why was Joe in the hospital?”

  “What?” he asked quietly.

  My question was unexpected to both of us. Immediately, I wanted to take it back. I wasn’t prepared for the intensity in his stare. But there was no taking it back now.

  “That night he got into the argument with your dad downstairs, he said he remembered spending Christmas alone in the hospital because everyone thought he was crazy. What happened?”

  His chest rose quickly with his deep breath but his body remained still until he finally exhaled. The answer was painful for him.

  He sat up slowly and focused on an imaginary spot in front of him. He took a moment to prepare himself. Or maybe the moment was for me to prepare myself for what he was about to tell me.

  “After mom and Tom were killed, Joe and I went to counseling for a while. Long story short, everything appeared to be better. He appeared to be better.”

  He looked back at me for a second and then back to his imaginary spot on the wall.

  “A few years later when we were going to high school here, a girl we knew was killed. It took him back into a dark place.” He pushed the tips of his fingers into his temples. “He got really closed off after she died, and then we went to college another friend was killed.”

  It was difficult for me imagining the pain Joe must have suffered losing so many people he loved.

  “He became isolated from everyone,” Justin continued. “Everyone but me. Their deaths actually brought us closer.”

  “How?”

  He smiled at his thoughts.

  “We knew we had to trust each other.” I wanted to smile but something in his words felt wrong. “You know, he should be two full years ahead of me in school but he’s only one semester. After Lizzie was killed—that’s the girl from college—he snapped.”

  Snapped.

  The word frightened me.

  I didn’t understand its meaning. I didn’t know if I wanted to. There was no need for an explanation because I wasn’t sure he had said it to me. He was simply remembering out loud and trying to understand it himself.

  “Dad had him admitted to a hospital for a while. He did it for his own good, you know, so Joe could rest and get his mind back to where it needed to be for school, but Joe didn’t see it that way. I mean, I can’t say I blame him. Joe likes having control, and in that place he had none. I think it’s the reason he is so mad at our dad all the time. He took Joe’s power away from him while he was in there. I was the only one he could trust. He knew I would never betray him.”

  “Justin?”

  I touched his stiff shoulder but he didn’t move. He was lost in the memory.

  “Justin?”

  Nothing.

  I scooted behind him and wrapped my arms and legs around him. I rested my head against his back and our bodies slowly moved together with every rhythmic breath we took.

  “Justin, do you think Joe would ever do anything to hurt you?”

  “No.”

  His response was quick and defensive as he pulled away from me. It was the wrong thing to say to him.

  “I just meant—”

  “Karley,” he interrupted turning around to face me. “Joe loves me. He would never do anything to hurt me.”

  His eyes were stern as he glared at me. He believed the words coming out of his mouth.

  “I’m sorry.” I gave him another quiet apology by kissing his shoulder. “I didn’t mean to upset you—”

  “Why would you think that?”

  Like the tone of his voice, his eyes were filled with hurt.

  “I don’t know.” My lie was no louder than a whisper. I wished I’d never made the mistake of letting the words slip from my tongue. Justin loved his brother. More than anyone. More than me. He would do anything for him.

  The pain in his eyes disappeared when he looked down at the snowflake-shaped pendant lying against my neck. He picked it up gently between his fingers and smiled.

  “Do you remember when I gave this to you?”

  “Of course, I do.”

  “I knew then you were mine.”

  I smiled at the sparkling flake between his fingers.

  His empty eyes continued to stare at the diamond pendant between his fingers.

  “Giving this to you meant a lot to me.” And without another word or look in my direction, he stood up slowly and walked toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” I asked as I watched him putting his pants on.

  “I’m gonna go downstairs for a little bit.”

  “Justin, I didn’t mean to—”

  “I know,” he interrupted me. “It just hurts knowing you feel the way you do about him … and I know how you really feel about him, Karley. It’s not your fault. He knows what he’s doing. Honestly, I can’t blame you. You didn’t really have a choice.”

  He shut the door behind him, leaving me alone with only his words echoing in my mind. It was a mistake asking Justin about trusting his brother. He did. Completely.

 
I was the one he couldn’t trust anymore.

  I spent the rest of the night alone in my room waiting for him to come back to me. The hours passed. He didn’t. It was clear he had made his choice.

