DELUDE

by Jacob Chance

  “How was work?” I close the door behind her. She pulls her pink gloves off and shoves them in her coat pocket.

  Her shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “It was okay, nothing too exciting happened.”

  Studying her face, I notice the dark circles under her eyes. I cup her cheek in my hand. “You look tired.” My thumb gently sweeps back and forth over her cheekbone. I cup the other side, holding her face between my hands. “Let me cook dinner for you tonight. You look like you could use a break.”

  Her eyes look away, bouncing around the entryway, and then return to me. “Let me do this for you,” I urge, smiling at her.

  She doesn’t answer me at first. Her face is an open book, though. I can see her indecision and reservations as if she’s voicing them out loud.

  “It’s just dinner, Lana,” I reassure her.

  Her eyes are large green pools of worry staring up at me.

  “Have I given you a reason to doubt my word?” I fight back the whisper of annoyance I’m feeling. Why is she making this so fucking hard?

  She shakes her head. “No, you haven’t. I’ll come to dinner.” She flashes me a quick close lipped smile, and I fight to keep my relaxed appearance.

  I want to shake some sense into her - kiss some sense into her. I know I need to be gentle and patient with her, but patience in not what I learned growing up in the house I did. Those two words are the opposite of everything I’ve ever experienced.

  “Try not to look so excited about it.” My tone is more sarcastic than I intended it to be.

  She places her hand on my arm. “I am looking forward to dinner with you. I’m sorry for being so weird still.” She lets her hand slip off my arm then sweeps her long bangs out of her eyes. “I’ve never done this before.” She drops her head forward studying the hardwood floor. When she raises her head, and meets my gaze she continues. “When I slept with Christopher we were already in a relationship. This,” she gestures back and forth between us, “is different, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

  I place my hand on her shoulder. “Why do we have to figure it out now? I’m not pressuring you in any way.” Gently squeezing her shoulder, I continue, “Can we just have dinner and leave what happened the other night out of it?” I ask, my eyebrow raised.

  She smiles. “Yes, I’d like that.”

  “My place, six-thirty sharp.” My hand slides up to grip the back of her neck. “Don’t make me come for you.” My fingertips trail down her back and fall away. I turn, heading to the front door. Keeping up the ruse I was on my way out when she returned home, I walk to the packie and grab a couple bottles of wine to go with dinner. I whistle Three Blind Mice all the way back to my apartment.

  Lana’s knock on my door comes at six-twenty-five. I smile; she’s obedient. Wiping my hands on the dish towel, I drop it on the granite countertop, striding from the kitchen to the entry. Stopping in front of the door, I run my fingers through my hair and then mentally slap myself for acting like a fucking girl.

  Lana could be the best thing that ever happened to me or the worst. The jury’s still out.

  Seeing her smiling face when I open the door, my doubt melts away. Whatever the outcome of our time together, it will be worth it in the end. She’s making me a better person - making me want to be a better person for her, if not for myself.

  “Hi, come on in.” I step back, closing the door behind her.

  “Here,” she holds out a plate of chocolate cupcakes. As I take them from her my mouth is already watering. “I made these yesterday. I know you liked them last time.”

  “Thanks, you can share your cupcakes with me any time you want.” I wink at her. “Have a seat.” I gesture toward the kitchen table and chairs. I already have plates and silverware set up for us. “I’m just finishing up now. Dinner should be ready in a few.” I crack open the oven door, checking on the steak I have broiling. The beep of the microwave lets me know the potatoes are done. I remove the scorching hot bag, quickly dropping it on the counter before it can burn my fingers.

  Lana’s giggle has me glancing in her direction.

  “What? That motherfucker’s hot.”

  She giggles again, rolling her eyes. “That’s what potholders are for.”

  “Anything cooked in the microwave isn’t hot enough to justify using those. Have you ever had potatoes cooked in a bag?” Her eyes light up with amusement, she presses her lips together holding in the laughter.

  “You can laugh now, but once you taste these babies you’ll never go through the hassle of making them any other way.” I cut the top of the bag open, dumping them into a large glass bowl. “Golden potatoes cooked to perfection in only eight minutes. It’s foolproof.”

  She giggles, and I savor the musical sound of it. I want to hear her laugh all the time. I want to be the reason she’s so happy.

  When I remove the pan of steak and place it down on the stovetop, the fire alarm immediately goes off. Every fucking time I use this oven it sets off the goddamn alarm. The noise is so loud, it’s deafening. Lana covers her ears and begins to laugh.

  Grabbing the towel off the counter, I wave it in front of the overly sensitive device. I want to pull it from the wall and smash it into a hundred pieces, but I don’t. I take a deep, calming breath and restrain myself.

  The shrieking siren stops almost immediately. Motherfucker.

  Frustrated, I throw the towel onto the counter and run my fingers through my hair. This isn’t going how I wanted it to.

  17

  Lana

  Watching Zack prepare dinner has been entertaining. It’s adorable how flustered he is now that the fire alarm went off. He uses his fingers to rake his hair back, then places both hands on his hips like he doesn’t know what to do next.

  “Do you need any help?” I ask.

  His eyes snap in my direction. “No, I’ve got it.” He moves quickly and efficiently placing the steak on a platter and setting it on the table. He adds bread and butter before handing me a glass of wine. I wasn’t going to drink tonight, but since he already poured it I might as well.

  He sits down across from me. “Dig in; don’t be shy.” Both of us spend the next few minutes focusing on our meal.

  “This is delicious. I can’t believe how good the potatoes are.” I scoop another bite into my mouth.

  “I told you. Stick with me and I’ll teach you all kinds of new and interesting things.”

  He smirks. His smirk is deadly. I want to kiss it right off his lips.

  “Tell me about your family,” I say, then take a sip of wine.

  His eyebrows draw together. “I don’t like to talk about my family.” He studies the food on his plate. “I didn’t have a good home life growing up.”

  “Do you have any siblings?” I ask ignoring what he said. He’s pushed me to talk about my past. He needs to do the same.

  “Yes, I have one younger sister, Chloe. She lives in New Mexico, and I barely ever hear from her.”

  “She doesn’t talk to my mother at all.” He shakes his head, before looking at me.

  “How did you get the scar on your stomach?” I noticed it the other night when he was naked, but there wasn’t exactly the time to mention it.

  “I was in a bad car accident last year.”

  “I thought you didn’t have a car in New York?” I question.

  “I didn’t. I wasn’t driving, a friend of mine was. I got a large piece of glass in my stomach.”

  “Oh, Zack. That’s horrible.”

  His expression is forlorn. “I’d rather talk about something else.”

  I nod my head. “I understand what it’s like to not want to talk about things from your past.” I have a long list of things I don’t like to talk about, and most of those things involve Christopher. Thinking about him has my stomach clenching. I place my hand over the affected area and rub, hoping it settles soon. I want to do Zack’s meal justice.

  “What’s the matter?” he asks, cutting the steak on his plate. �
��Did I poison you?” He gestures to my stomach with his knife.

  I giggle. “No, it’s delicious. Besides, food poisoning doesn’t hit you that fast. I’ll have to let you know tomorrow whether I made it through unscathed.” I flash him a smile.

  “I’ve never accidentally poisoned someone before,” he mentions, his eyebrows raised.

  “Does that mean you’ve only poisoned people deliberately?” I laugh and sip on my wine.

  “Only the ones I thought deserved it,” he replies deadpan. I giggle and continue to consume my meal.

  After dinner is over, I try to help Zack clean up, but he won’t hear of it. He directs me to the living room, and I sink down on his large brown couch. My eyes scan the room, taking in his eclectic tastes in artwork. He has black and white photos of New York City, a framed Sons of Anarchy poster, and a colorful print of a Picasso painting hanging on his white walls. There are no curtains on his windows, only blinds and no extra pillows on his couch. He could use a woman’s touch.

  Do I want to be that woman? Curling into a ball, I rest my head on the arm of his couch. I don’t want to think about it now.