  He would stand by his brother.

  Always.

  Chapter 16

  Ascendancy

  “Ryan!”

  He was taking his tool belt off walking toward his father’s truck when I ran up to him. The black grease smudges on his face made him even more handsome, which caught me off guard.

  “Hey, Karley! Happy New Year.”

  “Happy New Year… rough day?”

  “You could say that.” He grinned, and his piercing light eyes, now focused on me, made him seem sexier. “Heard you had a rough night last night…”

  Talk got around so fast at the resort.

  “You could say that,” I said echoing his words. Rough? That was putting it mildly.

  “Anyway, I like this rugged working-man look you’ve got going on today!” I teased, immediately feeling a wave of guilt over my attraction.

  “Oh, yeah?” he asked tossing the belt in the bed of the truck. He took a step toward me and whispered leaning forward. “Enough to make you wanna run away with me?”

  His light green eyes continued to sparkle in the sun. His perfectly squared jaw released under his bright smile.

  I laughed off his invitation with a gentle, flirtatious punch to his thick upper arm.

  “Not today.”

  He leaned away from me and playfully cajoled, “We could leave now and no one would ever know I’d taken you away.”

  He was flirting. I welcomed the flirtation from him. Without completely understanding why, the tone in my voice was no longer playful. It was seductive.

  “Everyone would know. Eventually.”

  “Maybe not? I haven’t been caught yet,” he teased quietly leaning in toward me. “But if you’d rather stay here and live the good life, I guess there’s not much I can do about it.”

  Breathing in, I could taste his sweet breath. For a split second, I wondered about his kiss knowing it would be as sweet as his words. I couldn’t lead him on again. I leaned back and placed my hand on my hip.

  “Oh, giving up on me, are you?” I was pretending to be playful again but the thought of his being only a friend was a surprisingly painful reality. He shrugged his shoulders and played along to accepting our platonic relationship.

  “Like you, I don’t think I have a choice in the matter. Sometimes, we just don’t have control over our own lives. Someone else does.”

  He was right. I didn’t expect to meet Justin. Falling for him was completely out of my control. It just happened. The way it did with his brother.

  I was in too deep—with both of them. I needed to escape.

  Ryan could be that escape. I enjoyed the way he looked at me. The things he said to me. Knowing he wanted me the way he did. The excited feelings I had for him were effortless. Everything with him seemed effortless. I liked that. Lately, everything else seemed so complicated. The complication was my own fault. Not Justin. Not Joe. Me. I was the one responsible for the way things were between us the three of us.

  “Hey, do you need a ride home?” he asked interrupting my thoughts.

  “Um, no,” I said looking around the parking lot. “My mom is supposed to pick me up.”

  “Are you sure? She may have forgotten again. Maybe I should stick around a few minutes, give you time to reconsider.”

  “Which of your proposals?” I teased. “Running away together or the ride home?”

  “Both.”

  The warm rush smacked my cheeks. I wanted to tell him I’d take him up on the latter until I noticed the dark green truck at the far end of the parking lot. My smile disappeared instantly.

  “I gotta go.”

  Ryan followed my eyes toward Justin. He was sitting inside the truck watching us.

  “Karley, are you all right?”

  I must have looked as scared as I felt. I didn’t want Justin to be mad at me again. I wondered how long he’d been watching me. Long enough to see me run up to Ryan? Long enough to watch me flirting with him? From the flare in his eyes, he’d been watching long enough for both.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” whispered. It was a lie. Ryan could tell.

  “Are you sure?” he asked. “If you don’t want to go with him, you don’t have to. You can stay here with me and he won’t be able to hurt you.”

  I was stunned by his words. Why would he think Justin would hurt me?

  “Justin would never hurt me,” I snapped.

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “Look, I gotta go.”

  “Karley, please don’t—”

  “Good-bye, Ryan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I watched him get into the white maintenance truck and drive away as I slowly walked toward Justin. I got into the truck and threw my bag in between us. He stared ahead paying no attention to me or my bag that hit his side.

  “I don’t want you talking to him anymore.”

  “Why? I told you we’re just friends.”

  “It looks like you might be more than friends.”

  “I don’t care what it looks like, Justin! Things aren’t always what they appear to be.”