  My eyes are heavy and I just want to rest them for a few minutes.

  “Lana.” The gentle stroke of fingers on my cheek, stirs me from my sleep. When my eyes open, I’m confused at first.

  Where am I?

  Blinking a few times, Zack comes into focus. He’s kneeling on the floor beside the couch. My eyes sleepily study his handsome face, tracing over the masculine shape of his lips. Kissing him the other night was better than I imagined it would be. Everything we did was mind blowing. I’m not ready to sleep with him again, but a kiss wouldn’t hurt - would it?

  I slide my hands around his neck, urging him down to me. His eyes flash with desire, and then I see uncertainty.

  “Kiss me.” I put pressure on the nape of his neck again.

  “Lana, I don’t want you to regret this.” He intently studies my face for signs of indecision, but he won’t find any. I want him to kiss me. I need his lips on mine.

  “Zack, shut up and kiss me,” I order.

  He smiles and then slowly lowers his mouth. The first contact is whisper soft. My eyes drift shut. I want to feel everything he does and savor it. He brushes my lips with his once more, before drawing back, teasing me. “Zack,” I groan in frustration. He chuckles.

  “I’m going to have to teach you to be patient. Some things are worth waiting for.” He rubs his nose along the side of mine. His breath teasingly fans across my lips, tempting me. My fingers move up to grip his hair. “Please,” I moan, desperate for his mouth. He sucks my bottom lip between his and runs his tongue along the full curve of it. He cups my face in his palms, angling my head just before our lips connect. He surprises me with the hunger in his kiss. No longer teasing and slow, our mouths devour each other. His tongue caressing mine has me on the verge of throwing caution to the wind and asking him to make love to me.

  Zack tears his mouth from mine, breathing heavily. “Lana, we need to stop.” He runs a hand down his face. “I gave you my word that nothing would happen and I intend to keep it, no matter how much I want to bend you over this couch and fuck you until you’re begging me to stop.” His nostrils flare as his eyes trek over my body.

  I bite on my bottom lip to hold in the words I want to say, words I shouldn’t be saying.

  Please fuck me.

  I sit up, tucking my hair behind my ears. “I should get going.”

  He stands up, holding his hand out for me. Placing my palm against his, I let him pull me up and into his arms. Cuddled up tight to his chest, I bury my face against the softness of his shirt and breathe in the masculine scent of his cologne. I could stay like this all night. He makes me feel safe.

  I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

  Meeting up with all my friends at Quake is always a fun time filled with good conversation, lots of drinks and dancing. Tonight, sitting here with them all is making me sad. Seeing how protective Kyle is of Janny makes me miss Christopher. He was like that with me.

  Watching Derek and Kenna, fresh from their honeymoon, has me longing for what they have. Derek looks at Kenna like he wants to eat her for dinner, and he probably already did.

  Sometimes, I think Zack looks at me in a similar way. There are times when I catch him studying me, and I can see such hunger in his gaze. He’s so intense, but I like it. I like his passion, but now that we slept together I’m confused. I’d like to see what happens with us, but I don’t know if I can handle another broken heart.

  “What’s new with you?” Kenna smiles, bumping my shoulder with hers.

  “Not too much.” I shrug and wrap my lips around the straw. I suck down the rest of my drink. How many more of these would it take for me to forget about Zack?

  “Who’s the lucky guy?” Kenna asks, smirking.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply, blushing.

  Am I wearing an ‘I had sex’ sign?

  “I can tell. I have a sixth sense about these things. Or maybe I should say a sexth sense,” she snorts.

  I roll my eyes and giggle.

  She nudges me with her shoulder again. “Tell me. I need to know all the juicy details.”

  “Are you going to tell me all the juicy details of your honeymoon?” I question, my brow arched.

  “That would take all night, and we don’t have enough time. Let’s talk about you, instead.”

  “Fine.” Placing my empty glass on the table, I turn to Kenna. “I had sex with my hot neighbor and it was awesome, but now I’m freaking out about it. I’m trying not to, but I am.”