  “No fucking shit, Karley. You don’t have to tell me that.” His lip curled in amusement and it set me off. I’d had enough of his trying to control me. I needed to prove to him, and to myself, that I was in control of my own life, not him.

  “What’s your problem? I told you he’s my friend.”

  “And I told you to stay the fuck away from him!”

  His unyielding eyes surprised me. Immediately I realized he was in control. Complete control. When he had told me he didn’t want me talking to him before, he hadn’t been asking me to stop talking to him, he’d been telling me not to talk to him. He didn’t like having to tell me again.

  “I don’t like how he looks at you and I don’t like how you look at him.”

  His voice was low and steady.

  “Why are you acting this way? I told you we’re just friends.”

  “Because you’re my girl, not his!” he yelled slamming his hands against the steering wheel. I had never been afraid of him until this moment.

  “Okay,” I whispered in a shaky voice. “I’m sorry.”

  I looked away from him and a warm tear raced down my cheek from my left eye. A few more quickly followed. I couldn’t wipe them away fast enough.

  “Karley?” he whispered, stroking my hair but keeping his hand resting on the back of my neck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

  “Why are you acting this way? It’s not like you.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I get upset when I see you with someone else—with Ryan … with Joe.”

  My throat began to swell. I didn’t want him to know about Joe. I didn’t think he did and there was nothing going on between me and Ryan. A part of me wondered if he was even talking about Ryan anymore or just Joe.

  I continued wiping away the hot tears as he held my neck firmly.

  “Karley, look at me, please.”

  His voice was soft again. Apologetic.

  His hold on the back of my neck became gentle. Loving.

  “Look at me, Karley.”

  I wanted to turn my head to look at him but I wasn’t ready yet.

  “Look at me.”

  His grip tightened again and he moved my head around on his own. The pain he caused by the firm grip on my neck was eased with the loving look in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered leaning forward. “I feel you slipping out of my hands. I can’t let that happen.”

  He kissed me. For the first time, I didn’t want him to and all I could taste was the bitterness of my salty tears. I needed to tell him about last night. I wanted to tell him. The knock on my window startled both of us.

  “Knock that shit off in there!” Gray said in her best authoritarian voice before l
osing all her bearing and laughing loudly. Beth and Jessie were standing next to her giggling.

  He started the ignition and I rolled my window down so I could talk to them.

  “Hey,” I said feeling the coldness of the air hit my warm, salt-stained cheeks.

  “Hey!” Gray said smiling at me before bending her head to look at Justin. Her voice was flirtatious as she said, “Hey, Justin.”

  His voice was controlled again. Uninterested like his brother’s had been when she spoke to him that way. “Hi, Gray.”

  He wanted them to go away.

  “We thought you kids were in here arguing until we saw you making out.”

  He was looking past me at Gray as if nothing were wrong between us.

  “No, we’re fine,” I lied wiping the corner of my eye.

  “Do you guys wanna go snowboarding later?” she asked. “None of us have to work tonight. I mean Paul does, and I think Ryan gets off in a few hours, but they can both join us later.”

  The mere mention of Ryan’s name tightened my body. I was sure Justin wouldn’t accept her invitation now that he knew Ryan was going to be there. I would tell her we had other plans to prove to him he was the one I wanted, not Ryan or Joe.

  “Sure, sounds fun,” he said quickly. My eyes darted in his direction. He took my hand and kissed it. “What time?”

  I wasn’t sure why he was acting this way. I thought I knew everything about him but it was becoming obvious I didn’t.

  “In like a few hours,” Beth said rubbing her hands together to keep warm. “We have to go get our stuff and we’ll meet you back here.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Oh, ask Joe to come, too,” Gray said, almost embarrassed by her request to Justin.

  “I thought—” I said before stopping myself.

  “I know. I know!” she said lifting her arms in the air and laughing as the three of them walked away. “I’m totally pathetic. I can’t help it!”

  Like Justin, Gray was just one more person Joe had complete control over. I couldn’t let him close enough to me again to get it back from me.

  Justin decided the two of us needed to spend time alone instead of going snowboarding. When I mentioned we needed to talk, he’d agreed. He told me he was sorry for his behavior in the truck and just had a lot on his mind with everything that happened last night with Joe.