  Kenna grins at me. “You had sex.” She claps her hands. “That’s a huge step for you.” She picks up the beer bottle on the table in front of her. “Was it amazing sex?” she asks.

  “It was the best sex I ever had and that almost makes it worse.”

  “How is great sex ever a bad thing?”

  “It made me feel guilty,” I answer.

  “Because it was better than the sex you and Christopher had.” She studies me for a reaction.

  I nod. “Yes.”

  “Enjoying sex with someone else doesn’t mean you loved Christopher less.” She takes a sip then licks her lips before continuing. “Stop being so uptight. Have some more sex and let what happens - happen.”

  “You make it sound so easy,” I reply.

  “It’s only as hard as you make it. That pun was intended.” She snorts.

  I giggle. “How many drinks have you had?”

  “Not enough. Go big or go home.” She winks at me. “Hey, let’s order another round. What’s everyone having?”

  Each person at the table fills her in on what they want.

  “Why are you drinking water, Janny? You never order water,” Kenna says and then her eyes get huge in her face. “Oh. My. God. Am I going to be an aunt?”

  Everyone at the table freezes at Kenna’s question. Janny and Kyle look at each other. He rubs her back and then nods his head at her.

  She smiles at Kyle. “We’re pregnant,” she announces. Kenna lets out a scream and jumps up to hug Janny and Kyle. I remain seated, watching. I’m friends with Janny and Kyle is my boss, but they’re a very private couple. I know they’ve been through a lot, but I don’t know the details. Kenna’s never told me and I’d never ask. It’s not who I am.

  We hit the dance floor and enjoy the great music they play at Quake. Josh, Janny’s best friend and an ex-boyfriend, is out here with us and the dude can dance. He’s got some serious moves as he gets down with all of us, except for Elle. She’s Janny’s other best friend and she and Josh have been avoiding each other all night. Things were tense with them when we were all in Vegas for Derek and Kenna’s wedding, and I guess nothing has been resolved since.

  We sit back down at the table with fresh drinks in hand.

  “Josh, where did you learn to dance like that? You’re like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike.”

 
; He flashes me a grin. “Some things you’re just born with.” He winks at me.

  “Maybe you missed your calling and need to get a job as a stripper.” I giggle.

  “Too bad nobody would pay him to take his clothes off,” Elle interjects.

  “Don’t be so sure. Have you seen these guns?” He flexes his arms and his biceps impressively bulge.

  “Wow, have you been working out?” I ask, legitimately impressed. I poke at one of his arms with my index finger.

  Elle’s eyes quickly flick over to watch Josh. There’s more than curiosity in her stare. I know she has feelings for him.

  “And is that a tattoo I see under your sleeve?” I push the navy blue t-shirt up to get a glimpse.

  “Yeah,” he quickly drops his arm and pulls his sleeve back down.

  “What is it?”

  “Something I wanted for a long time,” he answers.

  “Aren’t you just full of surprises,” Elle says, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

  Josh’s green eyes burn into hers. “You have no idea.”

  18

  Zack

  I told myself I wasn’t going to follow her tonight. I’d stay home and let her enjoy her time with her friends, but I couldn’t do it. And now, I find myself lurking behind a thick white pillar, watching her every move. Studying how she interacts with each person, especially the blonde guy she’s sitting next to. She giggles when he speaks to her and acid burns my stomach. Is she interested in him? How can she be when I just had my cock inside her a few days ago? Has she forgotten how perfectly we fit together? Doesn’t she remember how my deep thrusts made her moan my name. Maybe she needs a reminder of how I fill her pussy better than anyone else. How I can fuck her to exhaustion and make everything else seem inconsequential.

  I watch as she and her friends move to the dance floor. She tortures me by swaying her hips and dancing around this guy. What the fuck?

  The more I see her shake her ass in her tiny little dress, the angrier I get. Imagining what she’s wearing under that skirt has my cock hard enough to pound nails. I want to throw her up against the wall and fuck this anger away.